Breathe

Liv’s twenty-second birthday consisted of her revising all morning and then taking an exam in the afternoon. Finals week was quickly approaching us and we all had several things to do for all our classes before prepping for those exams, like last minute papers or extra credit assignments for that little boost to our grades. It didn’t help that December hit us with the coldest weather and the worst snow, making going to class that much harder.

Nonetheless, we knew we had to do something special for our Liv, especially after all the grueling work she had to do on her birthday. So, Layla and I gathered everyone and took Liv to a fancy restaurant for dinner later that night. We all dressed to the nines and reserved a big table, making sure that the waiter knew to bring out the cake at the end and sing an embarrassing song for the birthday girl.

Harry sat down in front of me and it was the first time I was seeing him in almost a week, which was a new record for us since we’d met. The setting was a bit different for all us. I wasn’t used to seeing Harry in anything else but sweatpants, some random t-shirt and a snapback. Tonight he was dressed in a crisp dark shirt with some floral pattern on it and his only jeans that weren’t ripped.

“Hey stranger,” he said, smiling at me with a gleam in his eyes. “Finally bothered to see me?”

“Ha ha,” I said sarcastically. “You know I’ve been packed up.”

“Yeah,” he replied, shrugging like he’d been expecting me to say that. “Too busy to see your old friend. I see how it is.”

“It’s been a week, H,” I retorted with an amused smile. “You saw me last week at that party. And don’t act like you haven’t been busy yourself with your course work and all your girls.”

Harry smirked at me like he had no idea what I was talking about. He was the worst with his stupid dimples, acting coy like he didn’t even know. “Girls? What girls do you mean?”

“Don’t act stupid with me,” I said to him. “You’ve become a whole new man with all the ladies you’ve been scoring, Mr. Hit it and Quit it.”

“Is that what they’re calling me?” Harry asked, eyes wide and a tad bit surprised.

I laughed, shaking my head. “No, it’s what I’m calling you, because I know that’s exactly what you’re doing.”

After the pub crawl, when I had helped Harry score that girl who blew him in the toilets, he had been on a roll. Thanks to my impressive and foolproof wingman skills, Harry had been getting laid left and right. I’d help him out at parties and got him a ton of numbers, which he actually used for booty calls. Turned out regular orgasms that didn’t come with any strings nor from your own right hand was addicting. Then once word spread that Harry Styles was back on the market, a lot of girls approached him without me having to do a damned thing.

It was probably his dimples. Maybe his curls.

“Tell me,” I said to him, taking a sip of my drink before leaning forward. “How many girls have you hooked up with since we last met up?”

“Depends,” Harry mulled over, biting into his bread roll with ease even though it was hard as fuck. “What level of hooking up are we talking?”

My eyes widened and I sputtered at Harry who looked way too amused for my liking. “You’re an absolute dog. Is this what you’ve been doing?”

“Heeeey,” he drawled out. “You’re the one who supported this. You’re the one who gave me the idea.”

“I had to do something to help you with your Ted Mosby syndrome,” I exclaimed throwing my hands up in the air.

Harry stared at me dumbfounded before tilting his head to the side. “Did you just compare me to Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother? And then referred to it as the Ted Mosby syndrome?”

I laughed, nodding my head, and throwing a piece of my bread roll at him. “You are literally Ted Mosby. It didn’t occur to me till the other night when I was rewatching season two.”

“Hey,” Harry interrupted, pouting. “You can’t watch it without me. That’s not fair. It’s against the rules.”

“I didn’t watch any new seasons. We already saw the second season three times together. What does it matter?”

“You still can’t.”

“Fine, now can I finish what I was saying?”

“Yeah, go right ahead,” Harry nodded.

“As I was saying, you two are basically the same person. You’re both looking for the one and hoping to find true love, yet you don’t realize that life will take you to your one when the time is right, like it did for Ted eventually.”

“Ted had to wait so long,” Harry told me, pondering over what I’d just said. “Like nine seasons.”

“Yes, but he got laid plenty in between, amirite? Just like you are right now.”

