Don't Let Me Drown

Ivy was supposed to drive herself here after school today. It was now almost 6 pm and she still hadn't shown. I grabbed my keys and my jacket and decided to go look. I checked at jade's house before I checked her own, assuming they'd be getting high.

"Is Ivy here?" I asked her when she opened the door.

"No. What do yeh want with that slag anyway?" She said bitterly.

"What is your problem?"

"Sorreh hon, but when someone fucks my boyfriend I don't tend to keep them around" she said, before slamming the door in my face. I had no idea what she was talking about so I left and made my way to Ivy's, hoping she was okay.

Parker's car wasn't there so I let myself in. She was in the living room quickly pacing back and forth, tears streaming down her face.

"Ivy what's wrong?" I said in a soft voice trying not to startle her. She just shrugged and didn't stop pacing. She was having a panic attack. I stood in front of her and put my hands on her shoulders to stop her from walking. I noticed she had a big bruise on her cheekbone and wondered what happened.

"Hey, yeh alright. Look at me" I told her, "breathe". She took a deep breath in and let it out. It seemed to help for a moment, until her eyes filled up with tears again and she let out a small sob. I pulled her close to me, and held her to my chest as she cried. She seemed so fragile. Matty was right - I did feel something towards her. After a few minutes, she had calmed down some.

"Let's get yeh to bed" I told her and led her down the hall. She sat cross legged on her bed and wiped her eyes. "What's the matta?"

"I don't know what's happening to me" she sobbed. I sat next to her and rubbed small circles on her back.

"What do yeh mean?"

"I don't know. Yesterday in the car you... did something and then something happened and it weirded me out and then today some girl kept saying shit and I just snapped and hit her. That's not me. This isn't who I am. I don't know what's happening and it's freaking me the fuck out" she said quickly, all her words running together.

"That's called feeling, love" I said with a chuckle, "it is you, yeh just haven't seen her in a long time. That's what happens when you bottle everyfing up and stay numb to the world" she just shook her head and looked at her hands in her lap. I thought back to what she said. "What did I do in the car?" I wondered, unable to stop the smirk on my face. Her eyes flickered up to mine for a moment and she leaned back against the wall.

"Like I'd tell you" she laughed and I rolled my eyes.

"So what's that then?" I asked, pointing to the red and purple bruise on her cheekbone, "girl hit you back?"

"uhh, she tried to" she said.

"so what happened?"

"Busted her lip, broke her arm, got myself a week suspension" she said, with a guilty expression. I felt my lips curl into a smile. I watched her play with the hem of her sweatshirt until she looked up to meet my eyes.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she said, blushing a little bit.

"The real you is kind of a bad ass" I answered. I felt close to her. Like I was actually getting to know her. She started laughing at what I said and seemed to be doing much better than when I first arrived. "So I went to jade's house earlier to look for yeh..." I started.

She looked back down at her hands and nodded, already knowing. "I did something bad, a while ago and she just found out. She's been talking shit all day at school. It was actually her friend I fought with."

"What did she say?" I asked her and she shook her head.

"Nothing. Don't worry about it" she got up off her bed and went over to fix her makeup.

"What are yeh doing all that for? Got somebody to impress?" I said with a smirk. She turned and gave me a dirty look before finishing up.

"So what do yeh want to do today?" I asked her when she returned to the space next to me.

"Nothing. I want to stay in bed and forget about today."

"Okay. Uh, let me know if yeh need anything" I said before standing up. I wanted to spend time with her, make sure she was okay, but I assumed shed want to be alone.

"Where are you going?" She asked me as I slowly made my way to bedroom door.

"Home I guess. I'll see if Tom wants to hang out"

"You can stay. If you want to. I know you don't really trust me so...." She said, looking at the tv remote in her hands.

"If yeh want to be alone, it's okay" I said and she shook her head, patting the spot next to her. I returned to bed and she flicked through Netflix searching for something to watch. Halfway through the movie, we both fell asleep.

I awoke some hours later and Ivy was still sleeping, with her head resting on my shoulder. I reached into my pocket, to carefully get my phone out without disturbing her. It was 4:15 am and I had a couple missed text messages.

The first was from tom reminding me I had a tour meeting at 7 this morning in London. The second was Parker telling me he knew I was in Ivy's room and to behave. I chuckled at the last one and felt Ivy start to move.

"Oli? What time is it?" she said, looking up at me.

"Almost 4:30, we fell asleep" she nodded, staring into my eyes and holding my gaze. Her eyes were swallowing me alive and I must have leaned in without realizing it, because now we were centimeters apart.

"You should go, you probably have band stuff later" she said in a quiet voice, looking away from me. I nodded before getting up to leave.

"I'll talk to yeh later, yeah?" I kissed her forehead and quickly walked out before she could say anything. I think I've gotten myself in too deep.