Breathe

Liv and I were picked up by Josh and Ed from our flat, and we headed to Zayn, Louis and Liam’s flat to pregame with the others. When we arrived, we found the boys bustling around and getting dressed, trying to tie their ties or shine their dress shoes. They were all dressed really smart and classy, wearing dress pants with crisp button ups; it was rather jarring seeing them like this after only having seen them in joggers and vests before today. However, they changed it up a bit between them because Louis wore suspenders, Harry wore a bow tie and Niall went basic with just a striped navy and white striped button up.

Zayn was taking Zoe, of course, who came over and hugged Liv and I before helping him with his tie. She wore a gorgeous black top with white pants, while Liv and I stuck to our black mini’s. Liam and Louis, along with several of their other frat brothers, were taking a few girls from this other sorority. Niall did too, although he made sure to let Liv and I know that he was upset and he wished it was Layla instead.

It seemed that our little Niall had developed himself a serious crush. Layla texted me the night before saying that Niall followed/befriended her on every social network and liked/favorited all of her posts. I couldn’t tell if she was feeling good or bad about it.

I noticed that Harry was flitting back and forth between Louis’s bedroom and the bathroom with his phone pressed to his ear. I didn’t want to approach him and interrupt whoever he was talking to so, I grabbed the drink Josh handed me and talked to my date instead.

Josh was being funny and charming as usual. I could kind of tell at this point that he was into me, so just like everyone told me to, I was going to give him a chance. We mostly talked about our classes and some of our favorite TV shows. He was binge watching Arrow and animatedly told me the entire plot with spoilers. He also told me about his passion for drumming, which I found really cool, and asked him to teach me sometime. All in all, we were getting along fine, just like I knew we would considering we were friends.

After a while, I noticed Harry had given up on the phone call he was on and was sat on a sofa alone. I excused myself away from Josh and walked over to him.

“Hi,” I smiled softly as I sat beside Harry.

“Hey,” he said, plastering on a smile as soon as he saw me. His eyes didn’t twinkle quite as bright, though, so I didn’t buy it. “You look lovely tonight.”

“Thank you,” I chuckled. “You do, too. I like your bow tie.” I fiddled with it and he trailed my movements with his eyes.

“My mum got it for me a few years ago,” he told me.

“It’s nice. Suits you.” Harry smiled at me appreciatively and looked down at his lap. I nudged him with my shoulder softly. “How are you feeling?”

Harry shrugged, slumping against the cushions. “Not so great, to tell you the truth.”

“Why’s that?”

“Darcy isn’t coming tonight,” he said. “She told me all day she was getting ready to leave and then she doesn’t show up, so I call and she tells me that she didn’t even leave because she remembered she has a exam on Monday. So, she cancelled.”

I looked at him sympathetically and pouted. “I’m really sorry. I know you were looking forward to it. Must be disheartening.”

“I was looking forward to it,” he nodded. “It’s just shit, you know?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“And I feel guilty for feeling bad because she has a valid excuse. School is very important, especially to her. She can’t drop her things and come for a frat party when she has an exam, but still. I feel shitty.”

“It’s understandable, but you should still have fun,” I encouraged.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged.

“No, don’t be down,” I insisted. “Like, this is your date night with all of your friends. You should have fun and hang out with them. It’s okay if she isn’t here.”

“I don’t even have a date, though,” he pointed out. “Defeats the purpose of date night.”

I laughed. “So what? I highly doubt everyone will have a date.”

“It’s kind of the point,” he tacked on. “I just want to stay home now. I should study, too, and catch up on my classes.”

“Harry,” I said, almost whining. “Please don’t do that. I will literally dual date both you and Josh to this fucking date night if it means you’ll go. I don’t want you to stay at home and be upset. You deserve to have fun.”

He sighed, looking at me for a long time. I didn’t break eye contact, and eventually he gave me a smile and nodded. “Fine, I’ll go.”

“Good,” I grinned. “And you can see Darcy later. She can come for another event, yeah? You still have a chance to work things out.”

Harry shrugged, biting his lip. “There comes a point when you just don’t want to try anymore. You realize that it’s a dead end and there’s no reason to continue.”

I could only stare at Harry in confusion for a few moments before Niall rounded everyone up to leave because the limo was there. We both stood up and Josh appeared beside me. “We’re going to talk later,” I told Harry. He gave me a small smile before joining Louis and the rest of the group a few feet ahead.  

