Sequel: Him and I

If You Could Love

I've Always Been The Holding Back Kind

“Honey, I'm home!” James Neal called out as he threw open his front door, dropping his hockey bag just inside. He stood a moment, waiting to hear a response and when he got none, pushed the door closed. It was a little after twelve in the afternoon as he dropped his keys on the table in the entry way in a glass bowl she had insisted he needed and continued further into his home. He smelled cookies and headed for the kitchen, hoping he'd find that the cookies were chocolate chip.

Grabbing a cookie from a cooling rack on the counter, James stuffed the warm treat into his mouth, looking around the room and finding it empty. He shrugged and grabbed another cookie before heading out of the room. A quick lap around the downstairs of his home found the other rooms empty so he ran up the stairs and pushed open his bedroom door.

His smile grew mischievous as the naked woman in front of him startled and let out a shriek.

“James! Turn around!”

“And miss the view? I don't think so. Thanks for baking me cookies by the way. And for letting me see your cookie too.”

She giggled and scooped a shirt off the floor, pulling it over her head. “You're home early.”

“Your shirt is inside out.”

She rolled her eyes. “If you think I'm going to take it off to fix it so you can see my tits again, think again.”

He crossed the room and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her to him. “If you didn't want me to see your tits then you shouldn't be having a bath in my bedroom.”

“Then you should put the same tub that you have in your bathroom in my bathroom so I'll stay out of your room.”

“But then you'd stay out of my bedroom.”

“You're home early,” she repeated herself.

“Stammer went back to Tampa a few days ago and I was bored so I changed my flight too.”

“You can't function without Steven?”

“I can function.”

“Please. Tell me again why I live here?”

“Because I function better with you,” James replied smugly. He bent his head and kissed her lips softly. “And I like you here.”

“I do like Nashville,” she said casually, leaning into him.

“Anything else?” He asked as he tickled her sides.

She squirmed and giggled against him. “Not anyone I can think of,” she answered. “But if I moved to Tampa and I'm positive I could think of a reason to like Florida.”

“You like Stamkos?!” James nearly shouted incredulously as he pulled back from her “Really?”

She laughed at him. “Of course I don't like Steven. You know my heart belongs to Tavares.”

James stuck his tongue out and made a face. “But Brooklyn.”

“I know, it's kind of a deal breaker....except those thighs, yum yum.”

“Eww, Alex, don't be gross.”

“What's gross about John? Besides, you're the one who let me spend two weeks with you guys and let John run around being adorable and dorky and all around utterly perfect. That's on you, buddy.”

“You can't go out with John. I forbid it.”

“Well you can't forbid what I think about when I'm alone with my vibrator.”

“You get off to thoughts of John Tavares?”

“I'm not going to tell you who I get off to, James.”

“But it's me, right? You think about me touching you, don't you?” He tugged her close again. “You want me to touch you right now.”

She melted into his touch and her voice dropped an octave. “Why would I want to do something silly like that?”

“Why not?”

“James...”

“Why do we fight this, Alex?”

“Because it's always fun for a little while and then we end up mad at each other and hating each other for two weeks until we go back to being just friends again.”

“But in between we end up on our backs a lot and that's a lot of fun.”

“A relationship isn't built on just good sex, Nealer.”

“It's a really great foundation though.” He grabbed her around her thighs and lifted her up without warning. She squealed and wrapped her legs around him. He buried his face into her neck and began to kiss and nibble her soft skin. “Tell me to stop and I will,” he whispered.

“James,” she breathed out, holding him tighter. “Don't stop.”

~*~*~


Two and a half hours later, James stretched, waking up from a great nap with a smile on his face. He squeezed the woman curled beside him who snuggled deeper into his side. He placed a tender kiss to the top of her head and looked up at the ceiling, letting her sleep.

This was something he could get used to, coming back from road trips to a house that was home, to a great woman who cared about him and for him, and for endless days and nights of incredible sex. He was twenty nine, had been traded twice, but finally felt like everything was coming together, was the way it should be.

Except he didn't have anyone to share it with.

Despite appearances, Alex was most definitely not his. He'd thought about it over the years, even more than usual during the summer that was nearing it's end but she wasn't and never had been.

Alexandra “Alex” Gates had been his friend for seven years, since the moment James had rear ended her at a red light his second season in Dallas and she had mouthed off at him about ruining the cake that had been riding shotgun to her grandmother's birthday party. He had of course offered to buy a new cake, which set her off again about not being able to put a price on a cake that had been baked with love.

The memory never failed to make them laugh, and Steven had gotten a ton of mileage out of the story over the years, usually embellished and always at James' expense. He didn't mind though. Not much at least. Not when the brown eyed, brunette girl next door beauty had become one of the best friends in his entire life out of the ordeal.

Now he just had to convince her that they could be good together.

