Sequel: Him and I ›
If You Could Love
It's Like You Can See Right Through
James did not have a date that night, but he did have a plan. The first part was seeing how worked up Alex got over the idea of him having a date. That had confirmed to him that everything that happened between them on New Year's Eve wasn't nothing, that it meant something to her too, even she if she had picked Pekka over him that night.
They had gone to lunch at one of their favorite places and took their time, staying ninety minutes before James paid the bill. Alex tucked her arm through his as they walked the streets of downtown Nashville. They were talking and laughing, back at a place in their friendship before Pekka had come into the picture.
He drove her back to her car and she followed him back to his house after she checked in with Kathryn at the cake shop. On the entire drive, Alex muttered to herself about how ridiculous it was that she was jealous of James going on a date and that it was totally normal to help her friend pick out an outfit. She had done it for Kathryn, so why not James?
She parked behind him in the driveway and followed him up to the door. James unlocked it and let Alex inside first. He followed and headed for the kitchen, calling out an offer of a drink as he went.
Alex followed him, unnerved by how casual James was. It was as if he had simply flipped a switch and turned off his feelings and went back to a time before things had become weird between them. It made her feel even crazier on the inside because her feelings were rioting against each other.
She thought she could deny and push down her feelings for James, feelings she had faced on her own years earlier and moved on from. James brought them all back with his admission and it was becoming harder and harder to make any sense of what she was doing.
She thought she was doing the right thing being with Pekka. She did care about him, and it wasn't his fault James had decided after he asked her out to tell her that he loved her. She didn't want to lose James though, and the more she thought about it, the more she realized that his knee jerk reaction in their fight had probably been the best for him, and now that their cards were laid out bare, being just friends would never work. There were too many feelings involved.
But the closeness they shared, and the ease of just being around James, had all come back over lunch and she fell right into old habits and so did he. They were friends, best friends, and Alex knew in her heart that not only did she love him, because of course she did, they'd known each other for almost eight years, but she was a hundred percent, butt crazy, head over heels in love with James. And she had no idea what she was supposed to do next.
She went around James in the kitchen as he poured himself a glass of water and made for the bottle of whiskey she knew was in the very back of cabinet to the left of the fridge.
James chuckled as she dug through the cabinet. “I finished that bottle of whiskey,” he finally told her. “When I came back from that first road trip and found all your stuff gone.”
She turned to face him, hands on her hips. “And you didn't replace it?”
“Get a glass of ice,” he told her with a smirk as he left the room.
She watched him go, feeling a bit dumbfounded but grabbed a glass and put several ice cubes in it before heading upstairs. She paused a minute in front of what had been her bedroom and stared into the room she no longer recognized.
The once tan and blue walls were now painted white, and a new shiny, metal four poster bed was the focus of the room, replacing the second hand sleigh bed she owned. Two three drawer chests in a dark wood color flanked either side of the bed which had a bright green comforter on top. There was a small, round table near the window, and the walls all had new art on them, years of framed photographs replaced with abstract prints.
“Rebecca helped me repaint before she left,” James said from behind her. Alex jumped at his voice.
“I'm sorry?”
“Rebecca; she helped me. After we got it painted, we ordered furniture that got here after my family left. But I got it all set up while she directed me on FaceTime. It looks good, doesn't it?”
“It's nice,” Alex said quietly.
“New beginnings, eh?”
“Yep, new beginnings.”
“Come on,” he said, throwing an arm around her shoulder. “Let's look at my clothes.”
Alex was on her second glass of whiskey thirty minutes later and stewing. As James pulled different shirts from his closet, holding them up against a pair of jeans he had settled on, she finally could no longer hold her tongue.
“Why did you redo my room?” She blurted out.
James shrugged. “It was Rebecca's idea. She thought it would help.”
“Help what? Forget me?”
“I guess. She was just looking out for me. You know how she is, only girl, the baby sister to four brothers. She just wants to make we don't get hooked up with the wrong kind of girl.”
“I'm the wrong kind of girl?” She said indignantly.
“Well, yeah, you are; I mean, you have a boyfriend. That makes you wrong for me. You're unavailable.”
“Bex hates me, doesn't she?”
“I don't know if she hates you but she didn't like you much when she left. She didn't really say what happened but I'm guessing something was said when you two were off baking.”
