If You Could Love

At nearly three in the morning, Pekka returned home, letting himself in his house, expecting to find Alex asleep in his bed, ready to climb in beside her and just hold her. Instead he found her on his couch, a blanket wrapped around her, a pile of tissues on the coffee table and her face splotchy, her eyes red.

“Is everything okay?” He asked with concern, taking a seat beside her and pulling her to him to hold her tightly. “Are you hurt?”

“I'm fine, Pekka. James and I had a fight. He asked me to move out.”

“That's what got you looking like this? He asked you to move out?” She nodded and he hugged her closer. “I mean, you knew you would one day, right? You didn't plan to live with Nealer forever, did you?”

“I never thought about it,” she admitted quietly.

“Alex, one day you were going to meet someone and fall in love and have to decide.”

“Decide what?”

“If living with your male best friend was worth more than your love life. One day a man is going to propose to you and marry you. Were you planning for you and your husband to just keep living with James?”

“No, but-”

“But what?”

She shrugged. “I just never thought about it,” she repeated quietly. “I never....did it bother you?”

“You living with James? Not really, but I've known you three years, and I've known James three years, and I trust you both. I never worried that you were doing anything behind my back. But I had no idea how I was going to explain to my parents that you live with another guy.”

“Your parents?”

“We have the dads trip right before Christmas. Both my parents are coming to stay here through the holiday. I want you to meet them.”

“You do?”

“Of course. You are my girlfriend, and I'd like for them to know you. You'll be here for Christmas, right?”

“Yeah; Rebecca and I are supposed to go Christmas shopping when she and Debbie got into town. Was supposed to I guess now.”

“Why can't you still see them? Will they be here when we’re on the road?” She nodded. “Okay, then you can spend time with them while we aren't here.”

Fresh tears sprang to her eyes. “Rebecca and I always make dessert together for Christmas dinner.”

Pekka held her closer. “You have a lot of traditions with Neal, don't you?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

“We can make new ones.”

“We can?”

Pekka tipped her face up to his. “We can,” he told her, kissing her softly. “I'd like that if you'd like that.”

“Pekka, you're so sweet.”

“I hoped you might notice that one day.”

“I noticed.”

“Come on,” he said, setting her on her feet and standing, taking her hand in his. “Let's go to bed. We can figure this out after we've slept.”



The two weeks that followed his fight with Alex were absolute torture for James. He had thought about calling her about every thirty minutes, he debated just showing up at For Goodness Cakes to see her, and he drank himself into a stupor when he had come home from a road trip a week and a half after the fight and found her bedroom completely cleared out.

There had been three home games since the fight and James hadn't seen her at any although he assumed she was there. It was weird to walk into the family lounge after a game and not find Alex there with his jersey on, hugging him and telling him every mistake he made with a teasing smile on her face.

It was a Wednesday and after practice, the entire team was gathering for a holiday party. James was on edge, wondering if Alex would be there or not. Unless she had changed her schedule, he knew she had the day off because she always came with him to the get together and they knew months ago the date of the party.

James walked into the locker room a good twenty minutes after everyone else had descended on the room, hoping that he would find the space mostly cleared out.

He was not so lucky.

He walked in to find Pekka tying Alex’s skates, looking up at her with a smile. They hadn't realized he had walked into the room and Alex leaned forward and kissed Pekka lightly. Pekka in turn pulled her to her feet and into his arms, kissing her more possessively as the door banged shut behind James.

The pair pulled apart and Pekka looked over with an easy smile. “Hey, Nealer,” he said casually.

“Hey,” he grunted as he headed over to his stall.

“See you out there.”

“Yep,” James said roughly, his throat tightening as he swallowed back a lump that had formed. Pekka took Alex’s hand in his and they walked out towards the ice as James pulled on his own skates and headed out himself.

James skated over to join Roman Josi, PK Subban, and Filip Forsberg who were skating lazy circles around the rink.

“Hey, isn’t that the girl I met this summer?” PK asked James, inclining his head in the direction where Pekka and Alex skated.

“Yeah, that’s Alex,” he replied.

“You two really aren’t together? I thought John was just messing with me.”

“Tavares was not lying.” James remembered the night. They had joined Steven and John out at a bar many NHL players frequented in Toronto and they had run into PK there. PK and John went way back, and after the trade was going to be one of James’s teammates, so he had joined the group for the rest of the night.

“I didn’t know Peks and Alex were seeing each other,” Roman said to him. “I always thought you two were.”

“Just friends,” James replied. “I’ve told you that.”

“Yeah but, you’re close. Really close. I don’t know any guy who is just friends with a girl that are as close as you two. I mean, I’ve heard her finish your sentences before.”

“Well we are and that’s all there is to say about it,” he snapped.

The other guys shared a look and PK began talking animatedly about an event he had planned as a part of his charity efforts. James just went through the motions of skating with the group and they left him be. He couldn't stop watching Alex interact with Pekka and his mind wandered, imaging himself in the goalie’s place. After twenty minutes out with his teammates and their significant others and family, he sighed heavily and skated off the ice.

In the room, he took off his skates and hung them in his stall. He gathered his things and slipped into his coat, sneaking out of the building and going home. When he arrived home, he went into Alex’s room and laid down on the bed. He grabbed one of the pillows, which still smelled faintly of her perfume and curled onto his side clutching it to him as he fell asleep.