Harry grinned at me, cheeky and so sure of himself. “Maybe I am Ted Mosby. He’s not a bad guy to be. He’s funny and girls like him. But, then who are you?”

“Barney, obviously,” I replied. “Your wingman.”

“Yeah, but Barney gets laid a lot more than Ted. He wrote the playbook. You can’t be Barney.”

“Um, why not?” I asked, scoffing.

“You don’t really get laid,” he replied, matter of factly.

“Because I’m not trying, that’s why. If I were to try, I definitely could.”

“Ted is Barney’s wingman, too, you know. I can help you,” Harry insisted. “Let me be your wingman at the next party. It’s the least I can do after all that you did to help me.”

“I didn’t do much,” I shrugged off, mostly because I didn’t want to get laid. I wasn’t really interested in that at the moment. “Talking you up in front of some people wasn’t hard work. I think your dimples helped way more.”

Harry smiled at me to emphasize my point. “I’m serious. It was you who told me to go out and have fun. That’s what I’ve been doing and it’s been really good. I owe you that much.”

“So, it’s good?” I asked, curiosity getting the best of me.

I had been worried for some time as to whether or not I pushed Harry in the right direction. He wasn’t really this outgoing when I had first met him, but the others haven’t said anything about his sudden change of persona. They all seemed to welcome it with open arms and thought it was great from what I’d heard. Louis and Liam were the ones who spoke about it the most. Since Zayn got a girl already and Niall had been celibate all this time for Layla (god knows what that’s about), they needed a third guy to fill the void of a trio when scoring girls.

“Yeah,” Harry nodded in response. “The girls really seem to like me and we have fun...for a night.” He chuckled softly, almost embarrassed as his cheeks turned pink. “Niall’s always complaining about them stealing his food, so I’ve been trying to take it to the girls flats most of the time.”

I couldn’t help but get even more curious. Over the past few months I’d gotten to know everything about Harry from what cereal he ate in the morning to what his schedule was like and even what his favorite childhood show was. It was weird that suddenly I didn’t know the details about this aspect of his life. It wasn’t something he was freely offering to me at that moment, either.

“How many times have there been?” I asked, trying to act casual. “You still haven’t given me a number.”

Harry bit his lip and shrugged. “About six in the past week, I think.”

Hearing that, all I could think about was what did they do? He couldn’t have had sex with all of them, or maybe he could. I didn’t want to ask that much because it started to feel a little weird, so I aimed for a joke instead. “You only had one day of rest?”

Harry burst out laughing, putting his head down on the table. “Stop. You’re embarrassing me.”

“Nothing to be embarrassed about, Styles,” I quipped. “I’m happy for your dick.”

That was exact moment when Niall decided to turn to us and tune into our conversation. It was amazing how the two of us could zone out into our own conversation, forgetting that we were with seven other people, too. It was always easy with Harry.

“What did I just hear?” Niall asked, eyebrow raised.

Harry lifted his head up, looking up at me with a smirk, before turning to Niall. “Just Blair talking about my dick. How much she cares about it and thinks about it.”

“I did not say that,” I said, crossing my arms and giving him a leveled look. He would say something like that.

“You’re thinking about Harry’s dick?” Zayn asked, eyes wide.

“No,” I shook my head quickly.

“You just said that you’re happy for his dick,” Louis tacked on with a hand on his chin as if he was deeply contemplating this. “Seems to me you must be thinking about it a little.”

“I wasn’t thinking about his dick,” I told them, frowning. “I was thinking of his dick. Like, I’m happy it is getting the attention it deserves.”

The entire table started snickering. Zoe looked red in the face and Niall was full on cackling like he was on the verge of pissing himself.  

“What’s the difference?” Liam asked, grinning. “You’re thinking about it.”

“I’m not thinking about it. I’m thinking of it. There’s a lot of difference, Liam. Go take some English courses, you muppet.”