We all ended up splitting up between two limos. Liv, Ed, Louis, Louis’s date, Zayn, Zoe, Josh and I all sat in one. Somehow Zayn convinced the driver to plug his iPhone in the AUX cord and he blared Drake the whole way. Louis was complaining the entire time, but Ed was rapping along with Zayn, which was hilarious. What I wasn’t enjoying was how touchy Josh was being all of a sudden. He insisted on putting his hand around my waist, even though I wasn’t quite leaning into it. Liv noticed and kept making eyes at me.

I just shrugged to her every time because I had no idea what to do. When we arrived at the hall where the event was held, everyone piled out and we cheered as we walked in along with our friends from the other car. The place was decked out in black and white balloons as well as gold streamers. The Theta Chi letters were put up on the big wall up front and there was a massive dance floor in the middle of the room surrounded by big, round tables.

It kind of reminded me of prom, which I hadn’t attended, in favor of going to a Britney Spears concert instead. Best decision of my life.

There was a dinner before the real party got started, which was delicious. Everyone was sat together, sharing stories about their childhood or something funny that recently happened. I was sat between Liv and Josh and once dinner was done, Liv and I went to the powder room with Zoe.

“Okay,” Liv said once we were inside. “What’s up with Josh?”

“I don’t know,” I said, leaning against the sink counter. “He’s being so touchy. Like, where did that even come from?”

“You don’t have feelings for him?” Zoe asked me.

I shook my head. “I’m really not feeling him. I think I’ll probably say something if he tries to take me out again. Like, I’m pretty sure at this point that I only like him as a friend. It’s just not clicking for me.”

“Oh, well if it’s not clicking,” Zoe pointed out. “There’s no need to continue it, you know?” She moved to the front of the mirror and started touching up her makeup.  

“And it’s best to do it before things get too far,” Liv also added. “I’m having fun with Ed, though.”

“It’s not that I’m not having fun,” I said to her. “I am because Josh is really cool, but there is no chemistry. However, maybe it’s not that big of a deal and I’m reading into it too much. Who knows if he really even likes me like Harry’s been saying.”

“Is Harry doing okay?” Liv asked after I mentioned him.

“He’s so sad,” Zoe pouted, looking at us through the mirror. “Since Darcy isn’t here, he’s just...ugh, I feel really bad.”

“Have you ever met Darcy?” I asked her, curiously.

Zoe nodded. “A few times. She’s super nice and friendly. I just think that things are hard between them. Long distance relationships don’t work for everyone.”

“That’s true,” Liv nodded, thoughtfully. “We should try to cheer Harry up or something, though.”

“He seemed alright at dinner,” I pointed out. “I tried not to be a mother hen and stare at him all through it to make sure he was okay, but I noticed him laughing and talking.”

“Still, I’m sure that he’s upset,” Zoe said. “You can tell he’s just acting.” Which, yeah. She had a point.

“Maybe if we can get him drunk and dancing, he’ll be okay,” Liv suggested giggling as she walked into a stall.

“Good idea,” Zoe grinned, putting her lipstick and mascara back in her purse.

I laughed at the two of them and their suggestion. Maybe they were right, but another part of me also felt that he probably didn’t want attention right now. He might be embarrassed and I didn’t want him to feel like he was being put on the spot. I just wanted him to be smiling and happy again, but I knew it was easier said than done.

After the girls and I finished using the powder room, we walked back out to our table. Instead of sitting, everyone was standing around and talking now. When Josh noticed me walking back, he smiled and extended his hand out to call me over. I smiled and walked over to him where he once again placed his hand on my lower back. “Did I mention that you look extremely beautiful tonight?” Josh smiled.

I smiled and nodded. “A few times, yes. You flatter me too much.”

“Not nearly enough,” he argued. “Are you having fun here with me?”

I nodded my head once again. “Yeah, good to be with friends. Glad you asked me.” I hoped he got the hint when I said friends, but he didn’t let on.

“Can I get you a drink?” he asked.

“Sure,” I replied.

“Be right back.” Josh excused himself and walked towards the open bar, while I walked over to Ed and Liv who were standing with Niall.

When I looked at him, I noticed Niall had a pout on his face. “Niall,” I cooed. “Why the long face, bud?”

“I don’t like my date,” he said. He had a drink in his hand and I’m pretty sure he was drunk because I hadn’t seen him without one all night. Every time I looked over at him, he was downing drink after drink.

“What?” I asked, looking over the ginger he brought along. She was standing with a few other girls and talking over champagne. “Why not? She’s nice.”

“I don’t want to bang her,” he said, half slurring and throwing a hand up, exasperatedly. “She’s so hot and I’ve had my eye on her for ages--since we both had that Philosophy class in sophomore year. Now I’ve finally got her, but I don’t even want to bang her anymore.”