He knew they were good together. They had figured that out early on in their friendship after getting trashed and ending up back at her apartment together at the beginning of his third season in Dallas. They had given dating a try but it had been a brief experiment, both young and too hungry to succeed. There were things more important in each of their lives than making a relationship work. Instead, they had gone their separate ways for two months before ending up in the same bar by chance and picking up their friendship exactly where it had left off.

Over the years they had still occasionally slept together, but it had always been purely physical. When he had been traded to Pittsburgh, Alex was the first person he called to share the news, and a month after the trade, she was the first person to visit him in his new home. He'd used every ounce of charm he had to get her naked in several rooms of his house over the course of her visit.

He had introduced her to his teammates and he had told them in no uncertain terms that she was off limits. A few of the younger guys over the years had tried despite his warnings and always were shot down. She was just his best friend, not someone looking for a meal ticket or a free ride in life, and James loved her for that.

After being traded to Nashville, he had started to rethink his life, wondered about what he was doing, where he was going. Outside of hockey, he had few guarantees in life. His family of course, and Alex. It didn't however stop him from being James Neal though.

While he had been in Pittsburgh, he had seen Alex only a handful of times: whenever he could convince her to visit him of course, and whenever the Pens played in Dallas. He understood though; she was a struggling college graduate trying to make her way in life. While being traded to Nashville had been unexpected, it had made him happier than he had been in awhile.

Alex was living and working in Nashville, had moved the year before the trade to go into business for herself. James had convinced her to move in with him so she could save on rent and other bills. It came with the added bonus that Alex could decorate and outfit his home so it actually appeared lived in unlike his Pittsburgh home that had been barely furnished.

But that first year in Nashville they were strictly friends, no benefits. James hadn't given it much thought, enjoying women that flitted in and out of his life, while Alex was married to making her business a success.

When he had been gone for the summer after that first season, he had trained with Steven and the boys, enjoyed nights out with beer and available women, and days out on a boat with beer and available women. He had gone back to Nashville ready to kill it and since he hadn't seen Alex at all that summer, he was really looking forward to seeing her.

He had realized as summer ended that all the women just weren't doing it for him. He wanted someone to talk to, to laugh with, someone that got him, and the only person that was all that and more was Alex. James realized that he missed her, had been missing her all summer but hiding it, and he didn't want to hide it anymore. He wanted her, all of her.

Much like he had that day, James remembered rushing straight home from the airport to see her. But unlike this day though, James had come home to find Alex in the kitchen kissing a guy he had never met. Disappointment he didn't understand had coursed through him as she introduced the man as her boyfriend.

James had an immediate and intense hatred of Cooper. For starters, he had a dog’s name. Secondly, he was making out with his best friend in his house. He didn't like seeing him touch her, and he definitely did not want to think about him getting to see her naked and enjoying her body, not when he couldn't stop thinking about enjoying that same body for himself.

James had done his best to play nice whenever Cooper was around. Alex didn't have him over often, probably because he had on more than one occasion made fun of the man when he wasn't around. She ended up attending less of his games than she had the year before and James felt like their friendship was drifting and he hated that feeling.

Just before playoffs began though, Alex had come home early from a date with tears staining her cheeks. James had a couple of his teammates over and had unceremoniously kicked them out at seeing his best friends red rimmed eyes and hearing her sniffles. He was hugging her and rubbing her back as she cried in his arms on the couch, telling him about how Cooper had broken up with her.

James had sworn to kill the bastard if he ever saw him which had made Alex smile. He meant it though and as she cried he pictured slowly torturing the douche that had broken his best friends heart. He ran out to get them ice cream after she had stopped crying and when he got back, he let her pick a movie and they sat beside each other on the couch to watch, James keeping an arm around her and not saying much.

He hated to see her hurt and if it hadn't been for a text from his then captain telling him that they really needed him for playoffs and to please stay out of jail, he really would have hunted that bastard named after a dog down and hurt him.

Cooper was fucking lucky that Shea Weber was a very intimidating dude, even over a text message.

For the rest of the season and through the playoffs, James was focused on two things: hockey and Alex. And when they were eliminated in game seven in San Jose, Alex was there to console him. Paul Martin, who was the only of his former teammates who knew and understood the true extent of James and Alex's friendship, asked him when he was finally going to own his feelings for the girl who was too good for him yet liked him anyway.

Paul was his voice of reason, had been since they met in Pittsburgh. They had enjoyed being absolute dogs together of course, but even when they were whoring around with every puck bunny that threw themselves at them, Paul was still deliberate in his choices, and thought out his decisions rather than jump feet first like James was prone to do.

James went home for the summer with his thoughts about Alex scattered all over the place. When she had come to visit, it had been just like old times. They joked, they laughed, they just had fun together. They had not been intimate, and James didn't even try to do anything outside of the bounds of friendship.

But he knew he wanted more. So much more.

