Breathe

Despite the warm, lovely summer days we had the past few weeks, the day I arrived back to my London flat, it was pouring rain. It shouldn’t have been that surprising considering it was London and it always rained here, but I felt my mood dampening more and more while trying to lug my bags out of my cab and take them up to my flat. My hair was turning wet and frizzy, my mascara was most likely running since it wasn’t waterproof, and I packed too much shit, making my bags too heavy to easily carry up the stairs and escape from the rain as quickly as I could. It was tough enough to leave the comfort of my room and my parent’s home, saying goodbye to my family, and come back to the city only to receive this warm welcome.

What made it worse was that the guy we sublet the flat to for the time we were away left the place filthy, so I had to clean for the entire rest of the day. Once I was done, I deemed it was only fit that I rewarded myself with a nice, long hot bath and a glass of fresh lemonade while scrolling aimlessly through my phone and taking cliche pics of my thighs submerged in all the bubbles.

After my bath, I got to actual work, the sole reason I came back here -- filling out job applications and sending in my CV to companies who were hiring.

I sat outside on the covered balcony with my laptop and takeaway Thai dinner, filling out application after application while the rain came to a slow stop and the pavement gave off a soft glow. Now that I had graduated, my parents weren’t going to be funding me any longer and were soon going to cut me off financially, so I had to find a job if I didn’t want to be on the streets. Not that Liv or my parents would let me live on the streets, but it was important that I was doing something and working to provide for myself independently. I hated the thought of staying idle now that I didn’t have something like school keeping me busy. I wanted to keep going and take on the next chapter of my life with positive and active strides.

When the sky darkened and the night breeze got a little chillier, I packed away my laptop, cleaned up my food containers and headed to bed. It was when I was under the covers, ready to finally go to sleep after a long day, that I got a text from Layla asking to go for drinks the next night. I quickly replied a yes and went to sleep.



When I arrived to the pub that Layla had texted me to meet her at in Central London, it felt a little off. I was so used to going to the bars and pubs on campus that it was weird to be anywhere else but there. It was a nice place, though. The lights were dimmed low, the music wasn’t too loud and distracting, and there weren’t drunk frat boys dancing to “Trap Queen” whilst shirtless with dick written on their chest with Sharpie. In my opinion, that already meant the night was off to a good start.

I spotted Layla, Niall, and Louis by the pool table near the bar and walked over to them. “Hi, guys!” I greeted with a smile. Louis immediately walked over, hugging me while Niall and Layla came over after since Niall was pulling the whole I’ll teach you how to play pool method on Layla and it took longer for them to disentangle from each other.

“Hey, you,” Layla said, giving me a good, firm squeeze with her arms wrapped around me. “Find your way here okay?”

“I did,” I nodded. “Felt a bit weird, though. Almost went to the Imperial bar.”

“I did that the other day,” Louis laughed, holding his stick steady in his hand as he went in for a shot. “So fucking weird that we won’t be going there anymore. I went to that same bar for four years and now I have to find another regular.”

“What a tragedy,” Layla said sarcastically. Louis ended up trying to poke her in the stomach with his stick, but she quickly hid behind Niall.

“How’ve you been?” Niall asked me, trying to stand still while Layla hovered behind him to defend herself from Louis. “How was summer?”

“Summer was good,” I replied, taking a seat beside the bar top. “I slept a lot and spent a ton of time with my family and also extended family. There was a vacation in there as well. Oh -- did I tell you all that Leah is pregnant?”

“Is she really?” Layla practically screamed, running over to sit beside me. “Oh my god, that is so exciting. I’m so happy for her.”

“I am, too!” I replied, giddily. “I’m going to be an Aunt soon. How fucking cool is that?”

“Tell her congrats on our behalf,” Niall said as he went in to make his move in the game. “When’s the baby due?”

“She’s about six weeks in, so I’d say another seven to eight months.”

“I’m honestly so excited,” Layla chirped. “I hope the baby is all fat and squishy and so cuddly. I’m going to go back home all the time just to see him -- or her.”

“Did you two and Liv meet a lot when you went back this summer?” Louis asked then, coming up to stand in front of us with his back to the pool table. Niall joined him after, the game forgotten for the time being.

I shook my head slowly, unsure of how to answer, and looked over at Layla to see she was contemplating as well. “I mostly spent it with my family -- we went on vacations and what not. Liv came by a few times to hang out, but her and her parents went on this trip to Greece for a while and then she had other friends to meet up.”

“I was busy with my family as well. Plus we knew we’d see each other eventually when we came back to London, so there was no immediate need,” Layla added. “I’ve been in and out of the city for the past month, as it is.”

“Oh, right,” I remembered. “How is flat hunting going?”

Now that Layla was done with Uni, she needed a new place to stay because she wasn’t going to be living in the dorms anymore. It was going to be hard to find a flat in Central London, where she was going to be interning for the Independent UK, a newspaper company. Given the fact that Layla wasn’t a student anymore was going to be an issue because renters upped the rate and it was most likely Layla would have to find a roommate, otherwise it was going to be hard to pay for.

“Flat hunting is going, I guess,” Layla shrugged. “I’ve been going with Niall and we haven’t found anything good yet -- it’s either shabby and ugly or too expensive.”

“I want to make sure she has a good place to say,” Niall tacked on. “A good area, good living conditions, and good roommates if need be. I’d prefer no roommates, actually, but you know -- with expenses and all, it’s a lot.”

Louis rolled his eyes, smirking mischievously as he said, “You sound more like Layla’s Mum than her boyfriend.”

Niall scowled at Louis, making Layla and I giggle as the two bickered. “How about we go grab a booth and order something?” I suggested over their loud voices. “I’m fucking starving and I want a drink. All I’ve done today is send my CV to more companies and fill out more bloody job applications, so I need to get drunk or something. It’s so time consuming and annoying. I hate it.”

“Yeah, sure,” Niall said, eventually giving up on his bickering with Louis and leading us towards the booths.

“Have you heard back from anywhere?” Louis asked me as we walked. “I’ve been looking as well on and off, but haven’t heard back from anyone. I need to soon, though, otherwise I’m fucked.”

“Same,” I agreed with him, settling down beside Layla in our booth. “I’ve just applied so far and hopefully they get back soon. Where’ve you been applying?”

Louis sat down across from me. “Mostly to casting agencies, theaters, etc. -- nothing major, though. I haven’t been worrying as much about work because I’ve been in and out of London all throughout summer. Mum’s always badgering me to stay longer in Doncaster since my younger sisters get so happy whenever I’m around. She got super sentimental saying I’m abandoning them now that I’m all grown, which is so dramatic, but I understand, I guess. Mum’s still single and is hoping her boyfriend proposes soon. So, they still rely on me for man of the house things.”

