Breathe

When I came home after dinner with Zayn and Zoe, I greeted Liv, who was studying in the living room with a smile. “Hey,” she said, looking up from her books. “How was dinner?”

“It was good,” I replied, toeing out of my shoes. “Zayn took us to this Indian restaurant and we had curry, some naan and rice. Really spicy, but I loved it.”

“That sounds great,” she replied. “Have to try it sometime.”

“You do. We’ll go one day together. I think you’d love it,” I insisted. “Anyways, what have you been up to? Revising?”

“Yeah. Revising for an exam tomorrow. Just got in an hour ago and had dinner at the canteen real quick,” she replied, chewing the end of her pencil before pointing it towards my room. “You have a visitor, by the way.”

I tipped my head to the side and looked at her with a confused expression. She shrugged with a smile and turned back to her books. I warily walked over to my room and wondered who it could be. I wasn’t expecting anyone and no one had called or texted to tell me they’d come over. When I walked in, a slow smile formed on my face when I found Harry lying on my bed and typing on his phone. He looked up when he saw me and grinned.

“Hiii,” he drawled out. “What took you so long?”

I laughed, walking in and dropping my bag and coat in front of the closet before walking over to him. “I had class and then went to dinner with Zayn and Zoe. I wasn’t expecting you.” I poked him on the stomach and Harry smiled, grabbing my finger and pulling me down towards him. Our green eyes locked and it was magnetic how drawn I felt to him. He bit his lip, quirking an eyebrow, and I willed myself to push him off and step back, giggling.

“I came over because I got bored,” he explained, sitting up a little more to lean against my headboard. “Thought we could watch something and hang out.”

“Sure,” I nodded. “We could do that. Let me go change first.”

“I’ll be here,” he replied, picking up his phone again.

I put my books and coat away before grabbing my pyjamas. After freshening up and changing in the bathroom, I walked by Liv, who gave me a knowing look, which I tried to ignore. She’d noticed my sudden mood shift at Layla’s party when I’d seen Harry talking to one of the girls. Harry and the girl ended up leaving the party together and it shouldn’t have felt as bad as it did. I was in a terrible mood for a few days, lashing out at anyone who bothered to talk to me. Liv picked up on it right away and even though we weren’t talking about it for whatever reason, I knew she knew.

I couldn’t do anything about it, though, and as much as it was obvious, I still felt it was silly. Everything about this situation and how I was acting was ridiculous. I was contradicting myself and being a complete tit to everyone for no reason. Harry could do whatever and whoever he pleased. I asked him to forget it, so I should, too. Forget the fact that I couldn’t stop thinking about it, more like. It was all I thought about most of the time and it was frustrating how much it was affecting me. More than I’d like to admit.

“Alright,” I said, stepping back into my room. “I’ve changed and I’m ready to chill. What are we watching?”

“Next season of How I Met Your Mother,” Harry decided, putting his phone down and pulling my covers up to get comfortable.

“Yay, I’ve been waiting,” I said, giddy as I settled down beside him. We situated ourselves with the laptop in between us and started the episode. It was great, just like it used to be before the incident. I was partly relieved because this was what I was worried about. I didn’t want things to change. The two of us were laughing and talking while watching each episode as we always did. It felt so easy that I couldn’t help but look over at him in the middle of an episode, drawn towards him, always.

For a moment, I was just studying his profile. He had a lovely profile, which did his whole face a lot of justice. Sharp, chiseled jaw surrounded by soft features. It wasn’t hard to admit that I found him attractive. Harry was gorgeous. There wasn’t anything about him that was unappealing and anyone who said different was a complete liar. He had sparkly green eyes and the cutest dimples I’d ever seen. At that moment, though, what struck me the most were his lips and how I couldn’t tear my eyes from them.

I was filled with memories from the night we kissed and how much we’d kissed. The fact that we couldn’t stop and were so hungry for it was making me feel flushed from head to toe as it did most nights when I allowed myself to let my mind drift there. I had felt something right about it from the beginning and it really shouldn’t be like that. It shouldn’t feel so easy. Since Layla’s party, I’d been thinking that what if Harry were to kiss me again? The idea of it had been stuck in my head and I hadn’t stopped thinking about him since we kissed.

Harry turned and caught my eye, looking confused as he warily smiled. “You okay?” he asked.

I nodded my head, trying to muster up a smile. “Fine, sorry. Just zoned out.”

He smiled at me again, turning back to the laptop screen to continue watching.



