Status: Active!
Don't Let Me Drown
Lovely Little Lonely
8th June, 2013
Ivy,
Is that better without the dear? I don't know. I wish you'd write me back but I guess I know why you haven't. I don't even know if you're reading these. Hell, I don't even know if you're getting these. Are you still living there? I just want to know how you're doing. I hope you found a happiness I couldn't give you. I'm sorry I couldn’t give you the hallmark movie romance you deserve. I'm following the rules and doing what I'm told. I know, surprising. I hope you're still around when I come home. I don't expect forgiveness but I need to hear your voice. I miss your smile. Please write back. Please tell me what I've done. Tell me how to fix it. I don’t want to be finished. I know I’m just contradicting myself now. But it can’t be over. Let me fix it. Please.
Xo Oliver.
12th June, 2013
Oli,
I'm fine. Glad you're getting better. You're right, it probably is the end. I'm still here. Tom let me stay until I could find a flat. I'm going looking for one tomorrow. I'll leave the rent in your room. Don't do it for me.
Ivy.
12th June, 2013
Tom,
This place is like a prison. I'll be back as soon as I can. They put me on depression medication when I first got here. Now I know how Ivy felt. It’s shit. I know you hate me right now, and that's okay. I'm going to try my best to fix things with everyone. I’m getting clean and I’m not looking back. How's the band? I haven't really talked to anyone. How's Ivy? She says she fine but I don't believe her. Is she happy? I don't remember much. Please tell me what I've done. I need to get her back. I just want to hold her. I can’t believe I took her for granted. I can’t live with what I’ve put her through. How do I pick up the pieces?
Oli.
16th June, 2013
Oli,
The band is good. They're all waiting for you to get back. I've been taking care of the house. I put the bills on your credit card. I've been posting on your Twitter and Instagram like you asked. Nobody knows. I don't hate you. I should, everybody should, but we don't. This is your last shot. We've already been through this once before. You start up again and were all done with you. No more chances. I don’t know how Ivy is. She tells me she’s fine too. I don't think she's taking care of herself. She gets sick a lot, I can hear it sometimes from my room. I think she's doing it on purpose and I think it's been going on a lot longer than anybody's known. Even you. Her clothes don't fit her anymore. Even the smallest size in Drop Dead hangs off her. She's not happy. As much as I hate to say it, she needs you as much as you need her. But you treat like trash. You fucked around with other girls right in front of her. You yell at her and order her to do things for you. You told everyone at a party a secret she told you in confidence. At least that time she slapped you. Do you remember that? You told Ally to start throwing up after she ate, because it worked for Ivy. I know you remember pushing her. She didn't even blink. She didn't care. She shut down. She needs you.
Tom.
20th June, 2013
Ivy,
I know you well enough to know you're never just fine. Tell me what's happened. Tom says you're not taking care of yourself. I need you to. Can you do that for me? Don't move out just yet. Stay long enough to hear me say I'm sorry in person. Let me at least say goodbye. I never wanted to hurt you. I fell into the hole and became addicted to the numbness and things happened without my control. I don't want this to be the end but if it has to be I'll accept it. If it'll make you better I'll do my best to let you go. Tom told me everything. I can't live with myself knowing I ever laid a hand on you. I want to die just thinking about it. I'm sorry. For everything I've done. Please let me show you. Forgive me. Or hate me. Get pissed off, I don't care. Feel something. Don't shut down. Please don't shut down anymore. I am doing it for you. You're the only one who ever really knew me. You're everything to me. You mean more than life itself. Knowing you loved me once makes this all worth it. I've been doing a lot of writing in here. I probably have enough songs for 3 albums. I even wrote one to sing, like you wanted. I don't want to scream anymore. All I want is you. Maybe someday you'll let me sing it for you. Write back to me please. Tell me everything. Tell me how you feel. Tell me all the things you’ve probably wanted to scream in my face the last few months. What have I missed? Write back. Get my mind off of missing you. Help me through this. Don’t let me drown.
Xo Oliver.
24th June, 2013
Oliver,
I never wanted a hallmark movie romance, I just wanted to be more than a body to sleep next to when you were lonely. You let me fall through the cracks. I don’t know what I’m feeling. It seems like everything at once and nothing at all. I’m in a constant battle with myself, just trying to stay afloat. I want to see you too, but I don’t think I can. I don’t want to dive back in headfirst. I need some time to breathe. I knew you once, but I don’t anymore. I hardly recognize you lately. I am taking care of myself. Don't listen to Tom. I am fine. Everybody's fine. I haven't found a place yet but I am going. I can't stay in this house. I haven’t wanted to scream at you. Well, once I did, but I doubt you even know what you did. Maybe Tom told you. He’s been watching me like a hawk ever since. I guess all I had wanted to say to you then was screw you. I know, anticlimactic. I just felt so hurt and betrayed at the time. I slept with Tom. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but it happened and I thought you should know. You’ve been accusing me of fucking him for so long, I thought I might as well. I wanted to fill up the emptiness in my chest, but instead I did the opposite. I’m sorry.
