Breathe

It had been a really long time since I’d let myself fall for anyone. The more I grew up, the more I saw how risky it was to form feelings for a boy and I didn’t want to do that anymore, at least not until I’d found someone who was worthy of my time. I had built a safety net around myself and stayed within it because it felt good and comforting. However, it was rather boring at times, as well. There was no one occupying your thoughts. It was always just you and yourself. And while that was a bit of relief at times and a good way to become more in tune with who you were, there was nothing like having a crush.

Having a crush was something else entirely. Exciting and stressful, exhilarating and exhausting. It meant having someone invade your every thought, making it about them, instead. You could be doing something as mundane as washing dishes and your thoughts would wander over to your crush, wondering what they were doing; how it would feel if they were with you in that moment. Whether or not they were thinking of you, too. And suddenly every song you heard was about them. Every lyric was twisted so that you could relate to and think about said crush some more. Seeing them brought butterflies to your stomach and touching them made you nervous, jittery, and excited all at once.

That was how I felt about Harry.

Harry, the guy who I was stubbornly platonic with until one day it suddenly wasn’t like that anymore. One minute he was my best friend and the next I wanted to hold his hand and kiss him all the time. I had no idea when it all started to change, but I realized it had been a long time coming. If I had opened my eyes a little more, I’d have probably picked up on what Liv and the rest of them had seen ages ago. I’d have realized that as the days grew, so did my feelings and whatever it was that was between us.  

And now, I didn’t know how to be around him anymore now that just friends wasn’t cutting it. Following our drunken sexting, it had been quiet between us, more or less. We hadn’t seen each other because of classes and such, but we did send each other the occasional snapchat here and there. That didn’t mean that he wasn’t always on my mind, though. I couldn’t do anything without thinking about Harry or talking about him for that matter.

Liv was so sick of hearing his name after some time that she limited me to only being able to talk about him a certain number of times in a day. I tried to follow her rules, but we both knew I would inevitably break them after a mere few hours. It was just so hard not to talk or think about him. Harry was gorgeous and he had a lovely heart and he was so kind. I could hardly believe all of that good could be put together in one six foot tall boy.

With Harry’s big birthday party coming up, Liv and I had gone shopping in hopes of getting him something that he’d like. And after much browsing, Liv had settled on a printed head scarf from Burberry, while I’d gone with a floral print shirt from YSL. Bless him and his ability to have good taste and dress well, as if he wasn’t already perfect enough.

I’d also bought him a book of knock knock jokes and a new, small cross necklace to add to his collection. I wasn’t sure if it was too much, but I didn’t care at the same time. Liv, however, wanted to take the piss. She was staring at me in amusement as I wrapped his present, putting it all in a pile in the box I had gotten before wrapping it with wrapping paper. There was even a bow to add to the top.

“What?” I asked, ignoring her knowing smirk.

“Nothing,” she replied with a laugh, leaning against my doorframe. “Just watching you wrap your little boyfriend’s present.”

“Not my boyfriend,” I replied.

“Yeah, but you like him,” she said, emphasizing on the word like.

“You’re honestly a five year old,” I said, trying not to laugh myself.

Liv cackled in response and walked back to her bedroom, leaving me to look at my present for Harry. It wasn’t too much. I just wanted to do something nice for him and get him nice things. If any of it had to do with me wanting to get into his pants, too--well, no one had to know.



Liv and I bundled up in our coats, walking over to Niall and Harry’s for pre-gaming before the birthday party later that night. Our high heels clacked and tapped against the sidewalk and we were visibly shaking from only wearing mini dresses underneath. The only thing that kept me going at all was the promise of warmth in their flat and seeing Harry. I hadn’t seen him in a few days and I was quite nervous, surprisingly.

I knew we were fine, for the most part. Nothing was awkward after the sexting, but I knew that the reason we were holding off was because it was too heavy. Something changed between us and we were both seemingly aware of that. Whatever exchange we were going to have after that night had to be done face to face. The simple thought of it made me jittery and excited. I also didn’t want to be oblivious to the fact that something could arise between us tonight. There was a chance that we could hook up and I kind of wanted to make sure we did.

At least Liv wanted to make sure we did because I’m so sick of hearing you whine about him, like, just go fuck him already. And I, for one, was not about to not listen to my best friend.