“That’s sweet,” Layla gushed. “You shouldn’t abandon them. Stay with them as long as you can because they obviously love you and look up to you.”

“I do stay a lot and I call them everyday,” Louis laughed. “But, I’ve just got my own things going on, too. I can’t stay there as long as they’d like me to. I have to get myself sorted out here first and in the meantime they’ve got to do with however much and long they see me.”

“Louis Tomlinson, the voice of reason and wisdom and tough love,” Niall said in his best announcer voice, cracking up the rest of us while Louis smacked the back of his head.

“Tell us about your summer, you Irish twat,” Louis challenged. “What’ve you been up to? Besides being a mother hen to Layla.”

“Went back to Ireland right after graduation. Stayed there for a bit and got drunk and spent time with the family. And then I came back earlier this month. Just chilling and also applying to places like recording studios and stuff.”

“Recording studios,” I exclaimed, eyes wide and bright. “Like with real musicians?”

Niall nodded casually like it wasn’t a big deal. “My degree is for the music field. Haven’t found anything for sound tech yet, mostly internships and assistant jobs, but as long as I can get my foot in, I’m good, you know?”

“Totally get that,” I agreed. “That’s how I feel about Information Technology. If I can just set foot into an IT company, I’ll be okay, even if I’m doing business related internships like marketing and social media.”

“Well then, let’s get drinks and cheer to you guys hearing something back soon,” Layla smiled.

“Hear, hear,” Louis grinned, standing up to get the first round.

Layla smiled at me before starting to fuss with Niall’s hair, making him smile sheepishly while looking to her for a kiss, so I pulled my phone out to keep busy and not look like a third wheel no matter how cute they were.

What I found was a new text message from Harry and while it used to make me feel happy back in the day to hear from him, nowadays, it only made a lump lodge in my stomach.

I kssed a grl I met at mmy mate’s paty tonite

I frowned, trying not to let the ugly feeling that started to form inside of me crawl through and make me react exactly how Harry wanted me to because I wouldn’t. I wasn’t going to get jealous nor was I going to get mad. I wasn’t going to feel anything because he wasn’t my boyfriend anymore and he was allowed to go and snog whoever he pleased. It had nothing to do with me. I couldn’t give a fuck if I tried.

But that was all such a bullshit lie because I was jealous. I was fucking furious and livid not only at the fact that Harry found it necessary to text and let me know that he kissed someone, but that he was kissing anyone who wasn’t me at all. I was mad at him and the girl and at myself for even caring. I gritted my teeth, typing in a response just to see it was read right away and Harry was already typing again.

that’s great. congratulations!

Wht???????

I ignored his last text, locking my phone and practically shoving it in my purse. Harry was drunk and he was annoying. I was so done talking to him. Louis arrived just then, noticing my sudden aggressiveness and let out a low whistle as he put down the pints.

“What’s wrong with you?” Louis asked, settling back down in his seat and noticing the scowl on my face. Even Niall and Layla were looking over at me, having been burst out of their little bubble and surprised by the sudden change of mood.

I wasn’t even sure how to describe or tell them about Harry and me because so much had changed since graduation. It was a mess and I didn’t even fully understand it myself.

The two of us weren’t really talking, but we weren’t avoiding one another, either. It was mostly just drunk texts and calls like the one he’d just sent. Whenever either of us got drunk this summer for some reason we automatically thought of one another and maybe it was because we were intoxicated and couldn’t think straight, but it was just confusing. It made me happy that we were still thinking of each other, but it didn’t change the fact that we weren’t together anymore. It only made it hurt more because I didn’t know if Harry was still in love with me or if he was only going to wake up the morning after and think he made a drunken mistake by reaching out to me.

At first, we would only text and that would consist of either gibberish or actual messages, most of which really hurt. Harry would be angry some nights and other nights he’d be sad. There would also be times where I’d do the same. I remembered one night, I wasn’t doing as well as I did most days and felt really upset and wanted to wallow, so I grabbed my Mum’s wine bottle and drank the whole thing in my room before texting Harry a simple I miss you. Harry never responded to it and I’d felt so humiliated and angry. Six months ago, Harry couldn’t stay away from me or keep his hands off of me, but now he couldn’t even bother to respond to a lousy text.

What the actual fuck?

But that was how it went and would continue. Harry would text me and I wouldn’t text him back just to spite him. That would get on his nerves and he’d send me something spiteful in return. It was toxic and terrible and in no way friendly banter. Leah told me several times to stop doing whatever we were doing because it was counterproductive to our breakup, so I listened. I ignored all of his texts and wouldn’t pay it any mind until one night when he called me up at four in the morning towards the end of May.

“Harry?” I had said, groggy and confused as I sat up on my bed, checking the time on my bedside clock.

“Blair, hi,” he slurred, the sound of traffic behind him. “Are you sleeping?”

“No, shit,” I mumbled, my voice raspy. “What’s wrong? Is everything alright?”

“I -- uh...I just wanted to hear your voice.” There was a pause where we both just sort of didn’t know how to follow up before he started talking again. “I was at the bar with a few people -- I’m, uh, back in London for a weekend, but yeah, we were at the bar and there were these girls, yeah? They were talking to me and it felt nice and they were nice...everything was nice. But they didn’t have green eyes or blonde hair.” He started to laugh like it was so ridiculous. “It felt wrong -- everything felt wrong because they just -- it wasn’t right at all.”

I frowned, not really sure where to go with that. Who the fuck were those girls? Where in the London was he? “Harry, are you --.”

“I was fucked since this morning, to be honest. Like, when I drove back into the city -- I passed by our coffee shop and it was fucking closed. Can you believe that? They’re never closed and you weren’t here and I’ve been so fucked up. I couldn’t stop thinking about going to that coffee shop that is never closed with you every night and I don’t know what to do -- I really fucking don’t.”

Harry sounded so, so broken. His voice was shaking and I couldn’t even begin to understand the enormity of what he was saying to me. It was too much all at once at four AM. Instead, I tried to comfort him. “I get it,” I said to him, softly, after neither of us spoke for a while. Harry was breathing heavily on the other end and I could hear the sounds of sirens and cars honking in the background. “I feel fucked up sometimes, too.”

Harry let out a cough, his voice scratchy as he replied. “I just wish you were here right now. I wish you were here so bad, B. Fuck -- am I even allowed to call you that anymore? I can’t believe I can’t call you that anymore.”