“She's just looking out for you,” Alex murmured.
James smiled. “Now, which shirt did you like?”
Alex let out a frustrated growl and advanced on James but he caught her, holding her back at arm's length. “What are you doing?” He asked.
“What are you doing?” She demanded, struggling out of his grasp and glaring at him with her hands on her hips.
“I'm trying to figure out being friends with you again.”
“Friends?! Now you want to be friends?”
“Alex, you have a boyfriend. Friends is all I can get.”
“No it isn't.” She moved quickly, taking him by surprise when she grabbed his face in her hands and pulled him into a kiss. It was fast and messy and hot.
James picked her up and Alex wrapped her legs around him as he moved towards the bed. He laid her down and stood over her. She reached for him but he backed away.
“James!” She whined.
“Alex we can't. You're dating my goaltender.” She threw herself back with a sigh. “You told me you weren't interested. You chose Pekka. And now that I'm going on a date, suddenly you're interested.”
“I’m not suddenly interested.”
“Well it seems that way to me. And I don't appreciate you toying with my feelings.”
“Your feelings?” She yelled as she jumped to her feet. “What about my feelings? Out of nowhere you tell me you love me and in the same breath kick me out of your house. And then you send me this bracelet and the most beautiful letter I've ever received in my life. How do you think that made me feel? And the kicker, you dragged me into your fucking laundry room on New Year's Eve and kissed me! Don't talk to me about toying with your emotions when you're doing the same damn thing to me!”
“In my defense, you did tell me that you thought you loved me before that New Year's kiss.”
She screamed and James laughed, pulling her into a hug. “I don't really have a date tonight.”
“Excuse me?” She said, whipping her head up to look at him.
“I lied, so I could see you, but also because I wanted to know how you really felt.”
“You lied to me? What the fuck, James?! Now who's toying with whose emotions?”
He squeezed her tighter. “I know, I'm a jerk, but I'm your jerk at least.”
“What are we going to do now?”
“We? What do you mean we? I'm single.”
“Fine, what am I going to do? This is hot freaking mess.”
“It sounds like you're in quite a pickle.”
“You know you aren't being particularly helpful, right?”
“We can tell him together if you want.”
“I should do it on my own.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. It’s my mess to clean up. Just promise me everything's going to be alright.”
“You know I can't promise you that. But I'll do my best to make sure it is.”
They had gone to lunch at one of their favorite places and took their time, staying ninety minutes before James paid the bill. Alex tucked her arm through his as they walked the streets of downtown Nashville. They were talking and laughing, back at a place in their friendship before Pekka had come into the picture.
He drove her back to her car and she followed him back to his house after she checked in with Kathryn at the cake shop. On the entire drive, Alex muttered to herself about how ridiculous it was that she was jealous of James going on a date and that it was totally normal to help her friend pick out an outfit. She had done it for Kathryn, so why not James?
She parked behind him in the driveway and followed him up to the door. James unlocked it and let Alex inside first. He followed and headed for the kitchen, calling out an offer of a drink as he went.
Alex followed him, unnerved by how casual James was. It was as if he had simply flipped a switch and turned off his feelings and went back to a time before things had become weird between them. It made her feel even crazier on the inside because her feelings were rioting against each other.
She thought she could deny and push down her feelings for James, feelings she had faced on her own years earlier and moved on from. James brought them all back with his admission and it was becoming harder and harder to make any sense of what she was doing.
She thought she was doing the right thing being with Pekka. She did care about him, and it wasn't his fault James had decided after he asked her out to tell her that he loved her. She didn't want to lose James though, and the more she thought about it, the more she realized that his knee jerk reaction in their fight had probably been the best for him, and now that their cards were laid out bare, being just friends would never work. There were too many feelings involved.
But the closeness they shared, and the ease of just being around James, had all come back over lunch and she fell right into old habits and so did he. They were friends, best friends, and Alex knew in her heart that not only did she love him, because of course she did, they'd known each other for almost eight years, but she was a hundred percent, butt crazy, head over heels in love with James. And she had no idea what she was supposed to do next.
She went around James in the kitchen as he poured himself a glass of water and made for the bottle of whiskey she knew was in the very back of cabinet to the left of the fridge.
James chuckled as she dug through the cabinet. “I finished that bottle of whiskey,” he finally told her. “When I came back from that first road trip and found all your stuff gone.”