This statement only caused them to laugh louder and I turned back to Harry who was watching this whole thing unfold in front of him like it was the best thing to have happened all night. He smirked at me with a sense of cockiness and shrugged as though he had nothing to do with it. Harry was a menace. Anyone who looked at his face could easily be fooled by the cherubic features, but not know that he was actually the devil in disguise. I had to expose him one day.

Not today, though. There had been enough damage.

“You’re a dick,” I told him, instead.

“You’re still thinking about it, then?” he asked nonchalantly.

“Shut up,” I whined. “You can forget me being your wingman anymore. I’ll show those girls all the ugly snapchats you send me that I screenshotted.”

“I never take ugly snapchats,” Harry shrugged off casually. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh yeah?” I asked, smirking. “Need I remind you of the one you sent me last week of you on the toilets taking a rather large dump?”

“Okay, listen,” he said with a serious expression. “I send you those in confidence. Why would you ever do that? Besides, I have tons of equally embarrassing snapchats of you that I will put on Twitter if I have to.”

“That’s just ruthless.”

“Oi, lovebirds,” Louis called, making the two of us turn our heads towards them. The fact that we responded to being called ‘lovebirds’ got the rest of them laughing. “Food’s here. Mind bursting that bubble that you two are always in and join the rest of us?”

“Quit talking shit, Tommo, and pass over my chicken,” Harry told him.

Louis laughed and passed Harry his dish and soon I had my pasta in front of me as well, digging in and chatting with Layla who was next to me. It was surprising that she hadn’t spoken to me since we’d gotten there, but when I turned to look I noticed she was engrossed in some conversation with Niall. I shouldn’t be that surprised. Since the pub crawl, the two of them had been very civilized with each other. I hadn’t had a chance to ask her what exactly was going on, but I made a mental note to do so as soon as we were alone.

I did make an effort to talk to the others rather than just Harry and it seemed that he was doing the same. When I looked over I saw him having an enthusiastic chat about the new James Franco and Seth Rogen movie with Louis. I took to talking to Zayn and Zoe, instead since Layla was busy, but there was a part of me that I didn’t want to think too much about that wanted Harry to pay attention to me. It didn’t look like he wanted to, since he was busy rambling on about North Korea or summat. That was until Zoe asked me to describe the mole on a guy I used to work with.

“It was massive,” I told her. “Like, I’d never seen one that big before.”

Harry let out a loud sigh in front of us. He turned to Louis and pointed at me. “You see,” he said. “She’s still thinking about my dick. What am I supposed to do with her?”

Louis shook his head at me with a sad, solemn stare. I shot them both dirty looks and was about to say something before Liam asked Liv something rather loudly.

“Why didn’t you invite that friend of yours? That you were telling us about the other night?” he asked. “Aiden, was it?”

Liv nodded, her eyes wide, and delighted at the topic at hand. I had a feeling someone slipped her one too many drinks and she was drunk. “Yeah, that’s him. And I didn’t know if I should. We haven’t properly talked.”

“You haven’t called him yet?” Layla asked her, turning away from her conversation with Niall.

She shook her head. “I haven’t gotten around to it. I want to do it, though.”

“Wait,” Zoe said. “Who is Aiden?”

“Liv’s ex who is a baby,” Louis answered her.

Liv rolled her eyes and then turned to Zoe with a smile. “He is an ex, but not a serious one. We dated early during secondary school, but then he moved. I fell in puppy love with him.”

“You should have seen the two of them,” Layla said. “This was back when only Liv and I were friends and Blair and her still weren’t really talking.”

“The dark ages,” I tacked on.

Everyone snickered at me before turning back to Layla. “They’d write each other love notes, meet in her tree house and kiss for hours. They’d play footsy during lunch and hold hands in the school hallways. He even got her this necklace, which she refused to take off.”

“I wore that for months after he’d left. You know he cried when we said goodbye?” Liv said sadly. “He told me that there is no one like me and that he’d come back one day.”

“Then what are you waiting for?” Louis asked, clearly touched by this whole story. “This is some Nicholas Sparks shit.”