“You can,” I quickly said. “You -- you can call me that.”

Harry sighed in what sounded like relief and his speech sobered up a little, as though he was more aware of what he was saying. “Sometimes I think I made the right decision with you, but then there are times when I’m not sure. I can never sleep anymore, did you know that? And I can’t look at other girls the same way or do anything without thinking of you -- it’s fucked up. I feel like you fucked me up in so many ways -- what you did was fucked up, too.”

I scrunched up my face, trying to control myself and not burst into tears, but it was hard with what Harry was saying. I wasn’t prepared for this at all and everything he said felt like a knife wound. “I’m sorry, Harry,” I replied eventually. “I don’t know what else to say.”

Harry didn’t say anything for a while and I wondered if I should have been worried, but then his voice cut through again. “You know my Mum asked me about you a few times when I came back home. She saw you at graduation and told me how pretty she thinks you are.”

“I wish I got to meet her -- properly, I mean.”

“I did want you to meet her at first, but then it felt wrong for some reason. I didn’t want her to think I was fooling around. I introduced her to Darcy back when we got super serious because I thought I was going to marry her and well, that didn’t work out. And I don’t know -- I thought we were -- I don’t know if we were going to. We’d say stuff about getting married even before we were together. I don’t know.”

Guilt bloomed inside of me and that constant, nagging feeling of you did this and it’s all your fault came back. I wondered if it would ever go away because I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to live with this constant reminder that I was the reason we were like this now. It was my fault that I lost the greatest boy for a stupid mistake and I knew I was never going to be able to forget either.

“And it’s terrible,” Harry said suddenly, his voice desperate and hysterical. “It’s terrible that I’m even saying this, but you were better than Darcy and that’s why I still want you in my life, Blair. It’s why I need you so much. I can’t -- I can’t imagine not talking to you anymore. I don’t want that and I’m scared. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Blair.”

“You don’t have to imagine that. It’s okay,” I said to him fiercely, wanting so badly to transport myself to wherever he was. “I’m here, yeah? I’m here for you always.”

That night ended with Harry and me staying on the line until he walked home. We only hung up once he was in bed and he assured me several times that he was fine and to not worry. And now a month later he was apparently better than he was that night because he wasn’t having any trouble looking at other girls and kissing them. It was silly and annoying, to be really fucking honest. This was all just the world’s way of playing some cruel joke on me to see how long I could take it before cracking since I’d been holding up this semi fake front that I was fine when I actually wasn’t.

“Does this have to do with Harry?” Niall asked me when he noticed I wasn’t responding, snapping me out of my memories of all the drama of the past month “How are things with him?”

“Things are sort of fucked up,” I said slowly with a sarcastic laugh before I began to explain everything. My frustration and confusion regarding the whole thing was creeping out and I wanted their opinion to know whether or not I was justified in being upset.

When I was done explaining, the three of them stared at me in silence, mostly from shock or surprise I would assume. I couldn’t blame them -- this was all a giant mess and it was getting messier because neither Harry nor I could decide what exactly we wanted from each other. Niall was the first to break the silence, giving a brief, amused laugh before sipping his pint.

“What’s funny?” I asked him.

He shrugged, humorously. “Just how you two are being. It’s silly -- all these circles you’re running when you’re each other’s lobsters.”

My eyebrows shot up in confusion at first, but then it started to become a little clear and made sense. Niall was lucky I watched Friends a few times over in my life because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have gotten his reference. “Did you just use Phoebe’s lobster theory on Harry and I?”

Phoebe’s lobster theory from Friends was that when lobsters mated, their claws were linked together, therefore they were together forever. She had called Ross and Rachel each other’s lobsters when they’d broken up saying that they were going to get together no matter what and it turned out to be right. Although, that was a television show and this was real life. I highly doubted that would happen for Harry and me at this point, especially not if he was going to be kissing other girls.  

Layla and Louis found it funny, laughing as they shook their heads at Niall in amusement, which I guessed it was sort of funny. Niall was grinning, too, but was hearing none of it. “Don’t tell me you don’t agree. I knew from the get go you and Harry had something going on and when you eventually did come through with it, I knew I was right and I’m sure I wasn’t the only one.” He turned to the others and they slowly nodded their heads in a guilty way to agree. Niall turned back to me. “You’re each other’s lobsters. You’re going to end up together and I don’t see how playing all these games is necessary.”

“I don’t want to play games,” I told him. “I didn’t want to break up at all. That was Harry’s call.”

“So, what are you saying?” Layla asked me. “Are you still in love with him?”

I gulped, looking away from her, not knowing how to answer. It’s just that that wasn’t something I often gave myself a chance to think about. Ever since the breakup, I’d been focusing on trying to get my mind off of Harry in every way possible. I spent time with family, old friends, and did things I enjoyed doing. I tried to focus on myself and to an extent it worked because I was a lot happier than I was a month and half ago when I felt like my life was falling apart. Moving on was a process and I was making progress, however, there were nights where I couldn’t help but wonder if all these drunk texts and calls meant anything or if they were just hindering me from moving forward even more. I didn’t want to completely cut Harry out of my life because we were friends -- we’d discussed and decided on it. Friends who had seen each other naked a few times, which wasn’t really that big of a deal -- psht.  

However, I didn’t want to be silly and say that keeping in touch with an ex was easy because it wasn’t. Not when there were so many layers to it and it wasn’t a clean, amicable split. There were obviously nights where I wished it wasn’t so and that I could call him up because I missed him. I could be doing ten things at once and I still wouldn’t be too busy to miss Harry. And those were the nights where I thought about whether any of this was worth it -- being friends and drunk texting each other. Friends didn’t do that shit.  

“Your hesitancy to answer is speaking volumes, Blair,” Louis smirked at me.

“Look,” I said, feeling a little defensive. “I don’t know if I do or not. Like, I can’t put all the blame on him because I sent drunk texts, too, whenever I missed him. It isn’t smart at all, but sometimes it’s hard and you can’t help it. Was I upset about the breakup? Yes, of course I was. Am I doing okay on my own, though? Yes I am. Am I still in love with him? I don’t know. I -- I can’t say.”

Louis looked a little more sympathetic after that, his expression sobering up. “Harry’s being a moron,” he concluded.

“Agreed,” Layla piped up. “I understand the previous times, I guess, but there’s no reason to text you now and tell you that he’s out snogging other girls.”

