Breathe

Eli eyed me curiously as he munched on his chips, dipping them in his ketchup, while sitting across from me at our table. I tried to look inconspicuous and casually sipped my iced lemonade, waiting for him to give up and tell me what his deal was. The two of us had met up for our daily lunch meeting and so far the conversation had been limited, aside from the usual catching up on each other’s day at work.

Finally, after I fixed him with a withering look, Eli spoke up. “Something’s different,” he noted, without giving me anything more.

I arched an eyebrow, starting to feel a little frustrated. “What?”

“Something’s different about you. You look different...acting different, too.”

“I am not,” I insisted with a frown.

Eli shrugged nonchalantly, smirking down at his food as he continued to stuff chips in his mouth. “If you say so. However, do consider the fact that I’ve gotten to know you immensely well over the past year and a half that we’ve been friends, so, no point in lying to me.”

“I’m not lying,” I sputtered out with a laugh. “You’re delusional. I don’t know what you’re on about.”

“Right,” Eli nodded sarcastically before pitching up his voice several notes higher, like we were two girls getting ready to gossip. “Is this about Harry, then? Have things been really good?”

I rolled my eyes at him, but was unable to keep the smile on my lips from forming at the mention of Harry’s name. It was like instinct nowadays since things had been so good between us. I shrugged in response to Eli’s question because it wasn’t weird that he was asking me about this since Eli and I were well past any awkwardness since our breakup. During our relationship we could tell we were better off as mates than boyfriend and girlfriend, however, we still gave it a shot and lasted longer than either of us had expected. Since then, we’d gotten even closer and were able to have these kinds of conversations. I’d told Eli everything about Harry one night during a drunken escapade to Hyde Park and Eli told me about his current girlfriend, who he’d been dating for a few months now.

“Things are good, you arse. What are you implying, though?”

“I’m not implying anything,” he said, sounding scandalized and offended that I’d even thought of accusing him of such. “I’m just asking why you have this glow about you. You look fresh.”

“This glow? I’m not bloody pregnant. And what do you mean I look fresh? Had I not looked fresh before?”

“You looked like a workaholic who didn’t know how to have any fun.”

“I know how to have fun, okay?”

“So, is this Harry’s doing then?”

“I knew how to have fun before him.”

“No, Blair. Aside from all the jokes, you look really good. Is this Harry’s doing?”

“I don’t know,” I said, sheepishly. Maybe it was, but I wasn’t going to admit that. “We’ve been talking a lot. We text, like, everyday and have met up for coffee runs here and there, but nothing beyond that.”

“Really?” Eli asked, curiously. “That’s it? I’d have thought you’d see each other all the time.”

I shook my head no. “No time for that. He’s got stuff to do and I do as well. Plus, I don’t think either of us wants to jump in too quickly after having just made up for the past two years. I’m liking this pace.”

Eli laughed hysterically, throwing his head back. “Come off it. You still want him. I’m surprised you didn’t jump into his pants the moment you two made up. And you know that sooner or later, that will happen.”

“That won’t happen,” I quickly refuted.

“It won’t? You seem awfully sure about that.”

“I am because I don’t think he wants that.”

Eli frowned, looking at me like I’d grown two heads or summat. “Why would he not want that? Based on the stories I heard, he couldn’t keep his paws off you before.”

I tried not to let that get to my head, putting off the smile that was stretching over my lips. It wasn’t my fault that being wanted by Harry did that to me. He was fit and I enjoyed when fit boys wanted me. Especially when said fit boy was Harry.

“That was years ago. Right now we’re just focused on being friends and getting back on that track. I don’t know if it will ever be that way again, but we can try, right?”

“Of course,” Eli said, adopting his serious voice for the first time during this entire conversation. “I’m only joking, you know that. I want you to be careful about him, but I also want you to be happy, which I know he makes you.”

“He does,” I said, finally letting myself crack a full smile then. “I love talking to him so much and I’m so happy to be doing it again. Things are good, like, really good. I wouldn’t want to ruin what we have.”