I was a bit wary when Louis and Zayn asked me to come with them to try out skateboarding. I’d expressed to them earlier that as a teenager, I wanted to learn, but never got around to it. Both of them were quite good with their boards, so they asked if I’d want to learn from them. I had gotten excited at the prospect and quickly agreed, not realizing just how many bruises I’d get from doing so. My guess was a few, but I still sucked it up and went with them to a skate park to practice. It was all going to be worth it in the end when I could ride and look cool like I’d always wanted.

“I’ll be honest boys,” I said as we walked towards the park. “I’m a bit scared.”

Louis laughed, combing his fringe away from his face with his fingers. “Don’t be. We’ll go super easy on you. Won’t we, Zaynie?”

Zayn mumbled and nodded his head, cupping his hand around his cigarette to light it up while walking a few feet ahead of us.

“Besides,” Louis said turning to me. “If you’re super horrible, we’ll stop riding and just smoke the joint I got for us. That should make up for it.”

I hummed happily, liking the sound of that. When we arrived at the skate park, it was all about teamwork. Louis demonstrated how to do it, while Zayn helped me position myself correctly on the board so I wouldn’t fall and held on to me while I skated around in a circle. For the most part, it was a fail and I fell at least fifty times, which I’m sure will kick me in the arse later on when I found all the bruises. It didn’t matter, though, because it was really fun.

By the end of the skating lesson, I only managed to learn how to skate in a full line for two minutes before losing my balance and stumbling off. Louis rewarded me by lighting up his joint and passing it over. The three of us were lounging on the cold grass, warming up by huddling close together. It felt nice to be out, even though the weather was shit. The sun was shining and because of all the exercise, I’d broken a sweat and unzipped my jacket. Taking in a few drags also helped me warm up and I smiled contently.

“This was fun, boys. Thanks for helping me,” I told them, handing the joint back to Louis. “I think if I practiced some more I could learn. I mean now that I’ve gotten rid of the initial fear.”

“You have potential,” Zayn commended. “Just practice more I guess. It’s better when the weather is warmer, too. Makes your balance better. Maybe we could practice more when spring comes around.”

“Sounds like a plan,” I replied.

For a while, we just sat in silence, occasionally talking about one thing or another while passing the joint back and forth between us. When it was nearly finished, Louis cleared his throat and rubbed his stomach.

“I’m hungry,” he commented.

“Harry’s making dinner tonight,” Zayn told him.

“Oh, right,” Louis said, remembering and then laughing. “I saw him with that Montgomery girl the other day outside of his class. He looked like he was chatting her up so well. She was twirling her hair and blushing. It was too funny.”

I kept a straight face and tried not to dwell on it so hard. I continuously had to remind myself that it was fine and it wasn’t supposed to be a shock every time. Harry did this and we weren’t tied down to each other in any way possible because I’d told him we should forget it, so that was what he was doing. It didn’t mean that every time I saw or heard something like this it didn’t leave a disgusting feeling in my stomach.

I probably wasn’t doing a great job at keeping my face neutral because Louis looked over at me and winced. “Sorry, B,” he said. “I didn’t mean to say that in front of you. I wasn’t thinking.”

I shrugged. “Why? It’s fine.”

“You sure?” Louis asked, looking cautious. “I know you two hooked up and I don’t know where you stand, really. I thought it was okay for a split second, but now I’m not so sure?”

“It is,” I said, feeling embarrassed and put on the spot. “Harry and I are over it. Wasn’t anything, really. Plus, I know he hooks up with girls, Lou. It’s not exactly a big secret.”

Louis smiled at me, but still looked rather apologetic and doubtful. “If you say so.”

“He told you guys we hooked up?” I asked, not being able to help myself.

Now that we were on the topic and the boys mentioned it themselves, I could finally ask and see what Harry’s thoughts were and what he’d really said to his friends. Just like the kiss and Harry himself, I couldn’t get this out of my head since it all happened. I needed to know what he said and thought even though I constantly reminded myself that it didn’t matter since we were ‘over it’.

Louis shrugged in response, but had a sly look on his face. “Not much, don’t worry. Just said that you guys left the rave together and you didn’t plan on hooking up, but you ended up kissing and one thing led to another.”

“Oh,” I hummed, schooling my expression as best as possible. “Yeah, sounds about right. That’s all he said?”

Zayn smirked at me, looking over. “You seem awfully interested, B,” he teased.

“Shut up,” I argued, trying to fight the smile that was threatening to form on my lips. “I’m only asking.”

“Right,” Zayn agreed sarcastically.