“Yeah, but think about why people do stuff like that?” Louis said. “It happens all the time. I think that people get drunk and they hook up with some random stranger just to prove to themselves that they’re okay and that they are not hurting. They want to prove to themselves that they’re tougher than this. Harry’s probably still got some leftover anger in him from what happened with Josh and he’s dealing with it in a stupid way, yes, but only because he probably doesn’t know what else to do. People do crazy things to distract their heart and to stop missing someone.”

I ran my finger up and down the icy condensation on my pint glass. “You think so?”

“I know so,” Louis confirmed.

Later that night, I walked home thinking about what Louis said. He was right in many ways, however, it still didn’t make it okay for Harry to just text and say that to me. I was terrible when I got jealous and this was up there on the scale. Just the thought of another girl getting to touch Harry and put her lips on him, getting to taste him and hold him -- it felt wrong. The whole thought and concept felt wrong and I wanted it far from my mind, which then made me start to think whether or not they did more. Harry only said they kissed, but I never knew.

My phone buzzed in my purse and my fingers scrabbled to pull it out because I had a good idea as to who it was. 



I pocketed my phone, not quite sure how to respond just yet or if at all, instead more struck by one of Niall’s comment tonight about Harry being my lobster. It wasn’t like Harry and me hadn’t thought of being together for the long run ourselves. I always wanted Harry to be the one -- and he called me his girl for crying out loud. His only girl. If Niall was right, which maybe he was, and Harry and me were each other’s lobsters, then maybe I could remind Harry of it.



Louis’s annual massive summer rager was being held early this summer on account of all of us going to Leeds in August when he usually threw his party. When the end of June rolled around and all of our friends were back in town, with the exception of Zayn and Zoe, who were on a vacation in the States, Louis invited everyone over to their flat to start the summer off with a bang. I got dressed with a mission in mind for the event and when Liv saw me walking out of my room all ready to go, her jaw dropped.

I smiled at her, twirling a strand of my hair before looking down at my outfit. I was wearing a skin tight, leather tank top with my best push up bra to make sure my basoomas were at their full glory. And to pair it all off, I wore an equally skin tight, little, black skirt and my best black heels. An added touch was my bright, red lipstick, which I knew a certain someone really liked.

“You look like a hooker,” Liv said.

I smiled brightly. “Was going for that, actually.”

Liv burst into giggles before pulling me out the door with her. We made our way over to the boys’ flat and I tried to ignore the nervous jitters I was feeling in my stomach. Once we walked through the busy door and into the packed flat, I found myself compensating for it by being a little extra chipper than usual, smiling and waving at everyone I knew with more enthusiasm than I was feeling. Liv and I eventually found some of our friends somewhere in the mix and greeted them with hugs.

As soon as the boys saw me, though, specifically Liam, Louis and Niall, they started to catcall playfully. “Damn, girl,” Louis whistled while jokingly giving me a slow once over.

“What yo name is?” Niall asked me, making me laugh.

“Very funny,” I said as they continued to catcall and draw unnecessary attention to me. I just wanted one person’s attention tonight and I’d yet to see him.

“You look hot,” Liam complimented. “Where have you been hiding all this time?”

“I’ve been here, Li. Just because my tits haven’t been around doesn’t mean I haven’t.”

Louis laughed, leaning forward to give me another hug. “We’re only joking, but you do look smashing. Thanks for coming. You too, Liv.”

“How could we not?” Liv said. “I feel like we’re back in Uni -- ugh, I’ve missed this.”

“Pretty much,” Niall said. “Mostly our close friends this time, though, rather than come one, come all.”

I scanned the crowd, scoping out the familiar faces, until my eyes suddenly landed on Harry. He was stood with Ed off by the kitchen with this thin, white t-shirt on. His hair had gotten much longer, slicked back on his head and wilting off on the side, not quite the quiff it used to be. The two of them were talking and laughing about something -- probably one of Harry’s bad jokes.

When Harry’s eyes met mine, I realized I was staring rather blatantly and got caught. Immediately a blush formed on my cheeks and warmed up while I quickly turned away and looked back at my friends, who were involved in their own catch up sessions, making it too weird for me to join in. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Harry and Ed walking over, so I willed myself to be brave and look back. Nothing to be embarrassed about. It was just Harry...good ol’ Harry.

Harry grinned once I met his gaze again, his dimples sunk in while he chewed on a piece of gum. “Hey, you,” he said, leaning forward to give me a hug and practically lifting me up off the ground. “So good to see you.”

“Good to see you, too,” I smiled back, taking him in a bit more properly now that he was closer.

He looked really fucking good and life felt really fucking unfair.

And it was also strange how after all this time and all those phone calls and texts; we weren’t acting awkward or weird about it. It seemed at the moment it didn’t matter because when you missed each other that was the most important part. Harry seemed to not be thinking about it if the way his eyes were unabashedly moving up and down my body was anything to go by.

“You look great,” Harry said when he saw me noticing his not so subtle once overs. “I like your outfit.”

I tilted my head to the side, not sure if I should laugh or what. “You’d think so,” I eventually said, my tone teasing and knowing.

“What?” he cried defensively. “It’s...nice.”

I pursed my lips and nodded at him like I completely understood, despite being sarcastic. “Sure.”

Ed walked over to give me a hug then, interrupting our conversation. I narrowed my eyes at Harry as he looked at me as innocently as he could with his stupid, attractive, sheepish grin. “Gallagher,” Ed said. “Long time no see. How you been?”

“I’ve been good,” I replied. “How are you? How’s the music going?”

“It’s good,” he grinned. “I’ve been doing a ton of shows around London and impressing a few people. The places that got the most crowds even offered to let me sing a few nights a week. So, that’s exciting. Still waiting on that record producer to drop by one day, though.”

I laughed, giving him another hug, realizing how much I missed him at that point. “I’m sure they will. You’re the most talented boy I know.”

“Gallagher,” Ed cooed, giving me a kiss on the top of my head.

“Did you get a drink?” Harry asked me, clearing his throat.

“I didn’t, actually,” I said, looking up at him through my lashes. It was a bit hard to when Ed had a tight grip on me. “I just got here.”

“I’ll get you one,” Harry offered, taking my hand without a thought and disentangling me from Ed before leading me towards the kitchen and away from the others. Harry fixed me a drink without even having to ask what I wanted because he knew what I liked and handed it to me with played up dramatics and a Cheshire cat grin.

The two of us settled in a corner of the kitchen with Harry’s back leaned against the counter while I stood in front of him as he looked at me unabashedly. He was being so obvious with how he was checking me out that it was funny. Well, at least I could say my plan worked -- what was that about kissing another girl?