When we arrived, Liam opened the door for us, giving us hugs and kisses as we walked in. We found the rest of the squad in the living room, sipping what looked like champagne while The 1975 played from the iPod dock. Layla was already there since she’d spent the night with Niall, again. The two of them were cuddled up on the couch, whispering things to each other. It was beautiful and disgusting all at once. Louis was on his phone with his drink in his hand, sat beside Zayn and Zoe. The only person missing was the birthday boy, himself.

I tried not to be too obvious as I eyed his bedroom door, which was shut tight, while hugging everyone hello, wondering what he was doing. We took off our coats and placed Harry’s gifts in the pile left by everyone else.

“What are you all drinking?” Liv asked, adjusting the straps on her violet dress.

“Champagne,” Layla giggled. “Harry’s mum sent over, like, five bottles of it along with flowers. Isn’t that cute?”

“The cutest,” Liv agreed with a smile, helping herself to some. She turned to look at me. “Want some, Blair?”

I turned to her distractedly and shrugged. She gave me a knowing look before pouring me a flute of champagne and handing it over. I took it from her and sat down beside Louis, who gave me a smile before turning back to his phone. He seemed to be having several conversations via text, all probably having to do with the party.

“So, what’s the plan now that everyone’s here?” Zoe asked.

“We’re going to Club 49 in Soho,” Louis replied promptly. “The others are meeting us there. We’re just waiting for Harry to come out and should leave in about an hour or so. Cabs are already called up, too.”

“What’s taking Harry so long?” Liv asked, settling beside Zoe.

“He’s been trying to get ready for hours,” Niall said. “But kid’s so popular, he gets a call every few minutes from someone wishing him happy birthday.”

I smiled, just picturing Harry smiling into his phone as family members and friends all called him, one after another. I’d sent him a text, myself, last night at exactly midnight. A simple happy birthday, babe!!! see tomorrow :* xx. He’d responded with a thank you and that he couldn’t wait. Followed by a whole line of x’s.

So, we stuck around and waited, drinking champagne and talking amongst ourselves. After a while, the girls and I moved over to the kitchen while the boys turned on some sports game to watch, talking about scores and clubs, or whatever.

Layla eyed me, smirking as she gave me a once over. “You’re dressed quite nice,” she remarked.

“We all are,” I shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant.

“Oh, don’t play coy,” she rolled her eyes. “Liv’s told us all about your little revelation. We know who you’re trying to impress.”

I glared at Liv, watching as she cowered down guiltily, and sighed before leaning against the counter. “This is what I get for opening my mouth amongst my big mouth group of friends.”

“It’s not a surprise,” Zoe giggled. “We’ve all known how you and Harry feel about each other since the start. No harm in getting a little dressed up for him.”

“I suppose,” I smiled, feeling a blush rise on my cheeks.

“Are you guys going to have birthday sex?” Layla asked, bluntly.

My mouth opened and closed like a fish as I stared at Layla dumbfounded. I shouldn’t have been surprised. If she was anything, it was straightforward and frank. “I--I don’t know, Layla. Shit. We haven’t discussed it.”

“You never discuss whether you’re going to do it or not. It’s best when it’s in the moment,” she replied. “Niall and I didn’t do anything real until, like, maybe four days after we kissed. We were trying to wait, but just couldn’t.”

“Mmm,” Liv mumbled in distaste. “We’ve all heard you two going at it like rabbits at least once since you’ve gotten together. No need to let us know more.”

“You love it,” Layla rolled her eyes.

“I do not love it,” Liv started to say until I drowned out her voice and literally everyone around me when I looked up to see Harry finally emerging from his bedroom. And I knew that seeing him after that night would be something, but I didn’t think that it’d be like this. The fact that I couldn’t see anyone or anything around me but him and his stupid curly hair held up in a stupid quiff. He looked beautiful and unreal in his navy blue button up that had little white hearts all over it. It was quirky and lovely, just like him.

I would have been content on standing there and staring at Harry for the rest of the night had Louis not screamed and shook me out of my thoughts. “Hey, the birthday boy is here!” Harry laughed, his eyes gazing over everyone who was sat around.

“Hi, guys,” he said with a bright smile.

“Nice seeing you, H,” Zayn laughed. “Polite of you to show up.”

“Mum called again and we ended up talking for a bit while I was on the toilet.”

“You talked to your mum while taking a shit?” Louis asked him.

