Let Love Loose
Present Day One Hour After Finding Bottle
I’ve been bawling my eyes out for the last ten minutes, I miss Frank so much. This isn’t fair I didn’t do anything wrong but get in Chase’s fucking shitty car! I scream out loud in the empty dark house, it only sparks more tears.
I collapse on my side onto the couch and pick up my phone. I’ve tried calling Frank twenty times already today, I press the call button again and it rings and rings then goes to voicemail. I shake the phone in my hand and scream again.
“This isn’t fucking fair!”
I hate myself, I’m such a loser, I did this to myself! I should’ve told Frank about the flashing the moment I got home that day, but I didn’t. And now I’ve screwed myself over, now I have to go on without Frank. I cover my eyes with my hands and turn onto my back.
I don’t want to live without Frank, he’s become such a big part of my life and I really don’t know if I can get through anything without him.
He’s all I’ve ever wanted, he’s my soulmate and I’ve lost him because I’m a goddamn slutty idiot.
I feel for my phone, I’m starting to feel sloshy and sick. Once I feel my phone I go to text Frank instead of call.
“Frank I won’t bothr u after this. Ive realizd that its my fault that I lost you not chase. I don’t deserve u and idk if I can go on w/out u. ur a charmer and another girls gonna fall fr u. I know I cant handle seeing u wth another girl. Jst know ive always loved u n always will. Im gonna miss u im sorry.
*Message sent*
I’m a loser, I’ll never amount to anything. I grab the handle from the floor, sit up, bring the bottle to my lips and swallow until I’m choking on the burning liquid. Choking and crying, this is my life.
I don’t deserve to live, I know I’m disappointing my parents. All they ask of me is to make good grades and I can’t even do that. My dad begs for me to get a part-time job and I can’t do that because I’m too much of a wuss to live life! I’m going to be stuck in this house hoping my parents can take care of me, never finding love and I’ll probably flunk out of school if not now it’ll happen at some point...
What’s the point in wasting the money, time and energy. There’s no point at all, I’m a waste of space. I shouldn’t keep trying to live if I know my life will be exactly how it is now because I will never change.
I should just end it now.
I grab the bottle of Bourbon again and take it to the head gulping the rest away. I’m sad when the last drops touch my tongue and start to wonder what else is in this house that I can get a buzz from. I’m still thinking too much, I want to go to sleep and not think at all.
I pull myself off the sofa, rise to my feet to slosh and stumble my way to my parents bedroom, when I get in there and to the bathroom I start searching through the drawers and cabinets. Mom had surgery a couple months ago so I know she’s got some good stuff in here.
I find an orange pill bottle with my mom’s name on it and with blurry eyes read, “Hydromorphone.”
I try to pry the bottle open but I can’t with my shaky hands. I should probably run a bath to relax.
I go to the bathtub and blast the water on. After that I go back to opening the bottle, prying it open with my teeth pills go flying. I pick up about fifteen from the floor and counter. I can’t put the ones from the floor back in the bottle that’s disgusting, at least that’s what my drunk brain says. So I decide to put the five from the counter back into the bottle and pop the other ten into my mouth. I need to clear my mind, I slump over the counter and work at taking my pants off, then after realizing unbuttoning is too difficult right now I rip the shirt open and buttons pop around like popcorn. Once I get my bra and panties off I slide into the running water. It’s not full enough so I decide to wait until it does, closing my eyes because I’m suddenly exhausted.
“Noella,” whispers Frank’s husky voice. “Lie down with me.”
“Frank,” I mumble.
“Baby, come on, let’s take a nap,” his voice fills my ears and head.
I slip deeper into the water until my ears touch the water, the sloshing is somewhat entrancing, I slip deeper into exhaustion.
“Scoot closer, I wanna cuddle with you.”
“I’m comin’,” I whisper, sliding completely under.
Finally I’m cuddled close with Frank, his warmth is keeping me warm. I just want his skin against mine for eternity, I’ve missed him so much. He holds me close and it feels like everything is good again, but something’s very wrong. There’s a burning in my chest, throat and nose. I start squirming under Frank’s grip but he holds on tighter, I try screaming but the screams are muffled against his burning skin, and then it’s black.
