Don't Let Me Drown

"Did yeh have fun at the show?" Jordan joked as he walked off the stage. I laughed with a nod. They all greeted me politely as they came off stage one by one and went to shower. Finally, when Oliver came out, he stopped to talk to me and Tom walked up to take some pictures of the equipment.

"That was amazing" I told him and he smiled. He leaned forward, careful not to wipe any of his sweat onto me, and gave me a light peck. I put my arms around his neck to take another but he pulled back.

"I'm all sweaty. Least let me go shower first" he said with a smile. I nodded in response and he kissed my forehead before walking away. Obviously he'd want to shower first, but it was a weird feeling to be rejected by the one who fought for my affection the most.

Vegan was the first to come back. He brought me into the green room to wait for the others. Tom came in shortly after and we all sat next to each other on one of the couches, watching the tv. Matt Nicholls came in next and challenged Vegan to a game of Mario Kart. When they were finished, the controllers were handed off to myself and Lee, who had returned a few minutes ago.

He picked princess peach as his character and I was donkey kong. When the course selection screen came up, he told me to pick. I chose Rainbow Road and everyone in the room let out a collective, "ooooooh!"

It was everyone on the planets least favorite track to play, and coincidentally the only one I was good at. I had done laps around Lee, who kept falling off, and soon crossed the finish line. Celebratory cheers were said around the room, apparently they all thought Lee was a tough one to beat.

"Yeh bird is ruthless, Oli" Lee laughed before handing the controller to Jordan. I hadn't even seen him come in the room. I handed my controller off to Tom and he moved over so Oliver could sit down next to me. He did so and pulled my legs up over his lap while we watched the screen.

Things with Oli were simple. Just being around him was nice, even when all we were doing was watching Mario kart on a television.

When they were finished playing, Tom was taking pictures of everyone. He moved over to Oli and me and I started to stand up to move out of the way but Oli's grip on my waist tightened to keep me there. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and Tom snapped a photo. We made a few funny faces while Tom snapped away on his camera and everyone got ready to leave.

Tom offered me a ride back, since he's the one who brought me here earlier, but Oli insisted that he did it. He opened the car door for me and then got in on his own side. He held my hand in his as he drove.

"How was school?" He asked me after a little bit.

"Um, strange" I answered, telling him about the girl that saw us that morning and all the whispering and pointing.

"They're probably just jealous that they can't have yeh" he said and I forced a smile. He brought me back to his house so I could pick up my car.

“Yeh sure yeh can’t stay?” he asked after closing his door and walking over to my side. I shook my head and looped my fingers through his belt loops, pulling him closer. He got the hint and gave me a long kiss before we said goodbye.

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The week passed far too quickly. Oliver was leaving for tour in just a couple of hours. I never officially agreed to be his girlfriend but he still treated me like I was and I acted like I was. I loved spending time with him. He treated me very well and never failed to put me into a good mood.

He was laying in my bed, both of us in nothing but our underwear, and our legs tangled up together. He was leaving kisses on my forehead while his fingers went through my hair. Neither of us had been able to sleep that night. We were both kept awake in our thoughts. What would happen to us when he left? What would happen to us when he came back? What if the other person finds someone better?

“I don’t want to leave yeh” he said quietly, squeezing my body closer to his.

“we’ll be okay” I told him, trying more to convince myself than to convince him. I hadn’t started back up on my medication since my week of sobriety. Depression is never cured, only treated. I’m not trying to say that Oliver magically made me all better, but with him around my mind was occupied and I had someone to talk to who understood. I was in a good place lately. The happy times are great, but when it rains it pours and I’m dreading the day the storm comes rolling in.

I removed myself from his grasp so I could reach his face, trying to rid my mind of those thoughts and replace them with better ones. I kissed him on the lips and then made my way down his neck, giving him light little love bites and leaving a single hickey on the bottom.

He let out a low growl and rolled over so he was hovering over me. He kissed me lovingly and then quickly, without warning, tucked his hand into my underwear and inserted two fingers. I gasped loudly, not expected the sudden rush, and felt his lips curl into a smile against my neck, “Did I surprise yeh?”

