If You Could Love

A week later, James was in Edmonton, ready for the ten day road trip the team was on to be over. They had left Nashville three days after he and Alex had made things official, three days after she had broken up with Pekka. There were still three days and two games to go, and if he could press fast forward to get through the days he would.

The highlight of his days was texting with Alex and at night when they would FaceTime each other. James hadn't realized how much happier and light he would feel just being able to share his day with someone and hear about someone else's day. It might seem mundane to others but there was something about it that made him feel more connected to Alex.

In Edmonton, they didn't have a morning skate since they had played the night before in Calgary and James took the opportunity to get an extra hour of sleep in the morning before joining his teammates for breakfast. He changed clothes and went with Craig Smith and Ryan Ellis for a run after before returning to the hotel for a shower, lunch, and a nap before the game.

On the bus to the arena, James’s phone vibrated in his pocket and he pulled it out, a smile coming across his face when he saw it was from Alex.

I know you're busy getting into game mode but I have to be up early to open the shop tomorrow so I just wanted to tell you not to call tonight after your game but I'll be watching until I fall asleep on your couch.

My couch? What's wrong with yours?

Yours is more comfortable. And I needed to do laundry and I'm out of quarters.

So now you're using me for my washer and dryer too?

Yep. Good luck tonight. I love you.

I love you too. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Until tomorrow. XO

James slid his phone back into his pocket and looked up, finding Pekka watching him. James shifted his gaze quickly and looked down. He had been avoiding the goalie the entire trip, not sure what to say or how to act around the other man. A part of him didn't feel bad about what had transpired, but another part of him felt incredibly guilty and really bad for the mess he had caused in all three of their lives.

At the arena, James skillfully avoided Pekka’s stare and after changing out of his suit, headed for the trainers room. He had only been in there a minute when he heard the door open and close.

“Can you give us a minute?” He heard Pekka say to the trainers in the room.

James swallowed and turned to face him as the trainers left the room and Pekka closed the door behind them.

“You're avoiding me,” Pekka started.

“I'm not,” James replied weakly before Pekka cut him off.

“You are so stop trying to deny it. I'm not mad at you, James.”

“You're not? Why?”

“I should have known you had feelings for her, and I probably should have given you the heads up that I was interested.”

“You weren't obligated to let me know you wanted to ask her out.”

“Maybe not, but you and her have been friends a long time, and none of us believed you when you first got here that you two weren't a thing. But then you two never were so I took a shot.”

“She liked you. She really, really liked you. For what it's worth.”

Pekka nodded. “You hated it too.”

“So much,” he said, exhaling a held breath with the admission.

“How long have you been in love with her?”

“Two years.”

Pekka whistled. “You figured it out two years ago?”

James flushed. “Yeah, but I figured it out too late. I came home and she introduced me to Cooper.”

Pekka frowned. “That guy was a douche.”

“When they broke up I was so happy, which is also kind of terrible, being happy about your best friends misery. So I just supported her like I always do and gave her time, thinking that was best. I was going to make my move when I came back before camp and then you came along. And then I just couldn't fake it anymore and I kicked her out and now we’re here.”

“Now we’re here,” Pekka agreed. “Look, I was pretty pissed off after she told me but after a few days, I appreciated her honesty. And seeing you on this trip, trying to be covert when you're on the phone with her, trying to avoid me to keep things from being uncomfortable, I get it. She's happy, and you're happy, and I just can't be mad at love.”

“Are you sure you wouldn't feel better if you like punched me or something?” James asked.

Pekka laughed. “I don't want to punch you, not now anyway. I'm good. We’re good. You can stop avoiding me.”

“Right, okay.”

“And tell Alex that we’re good too.”

“Okay.”

“If you hurt her, I will hurt you. If you break her heart, I will be right there to mend it. I hope you know that.”

“I know, and I won't mess it up.”

“You better not.” He regarded James a moment before exiting the room, leaving James alone. He left the room a moment later and went back to the locker room, oblivious to his teammates in the background. He slid his phone from the shelf and sent a text to Alex.

Peks and I are good, in case you were wondering.

Oh-kay?

He cornered me in the trainer's room, because I've been avoiding him all week.

What?!

I didn't know how I was supposed to act! And you were right. He's too damn zen. But we’re good, everything's going to be good.

You think so?

Know so.



The bye week for the Predators had fallen in the middle of February and James had convinced Alex to leave For Goodness Cakes in Kathryn’s capable hands to go to Mexico with him for a much earned getaway. Much of their time in the sunny paradise was spent relaxing poolside but for Valentine's Day, James wanted to do something special.

It was cheesy but it was the first time James could ever remember Valentine's Day meaning something other than a guaranteed lay to him. He wanted it to be memorable and spectacular and the best damn Valentine's Day of Alex's life.

It started with him waking her up before dawn to watch the sun rise, followed by a breakfast of pancakes, omelettes, and fresh fruit on their patio. They went back to bed after that and lazed around the pool for a few hours until lunch. After, they spent two hours at the resorts spa for a couples massage and mani/pedis. When they returned to their villa, James next surprise awaited: flowers and a beautiful new dress to wear to dinner.

