Status: Active!

Don't Let Me Drown

I Was Yours To Regret

"I can't believe you've only been gone for three weeks" I said into my phone.

"If feels like forevah, I miss yeh" Oli told me. I repeated it back to him and we finished up our conversation. He told me he loved me before hanging up, like he did every day. I wasn't as lonely as I thought I would be with him gone. Tom stayed home because it was only a short tour, so he and I had been hanging out a lot.

Tom has already graduated, so he worked at drop dead during the day and was free to hang out most days by the time my last class ended. Tonight, the two of us were meeting up to see the new fast and furious movie.

We bought our tickets at the window and made our way to our seats while the previews went on.

"So Parker gave up on trying to keep yeh away from Oli?" He asked me as we sat down.

"He's been kind of bipolar lately. He's screaming at me one second and then he's fine with everything the next. I guess he figured out I didn't need him to be my dad so he settled on over-protective brother" I said honestly. Tom was a generally quiet guy who kept to himself, so I told him a lot. He was easy to open up to sometimes and he thought the same of me, telling me all about his life in the past few weeks.

"Yeh never talk about him, yeh know? Oli said the same fing. What happened to him?" He asked, shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth and then offering me the bag. I declined it and shook my head.

"It's complicated. The movie will be starting soon" I said, turning towards the screen in time for the lights to dim and the opening credits to appear. Parker was the only one who knew, and he didn't even know the whole story. He didn't know that I killed him.

Thinking about that night killed me and brought all the pain up to the surface. With the 8th anniversary coming up quickly on my 18th birthday next week, it was hard not to dwell on it.

I tried my best to pay attention to the movie and ignore the little voice in my head that always popped back up this time of year.

If it wasn't for you, he'd still be around. Your mom would still love you. You wouldn't be so fat and miserable. Parker wouldn't despise your existence.

"Yeh alright, Ivy?" Tom asked, placing his hand on my shoulder. I quickly wiped the tears that had I known were falling.

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" I said, forcing a smile and turning back to the screen.

When the movie ended, Tom wanted to get some food. We stopped at a McDonald's a few streets from his house. He ordered us some cheeseburgers and fries while I sat at a table. He wasn't a vegetarian like his brother or a vegan like some of the others in bring me the horizon.

I picked apart my burger with my fingertips, not feeling very hungry. When I felt him watching me, I'd take a bite of a French fry.

"Hey Tom," I said quietly and he looked up to meet my eyes, "do you think Oli would mind if I stayed at your house tonight?"

"Course not. Everyfing okay?"

"Yeah. I just miss him being around." I told him. His eyes were full of concern but he nodded in understanding. When he had finished eating, I dumped out his garbage and my mess of a meal before we got back into my car.

I felt him watching me carefully as I drove. Thankfully we weren't far from his home. We sat on the couch talking for a while before he decided it was time for bed and retreated to his room to sleep.

I walked up the stairs and opened Oliver's door, flicking on the light. I looked around at his piles of clothes and posters on the walls with a sad smile. I picked up one of his shirts and changed into it before collapsing into his bed, breathing in his scent from the pillows.

As if he knew, my phone lit up with a FaceTime call from him.

"Hey, how was your show?" I answered, happy to see his face.

"It was great. I wish yeh could have seen it," he beamed, "is that my shirt?" He said with a chuckle.

"It's also your bed," I said, moving the camera so he could see, "I hope you don't mind. I was out with tom and he said I could stay here tonight" I bit my lip, worried he wouldn't like it.

"'Course not, love. Better than yeh sleeping in tommys bed wiff him" he said and I laughed, "I wish I could be there wiff yeh. I'm taking yeh wiff me next time"

I giggled at the thought of that. A group of boys and me stuck on a tours bus for days. We talked for a long time, until we were both yawning too much to continue.

"I love yeh. I'll be back soon, promise" he smiled before hanging up.

Our calls dwindled more and more over the next couple of weeks. I spoke to all of them on my birthday but they had traveled to another country to play more shows for their fans, and there was a heftier time difference between us. When I was free, he was playing a show. When he was free, I was in school.

The rumors at school never stopped. In fact, they had gotten worse. There was whispering behind my back everywhere I went. People would come up to me and try to start shit.

"You're just using him," they would say, "if he really loved you, he'd have taken you with him."

One girl even said, "just because you're fucking him doesn't make you better than us" as if I'd ever claimed to be so. It got to the point where I would skip particular classes, then entire days.