Ivy.
Ivy,
Is that better without the dear? I don't know. I wish you'd write me back but I guess I know why you haven't. I don't even know if you're reading these. Hell, I don't even know if you're getting these. Are you still living there? I just want to know how you're doing. I hope you found a happiness I couldn't give you. I'm sorry I couldn’t give you the hallmark movie romance you deserve. I'm following the rules and doing what I'm told. I know, surprising. I hope you're still around when I come home. I don't expect forgiveness but I need to hear your voice. I miss your smile. Please write back. Please tell me what I've done. Tell me how to fix it. I don’t want to be finished. I know I’m just contradicting myself now. But it can’t be over. Let me fix it. Please.
Xo Oliver.
12th June, 2013
Oli,
I'm fine. Glad you're getting better. You're right, it probably is the end. I'm still here. Tom let me stay until I could find a flat. I'm going looking for one tomorrow. I'll leave the rent in your room. Don't do it for me.
Ivy.
12th June, 2013
Tom,
This place is like a prison. I'll be back as soon as I can. They put me on depression medication when I first got here. Now I know how Ivy felt. It’s shit. I know you hate me right now, and that's okay. I'm going to try my best to fix things with everyone. I’m getting clean and I’m not looking back. How's the band? I haven't really talked to anyone. How's Ivy? She says she fine but I don't believe her. Is she happy? I don't remember much. Please tell me what I've done. I need to get her back. I just want to hold her. I can’t believe I took her for granted. I can’t live with what I’ve put her through. How do I pick up the pieces?
Oli.
16th June, 2013
Oli,
The band is good. They're all waiting for you to get back. I've been taking care of the house. I put the bills on your credit card. I've been posting on your Twitter and Instagram like you asked. Nobody knows. I don't hate you. I should, everybody should, but we don't. This is your last shot. We've already been through this once before. You start up again and were all done with you. No more chances. I don’t know how Ivy is. She tells me she’s fine too. I don't think she's taking care of herself. She gets sick a lot, I can hear it sometimes from my room. I think she's doing it on purpose and I think it's been going on a lot longer than anybody's known. Even you. Her clothes don't fit her anymore. Even the smallest size in Drop Dead hangs off her. She's not happy. As much as I hate to say it, she needs you as much as you need her. But you treat like trash. You fucked around with other girls right in front of her. You yell at her and order her to do things for you. You told everyone at a party a secret she told you in confidence. At least that time she slapped you. Do you remember that? You told Ally to start throwing up after she ate, because it worked for Ivy. I know you remember pushing her. She didn't even blink. She didn't care. She shut down. She needs you.
Tom.
20th June, 2013
Ivy,
I know you well enough to know you're never just fine. Tell me what's happened. Tom says you're not taking care of yourself. I need you to. Can you do that for me? Don't move out just yet. Stay long enough to hear me say I'm sorry in person. Let me at least say goodbye. I never wanted to hurt you. I fell into the hole and became addicted to the numbness and things happened without my control. I don't want this to be the end but if it has to be I'll accept it. If it'll make you better I'll do my best to let you go. Tom told me everything. I can't live with myself knowing I ever laid a hand on you. I want to die just thinking about it. I'm sorry. For everything I've done. Please let me show you. Forgive me. Or hate me. Get pissed off, I don't care. Feel something. Don't shut down. Please don't shut down anymore. I am doing it for you. You're the only one who ever really knew me. You're everything to me. You mean more than life itself. Knowing you loved me once makes this all worth it. I've been doing a lot of writing in here. I probably have enough songs for 3 albums. I even wrote one to sing, like you wanted. I don't want to scream anymore. All I want is you. Maybe someday you'll let me sing it for you. Write back to me please. Tell me everything. Tell me how you feel. Tell me all the things you’ve probably wanted to scream in my face the last few months. What have I missed? Write back. Get my mind off of missing you. Help me through this. Don’t let me drown.
Xo Oliver.
24th June, 2013
Oliver,
I never wanted a hallmark movie romance, I just wanted to be more than a body to sleep next to when you were lonely. You let me fall through the cracks. I don’t know what I’m feeling. It seems like everything at once and nothing at all. I’m in a constant battle with myself, just trying to stay afloat. I want to see you too, but I don’t think I can. I don’t want to dive back in headfirst. I need some time to breathe. I knew you once, but I don’t anymore. I hardly recognize you lately. I am taking care of myself. Don't listen to Tom. I am fine. Everybody's fine. I haven't found a place yet but I am going. I can't stay in this house. I haven’t wanted to scream at you. Well, once I did, but I doubt you even know what you did. Maybe Tom told you. He’s been watching me like a hawk ever since. I guess all I had wanted to say to you then was screw you. I know, anticlimactic. I just felt so hurt and betrayed at the time. I slept with Tom. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but it happened and I thought you should know. You’ve been accusing me of fucking him for so long, I thought I might as well. I wanted to fill up the emptiness in my chest, but instead I did the opposite. I’m sorry.
Ivy.