“So, how’ve you been?” Harry asked once he decided that he couldn’t keep staring all night. “I know we’ve spoken, but -- uh.” He laughed nervously as the air between us thickened with memories of all of our previous conversations.

“Good,” I said. “Just trying to find a job.”

Harry was just about to say something in response when our friends noisily walked into the kitchen. It was already loud enough with the Nicki Minaj and David Guetta song playing at full volume, but with their screaming, there was no way Harry and I were going to be able to actually talk.

“We’re doing shots,” they announced pushing past everyone and dragging Harry and me into the group.

After that it was hard to find a solid two minutes with Harry alone. Our friends constantly surrounding us, whether it was taking shots, taking pictures, or just talking and catching up with someone or another. I didn’t mind very much because it was fun seeing everyone again -- even Kyle Baker came and we’d chatted for a few minutes when he got me a drink -- but I couldn’t help but notice how many times Harry tried to get the two of us alone.

I knew Harry wasn’t trying to be subtle at all with the way he had his eyes on me during the entire party, but his efforts weren’t overlooked either. I noticed him constantly hovering in one way or another, trying to talk or lead me away from someone else even though it was failing. And I wouldn’t lie and say that I wasn’t enjoying the way he was following me around like a little puppy. It was satisfying in the strangest sense. Coming to the party the way I did was a technique to garner that sort of attention, so I had wanted it. However, I also expected to see him a lot more rather than be so caught up with everyone else around me.

Halfway through the party, after I’d just spoken with one of the girls in Dylan’s old sorority and Kyle Baker again, Harry approached me, smiling sheepishly. “This sucks,” he said, once close.

“What does?” I asked, casually brushing off some lint on his shirt. I immediately drew my hand back when I realized how domestic that was. Harry smiled fondly, his eyes following the movement before taking my wrist and lowering it down and entwining our fingers. Immediately my stomach started to fill with butterflies.

“We haven’t gotten a chance to talk at all. I don’t even wanna stay, to be honest. Let’s get out of here. Let’s go get coffee.”

I blinked in surprise. “Coffee? Really?”

“Yeah, sure, why not? We’ve done it before,” he laughed. “Left a party halfway through to grab a cuppa.”

Harry did have a point and I did want to speak to him after all this chasing I made him do all night. His idea wasn’t sounding so crazy after all. I nodded my head in response at last. “Yeah, let’s go get coffee.”



The coffee shop was a lot livelier than Harry and I were used to. Since it was a warm, summer night and earlir than when we usually came, the place was buzzing with Uni students who were either doing summer courses at the school or had come back to the city after hols like us. Their laughter and loud conversations trickled in and out of the shop while Harry and I sat in a weird, tense silence on the hood of his car.

The entire drive over felt like that and I wasn’t quite sure what to say or do especially with Harry not really initiating anything either. I’d catch him looking over at me one too many times for it to be safe considering his eyes were meant to be on the road and not on me.

The two of us had gotten our coffees and settled back outside, and it was too quiet for my liking. It never used to feel like that -- silences were never awkward, but this time it was. “How’s your summer been so far?” I asked eventually, turning to look at Harry.

Harry turned to me a bit startled before smiling sheepishly. “It was good. Can’t remember most of it, though. Was plastered, like, every other night.”

“Got a bit wild, huh?” It wasn’t surprising considering how many times he’d drunk texted me, but I figured I’d indulge him. It was sort of a relief we were actually talking about it even if the details might not be what I wanted to hear. I had to suck it up, though, because it wasn’t like either of us were going to be sat at home being celibate the entire time. We were broken up and if he wanted to go out to party and sleep with randoms, then fine. I didn’t care.

Not one bit.

Yup.

“You could say that,” Harry said. “Not important, though. Wasted most of my days, to be quite honest.”

“At least you had fun, though, right?” I asked, not sure if it was good he wasn’t giving me details or bad.

Instead of answering, Harry turned the brakes on me. “What about you? What did you do?”

“Relaxed at home a lot. Spent most of my days in the rec room my parents built. I never wanted to leave because there is a built in gym, a shower, and the best couch and theater screen, so I obviously binge watched Big Brother.”

“What?” Harry asked, a grin on his face. “Another reality show? You’re insatiable.”

“You know how I love my reality shows,” I tutted. “It’s good. You should watch it.”

“Sure,” Harry nodded. “Maybe we could watch together. As long as you don’t spoil the ending for me and tell me who wins.”

“I will do my best. But yeah, other than that we went on a week long family trip to this beach resort in Nice. That was fun, but felt short lived.”

“Nice? As in Nice, France?” I nodded my head and Harry let out a low whistle. “Sounds amazing.”

“It was. Only thing was I felt like a fifth wheel with my parents all loved up and then Leah and Jamie with their pregnancy glow.”

“Right, you mentioned she was pregnant. I wanna see the baby when he or she is born. I fucking love babies.”

I laughed, finally taking a sip of my cooled down coffee. “You’re welcome to. I’m sure the baby will love you, too.”

When our coffee cups were empty, the conversation had dwindled and the shop was no longer busy I looked over at Harry. We both knew it was time to go. He grabbed my cup from me and trashed it with his before helping me off his car, hands coming around to grab my waist. I didn’t miss the way his eyes raked over me once again before letting go.

“Uh -- where do you want me to take you?” he asked, clearing his throat as I made my way over to the passenger seat.

I bit my lip, searching through my head trying to figure out what to do. I could go home, but I wasn’t sure if Liv was back yet, or I could go with Harry, but that was giving him a clear idea of what I was hinting at. The way Harry was looking at me, though, eyes earnest and dark, pretty much made the decision for me.

“I think everyone’s still there at the party,” I said. “Take me home with you.”



By the time we got back to party, it was nearing four in the morning, which meant the party was only just dying down. The music wasn’t as loud or upbeat, but more chilled out. There were groups of people sitting around and talking, trying to wean off their hangovers. And then there were people passed out here and there, probably blacked out or too tired to make it back home. What made me laugh was how trashed the place was. There were cups and bottles strewn about, several stains, a lot of crisps on the ground. Louis and Liam were not going to be happy about this. And thank God Zayn wasn’t here because he hated messes.

“This is a shit show,” I muttered to Harry as we maneuvered our way through the crowd.

“Told you these parties get crazy,” he replied. “Louis’s ragers don’t mess about and it’s usually Liam and Zayn who are pissed about it.”

