Don't Let Me Drown

"Hey Tom" I said awkwardly. We had just walked into their house and he was sitting at the table on his computer. He turned and looked at the two of us, a surprised and confused expression on his face. "Can we talk?"

"Yeah, sure" he said slowly. Oliver nodded and went up the stairs to his room, leaving the two of us alone.

"I don't like us not being friends"

"I fought we were"

"So did I. But I don't hear from you anymore. Not since I moved. I'm sorry about what I said, blurting it out like that. I didn't think it would hurt you" I told him.

"It's fine. I'm just trying to get over it is all. I'm sorreh I haven't talked to yeh, I didn't fink yeh wanted to."

"Of course I do. Are we okay, though?" I asked and he nodded with a smile. I gave him a hug and we promised to hang out soon before I went up to see Oli.

"Hey" I said, knocking on the open door. He looked up and smiled. I walked in and sat on the bed next to him. I looked around the room, it was the same as before, just a little bit cleaner.

"Are yeh alright?" He asked, snapping me out of my memories.

"Yeah, it's just a lot to be back in here"

"We can go somewhere else" he said, putting his arm around my waist.

"No, it's fine," I answered and shook my head. He wasn't convinced. He stood up, picked me up off the bed, and carried me fireman style down the stairs, laughing when I told him to put me down.

"What are yeh doing?" Tom laughed when he saw us.

"Kidnapping my girlfriend" Oli said nonchalantly and I smacked his butt.

"So yeh officially back together?" tom said with a chuckle.

"Yeah, apparently I don't get a vote" I yelled, still hanging upside down over his shoulder.

"Yeh don't want to be my bird?" Oli said. I could hear the smirk in his voice. He started spinning in circles, me swinging behind him and making me dizzy.

"Put me down you wanker!" I yelled, smacking his butt. He and tom burst out in hysterics, finally stopping the spinning as I was roughly put on my feet again.

"What are you laughing at?" I said.

"Yeh... Yeh becoming a Brit!" Tom said, wiping the tears from his eyes. Oli was practically doubled over. Apparently it was the funniest thing they'd ever heard.

"Bye, Tom" I rolled my eyes and walked out the door. Oli soon followed, face still red.

"Yeh not leaving already are yeh?" He asked.

"Only if you keep making fun of me" I chuckled and he kissed me.

"It was fucking funny and yeh know it" he laughed. "I'm sorreh"

"Do you deserve forgiveness?" I said, pretending to actually think about it. His hands landed on my hip bones and he kissed me again, deeper this time. A hand tangled in my hair and he opened his mouth. I did the same and let it continue for a few seconds before pushing him away.

"I guess you're forgiven" I said, before noticing the bulge against his jeans and chuckling to myself.

"Now yeh gonna make fun of me?," he laughed and pointed to it, "s'not my fault. He misses yeh"

I rolled my eyes and laughed again. "Hasn't he met anyone else?"

"Nope. Not since I went away" he said. I smiled that he stayed faithful to me, but I was still wary. "Let's go get dinner" he said and took my hand.

"I'm not really hungry" I told him.

"Yeh always say that. Come on, please" he said, sticking out his bottom lip.

"Okay" I sighed. We walked around the corner to a little cafe we used to frequent. I ordered a salad, like always, and Oliver gave me look of disapproval, like always.

"So what did yeh fink? Of the song?" He asked nervously before taking a bite of his sandwich.

"It was great. I really like hearing your voice" I told him with a slight blush.

"Yeah? Even though it's different?"

"Yeah. I like the older stuff I've heard, where you just scream, but ive been waiting forever to hear you sing. I know you were worried about it, but I'm really proud of you" I smiled. He casually covered his mouth with his hand, attempting to hide his grin, but his eyes said it all.

When he was finished, we walked back to his car and he drove me home.

"I'll see yeh soon, yeah?" We stopped outside my door to say goodbye. I wanted to invite him in to stay a little longer but I was drained and would only fall asleep on him anyway.