“Well, if you must know,” Louis tacked on, making me turn back to him. “He said it was really good and he had a lot of fun. What word did he use to describe it again, Z?”

“Sexy, I think,” Zayn shrugged, grinning. “Mind blowing, too.”

I was frozen on the spot, trying so hard to breathe, but failing. I licked my lips and tried to appear as casual as possible even though my stomach was flip-flopping and I felt like grinning till my cheeks tore apart. It was odd and a bit familiar in a nostalgic sort of way. I couldn’t think of the last time anyone had made me feel this way, whatever this was. The fact that it was Harry was a thing on its own. From all the things I’d imagined him telling his friends about us that was the last thing I expected, even though it was genuinely what I truthfully wanted to hear.

He wasn’t wrong, either. It was good and fun and mind blowing when I thought about it. We weren’t serious during the whole thing. We were laughing and talking during the whole exchange. A really annoying part of me wanted to know more; wanted to have him call me sexy and do it all over again.

“That’s all he said, though,” Louis continued. “He didn’t add much after that.”

“Probably felt there wasn’t much to add on,” I said coolly.

Louis raised his eyebrows in response, finishing up the joint and throwing it on the ground. “Anyone want to go for some burgers? I was so serious when I said I was hungry. Can’t wait till Harry makes dinner.”

Zayn and I nodded. “Sure,” we both replied, getting up and walking out of the park with our boards in hand. 



Truth or dare was one game that never got old. When Louis suggested we all play it at the first Theta Chi party of the year, everyone agreed and we all stood around a circle with our drinks in hand. So far, it had been a bit wild. Everyone was either tipsy or completely inebriated, so the truths came out a lot easier and the dares became outrageous.

Someone dared Liam to take a nude and send it to one of his professors. I was praying for him, really, while we all watched him snap a picture in his pants and email it. Louis was asked to give someone a truth, so he asked a guy if he ever cheated on a significant other, which he did, and his girlfriend broke up with him in front of all of us. Harry hadn’t stopped calling Louis a home wrecker with wide, unforgiving eyes since then. And then someone dared Ed to streak around campus and he did. The curtains definitely matched the drapes.  

When it got to Niall, Harry straightened up beside me and grinned at him. “Truth or dare, Niall,” he asked, crossing his arms.

I giggled, leaning into his side. The two of us had found a small table in a corner of the room, which I hopped up on while he leaned back against it beside me. I’d been playing with the fedora Harry was wearing tonight, finding it so attractive and hot on him. I had a few drinks since I arrived, making me a lot braver than usual, which was why I thought it’d be okay to run my fingers through his curls. Harry responded by leaning into the touch and humming with a pleased tone, making something hot curl up in my stomach.

It was ridiculous how much I wanted him, lately.

“Dare, mate,” Niall replied with a grin. “Always dare.”

“Yeah, Niall,” Louis whooped, raising his glass towards him. Niall raised it back, winking at the whole group.

“Alright,” Harry said, slipping his arm around my waist. It was distracting. I wondered if it was distracting for Harry, too, because I could feel Harry’s fingers brushing at skin on my waist under the shirt I was wearing. “I dare you to kiss the most attractive person in the room. Your pick.”

The room started laughing and I smirked at Niall, as he searched the room for someone. He stopped when his eyes landed on Layla, the only person in the room who wasn’t playing. She was off on the side chatting with Zoe with a beer in her hand, waving her arms around at whatever she was saying to her.  

“I pick Layla,” Niall announced loudly so she’d hear.

Layla turned to look and she seemed confused at first until Zoe, who had been paying attention for a while whispered it to her. Layla looked at everyone in the room as they turned to look at her, letting out a dry chuckle. “No,” she said. “Dude, I’m not kissing you.”

Niall laughed out loud. “Why? You afraid you might like it?”

Layla scoffed, frowning and gripping her beer. “Yeah, right. Like there’s any way I’d like it.”

It was kind of obvious why Niall chose Layla. For one, he liked her. However, Niall also had a sick need to constantly piss her off so that she’d get angry with him because he found it hot. Anyone who knew Layla would know that this was exactly the kind of thing that would rile her up and get her all angry.

“Oh, come on, Layla,” Niall drawled. “You know you want to.”

Layla rolled her eyes before shaking her head, causing Niall to pout, jutting out his lower lip. Layla stared at him, in an almost dazed manner and I wondered what was going through her head.