Harry didn’t reply for a long time and the boys burst out laughing, knowing that probably meant yes. The girls and I giggled from our spot and Harry turned to look at us, waving before his eyes locked on mine. His lips quirked up into a smile and he gave me a really obvious once over, eyes lingering and intense, which I could swear everyone was aware of. It was as if time stood still for a moment just between us and I wondered when it got to be that way. When Harry and I could just stare at each other with nothing but want and need between us, letting the tension deepen and get to the point where we couldn’t avoid it any longer.  

The moment was broken again when Niall walked over to grab his guitar, which was sat by the wall. “Hey, Harry. The boys and I’ve been practicing something for you.”

Harry turned away from me reluctantly and looked back at his friends. “You’re going to serenade me?”

“A bit, yeah,” Zayn nodded with a smirk on his lips. “We just wanted you to know that we care for you and we love you and that want you to have the best birthday ever.”

“Okay,” Harry laughed warily as they all sat down together in front of him with Niall up in center. I cocked my head to the side curiously, watching as Niall strummed the first note.

“I love you, bitch,” Louis and Zayn crooned out. Liv spit up her drink and Zoe was bent over the counter laughing, while Layla mouthed along to the lyrics.

“I ain’t ever gonna stop loving you, bitch,” Niall and Liam finished, with Liam hitting his falsetto on the bitch.

Harry was kneeling on the ground by the end, laughing as he clapped for them along with the rest of us. “Amazing,” he cheered. “I’ve never felt more appreciated and loved in my life. You guys are the best friends a guy could ask for.”

“A man, Styles,” Louis told him. “You’re twenty-two now. You’re a man.”

Niall scoffed at that. “He danced around the flat wearing nothing but his underwear while singing “22” by Taylor Swift last night.”

“Niall,” Harry hissed with a glare. “That was meant to be a secret. Is there no flatmate confidentiality between us?”

“There is. It’s just a bit of a turn off when I’m trying to shag my girlfriend, but Taylor Swift is singing in the background about feeling happy, free, confused and lonely.”

“Again with the details,” Liv whined, throwing her hand up in the air in annoyance.

“He has a really strong libido,” Layla told her, proudly and defensively. “Absolutely nothing wrong with that.”

“It is when you tell us all about it,” Liv continued. I turned away from the two again with an eye roll before walking towards the living room when I noticed Harry’s eyes on me again. He smiled brightly, his green eyes sparkling with mischief and something confident and cheeky as he walked over to meet me halfway.

We looked at each other for a brief moment before laughing, all sense of nervousness vanishing the moment we wrapped our arms around each other. “Happy birthday, Harry,” I smiled, tucking in my head against his chest. His hand stroked down my back, resting over my bum, giving me chills and tingles all the way down to my toes.

“Thank you,” he replied before pulling away at arm’s length to look at me. “You look amazing. Prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”

I wrinkled my nose, not being able to keep the smile off my face. “Charming, aren’t you?”

“Not trying to be,” he laughed, pressing a kiss on my forehead. “Just being honest. You know I love it when you wear red lipstick.”

“I do,” I nodded. “It’s why I wore it.”

“For me?” he asked, eyes intense, despite the playful smile on his lips.

“For you,” I agreed, biting my lip and watching the way his eyes turned dark while his own lips parted. Harry’s hand stroked over my waist and he gripped it, like he wanted me to know what he couldn’t say out loud right then. And like the rest of the night since Harry walked out of his room, I’d failed to realize that we weren’t the only two in the room. It just had to wait. 



I wasn’t sure if it was a plan or if it was simply by coincidence that Harry and I were the only two in our cab, while the others rode together despite it being a tight fit. Nevertheless, neither of us argued and got into the car. Harry told the driver our destination and we pulled away from the curb and drove off. The radio was on low to some news channel, filling in the silence between Harry and I.

And it wasn’t like silence between Harry and I was ever awkward or uncomfortable because the two of us were extremely comfortable with each other. It was just tense, like most things between us now. There was this elephant in the room, for lack of a better expression, that neither of us bringing up, even though it’d be really weird if we didn’t. We knew what we both wanted and we knew that it was constantly on our minds. It all really came down to when it would happen and who would initiate. And we must have been super obvious about it because all of our friends shoved us into one cab together, leaving us all alone to sort it out.

Not that I minded. It was nice and I liked being with Harry. I liked him, a lot. And I wondered whether it was written clearly on my face now that I’d come to terms with it. Whether or not Harry could see right through me.