She turned to face him, hands on her hips. “And you didn't replace it?”
“Get a glass of ice,” he told her with a smirk as he left the room.
She watched him go, feeling a bit dumbfounded but grabbed a glass and put several ice cubes in it before heading upstairs. She paused a minute in front of what had been her bedroom and stared into the room she no longer recognized.
The once tan and blue walls were now painted white, and a new shiny, metal four poster bed was the focus of the room, replacing the second hand sleigh bed she owned. Two three drawer chests in a dark wood color flanked either side of the bed which had a bright green comforter on top. There was a small, round table near the window, and the walls all had new art on them, years of framed photographs replaced with abstract prints.
“Rebecca helped me repaint before she left,” James said from behind her. Alex jumped at his voice.
“I'm sorry?”
“Rebecca; she helped me. After we got it painted, we ordered furniture that got here after my family left. But I got it all set up while she directed me on FaceTime. It looks good, doesn't it?”
“It's nice,” Alex said quietly.
“New beginnings, eh?”
“Yep, new beginnings.”
“Come on,” he said, throwing an arm around her shoulder. “Let's look at my clothes.”
Alex was on her second glass of whiskey thirty minutes later and stewing. As James pulled different shirts from his closet, holding them up against a pair of jeans he had settled on, she finally could no longer hold her tongue.
“Why did you redo my room?” She blurted out.
James shrugged. “It was Rebecca's idea. She thought it would help.”
“Help what? Forget me?”
“I guess. She was just looking out for me. You know how she is, only girl, the baby sister to four brothers. She just wants to make we don't get hooked up with the wrong kind of girl.”
“I'm the wrong kind of girl?” She said indignantly.
“Well, yeah, you are; I mean, you have a boyfriend. That makes you wrong for me. You're unavailable.”
“Bex hates me, doesn't she?”
“I don't know if she hates you but she didn't like you much when she left. She didn't really say what happened but I'm guessing something was said when you two were off baking.”
“She's just looking out for you,” Alex murmured.
James smiled. “Now, which shirt did you like?”
Alex let out a frustrated growl and advanced on James but he caught her, holding her back at arm's length. “What are you doing?” He asked.
“What are you doing?” She demanded, struggling out of his grasp and glaring at him with her hands on her hips.
“I'm trying to figure out being friends with you again.”
“Friends?! Now you want to be friends?”
“Alex, you have a boyfriend. Friends is all I can get.”
“No it isn't.” She moved quickly, taking him by surprise when she grabbed his face in her hands and pulled him into a kiss. It was fast and messy and hot.
James picked her up and Alex wrapped her legs around him as he moved towards the bed. He laid her down and stood over her. She reached for him but he backed away.
“James!” She whined.
“Alex we can't. You're dating my goaltender.” She threw herself back with a sigh. “You told me you weren't interested. You chose Pekka. And now that I'm going on a date, suddenly you're interested.”
“I’m not suddenly interested.”
“Well it seems that way to me. And I don't appreciate you toying with my feelings.”
“Your feelings?” She yelled as she jumped to her feet. “What about my feelings? Out of nowhere you tell me you love me and in the same breath kick me out of your house. And then you send me this bracelet and the most beautiful letter I've ever received in my life. How do you think that made me feel? And the kicker, you dragged me into your fucking laundry room on New Year's Eve and kissed me! Don't talk to me about toying with your emotions when you're doing the same damn thing to me!”
“In my defense, you did tell me that you thought you loved me before that New Year's kiss.”
She screamed and James laughed, pulling her into a hug. “I don't really have a date tonight.”
“Excuse me?” She said, whipping her head up to look at him.
“I lied, so I could see you, but also because I wanted to know how you really felt.”
“You lied to me? What the fuck, James?! Now who's toying with whose emotions?”
He squeezed her tighter. “I know, I'm a jerk, but I'm your jerk at least.”
“What are we going to do now?”
“We? What do you mean we? I'm single.”
“Fine, what am I going to do? This is hot freaking mess.”
“It sounds like you're in quite a pickle.”
“You know you aren't being particularly helpful, right?”
“We can tell him together if you want.”
“I should do it on my own.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. It’s my mess to clean up. Just promise me everything's going to be alright.”
“You know I can't promise you that. But I'll do my best to make sure it is.”