If You Could Love

The next morning, Alex was awakened by the smell of bacon. Sweet, delicious bacon. She cracked one eye open to find James looking down at her with grin.

“Good morning. I come bearing breakfast.”

“You made breakfast?” Alex asked as she sat up.

“Naw; I went and picked breakfast up for us.”

“Big Al’s?”

“Of course. It's our place, right?”

“Yeah,” she smiled.

“So then you better get your ass down to the kitchen before I eat all your bacon,” he said, grabbing the plate from her bedside table and biting into a piece.

“James!” She called out after him, scrambling out of bed and down the stairs to follow him.

He set the plate of bacon down and went to the fridge to pour two glasses of orange juice as Alex plated the other takeout containers of food. When he turned to face her, James nearly dropped the two glasses of juice as he drank in Alex in one of his old Dallas shirts, barely covering her backside, a hint of black cotton boy shorts peeking out.

She turned and immediately blushed at the hungry look in James's eyes. She tugged the hem of the shirt and James laughed.

“That ain't gonna do nothing.”

“I've worn this shirt a thousand times in front of you.”

“And I never noticed how stunningly gorgeous you are.”

“Come sit down and eat.”

James crossed the room and set the two glasses down, trapping Alex against the table and bending forward to kiss her. “Alex....”

“I think I'm dating Pekka,” she blurted out instead.

James stepped back as though her words had physically burned him. “You and....you and Peks?”

She nodded slowly. “He's always been so kind to me, and taken the time to actually get to know me. And yesterday....yesterday I spent the day with him and it was so nice, better than any of those jerks I've dated before. And he wants to see me again today and I know he's your teammate, and I know we have a history, and I know when you got home we...but I wasn't planning that but I also didn't know that this was going to happen with Pekka and I...I don't want you to hate me, James.” Her voice cracked and she swiped at her eyes. “You have to be teammates with him. I won't if you don't want me too. I don't want it to be weird for you guys.”

James pulled her into a hug and put a smile on his face. “I want you to be happy, Alex, and Peks is a really good dude. If he makes you happy, and as long as he doesn't break your heart, then I won't have to murder him and everything will be fine in the locker room.”

“Do you still want to go shopping today?”

“I thought you just said you had plans with goalie boy.”

She shook her head. “Not until dinner. I told him I already had plans today.”

“BFF bonding,” James grinned playfully. “Now let's eat before this gets cold.”

After they ate, James and Alex disappeared into their rooms to get ready and dressed for the day. James was sitting on the edge of his bed when his phone dinged with an incoming text message.

Did you talk to her?

She's dating Rinne.

What the hell?!

Yeah man, tell me about it. And she's so fucking happy. I can't say anything now.

You could. I mean, it's only been a day, right?

Yeah but I just can't Paulie. You should have seen her smile. She really likes him and I can't take that away.

No one is saying you are. You could be letting her find the love of her life if you would just talk to her.

We’re just going to always be friends.

With that defeatist attitude, yeah, you are. Nealer, you gotta tell her how you feel about her. You're going to regret this.

I'm not. She's happy. I'm happy for her.

Liar. I'm telling you, James, if you don't tell her, you're just going to become angrier and angrier as she gets happier and happier with Rinne until you finally blow your stack and ruin the best friendship you've had in your entire life. You will not come back from it, I promise. You will lose her forever.

If I tell her that I'm in love with her, I'll still lose her forever. It changes everything.

You're right, it does change everything. No woman puts up with you for seven years without some feelings involved. This is your chance. If you don't tell her how you feel, you'll never have the chance again. So you can either tell her and risk it all or you can stay silent and know you will never have that girl the way you want in your life ever again. There won't be anymore it “just happened” moments and no more playing pretend. You'll lose her forever to someone else and eventually you two will drift entirely out of each other's lives.

No, we’ll always be friends. Alex says it all the time. I won't lose her. She'll always be my best friend.

That was before the blond God of a goaltender your team employs swept her off her feet.

You know, I really wish I had never told you anything.

Well you did and it's too late to take it back. Look, I hope you know what you're doing, James. I don't want you to look back and think about what might have been. If you think not telling Alex how you feel is the right thing to do, then I'm with you. And if you change your mind, I'll still be here for you.

Thanks, man. I appreciate it. I'll talk to you soon.



Alex and James had been in and out of all of his favorite stores, as well as all of hers over the course of three hours and had stopped for lunch before heading back home. They had settled on the couch watching a movie which Alex fell asleep to, her head against his shoulder about twenty minutes in.

James had let her sleep until the movie ended. He eased out from beside her and guided her into lying across the couch, fixing a blanket around her. He headed upstairs to put everything that he had bought earlier in the day before lying back on his pillows and falling asleep himself. A little after five, he stirred awake when he heard his door creak open.

“Hey,” James said, stretching his arms over his head.

“Hey,” Alex replied. “I'm leaving in a little bit; I just wanted to say thank you again for today. You really did not need to buy me those boots.”

“You wanted those boots, and you'll wear them all the time. They were worth the investment.”

“Yeah well not all of us have that type of money to throw around and I want you to know that I appreciate it.”

“I know you do. And if I can't spend my money on my best friend, then who can I spend it in? Puck sluts?”

“Eww, no! Don't do that, ever.”

“And that is why you're my friend, to keep me from doing too much stupid shit.”