I didn’t look over at him for the first few minutes of the drive, content on just sitting there and chewing my bottom lip to oblivion. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that both of our palms were lying flat in the space between us over the seat. They were a mere few centimeters apart and I couldn’t help but smirk to myself as I slid it closer. And he must not have been that discreet because a second later, Harry slid his palm closer, too.  

This went on back and forth until our palms were pressed together and Harry had his pinky wrapped over mine. I was just about to move my hand closer again when he leaned over, kissing me right on the lips. I was only frozen for a second before I kissed him back, gripping the back of his head to hold him in place. Harry groaned into my mouth, his hand secured on the crook of my neck as he sucked my bottom lip between his.  

If I were able to form any coherent thoughts other than the feel of Harry’s soft curls under my fingers and the taste of the mint on his tongue or the smell of his Tom Ford cologne, I’d be more aware of the fact that we were in a cab. We were in front of a stranger and it was hardly the place to be having a heated make out session while the news reporter on the radio spoke of some bad weather or an unfortunate accident on the freeway. However, there wasn’t a single part of me that cared or would stop.

All I wanted was for Harry to keep kissing me until our breaths mingled into one. There were no lingering doubts or drunken haze to blame like the first night. This was what we wanted and what we’d been leading up to after a month of intense flirting, long, lingering gazes, and pure unadulterated want. In fact, I had a half a mind to tell the driver to turn the fuck around and head back to Harry’s flat so that we could do this properly because now that it was happening, I didn’t want to wait any longer.

If Harry were to take me right there in that cab, I wouldn’t stop him.

I kissed him feverishly, his mouth ravishing my own without any sense of nervousness. I felt his hand stroke down my neck, over my chest and towards my legs, where he wrapped it around my thigh and lifted it to wrap around his waist. I wasted no time in following suit and let out a soft whimper in response when I felt the friction through my dress. His long, calloused fingers stroked my bare legs soothingly, making me itch for him to keep the pace while also wanting him to be a bit rougher. And it only came to prove that I wanted Harry in every way that he had to offer. I wanted to experience it all with him.  

And I was so lost in the feeling of Harry’s mouth on mine, whispering things like so pretty and fuck, so good, while his hands pulled my dress up higher to touch more of me, that I didn’t even notice that the cab had stopped and we’d arrived.

The driver cleared his throat uncomfortably and I wanted to cry from how short lived that felt. I wanted to cry at the fact that Harry could literally kiss me for days and it still wouldn't be enough. He looked at me momentarily with his pupils blown wide with lust and gave me one last peck before pulling away and taking out his wallet. I reluctantly adjusted my dress and ran a hand through my hair before climbing out of the car. Harry followed shortly and the two of us looked at each other for a moment until our friends called our names from the doorway.

They had all arrived before us and eyed us with smirks on their faces. I quickly pulled my phone out, opening the front camera to make sure my lipstick and everything was in tact. Except for a little smudging, most of it was still on, and when I looked over at Harry, he seemed good, too. Even if the back of his hair was all mussed up from my fingers.

“Took you long enough,” Liv said once I’d approached her, standing beside who I could only assume was Aiden from his pictures.

“Sorry,” I replied, running my hand through my hair once again. I knew it was stupid, but I kept thinking that everyone would just know what had happened in the car. They’d know that Harry and I had basically made out like two horny teenagers the entire way and his hand had been up my dress and my tongue had been in his mouth. They had to know. I still couldn’t shake off the feeling of his touch on my body or the feel of his lips on mine. It felt like he’d printed it on me for everyone to see.

“It’s fine,” Liv waved off, smiling. “This is Aiden. Aiden, this is my best friend and roommate, Blair.”

Aiden smiled at me--a sort of half smile where his lips curved to his left--before extending his hand over to shake mine. “Nice to meet you,” he said. “Heard tons about you.”

“Likewise,” I smiled, shaking his hand back, giving him a quick, subtle once over. He was exactly like Liv’s type. He had an adorable baby face, which contrasted with his deep, raspy voice. His hair was clean cut and he dressed smart, which was something she always liked in a guy. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“You, too,” he replied, stuffing his hands in his pocket. “Shall we go in?” Liv and I nodded, following the rest of our group inside the club where Harry was met with cheers, hugs, and birthday wishes from all his frat brothers and a few friends from uni. He looked happy as he greeted everyone and even got picked up off his feet with Ed, Ashton, Josh, and Niall holding him up in the air.

