Two Hearts, One Love

The world was a little blurry around the edges. My books were moving, swaying in tandem with the clock mounted on my wall. Shadows grew on the walls as the sun sank lower and lower. City lights had been on since four but they were getting brighter. The casino right across from my window had turned on its search lights and I grimaced at the stabbing pain from the brightness. I managed to get to my window and pulled the curtains shut just as my bedroom door opened.

It was my mom with a cup of water and a pill.

“What happened?” I mumbled.

She arched a brow. “You got drunker than a skunk, ranted about women, broke up with Annie, and decided it was a good time to get rid of that china you were complaining about.”

I blinked at her slowly just as bits and pieces of the day came back.

I was upset about my confrontation with Celeste. Seeing the dead look in her eyes reminded me of myself. It reminded me of the hollow feeling deep inside of me. I couldn’t stand it so I went to the one thing I knew would take care of it: alcohol. Annie had come out while I was downing some rum and tried to initiate sex with me. I lost it and started shouting at her. What I said, I couldn’t remember, but apparently it had the result I’d been wanting.

We weren’t a couple anymore. I had just broken up with Annie Withers.

“And you’re going to be all over the news tomorrow,” my mom said as if she had read my mind.

“I can’t believe I did that,” I mumbled.

“What happened?”

I sighed and sat down on my bed, taking the Advil and rubbing my temples. At first I thought about lying to her. The second I looked into her eyes, though, I knew that wouldn’t work. So, I told her the truth.

“Ian, I love you but you’re an idiot,” she said with a shake of her head. “You can’t talk to her about that. Of course she slapped you and told you to leave her alone. Try to see this from her point of view. A child she was carrying died before she got to meet it. Then, when she tries to get rid of the pain, she’s locked in a stranger’s house. What would you do?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I have no idea what I’d do. I don’t even know what I’m doing now.”

She watched me for a second before dragging over a large heap of newspapers. She sat down and crossed her legs. When I looked into her eyes, I saw sadness.

“I called James today,” she said and I gulped. “When did you decide you didn’t want to be a model anymore?”

I put my head in my hands. “I’m so getting my money back,” I grumbled. She didn’t answer. “I can’t do this anymore, Ma. I’m sorry.”

“Why not?”

I stood up and started to pace my room. I tried to find a way to put my emotions into words. It was hard.

“I’m about to turn 26,” I said and she nodded, having been planning the party for the last three months. “And what do I have to show for it? Thousands of dollars in endorsements, an overly large penthouse, a super-hot model ex-girlfriend, hundreds of fans, and more cars than I need. But I’m not happy.” I rubbed my eyes a bit. “I don’t remember the last time I actually had a good time.”

I sat back down on my bed, avoiding her eyes. I knew she was staring at me, waiting for me to look so that she could give me one of her famous uplifting speeches. When I didn’t oblige, she sat beside me.

“You should have told me sooner,” she said. I still didn’t look at her. “I wouldn’t have insisted you do those shoots if I had known.”

“But you’re so proud of me. I didn’t want to ruin that.”

“I’m proud of you no matter what, Ian. You’re my son and I love you. Now, I might not be proud of you when you destroy expensive china, but other than that….” We both laughed a little. She held my hand. “You have a big heart. If there was only one thing you get from me raising you, I want it to be that. I don’t want it to be bitterness over your life.” I didn’t know what to say. She held my hand. “We’ll have the party as planned this weekend. After that, we’ll make the announcement that you’re retiring.”

I stared at her with wide eyes. “What?”

She smiled and kissed my forehead. “You heard me. Now, I talked to Kendra.”

“Monroe?” I asked and she nodded.

“She’s coming tomorrow to talk to Celeste. What did Annie say when she found out, by the way?”

“She thought I was cheating on her,” I shrugged. “I told her Celeste was my cousin. I guess it was a good thing since I broke up with her. She can’t go complaining to the press that I’m cheating.”

“Well, I have an idea but it should wait until after Kendra leaves tomorrow.”

I nodded and she left, shutting the door softly. I was stunned by how the conversation went. I didn’t expect her to be so open to my desire to stop modeling. I thought she would be angry, thought she would say I was throwing my life away. But that wasn’t her response at all and I could now leave the industry and do what I wanted to do.

But what did I want to do?

“First get my money back from James,” I said and got my phone out.