James waited impatiently for Alex to finish getting ready for dinner and when he heard her light footsteps on the stairs, he turned to see her, his breath catching in his throat. The idea of how Alex would look in the cobalt blue halter maxi dress and how stunning she actually looked was something he was wholly unprepared for.

At the bottom of the stairs, Alex gave him a little twirl, the pleated chiffon material moving with her, swirling around her bare feet before continuing towards him. With her hands on his shoulders, she reached up to kiss him.

“You look....wow.”

She giggled. “You look like a hobo.”

James frowned and looked down at his clothes. Short sleeved white button down with small polka dots all over and black shorts. His tattoos were on full display, which he knew Alex loved. “I don't look like a hobo.”

“You bought me this dress and this is the outfit you're going with for yourself? I'm disappointed.”

“These shorts are made out of the same material as my dress pants.”

“Didn't you bring that flowered dress shirt with you? I love that shirt.”

“You do?”

“I do. I like that it's short sleeved and I can ogle your tattoos. Like this shirt but better. You look sexy in all that floral print.”

“Hang on,” he said, rushing from the room. He was back two minutes later in grey slacks, rolled just to his ankles, no shoes like her, and buttoning up the shirt. “Better?” He asked.

Alex ran a finger up his arm. “Much.”

He shivered at her touch. “Ready for dinner?”

She nodded and let James wrap his hand around hers and lead her out to their private walk to the beach where dinner awaited them. They watched the sunset and drank wine and ate decadent food. When they finally made it back to their room, Alex left James sitting on the bed while she retrieved a small box from her suitcase and moved to sit beside him.

“I didn't know I was going to be competing with the ultimate Valentine's Day experience when I bought these.”

“Was it too much?” He asked worriedly. “It was too much.”

“Maybe a smidge over the top. But I loved it, because you're a smidge over the top.”

He grinned. “I just wanted it to be special.”

“Anything with you would've been special.”

“Remember it for the future when I have a game or I'm in the middle of a California road trip. This might be the only time we ever to get to spend valentine's day uninterrupted with nothing but the two of us.”

“As long as I get to grow old with you James Neal, I don't care how we spend Valentine's Day.”

“You want to grow old with me?”

“I want to grow old with you.”

“Me too,” he smiled, leaning in to kiss her.

She put the box in his hands and closed her hands over it. “I love you, and it took a stupid long time for us to figure it out but I'm glad we did.”

“Me too. I mean, not the whole you fell for my goalie and we fought part but that you love me back. Because I loved you when I couldn't say it, and I love you more now that I can, and I'm going to keep loving you until I annoy you so much that you murder me in my sleep.”

She laughed. “If I off you, it'll be because John declares his love for me and even then I'll just ride off into the sunset and live out a fairytale with him while you sit at home and wonder.”

He frowned. “I’d rather you put a pillow over my face and suffocate me. And really? Tavares? He's boring.”

“He's not boring. He's practical and full of good sense.”

“What am I full of then?”

“Shit.”

He rolled his eyes. “I guess I left myself wide open for that.”

“Yep.” Her smile softened and she kissed his cheek. “Open your present.”

He opened the small box slowly, smiling at the pair of silver tube shaped cufflinks that stared back at him. The letters J and N were engraved on either side of a slightly larger number 18. He took one out and held it between his fingers, realizing he could turn one end. As he did, a small, rolled up piece of paper fell out.

Alex smiled at him as he unfurled the little note.

I fall for your smile every single time. Yours, Alex

“When we met, I didn't know you'd be so important to me,” she started. “You were a friend, and we could goof off together or talk about life's greatest mysteries or whatever; it didn't matter because we always had fun. I knew when you got traded to Pittsburgh that I felt differently. It was the first time I realized that my feelings went deeper because it was the first time my heart hurt at the idea of you leaving, because I knew you weren't coming back. I visited you thinking that if I saw you one more time I could get over it and let you go. Instead you charmed me with that smile into getting naked with you in pretty much every room of that house and then introduced me to Paul and I saw how happy you were and how easily you were fitting in there. I knew I could never not be your friend because you were my best friend and I never wanted you to not be a part of my life. When you got traded to Nashville, I had moved on from thinking you were maybe more than just a friend to me because of the distance but I hope you know that I always cared. I was so excited to have you come to my city again and go back to that time when we first met in Dallas. Our friendship was it's same, usual self, and I got to ponder late at night the most ridiculous things with you again. When Cooper and I broke up and you were so sweet to me, it brought me back to when I first thought I loved you. And I thought that maybe you felt it too but you didn't act on it. God how I waited for you to act on it.”

“I almost did, hundreds of times,” James admitted.

“I wish you had but however we got here, despite how messy it was, I wouldn't change it.”

“Meeting you, that was fate; becoming friends was a choice, but falling in love with you, that was out of my control. I don't know why I stayed silent for so long; it was stupid. I should have taken you in my arms that night Cooper broke up with you and kissed you, and showed you how much you meant to me. I was scared. But I'm not scared now. I'm not scared of anything. Not with you by my side.”

“I'm not scared anymore either. And I want to support you at games and wait for you after.”

“I'd really like that. But are you sure?”

She nodded. “Positive. I don't want to hide us. You're my boyfriend and my best friend. I don't want to pretend or hide. I just want to be us.”

“I want that too,” James said as he pulled her into a tender kiss. “More than anything.”