Don't Let Me Drown

I finished getting ready and started the drive to Oliver's for the party. I walked inside and saw a large crowd of people. Tom came over to greet me.

"Do yeh want a drink?" He asked, offering up his cup.

"Nope. Still got 45 minutes until I'm free" I said with a smirk and he laughed.

"Alright. Well yeh boyfriends ova there" he smiled, pointing to the living room. I thanked him and walked over to Bring Me The Horizon and the girls with them. Oli smiled when he saw me and pulled me into a hug.

"Yeh want us to give you two some alone time?" Lee laughed and I rolled my eyes as Oli smacked his arm. We all talked for a while and migrated over to a couch where Oliver had pulled me into his lap.

When it struck midnight, Tom brought me and the rest of the guys a round of drinks to celebrate the end of my week long sobriety. More people were piling into the living room, watching Matt and Lee fight out a game of Fifa.

Tom found me when I was on my way to the bathroom and we did a couple shots of Patron together. After I peed, I looked over at where Oli was, laughing with his friends. It was pretty crowded in there and I didn't want to interrupt so I went into the nearly empty kitchen for a drink.



It was my turn for Fifa against my best friend, Josh. We were all a little bit drunk by this point so we weren't doing too good. Josh ended up winning and moved on to play whoever was next. Ivy went to the bathroom two rounds ago and still hadn't returned. I went to look for her, ignoring the comments about "my lover" from the band.

I walked into the kitchen and saw her sitting on the counter, beer bottle in hand. There was a guy from down the street standing in front of her, his hands dangerously high up on her thighs.

"Come on, you know you want me" I heard him say to her.

"Actually I don't and you need to back off before I kick you in the balls" she told him.

"Beat it" I told him. He looked at me and rolled his eyes before walking away, leaving Ivy on the counter.

"I was looking for yeh" I said, taking a sip of her beer and handing it back.

"Yeah it was a little crowded in there. I was just looking for a place to breathe." She chuckled. It was quiet for a minute, neither one of us knowing what to say.

Then my mouth spoke before my brain could catch up and stop it. "Are yeh eva gonna be my bird, or am I just wasting my time here?"

Her cheeks turned pink and she avoided my eyes, but I saw the corners of her mouth turn up slightly.

"I told you, I don't play that game" she said, taking a nervous sip of her beer.

"That was before. When all yeh wanted was to stay numb forever."

She didn't say anything. I walked slowly towards her and she watched me nervously. I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest at what I was about to do. When I reached her, I put my hands on her hips. I wanted her to feel something. I was determined to. Her eyes glanced at my lips and that was my cue.

I leaned in close and she didn't move away. I put my lips on hers and kissed her. She immediately returned the action, moving her lips along with mine. She moved her hands to my belt, thinking all I wanted was a quick fuck, but I moved them away. I wanted her to feel something. Anything. Whether it was anger and regret for allowing me to kiss her or it made her heart pound in her chest as hard as mine. I just wanted her to feel something. Hopefully, she could feel what I felt in that moment.

Her hands were around my neck, in my hair. She smelled like her favorite perfume. Her lips were soft. My hands were on her hips. Bloody hell she was beautiful. Kissing her felt like the only good decision I've ever made.

Then she stopped returning it. She put her hands on my chest and started pushing me away. "Stop," she said, "I know what you're trying to do"

I noticed a crack in her voice when she spoke. She was scared. I backed away from her. "Why are yeh so afraid of me?" I asked quietly.

"I'm not," she shook her head and looked away from my eyes. "I'm gonna go" she hopped off the counter and walked out of the kitchen.

"Ivy, wait. Come talk to me!" I called after her.

"Your week is up" she said, shaking her head. Then she walked out the front door and was gone.



I got in my car and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I sobbed the whole way home. I don't know what's wrong with me I don't know why I was so upset over kissing Oliver. It was great. He was great. But it was so foreign to me. Why did he want to kiss me? Why go down this road again?

I climbed into bed, still in my clothes and just cried. My brain was flooded with old memories. I kept thinking about the last time Oliver and I were close. We were friends simply because we ended up at the same parties. We would hang out and drink or smoke together. One time, he kissed me. I started feeling attached to him. Then I decided to cut him off. It's better to break my own heart then give someone else the satisfaction. I ended our friendship before anything else could come out of it. I avoided him when he was here with Parker and I started going to different parties.

He called me once while I was driving and now my phone was ringing again. I ignored it both times. His week was up and the deal was that he leave me alone for good.

OloberSyko: answer the phone, Ivy
OloberSyko: please come over. everyone's gone home.
OloberSyko: tell me what's going on with you and I'll leave you alone.
OloberSyko: if you don't answer, I'm coming to yours

He kept texting me now since I didn't answer his calls. I didn't want him to come here and have Parker listening in on what we had to say. I told him I was on my way. At least at his house I could leave whenever I wanted.

I wiped my eyes, not bothering to fix my makeup, and got back into my car. I was getting more and more pissed off as I drove. I wasn't upset anymore, just mad. He was so hellbent on me keeping up my side of the deal but he wouldn't keep up his. He made me feel all these things that I was perfectly fine without before. He made me fall for him.