“What’s the worst that could happen if you did want more?”

“I don’t think he’d be for it. It’s such a risk and I’m afraid that if I say something, he’ll think we shouldn’t be friends after all because he doesn’t want to hurt me and then he’ll leave and this time we really won’t ever meet or see each other again. I can’t risk that, Eli. I’ve missed him so much.”

The words and the confession came tumbling out of my lips before I could stop myself. This was something I’d feared since Harry and I began talking again, but it wasn’t one that I voiced to anyone before. I knew if I allowed my emotions and true feelings for him to be free, it would definitely stray towards the direction of wanting Harry in that way again. If that was a risk, I wasn’t willing to take it because I’d finally gotten him back in some form. After months of missing Harry and wanting just one more night with him where he’d call me up at three in the morning to go for a long drive and drink coffee while we talked about our lives until the sun came up, I wasn’t going to give it up again. Every time Harry looked my way or I saw his face, it felt more and more like things were falling back into place, and if this was how it was going to be, I was fine with it.

Eli’s eyes were kind, understanding, and almost a little sad, but he didn’t say anything else. Instead, he squeezed my hand over the table and used his other to steal one of my chips, making me screech and try to steal the rest of his drink.



“Busy, B?”

I practically jumped off my office chair, swiveling to turn around and look behind me, only to be met by Harry’s impish grin.

“Scared ya.”

“Yeah,” I retorted bitterly. “No shit.” I was clutching my chest, willing my heart rate to go down, until it started to dawn on me that Harry was here. He was here at my office. What the fuck? I stood up, staring at Harry with a bewildered expression as he poked through my files nosily and smiled slowly at him. “What are you doing here?”

Harry shrugged, looking up at me again as he moved around the cubicle walls and inside to where I was stood. “I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d drop by.”

“How did you even get in? No one at reception called me to tell me you were coming in.”

“I snuck in behind this delivery guy, who was buzzed in, and turned out he was coming up here, too. And then he stopped in front of the receptionist and started flirting with her, so both were sufficiently distracted, and I was free to wander in. Talk about lucky timing.”

“And you knew I sat here, how?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow, feeling amused.

“I followed your scent,” Harry said with a completely straight face.

I let out a cackle before clamping my mouth shut from how loud it came out. “I can’t fool around right now, though. I’ve got work to do.”

“That’s fine, but I came to ask if you’d want to grab dinner later.”

“With you?”

Harry nodded this time, casually sinking down into my chair and spinning in it once before smiling up at me cheekily. I smiled back at him, unable to help myself. “It’s been awhile since we went together and I’m super hungry and don’t feel like cooking and Niall’s busy with Layla.”

“Right. And since when do you need that many excuses to have dinner with me?”

“I guess I don’t,” Harry replied, watching me with a glint in his eye, before pulling me close and down onto his lap. I made a surprised sound and held on to the arms rests to steady myself.

“What are you doing?” I hissed. “This is an office. An establishment full of professionals. You can’t just be --.”

“-- yeah, yeah, yeah,” Harry admonished as he interrupted me and spun us to face my desk. “Now stop making a fuss and finish up your work so we can go. Reservations are soon.”

I snorted. “Already made reservations, huh? That was awfully presumptuous. I could have said no.”

“Please,” Harry said. “You couldn’t if you tried.”

“Are you planning to wine and dine me then, Styles?”

“You catch on quick, Gallagher.”

“Cheeky.”

Harry didn’t reply, smiling instead and resting his head against my arm as I picked back up on work. I only had one more task to complete before I was done for the day, but it was difficult to focus with Harry there. He promised to stay quiet and not bother me, but Harry didn’t need to do anything to make me feel distracted by him. Him existing and being present was a distraction enough and all I really wanted to do was close my eyes and be held by him. His fingers were softly gripping onto my waist and his smell seemed to be everywhere while he whispered questions about what I was doing and made silly remarks about my work.