“Y-yes. Fuck, Oliver” I breathed and hungrily pulled his lips back to my own. He kept going until I was almost finished and then removed his fingers and lined himself up for entry. I decided to return the surprise, flipping him over so I was on top. He bit his lip at me as I straddled his waist, slowly lowering myself onto his length. He moaned as I moved my hips around, riding his erection until he released inside of me.

I leaned forward and placed another kiss on his lips, biting the bottom one and tugging on it as I pulled away and returned to the space next to him.

“Yeh drive me fucking mad, Ivy” He said with a laugh and I smiled.

We laid together in silence for a long time, not wanting to talk about him leaving. The time came too quick and he had to go in 10 minutes now. I was going to drive him to the recording studio to meet the rest of Bring Me so he didn’t have to leave his car there.

I pulled on my bra and underwear and I was just about to get up to get properly dressed and he wrapped his arms around my middle, smothering me in kisses.

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The drive was silent and not nearly long enough. He kept a tight grip on my hand as I drove, not wanting to let me go. When we pulled up, the band was standing outside talking to someone in front of a bus. They waved and smiled as we both got out of the car. I wasn’t as close to the rest of them as I was with Oliver, but I would miss all five of them and wanted to say goodbye.

“Ivy!” Matt called before running over and picking me up in a hug. He carried me over to the rest of the group before placing me down. When I stopped laughing they all hugged me goodbye. I told them to behave and I made Matt promise to text me once in a while. We had become pretty decent friends over the last couple of weeks and besides Oli, I’d probably miss him the most.

When I had finished talking to them all, Oliver gave them a nod, signaling them to go in the bus so we could have a minute alone. When they were inside, he started walking me back towards my car, his arm around my waist.

“Don’t forget about me while you’re away” I said, leaning against the car door.

“Nevah,” he pecked my lips, “I love yeh too much.”

That was the first time I’d ever heard those words from Oliver or anybody else. All the words left my head and I just stood there, stunned, with eyes wide.

“it’s alright, yeh don’t need to say it” he said with a small chuckle. My heart tightened and I didn’t know what to do with myself. If this warm, fuzzy feeling is what I had been missing out on, then I have a lot of old decisions I regret. Is this what it felt like to love someone? How could I be sure? I felt guilty not saying it back, but it would hurt him more to say something I wasn’t sure I meant.

“I’m gonna see yeh soon, yeah?” He said, placing his hands on my hips. I felt my eyes begin to fill. I hadn’t expected to cry when he left but I guess I should have known better. He wiped my tears away with his thumbs and gave me a kiss before opening the door to my car for me. I gave him one last hug and watched him walk away as I started my car.

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When I had arrived home, there was a small bouquet of black roses sitting on my bed. I huge grin spread across my face as I picked up the card.

Ivy,
I’ll be home bugging you before you know it. I’ll call you tomorrow once we’re settled in. Go easy on your brother and be safe. I love you.
xo Oliver

I didn’t think anything could wipe the smile off my face at how cute the gesture was. Oli was so different from any other guy I had met. He seemed to genuinely care about me and I genuinely cared about him. It was more than just sex when we were together. I enjoyed his company and everything about him, even when he got into one of his moods. Being with his was so easy, it was never a struggle. I never had to change myself to fit into his standards and neither did he. It seemed perfect.

But, nothing perfect ever lasts. Everything is temporary, right?

I pulled out my phone to send him a text and saw that I had an Instagram notification. OloberSyko has tagged you in a photo. I put in my passcode and opened it up. It was the one Tom had taken of us after the show he brought me too. I was Oliver’s lap in the green room, smiling wide, while he kissed my cheek. ‘Miss you already ❤️’ his caption read.

I typed back a ‘miss you too' and read through the comments his fans had sent. There were a few confused people saying, ‘wait he has a gf???’ and a lot of people said how cute we were together.

Then there were the others. The bad ones.

-You could do better oli
-holy cow
-what a whale
-I thought he liked them skinny
-watch out oli, she might eat you

I no longer thought of myself as bigger. I had squashed that demon a few years ago before we moved here, when my mom left and I had my first battle with an eating disorder. But maybe I was wrong. I looked back up at the photo. I was wearing the baggy white tank top I had found in the Drop Dead boxes in Oli’s spare room. Maybe that’s why I looked so big.

Or maybe I just was big.