Don't Let Me Drown

"I need help, I need to see my doctor".

"Oliver! I didn't fink we'd see yeh back here so soon. Do yeh need to be admitted again?" The receptionist asked.

"No, I just need to speak with him". I answered. The month I had spent in this facility wasn't pleasant, and I wasn't happy to be back.

"Well he's very busy today" she said with a forced smile.

"I'll wait". And I did for about 2 hours until someone could finally see me. Sitting here reminded me of how it was. People walking around like zombies. Others strapped into their beds with tubes down their throats. I didn't want her in a place like this. She'd be miserable.

"I can't say I'm happy to have yeh back, but it's good to see yeh" Dr. Salls said as I entered his office.

"I haven't touched anyfing since my release. I'm not here about me"

"What's going on?"

"My girlfriend. I fink I probably told yeh about her." I told him everything. About her past with depression and the current major issue. "She won't be admitted anywhere and frankly I don't blame her. I just got her back and now I'm afraid I'm going to lose her for good"

"I can't give medical advice about a patient I haven't seen. But off the record, something I've learned is you can’t force her. I don't really have a choice for that in my line of work, but you're in a different position. If yeh try to force her, she'll reject it. My opinion? Keep a close watch. Try positive reinforcement. Try to get her in to see a psychologist. If it gets too bad, yeh gonna have to bring her in and we'll do all we can." He said sympathetically.

I thought about what he said for a minute and thanked him before leaving. If it gets too bad? It's already too bad. I wasn't quite sure what he meant by positive reinforcement, but I'm willing to try anything.

Tom and I brainstormed for a while after I got home until we finally came up with something.

"What about going on holiday for a while?" He suggested.

"What do yeh mean?"

"Take her somewhere nice for a while. Away from everyone. Get her mind off fings for a bit"

"We're in the middle of recording an album, I can't just disappear" I told him. It seemed like an alright plan, but my manager would have a fit.

"Record ahead. I can make up the basic rhythms online so yeh can do yeh part before the music is done. Do everyfing yeh can this week and just fix the little bits when yeh get back" he reasoned.

"That..... Actually might work" I answered. I had some new designs already drawn up for drop dead, and we had other models, so that was already taken care of.

"I can have it all done by tomorrow night. I'll keep an eye on her this week while yeh working and then yeh can whisk her off her feet" he laughed.

"Thanks, Tom. I really appreciate yeh helping me out wiff her. Especially since yeh know exactly how I feel". I was never the sentimental, soft-hearted, type but I was grateful for everyone lately. They stuck by me through recovery and welcomed me back with open arms. Tom was in love wiff Ivy too, yet he had been helping get her back to me and it meant a lot.

"It's alright. I don't want to lose her either"

I decided to go back and see her again. It was getting late so i assumed she'd be home and didn't bother texting first. I was also afraid she'd say no if I asked. She had her issues just like everyone else, but she was still my bird. I wanted nothing more than to be with her. I was in deep with her, more so than ever before in my life.

I knocked on the door but there was no answer. I tried the knob and it was unlocked. I walked in, a knot of worry in the pit of my stomach. It took me a few minutes to find her but when I did, my worry was right. She was in her bathroom, leaning against the sink and staring up at the ceiling. I knew her mind was racing.

I didn't say anything. I stepped in front of her and took her into my arms. I held her tight, hoping to offer a bit of comfort and safety. She loosely placed her arms around my waist and settled her head against my chest. I held her for a while, not letting go until she started to pull away.

"Everyfing okay?" I asked her. She nodded but didn't say anything. I kissed her lightly on the lips and she returned it. "What's going on up there, love?" I asked, pressing my lips to her forehead.

"Nothing, I'm okay. Promise" she said.

"If yeh evah want to talk about it yeh can. Wiff me or wiff someone else. We're all here for yeh. And nobody is going to judge yeh if yeh want to see a professional, but it's your decision" I tried, she rolled her eyes and looked away.

"I'm fine Oliver. Why did you come back?"

"I wanted to see yeh. And apologize for leaving like that. I just needed to calm down a bit"

"It's okay" she said. I smiled and moved in for another kiss. She returned it, but spoke up when my lips moved to her neck again.

"What are you doing?"