Liv giggled and shrugged with her champagne flute in her hand. “I don’t know. It’s been years since that. Who knows if he has a girlfriend or where he is in life. I can’t just waltz back in and be like hey, wanna date again? We were kids back then.”

“But you really liked him,” I said. “Don’t you want to at least have him in your life?”

“I don’t know,” Liv shrugged. “I’ve been too busy to think about it, but maybe I will give him a call since we exchanged numbers.”

“Do that,” Louis said. “And then tell me if you guys share a magical kiss where you run into each other’s arms, crying and shit. I love that stuff.”

“And you make fun of me for loving rom coms,” Harry tutted, glaring at Louis. 



The boys had their biggest footie match against UCL a few days before exams began. They’d been practicing long and hard from what I’d heard and were ready to crush those guys from the other day at the bar. Max and Nathan, or whatever. It was like some War of the Worlds type of shit from the looks of it. Everyone was super serious and the girls, including Layla, and I all went to support them, of course.

In fact, I went the extra mile and made Harry a sign on a pink board that said, “Harry Styles is a dreamboat.” It was written in red, complete with hearts around it. And glitter. Tons and tons of glitter.

Liv had walked in on me making it the night before and looked at me like she knew something that I didn’t. I rolled my eyes at her and laughed. “Get that smirk off your face. I’m only doing this to embarrass him.”

Liv hummed in response, crossing her arms and leaning against my dresser, watching me work. “I know he has a sudden fan club now that he’s so popular with the ladies, but don’t try and deny that you’re the president of it.”

“Ha ha, that’s funny, Liv,” I said sarcastically while adding extra glitter to the letter H. “These jokes are actually getting funnier day by day. Have you been writing them yourself or are you getting some help?”

“Are they really that funny if they’re so close to the truth?”

I chewed my bottom lip, cocking my head to the side and assessing my sign. “Do you think I should add another heart?” I asked her instead.

The thing was, Liv didn’t know about the inside joke between Harry and I regarding the sign and I didn’t really feel like telling her. It all started late fall when Harry and I were out for a cuppa, sitting on top of his car, when he’d told me how terrible he was at the game. He’d only gotten chosen during try outs because Liam and Louis were co-captains of the team and they knew that even though Harry was terrible, he loved the game, so it was worth it. It was embarrassing for him, but he took it with a grain of salt, giving his all even though he may have failed to ever pass the ball to the right teammate or make a goal. I promised Harry then that whenever I’d go to a game, I’d support him full on, with a sign and all. Harry thought it was the best thing ever.  

It had been a while since we’d talked about that and I wasn’t sure if he remembered, but I still wanted to do it since I gave my word. Also, maybe a little to see Harry smile since I knew he was nervous from the texts he’d sent me earlier. The content of the sign was a bit more embarrassing than I’d promised him, but that was the fun of it. I was sure he’d appreciate it regardless.

I held the sign proudly, making sure the glitter and hearts stayed intact, when I took it to the game. We found seats towards the front thanks to all the other boys from Theta Chi who had come to see the game as well. I sat down with Layla and Ed, holding my sign between my feet, and rubbed my palms together to keep warm since the air was still chilly.

“Didn’t expect to see you here, Layla,” Ed said, smiling over at her. “You’re here so much at our school, I’m kind of shocked you don’t actually go here.”

Layla grinned with a shrug of her shoulder. “I get that a lot, but all my best friends are here and I’d rather spend time with them. Plus London Met is only a half hour drive.”

“You dorm there, don’t you?”

Layla nodded her head. “Unfortunately. It’s horrible.”

That led to a whole conversation between the two as Ed told Layla about his living conditions in the frat house and how it’s similar to a dorm because the boys were like pigs who never cleaned after themselves. I moved a bit to let the two talk and coincidentally overheard a conversation between a few girls sitting behind us.

“I still can’t believe we’re here in the cold,” one of them said to her friend.

“I told you to bring a scarf and a hat. Not my fault you didn’t bother,” her friend responded.