It was a bit hilarious because the entire room quieted down and was so focused on the two of them. Everyone more or less knew what was going on between them. They’d always fought early on in the year at parties and only recently had they started hanging out and getting along. I knew Layla was opening up, but I didn’t know if that meant she was ready to kiss him, let alone in front of the entire frat house.

For a second, it almost seemed like she wanted to based on how she was staring at Niall, except she quickly schooled her expression into something more neutral. “I’m not putting my lips anywhere near your misogynistic face,” she said. Everyone started laughing at that and Niall burst out in a cackle. He was definitely enjoying how mad she was getting. It was a little weird how that was a turn on for him.

Niall put his hands up in surrender as though he was admitting defeat. “Fine, then, if you’re too scared.”

“I’m not scared,” Layla quickly replied back.

“Then do it,” Niall smiled at her. “Kiss me.”

Layla stared at him in disbelief. Everyone was watching them with piqued interest as though it was some TV show, but when Niall started chanting, “kiss me” over and over, it started to go around the entire room. Layla looked like she was ready to punch someone. Some of the guys were pounding their fists on walls and tables, girls were clapping their manicured hands, and everyone just looked so excited like it was some game show. How could she say no when the pressure was so big?

The chant eventually became “kiss, kiss” rather than “kiss me” and Niall was grinning, raising his arms up and down to tell everyone to keep it going. What happened next made me cover my mouth and shake Harry to alert him. We both looked over at Layla who had just set her beer down and charged over to Niall, who had his back to her. She tapped him on the shoulder once with an eye roll before turning him around herself and kissing him right on the mouth.

Everyone in the room froze for a good ten seconds, just watching the two in utter silence. Niall was lax at first, too taken aback by Layla, but then once he wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her closer, the entire room erupted in cheers. We were all clapping and Harry even gave a loud whistle with two fingers in his mouth. This was the best thing to have happened all night and I could spot Liv tearing up from where she was watching. She’d always been a sucker for rom coms and this was about as good as it got around here.

It seemed, though, that even after we all stopped cheering, the two weren’t done kissing. It had gotten deep and passionate, really quick. There was nothing chaste or quick about it. I could see tongue and a lot of sucking and biting in there. I wondered if someone should carry the two of them over to a private bedroom or something because it could get there on its own with the way it was going. Eventually, Layla pushed Niall back and he looked so out of it, with a blissed out grin like he’d just witnessed the second coming of Christ.

“See, now that wasn’t so bad,” Niall said to Layla with a smile.

Layla outwardly groaned, pushing Niall off of her before walking back to where she was with Zoe. I watched her take a seat on a chair and slump, ignoring Zoe who tried saying something to her. Zoe shrugged and let her be, going back to her conversation with Zayn. I turned to look back at Harry who was watching the game continue because apparently even that kiss wasn’t good enough to stop it.

“That was pretty amazing,” I said to him, putting my hand on his shoulder so that he’d turn.

“Yeah,” he said, smiling at me. We were the same height since I was sat up on the table and my breath was suddenly taken away by how green and lovely his eyes were from this angle. What was I thinking? Harry was beautiful from every angle. I’d realized I was staring when his eyes dropped down to my lips before looking back up at me again. “Think they’ll finally get their shit together?”

“I hope so,” I replied, trying not to look too distracted by how good he looked.

We both turned back to the game, but Harry’s hand stayed attached to my hip, still thumbing at my waist. I couldn’t help but think about how possessive it almost felt, but then I shook it off because why would Harry be possessive of me? My mind had been coming up with the weirdest stuff lately. I wished it would stop, but I kind of liked it at the same time.

“Truth or dare,” Louis asked Liv with a mischievous smirk.

“Dare,” she replied with a leveled look.

Louis grinned, sitting back in his seat. “I dare you to kiss Katie Langdon.”

We all widened our eyes, watching as Liv sought Katie out. We’d only met her, like, once at these parties and she seemed nice enough. They both laughed a bit nervously before approaching each other. Unlike Niall and Layla’s kiss, this one was far less heated and much more chaste. Liv pulled away and gave Louis a satisfied smirk before walking away, but I could tell she was flushed from how pink her face got. It was strange because Liv didn’t seem nervous or scared when she’d went in for it. Wonder why she got embarrassed?

After that, the game started getting a bit boring and everyone was walking off and dispersing. I turned to Harry and pouted. “I never got to play,” I said.

“Aww,” Harry cooed, with a huge grin. “Want to play? Just the two of us.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Depends. What are your intentions?”

“My intentions?” he asked. I nodded my head, watching as he moved so he was closer to me. “They’re innocent, of course. What kind of boy do you think I am?”