“Why, though?” Ed asked. “What changed?”

“I’ve been ruined,” was Niall’s solemn reply.

“What are you talking about?” Liv asked, looking rather worried, her brows in a crease.

Niall sighed, running a hand through his face. “Layla ruined me.”

All of our eyes widened as we looked at him.

Shit.

“It’s true,” he said with wide eyes, continuing. “She ruined me. Ever since I met her and laid my eyes on her, I haven’t looked at or thought about another girl. How can I? She’s it.”

“Niall,” Liv laughed. “You hardly know her. And when you met her, she literally ripped you apart.”

“She doesn’t know we’re meant to be yet,” he told her. “Just give it some time, she’ll come around and warm up to it.”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “Layla is pretty stubborn when she wants to be.”

Niall scowled at me. “Have some faith will you? I’m completely gone for this girl. It’s why Liam and Louis didn’t even try to get with her like they said they would.”

“I wouldn’t tell Layla you called dibs on her,” I told him. “She will bash you saying that you’re objectifying her again.”

“I’m not objectifying her,” he said. “If objectifying her means she is literally the object of my affection, my heart, and my life--then maybe I am--but I don’t mean bad.”

We looked at him with our jaws hanging open. I don’t think I’d ever actually heard a guy talk about Layla the way Niall was, even if he was drunk. It was kind of--romantic--dare I say? It almost made me a bit envious because I wanted a boy to want me that bad. It was also rather upsetting because I had no idea if Layla was even into him. It would be sad to see him be heartbroken, however, he seemed rather confident about this whole matter.

“If you say so, Niall,” Liv said, smiling at him. “For now, though. Go have fun with your date. She came to have fun, too, you know. Don’t spoil her night and go ask her to dance.”

“She speaks the truth,” Ed said, turning to Liv. “How about you and I go dance?”

“I’d love to, Ed,” Liv smiled, taking his hand and walking to the dance floor. I stood there with Niall as he looked over at his date.

He shrugged, squaring his shoulders and puffing out his chest. “Here goes nothing.”

I giggled and watched him walk over to her and whisper something in her ear. She smiled and nodded her head before following him to the dance floor. It would have almost been a little romantic and cute had the DJ not chosen that moment to start playing “Wiggle” by Jason DeRulo. Either way, Niall let himself go and danced with his date.

Josh came back to me and once again put his hand on my waist as he handed me my drink. “Want to dance?” he asked.

“Sure,” I nodded. I followed Josh to the dance floor and joined our friends. Josh danced with me for a few songs before Liv came around and made it into a group thing with her and Ed. After some time, Zoe and Zayn came over to dance with us. Zayn was trying to dance, but looked awkward. He wasn’t much of a dancer as he always liked to remind us, but he did try.

I wiggled my hips against Zoe and she smiled at me. “Tried cheering up Harry,” she said into my ear.

“How’d that go?” I asked.

She shrugged. “Alright for a while, but then he made some excuse and left.”

“You don’t know where he is?” I asked, my brows creasing.

She shook her head. I hummed in response and continued to dance with my friends. When we all got tired, we retired back to our table with drinks and sat around chatting until we were thoroughly drunk and ready to head home. When the limos dropped off me and a very sleepy Liv, Josh kissed me, chaste and quick, as a goodbye. Then the two of us somehow managed to get into our flat and respective beds.

The last thought I had before drifting off to sleep was that Harry hadn’t shown up for the rest of the night.

I pulled on a pair of trackies and a jumper, before typing up my hair and walking downstairs with my phone and wallet. Harry was sat outside my building already, a small smile on his lips when he saw me. I waved at him before getting into the passenger seat and buckling up.

“How are you?” he asked.

“Good,” I nodded, smiling at him as he started the car and drove towards our usual spot. It was a bit earlier than we would normally go out, so I figured he probably just wanted to talk about something.

“How’s your hangover?” he laughed, looking at me.

I chuckled. “It’s alright,” I said. “I didn’t drink that much, so it was okay. Not like Niall had.”

“Oh god,” Harry groaned, a grin on his face. “He was so annoying to deal with. Cried this morning while puking, did you know?”

“No,” I shook my head, laughing. “Poor kid. Did you know he, like, completely outed himself last night? He was going on and on about Layla. He really likes her. Or said that he loves her.”

“Niall loves Layla?” Harry asked.

“Apparently.”

“He doesn’t know her,” Harry pointed out. “Like, they met once.”

“That’s what we said, but he was pretty set on it. Said that they were meant to be and what not. It was kind of cute, but sad at the same time because I don’t know if she feels that way.”

