Don't Let Me Drown

I pulled into his driveway and stayed in the car for a minute, gripping the steering wheel. I was trying to convince myself not to turn around and go home and I was willing the angry tears not to fall. I finally got out, feeling a lump in my throat.

As I neared the front door, Oliver opened it. I couldn't read his expression. I pushed past him and walked into the house, crossing my arms. "Are yeh okay?" He asked, sounding concerned.

"Fuck you" was all I could get to come out. His face contorted into confusion, and he had a smirk that only pissed me off more.

"What?" He said with a small chuckle, walking closer to me.

"Fuck you" I said again, pushing his shoulders back. I could feel my eyes filling up and I was praying they wouldn't overflow. "You just had to get involved. I was fine last week before you decided to play the hero. So fuck you. Fuck you for acting like you care. Fuck you for doing this to me. Fuck you for making me feel all these stupid things I don't want to feel. Fuck you for making my heart race and my brain flood. Fuck you for looking like fucking that and fuck you for-" I was yelling and tears were spilling and I couldn't stop the word vomit from spilling out but he cut me off.

As I spoke he was walking closer and closer, that smirk still on his face, and he kissed me like he did earlier. It was deep and passionate and I kept trying to pull him impossibly closer to my body.

"Are yeh finished?" He asked with a smirk when he pulled away. I don't know what came over me. I shook my head and pulled his face back down to mine. I needed more of him. As I kissed him, he backed me up slowly until I was stopped by a kitchen counter. My fingers tangled in his hair and I let his tongue into my mouth. A low growl erupted from him and holy fuck was he turning me on. He put his hands under my butt and lifted me up onto the counter, my legs wrapping around his waist.

I felt like I couldn't get close enough to him. With his body pressed against mine, I could feel him growing. A couple minutes into our make out session he picked me up again the same way as before, never breaking contact.

He brought me up the stairs and into his room, kicking the door closed behind us. He laid me carefully onto his bed while he hovered over me. I grabbed at the hem of his shirt, trying to pull it off. He took off my top also, kissing down my neck. He hit my weak spot on my collarbone and a small moan accidentally escaped my lips.

I felt him smirk against my skin and he started sucking on the area, leaving behind a hickey, before returning his lips to mine. He undid the button on my jeans and I quickly tried to pull them off from underneath him. As soon as they were off, he slipped his hand into my underwear.

That wasn't something I'd experienced often. It had happened a couple times before, but usually guys just used me to get themselves off. I dug my nails into his back and moved my hips, trying to silence myself so Tom wouldn't hear us.

Every moan that made its way out of my mouth only made him work harder until I couldn't take it anymore and I pulled his hand away. I wanted him inside of me. He got the hint and finished undressing himself before entering me. He started off slow and worked his way up. He was pounding into me fast and hard now. Even after he came, he kept going until I was done too.

He stayed hovering over me for a minute, leaving sweet kisses up and down my neck. When he got up and laid down next to me, we were both panting. I stayed where I was for a couple of minutes, catching my breath. When everything returned to normal I sat up and picked my clothes up from the end of the bed. I started to stand up to get dressed when he grabbed my hand in his, pulling me back down onto the bed.

"Wait, where are yeh going?" He pouted.

"To get dressed and then go home" I said, chuckling at the face he was making. I pulled up the sheet to hide my body, suddenly uncomfortable with him seeing it.

"Yeh know I've already seen yeh naked" he laughed, pulling it back down, "yehve got noffing to be ashamed of" he looked me up and down and I rolled my eyes at him, pulling it back up over myself. "Stay here tonight"

"Sounds like a boyfriend/girlfriend type thing" I told him, scrunching up my nose.

I had never had a real boyfriend. I had short lived 'relationships' in middle school but as my life started going downhill, so did my self-esteem. I convinced myself I didn't deserve to be loved and started sleeping around with pretty much anyone who wanted to. I know that's unhealthy but a girl's got needs and lacking in the boyfriend department wasn't gonna stop me. Oliver didn't seem like the type to want to settle down into a relationship either and from what I had heard, he was in the same boat as me.