“Besides, we’re to see cute boys play football. It will start getting hot out here as soon as they come out,” another one said. I rolled my eyes at that cheesy line but continued listening because it was better than hearing Ed and Layla discuss college kids and masturbating whilst living with other students.  

The other two started to giggle at what she said and she scoffed at them. “As if you two aren’t here for Harry Styles, either.”

My eyebrows shot up and I tried so hard not to start laughing and keep as still as possible so that they didn’t know I was listening. This was too good to be true. “True,” one of the friends agreed. “He’s well fit. I can’t believe he’s finally single.”

“It was about time,” the other one agreed. “He had that girlfriend since they were in sixth form. I once went to one of the parties and Liam was chatting me up.”

“Liam Payne?” the last one asked.

She hummed in response. “He’s cute, but not like Harry in my opinion.” Wow. “Anyhow, I really just wanted to ask about Harry and he was the one that told me all about the breakup. I’ve waited months for this, so I’m really happy.”

“Have you even spoken to him?”

“For a brief second. He was very nice and friendly. But then, fucking Jennifer Crowley started grinding up on his arse like a slag, so he was distracted.”

“Heard she got fingered by him in one of the frat brother’s rooms.”

I quickly leaned forward as far as I could to not hear the rest of that conversation, because I was officially done. It just felt like too much information and I didn’t want to hear the explicit details of what Harry was doing with these girls. It was unsettling and I didn’t like the sudden nasty feeling I got as soon as I heard her say all that. Yeah, I knew Harry was hooking up with girls, but he was never shameless enough to tell me in detail what he did with them except for that very first time.

It was new, whatever I was feeling, and I didn’t want to feel that way so I tried to get myself back into the conversation with the others. Ed and Layla were both on their phones, not talking anymore and I looked over behind them to see Liv, Zoe and a few of the other guys Ashton, Michael, Calum and Luke drinking out of some thermos.

“What’s that?” I asked them curiously.

“Want a sip?” Liv asked, smiling like a minx.

I nodded and she handed me the thermos. I sniffed it once before shrugging and taking a sip. It was chocolate vodka with a splash of something else I couldn’t place. It was quite good and I took another sip before handing it back to them. “Why are you guys drinking during a game?” I asked laughing.

“Pregaming,” Luke told me. “Everyone’s headed to the bar after this to celebrate.”

“What if we lose?” Layla asked, looking back at us from her phone.

“We drink to that anyway,” Calum shrugged.

“Shouldn’t have that attitude,” Ed said. “The way Louis hates those boys is enough to fuel enough energy in him and the team to make sure they win.”

“Did you hear about what happened at the pub crawl?” I asked him.

Ed nodded, small chuckle slipping past his lips. “They told us all a few days ago. Couldn’t stop laughing.”

“Me either,” I agreed. “Do hope they win.”

It was another fifteen minutes until the teams started to come out. The UCL side stood up on their feet and cheered when their team came out. So, Imperial took it up a notch and cheered even louder when our team came out. I waved my sign as high as I could when I saw Harry. His eyes were taking in the crowd bit by bit, smiling as he did stretches with Niall and Louis. He finally looked over at us, his eyes doing a double take when he noticed the sign I was holding.

Harry bent over, laughing, his eyes crinkling as he pointed it out to the other boys. They all looked over and laughed.

“That’s favoritism,” Liam yelled over to me with a playful grin.

I only laughed and waved the sign higher. Harry smiled at me one last time, smacking his palms to his lips in a kiss and blowing it to me.

“Oh my god,” one of the girls from behind squealed. “He just blew a kiss in this direction.”

“To us?” another one of them practically screamed.

Layla frowned and looked at them, as though she couldn’t believe they were actually having this conversation. If only she knew what they were talking about before this. “Not quite,” she laughed, still frowning and confused.  

They paused and looked over at her, almost offended she was talking to them and singling them out.

“Blair, his friend, made him a sign,” she said, pointing to it, so that they’d understand. They still looked a bit surprised and sat back down in their seats, not saying another word.

