Congratulations

Okay, so maybe I didn't run. I more like speed walked, but to a smoker that's like running.

And I'm sure I looked like a fucking idiot, too. Hands on my boobs so they wouldn't smack my face, tears making my liquid eyeliner run enough to be a relative of a raccoon. Stopping after 5 minutes because I was lost, then crying because of that. I was obviously a mess. I didn't even realize how much time had passed.

I got a job, just like the court ordered. I was working front desk at some shitty little hotel, but for 13 an hour I didn't complain. I had the interview the day after all of that happened, and with my mental state I don't know how they hired me. But they did, and I worked 34 hours a week, just under full time. I wouldn't go to jail anytime soon.

"Dominika..." Carter came into my room gently, just like every day when he tried to get me up.
"No."
"You don't even know what I have to say..."
"I don't care."
"Domi, it's been a month. Come on, princess."

A month. 31 days.

And it's not like I wasn't keeping up with Austin, because obviously I was. I constantly checked his Facebook and Instagram and Snapchat, making sure there weren't any new girls. There weren't, and that kept me going. He still tagged me in meme's and new pictures and I couldn't help but wonder what went through his head when I didn't respond. Was he as depressed as I was? Did he know that he was wrong for fucking me over?

"He's having a release party for his mix tape tonight."

Oh, and his fucking mix tape.

"Look, I know you want nothing to do with Austin right now, but you should probably hear this." Carter said his words carefully, placing the blank CD with my name written messily on it, a heart following. "Second to last one."

I rolled my eyes, grabbing the CD from tanned hands and shoved it into the disc compartment on my Mac. iTunes popped up and I clicked the second to last one, pressing the volume button up a few notches. Why am I doing this?

"I just
Baby can I come and see you
I just, I just
Girl you seem always on the move
Baby
I just cannot, uh, figure out what to do
And I just, I just, uh, cannot let you go on your own
Eh, why you got to be so inconsiderate wit' it
Know that you mean more than any one of these bitches
Its like you wanna see me go and hop off some bridges
Emo pussy woulda' gone and cut up ones wrists"

I giggled, making Carter smile widely.

"Instead I'm going to drop a hundred bands on a whip
Only way I know to get my brain off of shit, eh
I just want to see you, maybe talk about shit
I just want to see ya, you might feel for the kid
It's you that I have been searchin' for
Just let me know what's good with y'all
Can't keep on going back and forth
Won't let you, won't let you."

"It's called Lonely," he informed me, nodding his head to my computer. "Try the first one."
I did as instructed, my heart beating wildly out of my chest as if Austin was right next to me.

"I got bands
Broke boys coming to me with their open hands
And I ain't trippin'
I'm just saying now everybody wanna be my friend
I finally fell in love
Now all these bitches wanna come and fuck up my plans
I'm just trying to be who I am
It's just something they will never understand"

"In..love?" My voice was hoarse from all the crying I did.
Carter nodded his head. "You can shut it off now, the rest is kinda just bullshit."
My phone vibrated next to me. Austin. Every day a few times a day, right on schedule.

'Did u like it?'

"You don't work again in two days, it's time you saw him and said something. You need to, Domi. Put your 'sexy' dress on," I grinned at his horrible impression of my voice. "And get the fuck out of here. You know I'm gonna be there every step of the drunken night."

I didn't want to. I wanted to be depressed and chain smoke cigarettes until I coughed up a lung, all the while starring at Austin's text of the day like I was going to reply back. But, that also wasn't realistic. I was petty, and more than 78% of me wanted to show up looking good as fuck and ignore the fuck out of Austin in his own house.

I turned my head to the mirror and let out an angry sigh. My hair was a rat's nest, my skin was greasy, and I was non-embarrassingly wearing Austin's over sized shirt like the heart broken wimp I was. I needed to turn this around, and fast, or I'd loose my shit.

"Alright, bet. I'm down."