We found our friends in Louis’s room, camped out on his bed. Liv made grabby hands once she saw me and pulled me into the pig pile that consisted of her, Liam, Louis, and Ed. Niall and Layla were snoozing on a makeshift bed beside them on the floor. “What are you guys doing?” I asked, petting Louis’s hair while Liv petted mine.  

“We smoked something that Ed brought and it’s insane,” Liam mumbled, his voice thick and slow, much like how Harry sounded like on a daily basis.

“Jesus Christ,” Harry breathed out at that with a chuckle. “You’re all fucked up, aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Louis agreed slowly with a giggle.

“Anyway,” Harry said, stretching his arm behind his head and yawning. “I’m going to go to my room. I’ll see you guys later.”

A chorus of bye’s rang through the room, bidding Harry a goodbye, his eyes lingering on me for a moment before he walked out. It didn’t take more than ten minutes for me to get up as well and pull myself out of the pig pile, my skin itching and feeling antsy. I hated when I felt a way and couldn’t pinpoint what that way was.  

“Do you want to go home?” Liv asked me with wide eyes when I got up.

“Um, sure, I guess,” I said despite the uncertainty being clear in my speech. “We could go, but, um, I’m going to go say bye to Harry.”

“Sure,” Liv said, nodding her head and completely missing the fact that we just said bye to him. “I’ll wait here, babe.” Her eyes were already drifting shut by the time I left.

I made my way over to the flat across the hall, slipping in through their door easily because Harry conveniently left the door unlocked. If I was basing this night off of signals and signs, then it’d be extremely obvious what Harry was hinting to, but I wanted to keep my options open. Their flat was quiet and a little messy with bags and clothes strewn about since Harry was just moving back. I even spotted some of Layla’s things here and there.  

Harry’s bedroom door was closed when I reached it. I could feel my hands shaking, trying to give myself a split second to think about how bad this was. It was bad from the moment Harry and I locked eyes at the party, it got worse when I went to coffee with him and let my guard down. Coming here to Harry’s room with the excuse that I came to say bye was the point where I desperately needed a reality check, but I still put up a fist and knocked on the door.

I could leave. I could literally run and Harry would never know.

“Come in.”

Fuck. Too late now.

I slowly opened the door and peeked my head in, finding Harry standing by his bed with nothing but his boxer briefs and stupid, white t-shirt on. He looked at me, completely calm and like he was barely surprised that I was there, as I made my way inside, gripping onto the door handle just in case. I looked around the bedroom, eyes lingering over by the bed and the bay window where I’d spent so much time a mere few months ago. It felt like a lifetime ago now.

I turned back to Harry and he looked how I felt -- conflicted.

It wasn’t even like Harry’s behavior tonight wasn’t out of the ordinary or surprising. He was naturally super flirty and touchy, so I should have expected that given the way I’d come dressed at the party, he’d pay attention to me. It was what I wanted, but I didn’t think about what would come after. During the party, we danced circles around each other, me teasing him and making him chase after me. Agreeing to go for coffee was stupid, but fine because we’re friends and friends go for coffee. Me following him to his bedroom was plain reckless.

“I just -- um, I came to say bye,” I stammered out.

Harry’s frown was barely there, but I could see it as he walked a little closer until he was standing by the edge of his bed. “You came to say bye? That’s all you came to do?”

I nodded my head, trying not to stare as he tugged the fabric of his shirt up behind his head and pulled it over his head, looking back at me again with his hair wilder than before despite being slicked back.

“Alright,” Harry said, walking towards me again until he was so close that I could see the speckles of gold in his green eyes as well as the small mole by the corner of his lip. “Bye then.” I bit my lip nervously, trying not to let my eyes wander, but I couldn’t help but let it dart down to his pink lips. And then it only made sense that I started looking at his bare torso, lean muscles and detailed tattoos as well because those were distracting and so hot.

Oh my God. What was I doing?

I tore my eyes off of Harry’s body and forced myself to meet his eyes, which were looking back at me with a smug expression, and nodded again, uselessly. “Bye.”

“Bye,” Harry repeated with a breathy chuckle before leaning forward, his hand on the wall next to the light switch, effectively blocking my path to get out. I frowned in confusion and then the lights were out and Harry’s lips were on mine. I was only taken aback for a moment before I kissed Harry back, tangling my fingers in his hair to pull him closer.  

I couldn’t believe I was kissing him even though I felt like I had no reason to question it when it felt not only right, but something we’d been working up to all night. It was only a matter of time before one of us cracked and did something about it. And now we had.

Harry backed us away from the door, leading me towards his bed while his hands traveled down to my bum, grabbing and squeezing handfuls as expected. He broke the kiss, grinning at me while pulling me down on his bed with him. “Wanted to do that so bad this entire night, feels so good. Have I told you how amazing you look?”

“No,” I replied, adjusting myself on top of Harry and straddling his waist while he laid down on his pillow. “But if looks were anything to go bye, I’d say it was quite obvious.”

“You did it on purpose,” Harry protested jokingly, his fingers tracing over my red lips. “You knew you would drive me crazy looking like this.”

“Right...you sound super confident about that. What if I just wanted to look good? Impress some other lads.”

Harry’s grin started to fade into something less smug, more jealous and a little cocky. “Other lads? Sure about that?”

I shrugged even though I knew I was bullshitting. Harry didn’t have to know that. “Nothing stopped you from kissing other girls. Nothing should stop me from kissing other boys, either.”

Harry’s eyes flitted around, searching my face as he was left speechless, but then he licked his lips and shrugged while running his hands up my thighs. “I could kiss a million girls, but I still can’t stop thinking about you.”

The two of us stilled our movements for a moment at the honest confession. Harry’s hand then came up to grip my waist while the other hand pulled my head down from the back to meet his lips. We kissed softly for a moment and I broke away after a while, nuzzling my nose against his while he mouthed at the underside of my jaw.

“Haven’t wanted to fuck anybody else since you, either,” Harry admitted.

“Yeah, well then quit the chit chat and fuck me already,” I said, sizing him up with a look.

Harry grinned again before kissing me feverishly, his hands moving around to pull my top off over my head. His hands expertly undressed me without breaking our kiss and by the time he got me down to my pants and bra, he flipped us over so that I was underneath him. Harry wasted no time, crawling down to leave his hot breath between my legs, mouthing over the fabric. I started to squirm, feeling on edge while looking down at him as he stared back up at me with hooded eyes. When Harry finally pushed the flat of his tongue down and licked a stripe, wettening the fabric, I let out a soft moan.  

