Status: Active!

Don't Let Me Drown

Fifty Shades Of ***ed Up

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Ivy’s POV
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“why are yeh so afraid of me?” he asked quietly, still holding me in his arms.

“I’m not, really.” I told him. I wasn’t afraid of him, exactly. I was more afraid of losing him. I didn’t ever think he’d do anything to hurt me physically, but emotionally, he could break me. Especially if he knew.

“Then tell me. Tell me everyfing. I want to know” he begged me.

I shrugged, not really knowing where to start. “Remember the day I went to your show? You dropped me off at school and then when you were bringing me home I told you about that girl that kept asking questions about you?” I asked and he nodded, paying careful attention to what I was saying, “Well she sort of spread it through the whole school. People don’t like that we’re together. Every day, everywhere I went, people would shout things at me, a few girls even tried to fight me but I think they were just jealous that for some reason you picked me over them. But anyway, they didn’t like it and I didn’t like hearing it, so I started skipping certain classes. Then it got worse, and I only even went to school 1 or 2 days a week and they kicked me out for it. Parker drove me home and told me to pack up. He said I wasn’t his problem anymore and to get out” I told him, avoiding his eyes, and he took a deep breath.

“What were they saying to yeh?”

“It’s not important. I just need to learn to deal with it” I said but he shook his head.

“No, it is important. Tell me” he said, narrowing his eyes.

“Just because I’m sleeping with you, doesn’t make me better than any of them. They thought you only liked skinny girls. I’m only using you for fame and fortune. You could do better. You’ll drop me without a second thought as soon as someone better walks by” I trailed off at the end, not wanting to relive it. He squeezed his arms tighter around me.

“Yeh know none of that’s fuckin’ true, right?” He said, angrily, and I just shrugged to him. Most of it wasn’t, but some of it, I wasn’t too sure. He pulled away from me and moved my face so he could look me in the eyes. “None of it. I’m never letting go of yeh.” He said, kissing me gently and causing me to smile a little bit. “now, why’d yeh take so long to tell me?” he said.

“I thought you’d realize they were right and I really am just a fuck-up and you’d leave. I’m so in love with you and it’s really fucking scary.” I told him and he grinned bigger than I’ve ever seen.

“Yeh in love wiff me?” He smiled. My face turned red and I nodded. I hadn’t realized that I said that part out loud. I knew it was true and I assumed he knew too, but we never actually said we were in love with other. “Don’t be scared. I’m in love wiff yeh too. Have been for a while” He said, still smiling and I chuckled at his face. “If Parker kicked yeh out, why didn’t yeh come here? Didn’t Tommy know?” He asked after a few minutes.

“He thought I was staying with Jade. Which I did, once or twice a week, but he didn’t know I was mostly living out of my car. He tried to get me to move here every time I saw him but, I don’t know, I just didn’t want to be a bother I guess. We weren’t even really dating at that time.” I chuckled and he rolled his eyes.

“Yeh should have told me, Ivy” he said. I nodded, feeling guilty about the whole thing. He kissed me gently again and then I climbed off his lap, afraid that I was hurting him. We were quiet for a while after that, just enjoying each other’s company.

“Are yeh evah gonna tell me about yeh dad?” He asked. He sounded genuinely curious and gentle. He wasn’t going to force me to talk about it if I didn’t want to. I wanted to tell him, just to have everything out in the open, but he might feel differently about me if he knew.

“I want to. But I feel like everything will change if I do. Jade doesn’t know either. Hell, Parker doesn’t even know the whole story” I answered, honestly.

“Noffing can change the way I feel about yeh, I can promise yeh that. Just tell me when yeh ready” he said, putting his arm around my shoulders.

It’s now or never. I tell him and he hates me, or we have a repeat of the last few weeks and he finds out on his own and leaves me for good. I must have replayed the memories of that night 20 times over in my head before I finally answered him with a shaky voice, “I killed him”.

He tensed up a little bit, not moving away from me but instead turning his head towards me. “What did he do?”

“Nothing. He didn’t do anything. He was a great father, we were really close.” I told him, my eyes beginning to fill up with tears as he watched my face intently.

“What happened, then?”

“I didn’t mean to. It was an accident. I didn’t know what was going to happen. I should have known better” I said, a sob escaping my mouth. He moved his other arm towards my face and wiped away the fallen tears. I thought he would have been upset with me already, but he was sticking it out to hear the rest. “When I was 10, I went to a sleepover at my best friend’s house for her birthday. I was never the popular kid at school, so none of the other kids there liked me very much. They made fun of me for being the fat friend and I wanted to go home so I called my mom. She sent my dad over to pick me up around 3 in the morning.” I paused to try to collect myself before continuing.

“I don’t understand” he said, confused.

“I cried the whole way home. It was late, I had woken them up in the middle of the night so he was cranky. He turned around to yell at me to be quiet and he didn’t see the drunk driver coming right for us. I never should have called them. I shouldn’t have made him come get me. It’s my fault. He’s dead, and because of me Parker lost both of his parents.” I sobbed.

Oliver picked me up again, placing me onto his lap so I was straddling his waist. He held me tight to his chest and rubbed my back. “Shhhh, calm down, love. It’s not yeh fault. Yeh were just a kid. Yeh didn’t know any bettah” he said. But I should have. If I wasn’t just the fat kid, I wouldn’t have needed to call him. If I wasn’t the ‘fat friend’, he’d still be alive.

“My mom hated me because of it. She couldn’t even look at me for three years until she finally got sick of it and left us. A social worker split up me and Parker and we were put into foster homes.I started to self-destruct. I was diagnosed with depression and anorexia and turned into the person I was when you met me. Because of me, Parker lost his dad, his mom, and his sister. I ruined his whole life, just because I was the fat friend.”

“Look at me, love” he said. I wiped my tears away with my hands and shook my head against his chest, though it was useless, because he pulled me away from him and lifted my chin anyway. “yeh need to stop being so hard on yehself. Yeh, what, barely 45 kilos? Yeh not even close to being fat. Yeh the most beautiful person I’ve evah seen. I love yeh so much. No mattah what yeh tell me, I’m not running away”

Even at my worst times, he could bring a smile to my face, even if it was small. “why are you so good to me?” I asked, the smile fading from my lips.

“Yeh mean the world to me. I don’t evah want to lose yeh. It’s my job to make yeh smile” he answered, giving me a long kiss. “I’m sorreh for getting angry at yeh and that yeh didn’t fink I would understand. Yeh need to know, I’m not leaving no mattah what”
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sort of short. i'm not entirely happy with this chapter i couldn't figure out how to make it any better. more involving oli's drug problem up next.

Thanks Loves Light Blue for the comment, it's not ending just yet ;)