I started to laugh with Ed at the fact that Layla actually responded back to them and tried very hard not to turn around and look at their expressions. I sat down with everyone else too, holding my sign up against my legs once the coach blew the whistle to start the game. Truth be told, I had no idea what was going on. All I knew was that there was a lot of passing, a lot of running and trying to make goals.

Harry stayed back for most of the game, letting everyone else do all the playing, until the very end when the ball came close to him. There were no other teammates near him and he almost looked bewildered, confused as to what he should do. So, he took the chance and stole the ball from the opposing team, running towards their goal. It all happened within a few fast seconds, the ball hitting the back of the goal and the entire Imperial side erupting in cheers, getting up to their feet and clapping.

Half the people were in shock that it was Harry that made the goal while the other half were happy that we actually got a goal. All the boys ran towards Harry, hugging him and messing up his hair that was pulled back with a headband. He still looked way too shocked to actually say or do anything other than let his team jostle him around and congratulate him.  

“I think that was his first goal, like ever,” Ed laughed, clapping and cheering.

“Maybe his lucky charm is somewhere nearby,” Liv smirked at me.

I burst out laughing at her rom-com thoughts and held up my sign, waving it around proudly back and forth. Hopefully messing up the view of the girls behind me.



Imperial won two to one against UCL. At the end of the game, Louis and Zayn had to be pulled away from the opposing team as they had decided that sticking up their middle fingers and screaming, “Suck my dick,” was a good idea. Regardless, it was fun and we were all buzzed after passing around that big thermos between us. Everyone headed to the bars after the boys showered and freshened up. Harry pulled me into a hug as soon as he saw me, practically lifting me up off the ground.

“Oh my god, your sign,” he said, grinning. “I can’t believe you actually did it.”

“I told you I’d make you a sign,” I giggled, opening it up for him. He traced the letters and the hearts, laughing as he looked at it.

“And did you see my goal?” he asked, not even waiting for my reply. “That never happens. Everyone thought I was possessed or something.”

I laughed and patted him on the back, like he was a little kid. “You did good, pal.”

“Thanks, dude,” Harry said, pulling me in with his arms and slinging it around my shoulder so we could walk with the rest of the group. “Honestly, that was the best game ever. Niall told me that the sign you made helped. It spurred me on, he said.”

“My sign just talks about you being a dreamboat,” I cackled because even Niall was thinking like Liv.

“Exactly,” he said. “It’s moral support, either way, whether it be about my playing skills or my perfect face.”

I turned to shoot him a look, but his dimples were out, and how do you tell a guy with dimples that he doesn’t have a perfect face? It’s a given fact and it’s actually a bit unfair. “I think there were more people there for your face than your skills, to be honest,” I told him, thinking back to those girls who were sat behind us.

Harry looked at me with a confused frown. “What do you mean?”

“You had some fans in the stands,” I replied. “They were going on about you the entire time.”

Harry still looked confused, but actually didn’t seem interested in asking more, instead talking about the goal he made again. He was giving me ten different play by plays as we walked to the bar and only stopped once we reached there. When we walked inside, he placed a hard kiss on my cheek before walking over to his teammates, all of whom cheered as soon as they saw him.

I found the booth our friends were sitting at and slid in besides Layla. The boys were sitting with their team for the time being, so it turned out to be only just us girls with a few of the boys we had been sitting with at the game. Liv and Zoe were talking with them and they were all watching some video on their phone. When I turned to look at Layla, I noticed she was on her phone as well, going through her Instagram newsfeed. Upon closer inspection, I saw it was Niall’s account.  

I nudged her and she looked up, blushing and immediately turning her lock screen off. “Oh, hey,” she said, looking at me like a deer caught in headlights. I snickered at that and she sunk down in her seats before glaring at me. “You better not tell anyone, especially not him.”

“I won’t,” I promised. “But honestly, you’re keeping stuff from me.”

“Like what?” she asked, playing dumb.

“Like, since when are you two friends and since when do you go through his Instagram and get scared if someone catches you?”

She shrugged, biting her lip and looking down at the scratched up wood of the table. “He’s not that bad, I think.”

“I knew that.”