“Don’t tease,” I told him. “Just -- just do something, please.”

Harry smirked at me, yanking off my pants at last and pressing his mouth down exactly where I needed him. It wasn’t long before I was a moaning mess with two of Harry’s fingers and his mouth working expertly on me. It’d been so long since we’d done this that doing it again just reminded me how well we did it. There literally wasn’t anyone who made me feel as good as Harry did. He knew my body better than I did and I couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone else. My hands moved down, trying to reach for something to hold on to other than the sheets because it didn’t feel enough. I settled on grabbing onto Harry’s hair, holding on tightly.

“Feel good?” Harry asked, lifting his head up and licking his wet fingers. I felt my heart stutter at how fucked out and gorgeous he looked, his lips wet, swollen and red and eyes dark as ever. I nodded my head in response, reaching over to grab him by the arm to pull him in for a kiss. Harry deepened it right away, his tongue pushing into my mouth and swiping against my own tongue, letting me taste myself.

While kissing, I switched our positions and get on top of him again, settling down over his waist. I broke the kiss, pulling away to shift further down, and lightly yanked Harry’s boxer briefs off. Harry’s dick was already half hard, so I knew it wouldn’t take too long to get him there. I wrapped my fingers around his shaft, stroking a few times before wrapping my lips around the head, teasing him slowly by giving him soft little licks.

“Fuck,” Harry groaning out, trying to lie still and not buck up into my mouth. “Missed this so much, B.”

His words of encouragement only spurred me on, my mouth moving down to take him in as much as my throat would allow before I could feel my gag reflexes give in. I covered whatever I couldn’t get with my hands and it was enough to turn Harry into an incoherent mess. He was panting and letting out soft whines and moans as I hummed around his erection, hollowing out my cheeks to take him in some more while lapping my tongue flat against the vein underneath.

“Wa -- wait, Blair, wait,” Harry mumbled out, making me pull off suddenly. “C’mere, baby come up.”

I let go of his now fully hard shaft; feeling rather accomplished about it, and crawled back up to Harry. He looked so out of it, his hair mussed up and lips bitten raw-- it was one of my favorite looks on him and one I wished I could see all the time. Harry shifted again, so that he was on his side and patted the space beside him for me to lie down.

“Are you -- um, are you -- did you do anything with anyone?” he asked nervously.

“You mean sleep with anyone?” I asked.

Harry nodded, his face scrunching up in distaste at the mere thought. I shook my head no. “Did you?”

Harry shook his head as well. “I haven’t no -- are you still on the pill?”

“Yeah,” I replied. “Kept taking the refills.”

Harry smiled again, leaning down to kiss me while spreading legs and propping himself between them. I wrapped them around his waist eagerly to pull him closer, wanting him to be inside already. Harry pumped himself in his hand a few more times while peppering kisses across my face before positioning himself correctly. His lips were on mine again as he slowly pushed inside, filling me up properly.

Once Harry was completely inside, he continued to kiss me like it wasn’t something we’d been doing this entire time, so desperate and needy as though he was trying to make up for the last two months we weren’t together. I started to breathe heavily against his mouth while trying to meet his slow and steady thrusts, hips snapping up every few seconds. Harry broke our kiss then, concentrating more on movement as best as he could and trying to get a good angle.

“Do you miss me?” he asked me then, breathlessly.

“Always,” I nodded immediately. “You miss me?”

“Yeah -- fuck -- yeah, I do,” he mumbled out before kissing me again. “Miss you so much. More than anything.”

The two of us continued to go slow, not wanting to rush anything because it felt like we had so much time even though we both knew that wasn’t true. We kissed for what seemed like hours while our hands got reacquainted with each other’s bodies. Harry stopped thrusting as much and instead let me move my hips to meet his in a slow grind. I could tell he was close, though, despite the slow rhythm because he got that familiar look on his face, so I grinded a little quicker.

Harry looked at me with a confused expression, not slowing me down. “Faster,” I said to him. “You can go faster.”

Harry groaned at that, picking up his pace again, his movements quicker, deeper, and rougher. Once he came, in quick, deep spurts inside of me, he slowed down to kiss me again while coming down from his high. In midst of making out, he broke the kiss and pulled out of me, realizing I hadn’t come yet.

“Wanna come, baby?” he asked, his voice slow and deep. Fuck.

I nodded my head, letting out a moan when I felt Harry’s finger slip inside of me slowly. He pumped it in and out before taking it out and licking it between his lips. He then lifted me up by my hips, draping my legs on either side of his shoulder before moving his face between my legs.

“Shit,” I panted out in surprise. “Fuck -- fuck.”

Harry’s lips relentlessly worked over my clit, massaging and licking it before pressing his tongue inside of me. Every inch of me felt over-sensitive, even though I hadn’t come yet. It felt like Harry was everywhere with his hands and his mouth and my body on his. It was so intense that I came with Harry’s mouth licking me through it.  

“God,” I mumbled out as Harry put my legs down. “I feel like I just ran a marathon.”

“You’re getting weak,” he teased. “You used to be able to do this a few times over.”

“That was after some practice,” I reminded him. “Haven’t done this in a while.”

“Lucky for you then because you haven’t lost your touch,” Harry responded, grinning cheekily and bopping me on the nose before lying down beside me. His arms came around to hold me and he snuggled his face between the crook of my neck. “Sleepy?”

I mumbled out a yes, letting Harry’s familiar smell lull me to sleep while his arms held me securely.



Harry and I jostled awake when we heard a loud laugh come through the door. Our bleary eyes met for a moment as we started to sit up. I felt hot and sweaty and gross. With Harry plastered to my back all night and the warmth from the sun that was streaming in through the curtains of the bay window, the temperature all around felt too hot.

“I’m not helping you clean up, Tommo,” Niall’s loud voice said from somewhere behind the door. Since Harry’s room was right beside the living room and kitchen, I felt like most mornings we were woken up by Niall’s loud arse voice while he made himself breakfast or summat. “Your party, you clean up.”

“I’m promising you fucking dinner, Horan. Your choice,” Louis screamed back, making me scrunch up my nose in frustration. Why were they so loud at arse o'clock in the morning? I wanted to run out and tape their mouths shut and crawl back into bed with Harry.

Which -- oh, shit.

I turned to look at Harry, finding him looking just as disgruntled as I felt. His brows were scrunched up and his lips were swollen pink in a pout. It was sweet and I should have felt fine, but I suddenly felt like I was being transported back to the night we officially broke up. The dread I’d felt, the unease, the uncertainty as to where we stood or what was happening -- it was all coming back because what we did was not good. It wasn’t smart at all because we were essentially broken up. Sleeping together blurred the lines between friendship and relationship and we were done with that so why again?