All in all, I barely got anything done and kept giggling at things Harry was saying.

“I’m getting none of this done,” I grumbled eventually. “When is our reservation? Where are we even going?”

“It’s soon and you’ll see. Hurry,” Harry whined, jiggling his knees up and down, making me almost topple over on the desk before grabbing me. The two of us burst out into snickers, trying to keep our voice as quiet as possible.

“You’re terrible,” I wheezed out. “You need to --.”

“Blair, I need you to look at -- oh, I’m sorry.”

Harry and I both startled, freezing in our spots, and turned to look. My co-worker, Leslie, was standing behind the cubicle, looking over the top and observing us for a moment before smirking with a knowing glint in her eye. Leslie was one of the cooler ones in the office (most were pretty old, making me seemingly the youngest there) and wouldn’t care that I had Harry in here with me when I should have been working, but I still couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous.

“Leslie,” I said, my voice higher than usual. “Um -- this is Harry. Harry, this is Leslie.”

“Hi,” Harry chirped happily, like my job wasn’t on the fucking line because he couldn’t behave for a minute. “Nice to meet you.”

“You, too,” Leslie said. “I’m sorry to have interrupted you guys.”

“No, no, no,” I repeated with a shake of my head. “Not interrupting. I just -- Harry was just --.”

“It’s fine,” Leslie laughed. “I won’t rat you out, don’t worry. I just wanted to drop these off to you for tomorrow.” She handed me a folder full of paper that I was probably going to have a terrible time looking over.

I smiled meekly while taking it from her hand. “I’ll be sure to get back to you about these tomorrow.”

“Awesome,” she said while giving Harry another curious look and turning back to me. “Alright. So, I’ll be heading back and pretending like I haven’t seen anything.”

“Okay,” I laughed, feeling my cheeks flush while Harry pulled me closer, making sure I was situated properly on his lap. He looked as pleased with himself as ever. He was shameless was what he was. “Thanks, Leslie.”

Leslie started walking away, only to stop and turn back to us. “It’s nice to see you smiling, Blair.” I frowned in confusion at her comment because I definitely smiled at work, so I had no idea what Leslie was hinting at and that must have shown because she shook her head with a frustrated laugh. “I mean that it’s nice to see you happy like this. I don’t think I ever have. There’s something different…”

Oh.

Oh.

“Th -- thanks, Leslie,” I said, feeling my cheeks grow hot. “That’s sweet of you.”

She gave me one last smile before disappearing down the hall to her cubicle. I breathed out softly, looking down at the ground and feeling Harry’s presence there more than ever. First Eli and now Leslie -- someone who didn’t even know me as well.

I knew being around Harry was obviously special to me. I felt different -- felt myself smiling absentmindedly and being completely engrossed in him so much so that it was difficult to see anyone or anything else around me. And you’d think that after all this time apart, the effect he had on me would wear off a little, but it didn’t. It just felt like not only were we reacquainting like old friends, but so were our hearts because he still made it beat a little faster than anyone else ever had.

I just didn’t quite realize that others were so perceptive of that fact, too. Even someone like Leslie, who was seeing me with Harry for the first time, as opposed to our friends who would usually tease us.

I wondered if Harry was thinking the same as I was or if he even understood Leslie’s implications.

When I chanced a look at him, he looked as normal as ever, if a bit fond. I cleared my throat, turning the chair, and in turn both of us, towards my desk again. “I’ll just finish this so we can leave.”

It took a moment for Harry to answer, the silence growing a bit thick and my thoughts running wild as to what he must be thinking before he finally said something. “Sounds good, B.”



The waiter placed a black bill book down at our table, giving us a polite, trained smile before disappearing off to another table, and both Harry and I reached for it. We looked up at the same time and I narrowed my eyes at him. "No way," I told him.

Harry looked incredulous as he said, "I invited you out, though."

"So what? I want to pay."