“I didn’t,” she shrugged again. “We talked a bit when we did the pub crawl and he was really nice. He’s a good listener, like, he talked to me about Charles and how I shouldn’t let him get to me and stuff. And it was fun singing with him.”

“So, what now? Are you guys friends or something?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “We’ve just been talking more. And it’s about the stupidest things ever, like, movies and shit. He likes movies a lot.”

I thought back to the night we’d all watched movies at my flat and how I’d almost walked in on them in my kitchen. I turned to look at her with a teasing smile. “What happened that night that we were watching those movies at my place? In the kitchen? You guys were gone an awfully long time.”

Layla had to think for a second and once she remembered, she blushed again, but shrugged it off. “Nothing. He was just, like, hitting on me. And I told him that the reason I don’t like him is because he’s like every other guy, you know, after the same thing. Which is arse and boobs. And he told me--like, I don’t know. How he isn’t and he notices little things about me and he likes them, so he’s not like other guys.”

I knew she was leaving out specifics, but not because she wanted to hide them from, but because just thinking about them was making her flustered. I cooed and she glared at me making me laugh. “That’s cute,” I said to her. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“It’s whatever,” she said. “The other day he was texting me and I was actually texting back and you know what he said to me?”

“What?” I grinned, feeling giddy that they were actually working on getting their shit together. At last.

“He was like, you’re actually cute when you’re nice,” she started. “And I was like, oh then what am I when I’m not nice.”

“You’re flirting!” I cried before she could finish.

Layla blushed and covered my mouth before glaring at me. “Shut up or else I won’t tell you.” She lifted her hand off my mouth and I nodded like I was going to be good and not interrupt anymore. She smiled again and continued her story. “So, yeah. I was like what am I when I’m not nice. And he goes, hot as fuck.”

“Oh my god,” I screamed, turning to look at Niall in shock at the things he could say. He was doing shots with the boys and had some juices running down his mouth from whatever that didn’t make it into his mouth. I wrinkled my nose. Weird how guys can be sexy one minute and so gross the other. “He said that?”

Layla was looking at him, too, and nodded sadly. 



Theta Chi threw a big Christmas bash after final exams for their last party of the year before we all had to go home for winter hols. The theme was ugly jumper party, so the girls and I stopped by a thrift shop in Soho and got one for each of us. I paired my ugly jumper, which was red with a giant snowman in the middle, with my black shorts and thigh high socks. I felt like Britney Spears in that one album cover of hers.

After pre-gaming at our flat, we headed to the frat house, all giggly and excited. We were all planning on getting smashed and it was well deserved after grueling days and nights of studying for exams and cramming for papers. The frat house was filling up slowly, people going in with their ugly jumpers and holding drinks in their hands, all free from another semester.  

We headed for the drinks stand in the kitchen after saying hi to people that we recognized on the way, asking about their plans for hols and how exams went. Layla mixed us something really fruity and we danced to some dubstep remix of “Last Christmas” that was blaring from the speakers, already well past tipsy. Eventually the boys found us, walking over to dance and steal some of our drinks. I realized only halfway through the second song that Harry wasn’t with us.

I turned to Liam, who I was dancing with, and asked, “Where’s Harry? I haven’t seen him.”

He gestured over to the other room to me. “He’s trying to get it in with Ellie Dobbs.” I turned to where Liam pointed and saw Harry with a girl, all leggy and bleached blond. I almost scoffed because looking at them, it was like a typical frat boy move in some teen movie from the 90’s. She was leaning against the wall, twirling her hair strand in her fingers, while smiling up at him. He had his hand leaning on the wall above her head, caging her in while he smirked and looking all smug about whatever he was saying.

It wasn’t that I disliked her; I just didn’t feel very positive about her. I tried convincing myself that the only reason that was was because she wasn’t wearing an ugly jumper. She had on some red mini with her boobs on wide display. It was easier trying to believe that than actually believing I disliked her for the mere fact that Harry was all over her.