"Finishing what we started earlier"

"You've been rejecting me for months and now you think you can just come and take it whenever you want?" She said, pushing me away.

"Fings just kept getting in the way, I didn't mean to reject yeh. I'm sorreh." I took another step back to give her some space. "I can go if yeh want"

"Maybe that's a good idea" she snapped.

"Are yeh pissed at me for somefing?"

"Nope. Why would I be?"

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking. Yeh don't usually tell me to leave"

"I didn't tell you to leave. You found out you weren't getting laid and offered to go. Why stick around if not for sex, right?" She said with the same attitude and turned to walk back into the bedroom.

"Is that what this is about? I didn't come here just to fuck yeh, Ivy. I came to apologize to yeh. I fought you wanted to. I'd still love yeh if we never had sex again. It'd be a tragedy, but I'd live wiff it" I told her, earning a small chuckle.

She didn't say anything in response. "Do yeh really want me to leave?"

She shook her head just slightly and sat on the bed, picking up the remote, "you might as well, I'm not gonna be any fun" she sassed. I rolled my eyes and sat with her as she searched through Netflix.

When she finally picked something, she leaned back against my arm. I took her hand in mine but she pulled it away. "Did I do somefing?" I wondered.

"No" she responded, staring blankly at the tv.

"What's the problem then?"

"Nothing, just in a bad mood." I sighed and turned my attention to the screen. She moved over a bit but I pulled her back against me.

"Yeh freezing, love. Let me warm yeh up" I said quietly. She rolled her eyes but stayed put.

About a half hour later I looked over at her, but she was staring out the window. "I'm not gonna be able to see yeh much this week" I told her, but didn't seem to hear me. "Ivy?"

"Huh?" She asked, turning towards me.

"I said I'm not gonna be able to see yeh very much this week" I repeated.

"Okay."

"Are yeh sure yeh okay?" I questioned.

"I'm fine" she said.

"I don't believe yeh" I told her and she made a face. I smirked and slowly moved my hand to her waist, ready to tickle her.

"Don't even think about it" she said, reading my mind. I scrunched my fingers into her side and she squeaked, jumping up off the bed. While she searched furor an escape route, I chased after her through the apartment until she was stuck against the front door.

"Where are yeh gonna go?" I laughed. She smirked at me and opened it just enough for her slip through, closing it behind her to slow me down.

"Ivy!" I yelled after her with a laugh, but she was halfway down the hall already. I continued after her, down the stairs and nearly taking out a young couple on our trek through the lobby. When her toes hit the pavement outside the building I finally caught her in a fit of giggles.

"Gotcha" I said, pulling her back against my chest and wrapping my arms around her. "Did yeh forget yeh weren't wearing any pants?" I asked.

She shrugged and turned to face me. I put my lips quickly on hers to shut her up before a snarky comment about cheering her up could escape her tongue.

"Still want me to leave?" I smirked.

"Shut up" she pouted, "I'm going to get in trouble if we go back in there though. They appreciate residents being fully dressed."

"So let's go to mine" I suggested. Surprisingly, she agreed and we hopped into my car.

"It's getting late. How about I make you dinner?" I tried, leading her inside.

"I'm not hungry" she said.

"Please, Ivy. Just try it. For me. Yeh don't have to finish it" I pulled her into the kitchen. "I'll even get yeh drunk if it'll help" I told her, pulling a bottle of wine out of the fridge, and she laughed. I popped the cork out and handed her the bottle. She sat up on a counter and took a sip while I got my ingredients ready. She watched me, giggling at how awkward I looked trying to be a chef. We passed the bottle back and forth until it was done and everything was on the stove in a frying pan cooking.

"Hey" she said as I walked up to her, standing myself between her legs.

"Hey" I repeated with a smirk. Her eyes were glossy and I could she was already pretty drunk, especially not having eaten today. Against my better judgement, I decided to tease her a little bit and we were quickly in a heated make out session on the kitchen counter.

"Yeh have no idea how badly I want yeh" I told her honestly.

"Then take me" she said quietly, unbuttoning my jeans.

I pressed my lips against her neck and shook my head before pulling away with a smirk. "Yeh said no sex, remember?"

"You're an ass" she pouted as I returned to the stove.