"You're really not paying," Harry said, sticking a toothpick in his mouth. I could see that that habit of his hadn't gone away. He wouldn't ever use the toothpick, really. He just liked to keep it in his mouth shifted to the side so he looked more badarse than he really was. It was hot, though. I dug it and totally fell for it.

"I can't unless you let go of the bill,” I replied.

"I'm not doing that. Let me treat you, c'mon."

I grumbled, eventually letting go as Harry grinned victoriously (read: obnoxiously) and took the bill, sticking his credit card inside. We had grabbed dinner at an Indian restaurant somewhere near my office, filling up our stomach to the brim, and caught up with each other. Despite the fact that it had been about a month since Harry and I had met again and two weeks since we reconnected over coffee, we still found that most days, we were still trying to catch each other up on our lives.

We would exchange several stories of something that happened to us in the past two years that we hadn’t gotten a chance to relay the first night we went for coffee. It felt nice to finally tell Harry things that I'd been holding back on saying to him for years whether they were funny or strange or exciting. I'd go through something or see something and immediately remember him and how I wanted to tell him, but couldn't and now I finally could. I figured Harry felt the same and thus the two of us never ran out of topics to talk about.

More so, I'd gotten to know about Violet quite a bit -- how she barely ever revised, but passed every exam she ever took, how she was obsessed with sushi and the color gold, and how she was a really great girlfriend, but Harry and her didn't keep in touch anymore, which often made him sad. Harry told me about bar exam training and loving it some nights, but dreading it most nights. He had often felt stuck and useless, as though he was in a continuous path of revising while everyone else was beginning a whole new journey of life, and often just wanted to drop out only to realize that he'd come this far and that doing so would be a waste of all his hard work.

I had told him about my struggles as well. I told him about how it was in the beginning before getting my job when I was working with my dad -- even mentioning fucking Jeremy, who Harry promised he'd beat up for me. I told him about how secluded and alone I'd become before I finally started to come out of my shell again thanks to Eli. And I'd told him that feeling stuck at this age was normal and we all felt that way sometimes. It made his eyes seem a little lighter and that was all I wanted.

Aside from the more serious topics, we covered funny ones as well, making dinner enjoyable and full of laughs. It was in the middle of Harry making a face with the toothpick in his mouth and making me laugh that “Revelry” by Kings of Leon started to play. Both Harry and I looked up at each other at the same time, eyes locking as the lead singer started to croon out the lyrics. It was one of those moments where you heard a certain song that you had heard a lot during a moment in your life, so that when you heard it again, the memories of that time came back thick and you felt exactly how you felt then.

And at that very moment all I could think about was Harry and our naked chests pressed together under the covers of my bed with our lips and limbs attached in every possible way. My cheeks were warm with the images going through my head and I became jittery, starting to feel embarrassed for thinking about sex right then and also a bit aroused as well.

Fuck.

I tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, shifting my eyes downwards, so I wasn’t looking at Harry any longer, but it didn’t stop him from commenting.

“Kings of Leon,” he chuckled breathily. “Haven’t heard them in a while.”

I gave him a small smile. “That’s a surprise. They’re your favorite band.”

Harry nodded. “Still are. Just haven’t been listening much.” His eyes were lit and amused when I looked up, though I could still see a faint rosy color on his cheeks, which proved he was thinking the same as I was. “We can talk about it, you know,” he said after a beat. “I know we’re both thinking the same thing -- unless you’re not?”

“Uh -- I -- um,” I stuttered, feeling caught and called out, but Harry laughed lightly.

“I mean, it’s fine. It’s not like we’re ashamed. It’s a little weird, though.”

“Yeah,” I mumbled with a short laugh. “It’s a bit weird, alright. Like, maybe the others were right...maybe you can’t hook up with someone to your favorite band because then it’s ruined for you after that, I guess.”

“They’re not ruined for me,” Harry shook his head quickly. “I just wouldn’t be able to make out or have sex with anyone else to Kings of Leon but you.”