I turned away from them, trying to get rid of the unsettling feeling that had been coming up whenever I saw Harry with a girl. It was new and had never happened before and I didn’t like it. Perhaps because I never saw Harry actually go for it the way he had been as of late, like the night after their game at the bar. One minute he’d been drinking with his teammates and the next he was making out with one of the girls who were sat behind me at the game by the jukebox machine. I couldn’t look at him for the rest of the night because I felt like I’d snap and actually say something that I shouldn’t.

Tonight felt no different and I kind of hated it. I was the one that helped him get girls that first night and now I was the one who felt uncomfortable seeing him continue. It was hypocritical and stupid. And I wasn’t stupid either. I knew there was a name for what I was feeling and it would only be so long until it would be obvious to me like shiny neon lights, but until then I’d rather be oblivious.

I tried shrugging it off and continued dancing with the others until I got tired and took a seat. I took out my phone, going through texts and things until I felt someone crash in next to me. I turned to see Harry, grinning down at me with red cheeks and even redder lips. “Hey,” I laughed. “What are you doing?”

“Looking for you,” he said. “What’s up?”

“I got tired and decided to take a break,” I replied. I looked at his green jumper, complete with actual twinkling lights, and smiled. “Nice jumper. Suits you.”

“Yeah?” he asked, dimpling. “Ellie Dobbs told me it brought out the green in my eyes.”

I laughed uncomfortably because who the fuck asked about Ellie Dobbs? “That’s funny.”

Harry nodded, leaning in closer. “So, see anyone you like?”

“What?” I asked, distracted by how dark his eyes looked all of a sudden.

“I could hook you up, you know,” he slurred. “Told you I’d be your wingman. I’ll pay someone to be under the mistletoe with you.”

“Fuck you,” I glared at him, but he only laughed, pulling me closer.

“I’m kidding about that part, but I can help you.”

“You’re still on about that, then?” I asked him.  

He shrugged, leaning back against his seat. “Only seems fair.” He scoured the room, looking for a boy for me I assumed, and stopped at Carter Samuels from his frat. “Do you know Carter?”

I nodded my head with a smile. “Yeah, but I don’t want to hook up with him.”

“Do you even know him? He’s got girls coming at him left and right. And once he takes a good look at you and I’ve had a thing or two to say, he won’t be looking at anyone but you.”

I made a noncommittal sound and shrugged, like I really wasn’t interested. However, it didn’t stop Harry from calling him over and sitting him down next to me.

“Have you met Blair?” Harry asked, smiling.

Carter nodded his head, smiling down at me. “We have. A few times. Good to see you again, Blair. Love the jumper.”

“Thanks,” I smiled.

“Any plans for the hols? Going home?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Not too far, though. Parents live in Hadley Wood, which is only an hour away. You?”

Carter rattled off about how he’s from Birmingham and his parents are having this big Christmas get together. It was in the middle of him talking about his dog that Ellie Dobbs came over and plopped down next to Harry, the two of them immediately starting to make out right in front of me. I quickly turned away, looking back at Carter, even though I had no idea what he was saying anymore. That unsettling feeling was back and stronger than ever.

This time I could start to place what the word was for what I was feeling.

Jealousy was ugly and it was something I never enjoyed feeling. It made a person feel powerless and almost crazy. The term came with possessiveness and nothing here was mine. So what did I have to feel jealous for? I couldn’t make sense of anything at that point and the only thing I wanted to do was vomit all over Ellie Dobbs ugly mini dress and pull her away from Harry, which I couldn’t do.

Carter might have noticed the sudden change in my expression and looked at me concerned. He was cute, blue eyes and dark hair quiffed up with pomade, but it wasn’t familiar. Not like brown, chocolate curls that bounced whenever I pulled on them.

“You alright?” he asked me.

I nodded my head, but then shook it. “I have to go, I’m sorry. It was nice talking to you.”

He nodded his head, giving me a small smile before letting me get up, and walk out of there. I didn’t know if Harry saw, what with there being another face on his, but I didn’t stick around to check. Instead, I walked straight back to my flat and packed up for home.