I collapse on my side onto the couch and pick up my phone. I’ve tried calling Frank twenty times already today, I press the call button again and it rings and rings then goes to voicemail. I shake the phone in my hand and scream again.
“This isn’t fucking fair!”
I hate myself, I’m such a loser, I did this to myself! I should’ve told Frank about the flashing the moment I got home that day, but I didn’t. And now I’ve screwed myself over, now I have to go on without Frank. I cover my eyes with my hands and turn onto my back.
I don’t want to live without Frank, he’s become such a big part of my life and I really don’t know if I can get through anything without him.
He’s all I’ve ever wanted, he’s my soulmate and I’ve lost him because I’m a goddamn slutty idiot.
I feel for my phone, I’m starting to feel sloshy and sick. Once I feel my phone I go to text Frank instead of call.
“Frank I won’t bothr u after this. Ive realizd that its my fault that I lost you not chase. I don’t deserve u and idk if I can go on w/out u. ur a charmer and another girls gonna fall fr u. I know I cant handle seeing u wth another girl. Jst know ive always loved u n always will. Im gonna miss u im sorry.
*Message sent*
I’m a loser, I’ll never amount to anything. I grab the handle from the floor, sit up, bring the bottle to my lips and swallow until I’m choking on the burning liquid. Choking and crying, this is my life.
I don’t deserve to live, I know I’m disappointing my parents. All they ask of me is to make good grades and I can’t even do that. My dad begs for me to get a part-time job and I can’t do that because I’m too much of a wuss to live life! I’m going to be stuck in this house hoping my parents can take care of me, never finding love and I’ll probably flunk out of school if not now it’ll happen at some point...
What’s the point in wasting the money, time and energy. There’s no point at all, I’m a waste of space. I shouldn’t keep trying to live if I know my life will be exactly how it is now because I will never change.
I should just end it now.
I grab the bottle of Bourbon again and take it to the head gulping the rest away. I’m sad when the last drops touch my tongue and start to wonder what else is in this house that I can get a buzz from. I’m still thinking too much, I want to go to sleep and not think at all.
I pull myself off the sofa, rise to my feet to slosh and stumble my way to my parents bedroom, when I get in there and to the bathroom I start searching through the drawers and cabinets. Mom had surgery a couple months ago so I know she’s got some good stuff in here.
I find an orange pill bottle with my mom’s name on it and with blurry eyes read, “Hydromorphone.”
I try to pry the bottle open but I can’t with my shaky hands. I should probably run a bath to relax.
I go to the bathtub and blast the water on. After that I go back to opening the bottle, prying it open with my teeth pills go flying. I pick up about fifteen from the floor and counter. I can’t put the ones from the floor back in the bottle that’s disgusting, at least that’s what my drunk brain says. So I decide to put the five from the counter back into the bottle and pop the other ten into my mouth. I need to clear my mind, I slump over the counter and work at taking my pants off, then after realizing unbuttoning is too difficult right now I rip the shirt open and buttons pop around like popcorn. Once I get my bra and panties off I slide into the running water. It’s not full enough so I decide to wait until it does, closing my eyes because I’m suddenly exhausted.
“Noella,” whispers Frank’s husky voice. “Lie down with me.”
“Frank,” I mumble.
“Baby, come on, let’s take a nap,” his voice fills my ears and head.
I slip deeper into the water until my ears touch the water, the sloshing is somewhat entrancing, I slip deeper into exhaustion.
“Scoot closer, I wanna cuddle with you.”
“I’m comin’,” I whisper, sliding completely under.
Finally I’m cuddled close with Frank, his warmth is keeping me warm. I just want his skin against mine for eternity, I’ve missed him so much. He holds me close and it feels like everything is good again, but something’s very wrong. There’s a burning in my chest, throat and nose. I start squirming under Frank’s grip but he holds on tighter, I try screaming but the screams are muffled against his burning skin, and then it’s black.