I licked my lips, still able to taste him on them and turned away from the crowd that was surrounding him. I sat down in the small booth that Liv, Aiden, Liam, and Zayn were sat at. The others were either at the bar or at another booth beside ours since not everyone could fit in one. Liv nudged me after a moment and gave me a look.

“What happened in the cab?” she asked, a smirk on her lips.

I smiled back, not being able to help myself. “Who said anything happened in the cab?”

“Your face does,” she snickered. “You got out completely flustered and I can tell your mind is elsewhere. Now, spill it.”

I looked down at my lap and pulled my lips in, wondering if this was the place to be talking about it. When I looked back up, I saw that the boys were talking with Aiden and getting to know him, so it was safe. I turned back to Liv, who was searching my face, blue eyes sparkling under the dim lights.

“Harry and I hooked up in the car. Like full on snogging and groping,” I breathed out quickly.

Liv’s eyes widened and she half laughed, half squealed. “What?” she practically screamed. “You two sno--.”

“Tone it down,” I interrupted with a warning tone. “And yes, we snogged. Who knows what would have happened if the car didn’t stop. It was wild, Liv. I’ve never been more turned on in my life.”

“Shit,” she squeaked. “This is amazing. This is like “Partition” by Beyoncé.”

I gave her a look. “”Partition” by Beyoncé?” I asked flatly.

“Yes,” she nodded. “The song about getting it on in the back seat on the way to the club and asking the driver to roll up the partition because you can’t even wait till you’ve reached there. It’s perfect.” She then paused and looked rather offended. “Why do you get to live out Beyoncé songs? I like her more than you. I should be the one doing “Partition” in the back seat of the car.”

“Well, I’m sorry,” I shrugged. “Not like I planned it.”

“You didn’t. Niall and Louis did. They wanted to get you two alone because apparently Harry had been talking about you non-stop.”

“He has?” I asked curiously.

Liv nodded with a smile. “It’s what they told me. He’s been going on about how fit you are. How much he wants to hook up with you. That sort of stuff, so they were, like, tonight’s the night.”

“Tonight’s the night,” I gulped, grabbing one of the shots Niall had just brought to our booth and downing it in one.



Club 49 wasn’t that big. It was a thin, long room with colorful, dim lights. There was a bar off to one side with small booths lining the other. In the corner, towards the back, there was a DJ set up and a small, tight fitted dance floor. It was also 15 minutes away from campus, so the entire place was just packed with Harry’s friends. All of his frat brothers, their entire footie team and other friends he had within the school. None of us minded because that meant everyone was familiar with one another and it was just another weekend party just set in a different location.

I’d spent the first half of the night with all of my friends. We’d done shots and danced with each other, cracking jokes and laughing about stupid things. At some point, Liv thought she’d be funny and requested the DJ to play “Partition”. I was not amused, but because I was a bit drunk, I’d laughed and told her to go shove it before dragging her to the dance floor. Harry, for the most part, was as popular as ever, constantly talking to someone or another.

If it wasn’t a fellow teammate he was talking to, a frat brother would come over to give him a drink. And if it wasn’t a frat brother, it was a girl hoping to get lucky. I was trying not to stare too hard, but it was a bit hard when he was staring right back. Harry and I shared more than a few intense, lingering gazes and I wondered how it looked to the outsider’s point of view. Probably creepy. Definitely weird. Maybe hot.

I didn’t think either of us were avoiding the other. It was more so the fact that we weren’t being given a chance to just be together. We could easily go over to the other, but then we’d be interrupted by someone. And a part of me knew that if we were to just cross the room and meet, it would be a continuation from where we’d left off in the cab. And this time, we wouldn’t be able to stop.

It did help that Harry wasn’t really paying attention to any of the others girls who were trying to chat him up. He was polite because he was Harry, but not his usual flirty self that I was used to seeing. Nonetheless, it felt like it was all building up between me and him as time went on. The tension and the anticipation for what was to come when this night would start to wind down. I felt shivers down my spine every time I thought about it. Liv would give me looks like she knew what I was thinking about and it was making her uncomfortable that I was thinking about it right there in front of everyone.

Somehow, with all the other stuff going on in my head, I hadn’t bothered to drink that much either. I’d taken two shots with everyone but was still holding it together. As I waited at the bar for my drink, I felt Harry before I saw him, his hand resting on the curve of my waist. I turned to look at him and found his green eyes looking down at mine.

“Hi,” he smiled.

“Hi,” I replied, probably with a stupid smile on my face, too. “Having fun?”