Alex was the best kind of friend because he could be him, no fronting, when he was with Alex. And he knew there was no agenda on her part. He knew that when she flirted with Tavares and Stamkos that it was innocent and fun and more to goad him than anything else.

After she left and headed back to Nashville, he called Paul and poured his heart out, looking for guidance. Paul's advice was straightforward: tell Alex how he felt. After a year of pining for her, he owed it to himself, and to her, to be honest.

He put it out of his mind though until Steven headed back to Tampa. Then he started to stew in his own thoughts until finally he changed his flight plans and left for Nashville.

He didn't have a plan for what he'd say or do once he saw her, and he definitely had not planned on finding Alex naked in his bedroom. He had not planned on being so completely overwhelmed by her, her presence, her smile, her laugh that he could not control himself and end up in bed with her.

But he did not regret it.

Alex stretched and James looked down at her with a smile. “Hey,” she said quietly.

“Hi,” he returned.

“I um, wasn't planning to have you find me naked today you know.”

He chuckled. “I didn't assume you had. You just can't stay away from my tub.”

“It's a really great bathtub,” she shrugged.

“If I didn't know better, I might think you only liked me for my bathtub.”

“Maybe I do.”

“Naw, you've known me too long; you know all my dirty secrets.”

“Yeah, Tiffany, Juliet, Bebe, Cinnamon, Savannah-”

James cut her off with a kiss, rolling on top of her. “You make me sound like a whore.”

“If the shoe fits,” she smirked.

“”Like you haven't had your share of bad choices.”

“Never said I didn't. Adam, Richard, and Cooper top that list.”

“We’re quite the pair, eh?”

“You can't keep it in your pants, and I attract assholes.”

“Not all assholes; I'm pretty great,” he said as he rolled to his back and pulled Alex on top of him.

“You're all right,” she allowed.

“Maybe I need to remind you,” he suggested nonchalantly as he ran his hands up her sides.

“I need to go in and close the shop.”

James groaned. “Really?”

“Afraid so. I told Kathryn I'd come in so she'd have time to get ready for her big date tonight.”

“Want some company?”

“You don't have to do that, James. You just got home. You should relax and unpack, probably do some laundry.”

“I hate laundry.”

Alex laughed and rolled off of him, grabbing a blanket from the end of the bed and wrapping it around her as she stood. “So then leave your laundry so I can take care of it, just like I always do.”

James sat up, watching her scoop up her clothes that had been discarded before he got home. “Why are you so good to me?”

Alex crossed back to him and ruffled his hair. “Because you're my best friend, and you house me for free so doing your laundry is the least I can do.”

“You don't have to though. You're my best friend and I would never expect you to do my laundry, or cook for me, or any of the other things you do for me.”

“I'd be a terrible friend if I left you to feed yourself anything but takeout.”

“I might waste away.”

“Doubtful, but Gary is fucking scary and if I don't feed you by following your extensive dietary rules and regulations, I worry that he might show up here and make me do those forms of torture he puts you guys through and I don't want to die yet.”

James laughed. “You're too pretty for the Scary Gary workout plan. Plus you're already perfect.”

“I've already slept with you today; you don't have to lay it on so thick.”

“It's not about whether you'll sleep with me or not. It's just the truth.”

Alex blushed and James wasn't sure he'd ever seen her blush before, certainly never at something he had said.

“I need to get dressed. Do you want to go out for dinner?”

“Why don't I cook for us?”

Alex laughed. “Did you mean burn down the kitchen?”

He frowned. “That was one time and I didn't burn down the kitchen.”

“No, just a wall.”

“That kitchen needed to be repainted anyway.”

“Yeah, I'm sure Brad agreed.”

James felt his face grow hot. Starting out in Dallas, he had lived with Brad Richards, his linemate and one of the team's veteran players. They had had a big brother-little brother kind of relationship and he could honestly say it had been a really good living arrangement and a great way to find himself as a rookie. But nearly burning down the man's kitchen was certainly not a highlight of that time.

“I paid for the repairs,” he grumbled. Alex bent down and pinched his cheek before giving him a quick kiss.

“I'll pick up some bread before I head home and I'll make spaghetti.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“I'll see you around seven.”

James tugged her down and held her across his lap. “How about twenty more minutes before you leave?”

“James....”

“Alex....” he smirked.

“Ten,” she relented, “but then I really have to go.”
♠ ♠ ♠
I'm baaaack!

Hello readers! It's been awhile. My muses are being most difficult but I finished this little story a few weeks ago that I hope you'll enjoy. You may be unfamiliar with the song "This Man" that is mentioned on the main page for this story. and all of the chapter titles. It's a country song which isn't really my genre of choice but I love Cory Marquardt's entire album despite that. I recommend checking him out on YouTube, maybe buying the album on itunes, whatever floats your boat. :)

Anyhow, as always, comments appreciated but never required and HAPPY PLAYOFFS!!