I nodded in response to his question and he smiled. "Am I allowed to kiss yeh goodnight this time?"

"Try it and see" I smirked. He leaned forward and barely touched his lips to mine, not sure if I'd reject it or not. Once he was sure I wasn't going to push him away, he gave me real one. His phone started to ring and he pulled away to check who it was. All I could see on the screen was the letter P as he clicked ignore.

"It's Jordan. I'll call him back in the car. Where were we?" He smirked. He slid the phone back into his pocket and leaned in. This time I turned away, knowing he was lying about who was on the phone, but choosing not to bring it up.

"We were just saying goodbye"

"Right, sorreh. So I guess I'll see yeh latah" he said awkwardly. I nodded and unlocked my door as he walked away.



"Yeh called?" I asked when Parker picked up.

"Ivy's killing herself" he said angrily.

"What?! Why?!" I yelled into the phone. My heart started racing and my palms were sweating as I fumbled with the handle to open the car door and run to her.

"She's not eating and it's going to kill her" I breathed a sigh of relief and closed the door again. I knew she struggled in the past and I had noticed the change in her weight, how harshly her collarbones pushed against her pale skin, but it wasn't nearly as bad as he was making it out to be.

"I know. I'm working on it" I told him.

"Working on it how? She need to get treatment"

"No she doesn't. I can't lose her again mate. It hasn't been going on for as long as yeh fink. I've been getting her to eat. Little bits at a time but it's better than noffing." I tried to reason.

"Well pretty soon it'll be too late. We’ll all be picking out flowers for her funeral and she'll be gone for good" he spat into the phone before hanging up on me.

I drove home in silence, his words ringing in my ears. It couldn't be true.

"Hey Tom, can I ask yeh somefing?" I closed the door behind me and he came walking out of the kitchen, nodding. "Have yeh noticed anyfing about Ivy’s weight? Or eating?"

"Yeah. Yeh haven't?"

"I did. But it's not, like, bad right? It's only been for a little while" I said nervously.

"I don't know. Seems like it's been forever, but who knows. She changes the subject every time before I can say anyfing." He answered. I didn't say anything else and instead just went up into my room, collapsing on my bed with a head full of thought

It couldn't be that terrible. She'd always been a small bird, she probably only lost a few kilos. I can help her get back on track. I'll take her out to dinner more, get her to eat something. I can handle it. Everything will go back to normal.

The remainder of the week was rough. Every night, I was up a long time thinking about her and everything Parker had said. I didn't believe him but I had a bad feeling in my gut.

OloberSyko: are you awake?
PoisonIvy: no
OloberSyko: sorry, love. Go back to sleep xx
PoisonIvy: what do you need?
OloberSyko: nothing, babe. Just curious.
PoisonIvy: Oliver.
OloberSyko: I wanted to see you if you were up. Come over?
PoisonIvy: I'm not getting out of bed.
OloberSyko: see you soon :*

I chuckled to myself and changed my clothes before leaving. She answered the door, mad that I woke her up despite my many apologies. She had on a slightly loose drop dead t-shirt, underwear bottoms, and nothing else but goddamn was she stunning, even half asleep. She walked, yawning, into her bedroom and I followed, sitting on the edge as she climbed under the covers.

"Go to sleep" she mumbled. I joined her under the covers but she moved farther from me when I scooter closer. I decided to play it safe and stay on my own half of the bed. Now that I knew she was okay, I was able to fall asleep.

It was almost noon when I woke. I was still laying on my side but she wasn't on hers. When I came to, her head was on my chest and her leg was up over my waist. She must have been having a good dream, she wiggled her hips into me every so often.

"Oli?" She said quietly as she woke up confused.

"How many other men do you wake up wiff?" I laughed.