He nodded, leaning in closer so we didn’t have to shout over the music. It was probably just an excuse to be closer, but no one had to know. “It’s fun. Having tons of fun.”

“Me, too,” I agreed. “I’m ready for cake.”

“There’s cake?” he asked, looking around the room for it.

“There’s cake,” I confirmed. “We ordered it from your favorite bakery, but the staff has it somewhere in the back, so it doesn’t get ruined.”

“Smart idea,” Harry noted. “Everyone’s trashed tonight.”

“Are you?”

Harry shook his head and I’d only then remembered that his hand was still on my waist, only because it moved towards my back so that my body was tilted towards him. I decided to be brave and placed my hand over his shoulder, hoping he’d get the hint. Harry smiled in response.

“Why not? It’s your birthday. Should be proper pissed, right?”

“I suppose,” he responded. “Had a few shots, but I’m okay. What about you?”

“I’m okay, too.”

“So,” he started. I hummed in response, asking for him to continue. “Earlier, the DJ started to play “Partition” and I just wondered whether or not that was a coincidence.”

I stared at him for a moment before laughing. “Harry,” I said. “What are you trying to say?”

“I’m just saying that I appreciate Beyoncé and that it couldn’t have been just a coincidence.”

“It wasn’t,” I said. “But everyone expected it, right?”

He nodded, his expression more somber. “Everyone expected it.”

“And you?”

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “I expected it, too.”

I smiled at him, watching as his lips quirked up in a smirk. There wasn’t anticipation or any build up to the kiss that followed, only because it just felt comfortable, like most things between Harry and I. His other hand came up to cup my jaw and tilt my head up to meet his lips better. Instead of the minty taste from before that came from the gum he was chewing, Harry’s lips were laced with a bit of vodka and something that was starting to taste familiar like Harry himself.



There was more cake on Harry’s face than there was on the platter. After Liam had brought it out, Harry blew out his candles only to have Louis push his face down into the frosting. The entire club was laughing and taking pictures as Harry lifted his face and shoved some onto Louis’ face and then Liam’s, too, for good measure.

The party wound down after that and some people were already gone or passed out, having to be carried home, instead. Harry hadn’t left my side since we’d kissed by the bar. We’d shared a drink at the bar, intent on staying as sober as we could, and sat with our friends at our booth. We’d even danced a little, hips aligned and giggling into each other’s lips, his lips now tasting like icing.

When we all started to leave, Harry held my hand on the way out and smiled before bringing me in front of him and backing me up against a parked car. He kissed me deeply, lips parted and tongue immediately sliding in.

“Want to go home with me?” he murmured against my lips, hands stroking down my sides.

I nodded at him with hooded eyes and felt drunk from the taste of the alcohol in his mouth; felt drunk from having Harry’s attention like this. Harry took my hand in his again, entwining our fingers before leading me towards one of the empty cabs on the sidewalk. We were both trying hard not to laugh at our friends catcalling us from behind.



The minute we stepped inside Harry’s bedroom, he slammed the door closed before pushing me against it. His lips found mine immediately in a bruising kiss as he sucked my bottom lip between his. I let his hands roam down my body before he took my hands in his and raised them on either sides of my head. He pulled away from the kiss, looking down at me with dark pupils and ragged breaths, while entwining our fingers together.

“I’ve been waiting to get a taste of you since New Year’s night,” he whispered, dragging his lips across my cheek. “I didn’t think I was ever going to be able to kiss you again.”

It physically pained me to hear him say that. Not in a sad kind of way, but in a mourning kind of way that we could have been doing this since then had I not cocked it up by telling him I wanted to forget it. Because I wanted to kiss him, too. God, I never wanted to stop. It just took me a lot longer to realize and that was the hardest part.

I kissed him again, tracing his lips with my tongue and biting on his plump bottom one, hard. Harry groaned against my mouth, moving forward so that our hips aligned and I could feel how hard he was under his jeans. I whimpered and rubbed against him to get some friction. Any friction, really. Harry’s hands let go of mine, only to come down to my body, stroking over my waist to my bum. His fingers trailed over to where the zipper of my dress was before looking at me for permission.

I nodded my head a few times, trying not to appear eager, but probably doing just that. It brought a laugh to my lips and Harry grinned, kissing me twice on the cheek before trailing soft pecks down to my neck. He unzipped my dress and pushed the straps to the side, letting it fall to the ground.