“Poor Niall,” Harry said, quietly.

I hummed in response and looked out the window as we arrived to the coffee shop. Harry parked the car at our usual spot and he got out, stretching his limbs. The coffee shop wasn’t that crowded tonight, just one or two people in sofa seats revising.  

“The usual?” he asked.

I nodded my head and Harry went inside with his hands in his pocket and head hung low. I wondered what it could be that was wrong, although I had a hunch after the events that transpired last night. The things Harry had said before we left for the party repeated over in my head and I wondered if Harry was still thinking something along those terms -- dead ends and finding no reason to try anymore. Whatever it may be, I knew he was going to find out soon because I could tell Harry was wanting to let some things off his chest.

All in all, though, I just felt bad, really.

Harry didn’t deserve what happened last night. He was a good person who deserved to always be happy and smiling because he brought joy to his friends and had a smile that could brighten up any room. It was then that I realized how fond I’d become of Harry. After spending weeks of time together, I could only assume I’d care about him, but not to to this extent. He just had that effect on everyone. Harry was just such a good person that he made it hard for anyone to dislike him. Everything about him was genuine, which was why I really didn't want him to be so sad.

When Harry walked back out with two cups of coffee in his hand, I smiled and took mine from him appreciatively. “Thank you,” I murmured.

“No problem,” he replied, sitting down beside me. It was quiet for a bit as we sat and blew on our hot coffees. The weather was getting chillier, but we had cozy jumpers and beanies on our heads. It also helped that our body heat was radiating between us, making it nice and warm for us.

“You left early last night,” I started.

Harry hummed and nodded his head. “I wasn’t feeling that great.”

“I figured.”

“Had a chat with Darcy, though,” he added.

I nodded my head in acknowledgement, trying to stay hopeful. “What did you talk about?”

“A lot of things,” he started. “We talked all night.” I could feel it coming in my gut before he even said it. “We broke up.”

I pursed my lips and was unsure of what to say next. Harry had grown quiet beside me, and it was just the sound of our breaths and the wind whistling around us as people walked in out of the coffee shop. I slowly lifted my hand up and rested it on his shoulder, giving it a gentle rub.

“You alright?” I asked him when he leaned into it.

“Not really,” he replied, honestly. “But I will be.”

“That’s a good way to think about it,” I said gently.

Harry nodded. “We--just knew that this was what needed to happen. Like, we were probably meant to break up a long time ago, but we were ignoring the inevitable. Last night, I had finally realized that and I left early to call her and we just talked. Everything came out in the open. I felt a lot better, really. It just wasn’t working. Remember how I said that there comes a point when you just don’t want to try anymore?”

“Yeah,” I replied.

“Well, we didn’t want to. We couldn’t be there for each other anymore and that’s what a relationship is all about. Neither of us were trying and hadn’t been for awhile, unfortunately.”

“Well, I mean long distance is hard,” I said. “Not everyone can do it.”

“I know,” he hummed. “We tried and that’s what matters. Nobody is the bad guy, I know that. And I don’t regret a thing. She’s a great person and I’m glad we got the time that we did.”

“So, you think you’ll be fine?” I asked him.

Harry smiled softly, turning to me. “I think so, yeah. I think that it’ll take a bit of time considering I was with her for so long, but I’ll get through it.”

“I know you will,” I smiled back, rubbing his back. “The way you’re handling it is very mature and it’s understandable to be upset and to miss her. You’ll be okay, though. You’re really strong.”

“Thank you,” Harry nodded. I leaned in to give him a hug. Harry accepted it graciously and turned his face into my hair, speaking softly. “Thank you for being here for me and for talking to me about all this.”

I chuckled. “That’s what friends are for, yeah? I’m glad you trust me and you feel comfortable enough to tell me all this.”

We both pulled away and I sat back again, sipping my coffee, while Harry did the same. Once we were done, we trashed our cups and I looked at him. “What now?” I asked.

He smiled, shrugging. “Do you have to be home soon?”

I shook my head. “Revision can wait another day. You’re priority right now. I can be with you as long as you need me to.”

He grinned shyly at that and opened his car, gesturing for me to get in as well. “Do you want to go on a drive? I just wanna drive for a really long time. Don’t even care if we get lost a little, I just want to see someplace new.”

“Sounds like a proper adventure,” I laughed. “I’m in.”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I’ll pop in my favorite playlist, too.”

So, we did. Harry drove and drove and we went places I’d never been before. It was nice, though. It was nice listening to some good music, seeing pretty places and being with a friend when they needed you the most. I didn’t mind when it was with him.