"Shut up" she mumbled and pulled herself closer. I kissed her forehead and she lifted her chin for one on the lips. This time, she was the one that continued it. I slowly traced my fingers up and down the leg wrapped over me, testing the waters. Her hand gripped the back of my head and she gently tugged on my hair, her way of telling me to continue. I did, bringing my fingertips up to the edge of her bottoms. She lifted herself up and straddled my waist, grinding her hips into me.

I wanted to do it right with her, passionate and slow, at least once. I flipped us over so I was on top and carefully removed her shirt. I placed leisurely, gentle kisses down her neck and chest as she moaned. I continued lower and lower, and then I felt it.

My heart shattered and my body ached with fear. There it was. The dip where the bottom of her rib cage met her stomach was nerve wracking. The evidence of a long-term eating eating disorder, always carefully covered in loose clothing, was splayed out in front of me. I looked up at her and saw what I should have seen much, much, earlier. A skeleton. She met my eyes and looked nervous.

"Oli, what's wrong?"

"What have yeh done?" I choked out. Her face fell and she seemed afraid. I had to turn away, I couldn't look at her anymore. Parker’s words were yelling in my head. Ivy’s going to kill herself. Ivy’s going to kill herself. Ivy’s going to kill herself.

I sat up and turned my body away from hers, placing my head in my heads.



"Oli, what wrong?" I asked nervously when he pulled his lips off my body.

"What have yeh done?" He said. I quickly grew frightened, it was just like in my dream a few night ago, only this time it was Oli. Boys like skinny girls. Not you.

But he acted different than I expected. He wasn't angry. If anything, he seemed scared. When he turned himself away from me, I saw his waterlogged eyes and when he hid his face in his hands, I realized that I was seeing him cry for the first time. I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him from the side.

"How long have yeh been doing this?" He asked, a few moments later, hands still covering his face.

"Doing what?"

"Starving yehself. Why haven't yeh eaten?" I ignored his question and pulled his hands away, wiping his tear stained cheeks.

"It's okay, Oliver. Everything's fine" I told him in an attempt of comforting him but he shook his head.

"It's not. I didn't see it. Everyone told me but I didn't want to see it. You're going to die" he said, choking back tears on the last part.

"I'm not going to die" I stated before hugging him. He squeezed me back just a little too tight.

"Pack yeh bags."

"What?"

"Yeh need to be seen by a doctor and get treatment."

"No. I'm handling it."

"How long?" He asked me again. I avoided his gaze and shrugged. He repeated it again.

"Before you left on your last tour." He was silent for a long time. "What are you thinking about?"

"Everyfing. Why even start? why then? I fought we were happy then."

"It's complicated"

"When I got clean I told yeh everyfing. Do the same for me" he said.

"It's not the same"

"I don't care" he stared at me intently, waiting for me speak. "Is it my fault?" He asked, barely above a whisper.

"I'm not answering that" I told him, looking away. It wasn't his fault but he was one of many factors in the grand scheme of things.

"I'm not starving myself. I'm trying to survive. I'm okay, everything is okay"

"Yeh fragile. Yeh always tired, always cold, and yeh don't have the energy to do anyfing. How is this surviving?" He argued.

"That's just how my head works" I told him.

"Yeh need treatment. Yeh need somefing. This is unhealthy, love. If I lose yeh, then....." He shook his head and looked away again.

"It's okay, Oliver. I'm okay, I promise. Let's go back to what we were doing before" I said, kissing the side of his neck to distract him. He pushed me away.

"No, this is serious. I need to go. I need to fink for a bit" and with that he stood up and left.

It's been forever since I felt loved. He kissed me here and there, but always rejected any further advances, even before he went away. None of it was even his fault. It was always just bad timing, but my mind still wandered. I sat, half naked, alone, on my bed for a long time. The voices were screaming.

You did it to yourself. He doesn't love you anymore. No one loves you. He'll fuck anything that walks, but never you. Nobody wants the elephant in the room. Keep going. Let me take it all away. They'll be better off without you.

Screaming.