It was cold in Harry’s room, a breeze coming from the crack in his window, but I felt fevered and hot, standing there in nothing but my soft pink, lace bra and pants. Harry eyed me shamelessly, letting his eyes rake over every exposed inch of my body before looking back up at me again.

“Have I told you how gorgeous I think you are?” he asked, letting his fingers trail over my stomach, making the muscles tighten.

I nodded with a laugh. “You have, I think. Once or twice.”

“I could say it a million times and it still wouldn’t be enough,” Harry said, his fingers now tracing the hemline of my pants.

Being with Harry in an intimate way was still something new. This would be our second time, but I could probably be with him a million times more and it would still never suppress the amount of butterflies in my stomach or the chills down my spine. He just had that effect on me.

It felt ethereal the way Harry was looking at me, like I was the only girl he’d ever laid eyes on, which I knew wasn’t true. He just had a way of making anyone feel like the center of his world for however much time they were blessed with his attention. He was focused and gentle, pressing kisses on the corner of my mouth as he slipped his fingers past the hemline and towards my center, swiping over my clit once, making me moan in front of him. I watched him gulp, smirking as he went a little deeper, stroking upwards and spreading the warm wetness throughout.

“Can’t wait to get my mouth on you,” he whispered, kissing the spot below my ear.

I let out an inaudible gasp at that, my eyes fluttering shut before leaning my head against his door again. “Harry,” I breathed out.

“Mm,” he mumbled, his lips sucking on the place he’d kissed, intent on leaving a mark. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, trying to hold still as his fingers continued to move between my slit, making me feel euphoric all over.

When it all felt a little too much, too soon, I pushed him back gently enough to get him walking backwards, watching as he moved easily and pulled away to look at me. His hands slipped away and I was only upset a little bit because I knew I wanted to get him on that bed again. I smiled at him, cheekily, unbuttoning his shirt until I was met with the sight of his beautiful tattoos. The detailed butterfly on his stomach, the ferns on his hips, and the sparrows on his collar bones, to which I placed soft kisses to while unbuttoning his jeans. When I got the zip down, I looked back up at him again, letting my hand slide in and grip his considerable length.

“Fuck,” he chuckled hoarsely asl the back of his legs hit his bed.

I pumped him in my hands for a few moments until he stilled my hands and turned me around. Harry leaned forward and kissed me, guiding me down on the bed. I lied back down on my elbows, looking up at him and watching as he took off his shirt and pulled his jeans down. His cock’s outline bulged from his boxer briefs and I couldn’t peel my eyes off of it, so much so that I missed it when he moved down to slide them off as well. He grinned at me, moving towards the bed and pushing me further up towards the middle.

Harry kissed me again, sweet, soft kisses as his hands trailed down my body. He continued to kiss me down my chin and then my neck until he met my collar bones. I let out breathy moans as he pressed harder kisses there, sucking and licking on the skin while his hands moved down to squeeze down on my breasts. He stilled once he was happy with the amount of marks he’d left before looking up into my eyes again.

He kept steady eye contact, moving further down until he was just over my chest. His fingers slid underneath my back, unclasping my bra before helping me out of it and putting it on the side of his bed. Harry looked up at me longingly, his lips moving down to press kisses down the valley of my breasts. I instinctively curled my fingers through his hair, letting my body arch up a bit as his mouth pulled one of my nipples in. He rolled his tongue over the bud, sucking on it while one of his hands moved down towards my center and pressed down on my clit, stroking and massaging it.

“Fuck,” I whimpered, slightly thrusting my hips up as heat bubbled to the pit of my stomach in another wave of arousal.

Harry pulled off with a pop, his lips curving into a smirk. “Impatient?” he asked.

“Fuck off,” I breathed out with a laugh. “You’re a tease.”

“No,” he laughed back. “You’re just impatient. Let me treat you right.”

“You do treat me right,” I argued, albeit in quiet whispers. “Just want you, Harry.”

He looked at me with what could only read as fond. His eyes were soft and gentle, which made me feel safe. I felt comfortable being with him, something I hadn’t ever felt with another guy with whom I’d had sex with. It was almost always nerve wracking and a lot of fumbling around. With Harry it was different. Everything with Harry felt different, like we were on another level. He looked back down at my body and kissed his way down to my navel, pressing soft, fluttering kisses there, making my toes curl.

