If You Could Love

James was completely off at practice the next day and after having lunch with PK, headed home. The stillness and silence of his home was unnerving and he turned the radio up. He tried to distract himself by loading the dishwasher and then wiping down the kitchen counters. Instead it just reminded him of times he and Alex had cooked together and cleaned up after, which usually ended with them spraying water from the sink at each other, chasing each other around the island in the middle of the room and laughing.

He headed up the stairs to his room and stripped off his clothes. He ran a bath and paced the bathroom as the tub filled with water. Under his sink he found one of the bathbombs Alex loved and had forgotten in her hasty departure from his house, dropping one in. He turned the water off and sank into the hot water with a sigh, reclining his head back and closing his eyes.

He stayed in the tub until the water turned ice cold, toweling off and pulling on a pair of gym shorts. He sat down on his bed and stared at the wall before glancing at the clock. Three o’clock. He flopped over on his back with a dramatic sigh and picked up his phone to text Paul.

You were right by the way. I should have told her.

Alex?

Yeah. She's with Pekka. She chose him over me.

What do you mean she chose him?

Last night, just before midnight, she told me she loved me, kissed me, and then told me she couldn't do that to Pekka, that she was with him. Game over. I am the biggest loser.

You're not the biggest loser.

Despite the fact that she told me that she loved me too, she still left my house with the goalie. She went to his bed, not mine. I lost.

I'm sorry, James.

Me too.

So is this really it? Are you letting her go and closing the door on your past or are you going to try and salvage at least your friendship?

I don't know.

I think you should try and be friends. I think you'll regret it if you don't. And you definitely need to get back out there and go on a date.

A date? Are you kidding me? I just had my heart broken.

When was the last time you took a girl out?

Almost a year ago. I stopped seeing the girl I was talking to when Cooper broke up with Alex.

And the last time you slept with a girl?

March.

YOU’VE BEEN CELIBATE FOR TEN MONTHS???

Yes. Except for the one time in September with Alex.

Holy shit! How?

I don't know. No one else was Alex and I wasn't attracted to anyone else but her.

You need a rebound.

You can't be serious. You're supposed to be giving me sage advice, not telling me to hook up with random women.

This is serious advice. You can't get over Alex until you move on. You need a one night stand to get you started. Then you can start meeting new people and find your one.

This sounds like terrible advice.

It's not. And who knows; maybe Alex will be insanely jealous of you with someone else and she'll beg you to have her.

I doubt that but I'll think about putting myself out there again.

James and Paul texted back and forth for a few more minutes about hockey before wrapping up their conversation. James laid his phone aside and stared up at the ceiling, thinking about what Paul said. Maybe he did need to get out there and have a meaningless, casual encounter with someone to get over Alex and move on.

Or maybe he just needed her to think he was moving on.



Four days into the new year, the Predators left for a three game road trip in Florida and Chicago. They would be gone for five days and Alex had stayed the night with Pekka after their game the night before to squeeze in a few extra minutes with him.

Since the party, she had not spoken to James and she avoided him at the home game the night before. She didn't know what had come over her at the party, kissing James, telling him things she had never said out loud before. But she felt horrible about what she had done to Pekka and incredibly guilty.

She should have told him the truth about James giving her the bracelet, and she should have been honest about what had transpired between her and James. But she couldn't do it.

A little after one, Alex went into the back of For Goodness Cakes to take a break and sat in her office, leaned back in her chair with her eyes closed. A soft knock at the door interrupted her and she turned to find James filling the doorway.

“What are you doing here?” She asked as she shot to her feet. “The team left this morning.”

“Injured,” he replied simply. “Have you had lunch?”

“No.”

“Do you want to?”

“Thank you but no, I'm good.”

“You have to eat, Alex. I promise I won't kiss you.”

She sighed deeply and sank back into her chair. “But what if I kiss you?” She said quietly.

James stepped into the room and closed the door. “I'll tell you to stop.”

“You won't.”

“I will,” he said determinedly. “Because you have a boyfriend and I respect that.”

“You....what? You respect that I have a boyfriend?”

“Absolutely. You're seeing someone and I have a date tonight anyway.”

“A date?”

He nodded. “I told you I wasn't going to wait.”

“Which you followed up by saying you would.”

“I realized though that pining over you wasn't going to change the fact that you made your decision. I either have to live with it or be miserable. I'm choosing not to be miserable. You can't blame me for that.”

“I don't.”

“Okay then. I have to live with my life and whatever will be will be. Unless that's a problem for you.”

“It's not,” she answered tightly.

“Great,” James smiled widely. “Because after lunch I was hoping you could help me decide what to wear.”

“Sure,” she said brightly, pasting on a smile. “Sounds great.”