“So true,” she laughed. “And to keep you from buying stupid shit late at night when you can't sleep.” They both laughed, thinking back on some of the infomercial and other impulse buys James had made over the years.

“I premade some meals to stock the freezer last week if you want to make something for yourself; there are instructions for heating on all of them.”

“Thanks, Alex.”

“You're welcome. I'll see you later.”

“You're coming home tonight?”

“Of course I am. You think I'm going to sleep with him?”

James shrugged. “I don't know. Maybe?”

“It's too new still. I don't ever jump that quickly and you know it.”

“I didn't mean-”

“I know you didn't. I'm just saying. I have to know I can trust him.”

“It's Pekka; he's probably the nicest, humblest, most down to earth, grounded guy on the team. I'm pretty sure it's all the yoga he does.”

Alex giggled. “Yeah, definitely the yoga.”

“Are you working tomorrow?”

“All day. And Saturday too.”

“You're still closed Sunday and Monday?”

“Yep.”

“Wanna go to Memphis?”

“And see Graceland?” She asked with excitement.

“Yeah. I know you want to go and we've talked about going ever since I got here. Let's finally do it.”

Alex threw herself at James, hugging him fiercely. “I can't wait! Can you handle getting tickets and a hotel while I'm at work tomorrow?”

“I'm on it. Do you want to leave after work Saturday?”

“Sure! Oh my gosh, James! We’re going to Graceland!”

He chuckled at her enthusiasm. “Will you have time to pack tomorrow?”

“I'll find time.”

“You should get going,” he nudged her gently.

She glanced at his watch. “Crap, it's later than I thought.” She kissed his cheek quickly. “Bye, James!” She called out happily as she rushed from his room.

His smile faded as she disappeared. “Goodbye, Alex,” he whispered sadly.



Saturday afternoon, Alex headed home from For Goodness Cakes, leaving Kathryn and Chrissy to close up. It was nearing four and she and James planned to leave Nashville for Memphis around 5. It was a three hour drive and Alex had prepared snacks for the drive as they planned to eat dinner once they got to Memphis. Her date with Pekka Thursday night had been one of the better ones she had been on in a long time. She wasn't sure if there had ever truly been one better.

She and Pekka cooked side by side in his spacious kitchen, talking and laughing. They sat at the table drinking wine and trading life stories while their chicken dinner cooked in the oven and the conversation flowed easily throughout the night. Alex had brought dessert from the shop, stopping in long enough to grab the pie she had asked Kathryn to put aside for her earlier in the day.

He had been low key about her trip with James, his features giving nothing away when she told him she'd be gone Saturday evening until sometime Monday. It was one part of being in a relationship with Alex they was going to take getting used to. He had never dated anyone before who's best friend was a guy, and certainly no one who was so close to one of his teammates.

It was a change he was going to have to get used to though as he really liked Alex and wanted to see where things went with her. He didn't know if he needed to be worried about James or not but he figured not, as the man had known her for seven years and had never once acted on any feelings for her. In their time as teammates, James had made clear she was off limits to all of them, and it always seemed like he was included in that. He had never seen the pair be anything more than friendly with one another.

He, like everyone else, assumed James and Alex were more than just friends when the guys had first met her and James shared that she lived with him. They had both shot down the theory with laughter at the time. Of course they shared a closeness that went along with the length of their friendship but that didn't seem unusual to Pekka. He expected it as a natural extension of that.

When Alex headed home for the night, the pair shared a long, lingering kiss at Pekka’s front door, making plans to see each other when she was back on Tuesday. Pekka wasn't sure he had ever looked forward to his next date with a woman as much as he was this one before.

James meanwhile tried to hold back while away for the weekend with Alex but found it nearly impossible to do so. Ever since admitting out loud to Paul that he was in love with his best friend, he couldn't keep his thoughts on anything but Alex.

He had resolved to keep things strictly platonic but ended up holding doors for her and pulling her chair out at restaurants, and grabbing her hand in his to guide her through the crowds. Of course once he had her hand in his, he didn't want to let go so he didn't and Alex didn't pull away from him either.

He had gotten them a suite at a fancy downtown Memphis hotel, with two bedrooms and a sitting area with a large screen tv. They ordered room service for breakfast, ate out for lunch at places they sought the advice of locals to try, and had dinner at the best and most well reviewed restaurants on yelp for dinner.

James spared no expense for the getaway, one because it was Alex but mostly because he knew in his heart it was the last time he would get his best friend one on one like this. He felt it all changing and he felt her slipping away. He had had no idea Pekka liked her, and no clue he was going to be braver than him to make a move.

He had no idea that she would be so happy and almost giddy when she spoke of the other man. A part of James was fascinated by how deeply she already cared for the goaltender but mostly his heart ached, wishing when she spoke it was about him.

On Sunday over dinner, he had very nearly told her his truth, that he loved her, that he had been in love with her for over a year, and that he wanted a life with her and only her but her phone rang, a call from Pekka and she slipped away from the table to answer it.

While she was gone, James ordered a whiskey and drank it down in two gulps. He pushed his feelings down when she returned, a dreamy look in her eye. James knew the look well, had seen it before. It would never be for him though and he saw it in that moment, that Alex would never be his. If he wanted to get through life with his heart mostly in one piece, he knew there was only going to be on way to do it.

He had to let Alex go.