When his mouth ghosted over my center, I lifted my hips up to allow him to slide off my lace pants and place them next to my bra. Harry gazed down at it for a moment, his fingers sliding between my slit again before he leaned down and swiped his tongue through. I let out a shuddering, soft moan. He did it again, this time, pressing his tongue flat against my clit and sucking on it. My fingers pulled on his hair, both simultaneously trying to keep him there while also trying to keep still myself.

I breathed out raggedly as he took his time with flicking his tongue in and out until I knew I couldn’t take it anymore. “Harry,” I choked out. He looked up at me immediately, his eyes glossy and dark emerald. I placed my hand on the crook of his neck, pulling Harry closer to me. He immediately moved over to meet my lips and kissed me back just as desperately as I felt. I let my hands glide down his abs, all soft skin and hard muscle.

“You’re so fucking good, Blair,” he whispered to me, kissing me everywhere he could reach.

I let my eyes shut, tilting my head to the side and letting him have his way. When he moved back to capture my lips again, I held him back, looking into his eyes. He looked beautiful, his lips puffy and a shade of dark, cherry red.

“How badly do you want to fuck me?” I asked him.

Harry looked at me like he thought I was joking by asking that. As if the answer was so obvious that I didn’t need a vocal confirmation. “So bad, B,” he managed to chuckle out through breathy whispers, kissing me again. “Do you want me to fuck you?”

“Yeah, please,” I said, voice pleading and raspy.

“I’ll do that, yeah?” he said, leaning back on his haunches and rummaging through his bottom side drawer until he came back with a small packet in his hands. I watched him unwrap the condom and swiftly slide it onto his length, positioning himself over me again.

Harry’s eyes were gentle and fond again, boring into mine as he smiled, his dimple sinking in. I smiled back, a laugh escaping both of our lips as he leaned down until his forehead rested over mine, and then he pushed inside. For a moment, we both stilled, breathing heavily while staring at each other. I was trying to adjust to his size and also get over the dull pain since I hadn’t done this in a very long time. When it subsided and I needed him to move, I pecked his lips hard with a nod. Harry got the hint.

He pulled out slowly before thrusting back in, a bit faster and deeper. He continued to do so, our breaths labored as we held on to each other and tried to relish in everything about this moment because it was actually, finally happening. After a few slow, initial thrusts, Harry had picked up a rhythm that was quick and steady. The room was filled with the sound of the headboard hitting back on the wall and small moans that escaped our lips every so often.

We kissed, mostly. Our lips meeting, even for fleeting seconds, quick or deep. His hands held my body down so that it wouldn’t slide up the bed and my head wouldn’t hit the headboard because of his quick pace. And it wasn’t scary, even though I knew there was no going back from this. Neither of us were drunk. We weren’t going to wake up the next morning and act like none of this meant anything to us because it did mean something. It meant everything.  

Harry’s thrusts started to get shallower, his moans low and guttural. “You going to come for me?” he rasped.

“Yeah,” I replied with more of a moan than actual words.

“Do it,” he whispered, his finger moving down between us to press against my clit. “Look so fucking pretty when you do. Love watching you.”

“Fuck.” My eyes squeezed shut as my body fell apart with the feeling of having Harry all over me. He was kissing down my neck, his finger was rubbing over my most sensitive spot and he was inside of me. I felt completely taken by him. Consumed and spent up in the best way possible. It only took a few more thrusts until I was coming apart and letting out a broken string of Harry’s name.

He looked at me with amazement, his eyes taking in the way I shook apart under him. He didn’t stop, however, pushing in and out of me at a much slower pace until he came as well, his face buried in the crook of my neck. We stayed like that afterwards, stilled and curled up against each other. I could feel him pressing kisses on my skin and wanted him to stay like that for as long as he could. Wanted him to be inside of me for as long as he could.

Unfortunately, I was a bit sensitive and Harry did eventually have to pull out of me and roll onto his side. He peeled off the condom and dropped it in his wastebasket before looking over at me. “That was the best birthday sex ever,” he said, making us both snicker before wearing a much more somber expression. “Took us long enough, though.”

The two of us stared at each for a moment before we smiled softly, cuddling up with each other again. “Yeah,” I agreed, settling against his chest. “Happy birthday, love.”

It didn’t matter how long it took us to get to this point, to stop pretending we didn’t feel anything for each other. Sometimes in life, we had to face several obstacles before eventually getting to where we were meant to be. If Harry had to kiss other girls and experience that bit of life before making his way to me, then I didn’t mind. As long as I was the one he’d end up with.