I was down to one, maybe two, days a week where I'd actually show up.

"The principal wants to speak with you" Mr. Ellis said, handing me a note as I walked into the classroom after lunch. I took the paper and started off to her office.

"You've missed a remarkable amount of school in your short time here" she said to me, pressing her lips in a disapproving line.

"Yes. I know. I've been sick recently" I lied to her.

"You've never turned in a doctors note"

"I know. I keep forgetting them at home. I'm going to do better, I promise" I said, waiting for her to slap me with a suspension.

"I'm afraid you're not. I'm sorry, Ivy, but it's against school policy and I'm going to have to expel you, unless you want to repeat your sophomore and junior years."

"What? Expulsion? You're kicking me out of school? No. I'll do better I promise. I'll come every day for the rest of the year" I pleaded with her.

"It's too late for that. There's not enough days left to make up what you've missed. I'm very sorry" she pressed the intercom button and told her secretary to call in Parker to take me home.

He was silent the entire ride, his knuckles white as he gripped the steering wheel hard.

"Pack your shit" he said, stopping the car in the driveway.

"What?"

"I'm fucking done with this Ivy. I've had enough. Get your shit and get out. You're 18, I'm not responsible for you anymore" he said angrily, slamming the door.

I told you he hated you. None of them can stand you. You're nothing but a disappointment. Throw it up.

I stayed frozen in the car for a minute as I sobbed. I finally opened the door with shaky hands and was able to get out. Parker had gone into his room with the door closed. I felt my stomach churning as I ran to the bathroom, emptying its contents into the toilet.

When I was finally finished, I rinsed out my mouth and went to start gathering my things. I stuffed as many clothes, shoes, makeup, and other belongings into my car as I could. I sat in the drivers seat for a long time, trying to figure out where to go. Jade, Kyle, and Jack were all still at school. I didn't want to tell tom, fearing it would get back to Oli, but he seemed to be my only option.

I put the car in drive and dialed the familiar number. He had today off from work and was standing outside waiting when I pulled up.

"What's the mattah, love?" He said, pulling me into his arms as I sobbed into his chest. I told him all about what happened at school and everything that Parker had said.

"Please don't tell Oliver" I begged him, "I'm gonna stay at jades I just needed somewhere to go until she got out of school"

"Stay here. Yeh can stay in Oli's room. Or the spare one if yeh like"

I shook my head, "no. We're barely together, I can't just move into your house."

"Yeh need to tell him" he said, bringing me inside.

"Not yet" I sat on the couch and he disappeared into the kitchen. He returned a few minutes later with some tea.

"Why do you English people think tea fixes everything?" I said, laughing through the tears.

"Because it does. Made yeh smile, didn't it?"

---------------
Oliver's POV
---------------


"Make some noise for yeh selves Los Angeles!" I yelled into the microphone as Lee started playing our last song.

When the show was over and we had all showered, we went into the green room. I pulled out my phone and saw a new message from tom.

Call Ivy when you can, she's a wreck over here upset about something.

I only had 10 minutes until bus call but I opened up the FaceTime app anyway.

She answered after a few rings, but her camera was pointed up at the ceiling instead of on her. "What's going on Ivy? Tom said yeh upset"

"Nothing I'm okay. Everything's fine" she said, but I heard her sniffling.

"Where's yeh beautiful face, love?" I asked her. She picked up her camera and I could finally see her. Her eyes were puffy and her makeup was smeared all over her gorgeous face. I could tell she had been crying for a long time. "Talk to me babe what's wrong?" I asked her, concerned.

"Nothing's going on. I just had a bad day is all. Some petty girls saying shit. It's no big deal." She wiped her eyes again and I could tell she was lying. Ivy was a strong girl and it took more than that to bring her so far down.

"We've onleh got four more shows and then I'll be there wiff yeh and we can do anyfing that makes yeh happy" I told her, trying and succeeding to make her smile. "I'm sorreh, love but it's bus call and I've got to go. I love yeh"

She smiled again and told me she missed me a lot. She said goodbye to the rest of the band and hung up the phone.

"Is she alright? She seems pretty down" Jordan said and I just shrugged. She doesn't like to open up. I love her so much but I feel like I barely know her.
♠ ♠ ♠
Uploading from mobile so hopefully the whole chapter posts this time! Fingers crossed.
I'd love some comments