He said it so casually, so cool, but I was close to passing out in my chair. I had no idea how to respond other than stare at him with wide eyes and parted lips, wondering where he was getting this courage from to just bring up such deeply buried things. We hardly ever spoke about our past relationship. It almost felt like it was a taboo topic and the two of us knew better than to bring it up until now I supposed.

As I was racking my brain to think of something to say other than gape at Harry, the waiter came and picked up the bill, shifting the mood at the table slightly as we realized that yes -- we were still inside, packed in a room full of people, and now was not the time to be talking about sex and music. When the waiter came back with our receipt, Harry and I got up and walked out. It was a nice night out and we slowly strolled towards Harry’s car. I could tell he wanted to say something by the way he was chewing on his toothpick, so I waited.

“Um,” he eventually started, looking over at me. “I wanted to tell you something.”

“What’s up?” I asked.

Harry sighed, chuckling softly, before rubbing his palms together, like he was nervous. “I was looking into pupillages, right?” I nodded promptly and he continued. “I found a few, applied, and got into most of them, but the one in Manchester is looking really good. It’s one of the top ones and mum’s sort of pressuring me into going for it because then I’d be living at home with her again, so…”

It took a minute for it to click and I wanted to pretend like my heart didn’t just sink to my stomach, but it did. “So, you’re moving?”

Harry shrugged roughly. “I mean, she’s got me pretty much convinced, though she did give me a choice. I looked into the place and it’s great...so I’m sort of conflicted, but I’m thinking of saying yes.”

“Oh,” I replied softly.

“Yeah.”

We had reached Harry's car by then and he moved around to lean back on it, facing me with an uneasy expression. I could imagine why. It was like he knew I wouldn't be happy, but I should be. He was moving forward in life and doing great things. That was a wonderful thing and something to feel proud of. When Liam moved, I was upset and missed him, but I congratulated him wholeheartedly and wished nothing but the best for him. With Harry, I didn't feel like that, which was silly and unfair. They were both my mates, but for some reason I didn't want Harry to move -- I wanted him to stay here close to me.

It was selfish, really, for me to want that. Harry deserved to go somewhere good and be close to his family. He didn't owe me anything, but God, this was shattering my fucking heart. It was like an ugly twist of fate that the moment I finally got Harry back after all this time, he was going away again and I wasn't sure I could take that. I wasn't sure fate would bring us back together again either because as much as I wanted to deny it, the fact that we were both single this time around felt like a sign to me. Who knew if we ever did meet again that it would be like it was now? It also felt hazardous for me to even think about our relationship statuses when I had firmly told Eli that I wanted to stay just friends because that was contradictory. I was confusing my own self and Harry was going to move and this was a mess.

This was all a mess and I was being super fucking selfish.

But maybe I was being selfish for a reason. Maybe with Harry it wasn't like how it was with Liam at all because I was still in love with him. Maybe I never stopped. Thinking about that possibility only made me hurt even harder and I could tell I was on the brink of tears with how my eyes were stinging.

I couldn't cry, though. Harry looked nervous to tell me as it was and I didn't want to ruin this for him. He deserved to do anything he set his eyes on. He deserved everything and more and if that included going to Manchester and moving away from me, then so be it.

I put on the best grin I could. "That's -- that's amazing, H. Wow. I'm -- I’m sure you'll smash it."

"Really?" he asked softly, seeming wary and a bit surprised.

I nodded, beaming at him and moving forward to pull him into a hug before I burst into tears, which he returned easily like it was instinct to him again. "Congratulations. I'm so proud of you. You're gonna do amazing things."

Harry wasn't saying anything for a while, content on rubbing his palm up and down my back. And I wasn't sure how long we'd been hugging, but eventually he said, "Thanks, B. You’re the best."



On Harry's last night he'd called me asking to go on one last coffee run with him before he left in the morning. We'd squeezed in as much time between the night he told me and his moving day, but getting to see him one more time wasn't something I was going to say no to. We pulled up at our spot, getting coffee and lying back over his windshield in comfortable silence together.