“I know exactly what kind of boy you are, Styles,” I couldn’t help but smile.

Harry smiled, moving his hands so that they were holding onto both sides of my waist. “Truth or dare, Blair?”

I mulled over it for a few seconds before deciding, “Truth.”

“What would you do if I kissed you right now?”

I stared at Harry, lips parted and shell shocked at his question. He continued to look at me, his gaze not wavering nor moving from mine. I felt his thumbs press into my skin hard enough to bruise and I shivered under his touch. I knew he was just flirting. He was always flirting and it made me feel good. It seemed that since we hooked up, Harry got flirtier and I just got hornier. He had a way with words and it was charming and so annoying all at once. He was always so smug and show offy about it. I fucking loved it.  

Instead of answering, I copped out, scoffing because my heart was beating so hard, I didn’t know if I could take it. “Get a little more original.”

“That wasn’t original enough for you?” he laughed. “I’m just wondering, it’s why I asked.”

“Yeah, you’re only thinking with your dick,” I waved off. “It’s why you asked.”

Harry looked at me sternly. “Are you thinking about my dick again?”

I groaned, wondering if I’d ever hear the end of that joke. It almost seemed unlikely. It was Harry’s favorite running gag. Every time I said anything about something being big or mentioned a dick, he’d ask if I was thinking about his, which most times I was. But he didn’t have to know that.

“That joke is so old and boring,” I said, shoving at his chest playfully, my fists clenching his thin shirt.

“It is always relevant and funny,” he argued with a laugh, moving forward even though I was pushing him away. “Because you know it’s true. You’re always thinking about it. What am I going to do with you?”

“Fuck you,” I grumbled, even though there was a smile on my face.

Harry smirked, catching my hand in his, entwining our fingers. “Yeah, I suppose we could do that. How hard, though? Just so I know.”

It was honestly such a corny line, I was so shocked he even said it because it was cheesy, but it still sent the butterflies in my stomach into a frenzy. I was blushing and I knew he knew. His hand moved up to press into the spot on my cheek where my dimple was. He grinned at me and I smiled back, shyly.

“Let’s get a drink,” he suggested. “I’ll make you something real good.”

“Okay,” I replied, even though I knew that would only make us flirt harder and get more reckless with each other. For that very same reason, I didn’t bother trying to stop him. I followed him towards the kitchen. On the way, Niall stepped back from the kitchen with two beer bottles in hand. He passed by Layla, who was still sitting alone, and then stopped when he got behind her. Harry and I stopped as well, observing the two along with a few other people.

Niall bent down behind Layla and she tipped her head back, the two of them attaching their lips together without second thought. It was so wild. Louis was taking a picture and cheering them on because he was drunk as fuck. The rest of us were laughing while they full on snogged in front of us. Layla had his shirt bunched up in her fists, pulling him close, but then pushed him right off when she realized where they were. Niall grinned at us lazily before walking back to the party. 



When Liv and I went home, I’d noticed on the way that she seemed a bit quiet and resigned. I didn’t ask right away because I was concerned about Layla. She disappeared towards the end of the party and when I texted her, she told me she was fine. I still wasn’t satisfied and wanted to know who she was with or where she went. Harry promised he’d keep an eye out for her.

Once home, I toed off my heels and looked over at Liv, who walked to the kitchen for a glass of water like a zombie. What was up with her?

“Liv,” I said, slowly.

“Hm?” she asked.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine,” she mumbled. “Why?”

“You don’t look too good.”

She looked back up at me and blinked slowly. We were still so drunk, but also tired and ready to crash on the floor if need be. “Remember when I kissed Katie Langdon?”

“Yeah,” I said, warily.

“I liked it.”

I laughed nervously, sitting down on the couch and widening my eyes for a second. “Really? Like that Katy Perry song?”

“It’s not a joke,” she said, walking out of the kitchen to me. “I felt something. It was weird. I don’t even know Katie.”

“So, like, what are you saying?” I asked her. “That you like girls?”

“I don’t fucking know,” she groaned, throwing her hands up and walking to her room. I stared down at our floor, so confused by this whole exchange. I felt like I was living with an angsty teenager who wanted to experiment with the same sex and wanted to be difficult about it as though I was telling her she couldn’t do that.

I shrugged, walking to my room, noting Liv’s closed door. I’d have to speak to her later when we were much sober and ready for a conversation. After changing and freshening up, I checked my phone and opened the new message from Harry. Once I read it, I snorted, calling out to Liv, “Found Layla.”