"Not really. People who are 'not friends' but sleep together do it all the time" he said and I laughed at his air quotes.

"Isn't that gonna be weird for tom?"

"No. He probably already heard us with all that screaming yeh were doing" he said with a smirk and I knew my face instantly turned bright red. He burst out into a fit of laughter, "I was kidding but yeh should have seen yeh face".

I smacked his arm and laid back down under the blankets. He pulled me close to his chest and I breathed in the scent of his cologne and cigarettes. He was intoxicating. I traced my fingers over a few of the tattoos on his stomach and asked him questions about them. A while later, he had fallen asleep. It was pretty late so I decided to do the same.



I woke up to knock on my bedroom door. Ivy was peacefully asleep next to me so I got up as quietly as I could and quickly threw on some clothes I had in a pile on the floor.

I opened the door and saw Tom standing there. "Matt is here to see yeh" he said. I nodded and closed the door behind me. His eyes widened a little bit as he peeked in. I started down the stairs and he followed me.

"I fought yeh were head ova heels for Ivy" he said as I walked into the living room to greet Matt.

"That is Ivy" I answered. Matt smirked at me. "What?"

"Yeh finally grew some balls?" I smacked him on the head and sat down of the couch.

"Do yeh know what yeh getting yehself into, mate? She pretty wild" he said, smirking again.

"Yeah are yeh sure yeh can handle her?" Tom laughed.

"Bunch of wankers yeh are" I sighed. Yes I could handle her. I knew they were just joking but they were pissing me off already. She was no worse than any of us. We had all done our fair share of partying and sleeping around. "I don't fink its gonna go anywhere. She doesn't seem to want a relationship"

"Is that code for 'she way out of your league'?" Tom laughed.

"He's right, she's too hot for yeh" Matt laughed in agreement, "maybe I'll give her a go"

"Oi! Fuck off! Now why are yeh here?" I said, feeling strangely protective over something that wasn't even mine.

"Sheep wants us to do a show next week to gear up for the tour at the end of the month" he said.

"Where? London?" I asked him and he nodded.



I woke up when I heard the bedroom door close. I rolled over and realized I was alone in Oli's bed. I grabbed my underwear off the floor and put them on quickly. I heard muffled talking coming from downstairs. I grabbed Oliver's shirt off the floor and pulled it over my head.

I opened the door, trying to hear who was talking but I couldn't make out the voices. I quietly walked to the top of the stairs to listen.

"Do yeh know what yeh getting yehself into, mate?" I heard Matt say.

"Yeah she's pretty wild" I picked out Tom's voice. Why was Matt over so early in the morning? Was something wrong? And why would Oliver tell them all that I was upstairs?

"I don't fink anyfings gonna come out of it" I finally heard Oli say. Obviously we weren't a couple or anything, but why go through all the trouble of the last week if all he wanted was sex? Was he just messing with me? Hearing that come out of his mouth stung a little bit and I retreated back into his room, not wanting to hear anything else they had to say about me.

I took off his shirt and put on my jeans. As I pulled my own sweatshirt from last night back over my head, Oli walked in. "Good morning" he said, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. I repeated the words back to him as I slipped on my shoes.

"You look really good in that sweater" I blurted out, mentally slapping myself. I hadn't meant to say it out loud. "I have to go." I told him and walked towards the door but he grabbed my hand and pulled me back to him.

"So yeh think I'm hot then?" He asked with a cheeky grin and I rolled my eyes. "I fink yeh are too. I like yeh a lot" he said and I felt my face grow warmer.

"Yeah I figured that out during the ambush I walked into after that party" I said and he laughed.

"Well yeh were verbally attacking me, what else was I supposed to do?" He said and we both laughed, "and technically, yeh were the one that came onto me" he added, smirking again.

"Sorry. It won't happen again" I turned away from him and opened the door.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing. I just have to go." I said before leaving. I couldn't stop thinking about what I eavesdropped on a few minutes ago.