"I'm going to miss this place," Harry said softly. "Gonna miss this the most."

My heart was aching, feeling heavy and sharp inside of me, but I pulled on a small smile. This place truly was special. I’d grown to know Harry here, grown to love him and vice versa. It was ours and it was funny how a place like a small, 24-hour coffee shop could hold so much meaning. "Me, too. I promise not to bring anyone else here with me."

Harry laughed warmly. "I used to come here some nights on my own when we stopped talking. It was awful because all I could think about was how you should have been there. It felt wrong to be here without you because it was something you and I shared."

"I did, too," I said a little breathlessly. I shook my head when I realized that was too broad. "I mean I came here and I missed you, too."

Harry's smile grew as he moved his head closer to mine. "This had always been so special to me -- you're special to me and I'll miss you so much. I’d never had something quite like this with anyone, but it’s been really nice."

I felt choked up as I often did when it came to thinking about how little time Harry and I had left -- how impermanent everything seemed. It scared me a lot. “Same,” was all I could manage to respond with. “I’ll miss you, too.”

We didn't talk much after that and were just content in being beside one another while letting the hours pass by us. It didn't feel like there was much we wanted to chat about when both of us were feeling so sad about Harry going to Manchester in just a few, short hours. It felt too thick and overwhelming, but there was comfort in knowing that at least he was still there within touch right then.

When it came time to go home, we looked as reluctant as ever, our bodies moving slowly off the car to get inside. The sun was just coming up in shades of light orange and we both looked rumpled, eyes red from lack of sleep. Once we got in, Harry's hand reached out to touch mine over the console.

"Come back to mine?" he asked. "I have a few things left to pack and don't want to do it alone."

I laughed breathlessly and nodded because of course. "Yeah, sure. Why haven't you finished packing yet?"

Harry shrugged, staring straight ahead, while his fingers entwined with mine, feeling warm and comforting. "I don't want to go yet. Packing those last few things means I'm ready to go, but I don't feel ready yet."

I hummed in agreement before an idea popped in my mind. "Maybe you don't have to..." Harry looked confused so I continued. "Take the long way home."

A small smile formed on his lips. "Yeah?" he asked. "Get lost a few times?"

I giggled, nodding my head. "We'll drive as long as you like. Until you feel you’re ready."

"Alright," Harry agreed. "Get ready because we're about to drive forever."

I burst into more giggles, watching Harry's profile as he shifted the gear and pulled out onto the road. We drove for another two hours, weaving through familiar London streets that I’d discovered with Harry himself, and not for the first time, I found myself realizing that I wouldn’t mind this for the rest of forever. 



By the time we got home, it was well into time for breakfast and that was exactly what we found Niall doing when we walked through their flat door. The place was cluttered with bags and boxes full of Harry's things, which I noted; he still hadn’t gotten around to packing in his car. He really wasn’t ready to leave like he’d told me. If only he wouldn’t.

"Morning," Niall greeted, looking at us over a bowl of cereal. "You two have a good night?" Niall grinned at us obnoxiously, looking far too pleased with his comment.

I gaped at his insinuation while Harry rolled his eyes and flipped him the bird. He then grabbed two chocolate muffins and bananas before leading me towards his bedroom, which was near empty with most of his things packed away. He only had a few drawers left and showed me the boxes to pack his stuff in. The process was somber, the two of us quietly putting away his things, and I couldn't even pretend like I was happy to be helping. I wanted to unpack everything and pull him to his bed and go to sleep. More importantly, I couldn’t stop myself from letting my eyes wander around the room and remember all the different memories we’d made in here. None of that seemed to matter now and it made me feel more depressed than ever.

How could all of that not matter when it meant everything to me?

After a while, Niall wandered into the room, dressed for work. "I'm heading out," he told Harry, his voice shaking.

Harry nodded, walking over to him and then pulling Niall into a big hug. He squeezed him tightly and Niall held on just as tight. "Gonna miss you, Ni. You've been the best roommate I could have asked for."