Crap.

“Hi,” I said.

Harry smiled at me, confused. “Hi?”

I smiled back and pulled the covers up to my chest. “Sleep well?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Till fucking Niall started screaming, of course. I want to go outside and shove something in his mouth to shut him up.”

“Ditto,” I laughed, finding it funny how our train of thoughts were so similar. “Urm, so...”

I let my voice trail off, staring at Harry expectantly because I had no idea where to go from there. He looked back at me, his eyes fully awake now and eyebrows raised in question. This was so weird -- there was no way it was happening. “It’s cool, we don’t have to talk about this,” he said eventually.

I frowned at him as he started to get out from under the covers. “We don’t?”

Harry shook his head, sitting at the edge of his bed, looking around the floor for his pants before giving up when he couldn’t find them and looking back at me again. I was still frowning at him, not really sure what to say to that. Harry sighed frustratingly slow. “It -- it is what it is, yeah? Talking about it leads to thinking too hard about it when it’s as simple as we just wanted to have sex.”

My frown deepened, except this time, I felt myself blushing from embarrassment. Was it really that simple? Harry didn’t have to think twice before leading me to his bed? Despite the fact that we had a lot of history and were exes, it was that simple? It shouldn’t be simple -- it wasn’t like him to say it like that, either. I was confused and it hurt, but I stayed put because there had to be more to say. It wasn’t simple.

“You think so?” I asked him, prodding him on.

Harry hummed softly as his hands covered his limp prick before nodding. “The way I see it -- this was a long time coming. You think so, too, don’t you?” I nodded slowly, wondering where he was going to go with this. “We’ve tried being apart and it worked fine for the most part except it didn’t get rid of the tension, I guess. This was going to happen one way or another, Blair...we’re just -- we get on well and we have good sex and chemistry. It’d be stupid to deny it just because we’re broken up. And last night we gave in to it...not a big deal.”

“Um, no. It kind of is a big deal. You’re not supposed to fuck your exes no matter how much you think it was meant to happen.”

“Look,” he said, defensively, probably realizing I was right. “I didn’t say this was a good thing. It was a glip, a mistake, I get it.”

“I didn’t say that, though.”

“You’re implying it,” he argued with a frown. “But, I agree, ok? We were dumb and we gave in and all those texts and calls were fucking stupid, too. We were being stubborn and didn’t try hard enough to stop...those were what sort of led to this. And I don’t know -- maybe now that we’ve done it, the tension won’t be there anymore and we can move on.”

I sighed, not even sure how to respond to any of that because I hadn’t expected this. However, I didn’t know what to expect at all so anything would have been a surprise. It was stupid of me to just follow Harry into his room and throw away what they had spent weeks working on -- moving on from each other. All of that went to shit because of this one night of desperation and now I had to hear it from Harry. For the first time, I had no idea where his head was at or what he was thinking. It felt weird because it didn’t sound like him at all.

Because the way Harry was making it out to be was that he regretted what he did and I didn’t want that. I wanted something else entirely -- what that was, I either wasn’t sure or didn’t have the guts to admit it to myself. I’d entered that party with one thing in mind, which was to get Harry’s attention, and I got it. Where it led me was another thing because I knew in the back of my mind, just like Harry, that this was going to eventually happen.

Harry was right in saying that we didn’t try as hard as we could have to give each other proper space and move on while also being friends. I knew I didn’t because the entire time I was paranoid that this distance could go two ways depending on Harry. He’d either miss me or forget me and I was terrified of the second one. I didn’t want Harry to forget me so I did what I thought would grab his attention. Or maybe the biggest thing that threw me off was how much he kept reminding me that we weren’t together anymore meaning, he still didn’t want me back in the way that I wanted him to, which was as girlfriend and boyfriend. He made it sound like it was all just sexual tension and looking back at last night, I couldn’t help but wonder maybe it was.

Either way, I wasn’t going to sit there and let him make me feel embarrassed any longer. He had to talk about it whether he wanted to or not.

“So, what?” I asked him, determined. “You regret it?”

“I could never regret anything with you, B.” Harry paused for a moment, running a hand through his hair. “Do you regret it?”

“I don’t,” I said. “I just don’t know what it means.”

“I don’t know, either. It’s okay, though. Doesn’t have to be a big deal.”

Doesn’t have to be a big deal. Harry could keep saying that, but then he countered it with how he didn’t regret it with me and that it meant something. It confused me because it sounded like hey, maybe I still love you, but maybe I was just bored because it wasn’t like you were sleeping with anyone else or I was sleeping with anyone else. It was fucked up and confusing.

“You could have had any other girl at the party -- you kissed someone just a few days ago. So why me?”

“I told you how I felt about that,” Harry said. “Were you planning on going home with someone else or something?”

“No,” I shook my head, frustrated. “Who would I go home with?” It was annoying that he was even asking. When had he ever witnessed me trying to pull any wanker from any party? Just because he was going around kissing other people didn’t mean I was, too, but then again maybe I should start just to get under his skin.

Harry shrugged lamely. “I don’t know. Kyle Baker was talking to you and he got you a drink, so.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up,” I sputtered out, completely exasperated. “I wasn’t ever going to go home with fucking Kyle Baker. I was never interested in him and never will be.”

“I know you weren’t going to go home with him -- I wasn’t going to let that happen.”

Suddenly I realized what this all was and gaped at Harry. “Is that why we went on a coffee run?” I asked him, remembering that Harry came up to me as soon as Kyle and a few of his friends left. “You were afraid I was going to go off with Kyle?” The guilt was so transparent on his face that I let out a breathy, unamused laugh. “You’re fucking crazy.”

Without waiting for him to say anything else, I climbed out of bed, grabbing my clothes and slipping them on. Once I was dressed, I opened Harry’s closet and grabbed one of his jumpers to wear over my top. I knew I had to do the walk of shame, but I wasn’t quite into letting my boobs hang out as much while I did it. Harry watched me, dumbstruck as I made my way around his room. After I grabbed everything I needed, Harry got up, still naked, though I didn’t mind as much as I should have.

“Listen -- are we -- are we okay?” he asked me softly. “I don’t want to ruin anything -- I’m -- I’m sorry.”

“No big deal,” I said to him. “It is what it is, yeah?”

Harry nodded, though he didn’t seem so sure anymore. I gave him a quick, small smile, not quite knowing what else to say before walking out.