"Shut up," Niall whined, burying his face in Harry's neck. He sounded thick with tears and when I looked, I noticed he really was crying. "Gonna miss you the most, you dick. Have fun out there, kick arse, and come back soon, okay?"

They pulled away and Harry smiled wetly, wiping Niall's tears for him, and nodding. "I'll see you soon. Come visit me, yeah?"

"Of course. Expect me there next week!"

Harry laughed. "I will. Love you, Ni."

"Love you, too, H." Niall grabbed Harry's head by the cheeks and pulled him down to plant a kiss on his forehead. He gave me a wave goodbye before walking out of there, wiping his eyes as he went and sniffling, too.

Me too, Niall, I thought to myself. Me, too.



“So, you have everything, yeah?” I asked Harry, unable to meet his eyes as we stood outside by his car. He seemed to be fairing the same, his expression pained while he adjusted a few bags in the backseat of his car. I could still see Niall’s teardrop stains on the shoulder of Harry’s shirt and it made me want to cry more than anything.

Harry closed his car door and stood back in front of me, brushing his hands on the back of his jeans. “Yeah, I got everything.”

“Good,” I replied shakily, staring down at the ground and rubbing my arms. “You’re good to go then?”

“I’m good to go,” Harry confirmed.

I could tell he was staring at me, but it was too hard to just look up. I should, though, knowing that I wasn’t sure when we’d hang out again or when he’d have time to come back. It sucked -- it really fucking sucked -- having to say goodbye to him yet again when we’d only just been reunited. I felt bitter about the time lost. I felt bitter about everything. Most of all, I just felt sad to see him go. Saying goodbye to him has always been hard because watching his body retreat from me was heartbreaking.

“Alright. Then I guess this is goodbye?” I asked even though it was obvious.

Harry didn’t respond. Instead, he nudged me with his hand on my waist until I moved forward into his arms. The hug was brief and not at all right. It was meant to be good where our shoulders and necks met because they fit so well together. This hug felt incomplete, but I was pulling away much too soon and Harry didn’t wait after that before walking around to the driver’s seat.

I stood there pathetically on the footpath, watching him start the car and pull out of the parking spot without a second thought. And all it took to get the tears streaming down my face was the sight of Harry’s car driving away until it got smaller and turned, going completely out of sight.

Fuck.

He was gone.

Harry was actually gone and we weren’t ever going to make it, were we? I was a liar when I’d said that I didn’t want more or that I didn’t want him again. I did. I wanted him more than anyone and it scared me that I was going to have to live with that for the rest of my life. I met many people over the years and they’d all left some sort of an impact, but not as much as Harry did. He was always there in the back of my mind, making me compare whoever I met with him, and thus deeming them as not good enough. And I’d tried to move on -- I really did, but I couldn’t. Then a small, deeply buried part of me had thought that maybe now was the time. The universe let us meet again and it was going to fix things, but that didn’t happen, so obviously that meant that it wasn’t going to be Harry and me in the end after all.

We weren’t meant to be.

I sobbed quietly, rubbing my cheeks and trying to will myself to calm down, because I was close to becoming hysterical in the middle of the street. And it was as I was contemplating maybe trying to chase Harry’s car and telling to not go that I saw someone running towards me.

My heart stopped in my throat when I realized it was Harry, hair blowing back in the wind as he ran in a quick jog back to where I was. I was too busy staring at him, completely flabbergasted, to realize that my face was stained with tears, slightly swollen and red. He stopped in front of me, panting and looking me in the eyes for the first time that day before letting his eyes take in the rest of my face.

“Wha -- what are you doing?” I asked him, hating how my voice was raspy from the crying. “Did you forget something?”

Harry sighed, like he couldn’t quite believe my question, and nodded his head. “Yeah...yeah, I just --.”

It took me a second to catch up as he pulled me in by my waist until I was flush against him, chest to chest, with my hands bracketed between our bodies. Harry searched my eyes, green against green, before leaning down and pressing his lips to mine.