Letting Go
Letting Go
It’s hard to keep the memories from surfacing. I've tried so long to push them down, to ignore them hoping it would keep me from feeling the sorrow of losing you. But I can't keep my mind from flashing back to the first time we meet. I wasn’t even able to see your face in that dark car as you drove me and Taylor to a chemistry review. I remember sitting in the back seat hearing your honey like voice as you talked and laughed with your best friend, wondering if I would ever get to see you face.
I flash forward to the times when I couldn't even imagine not knowing every aspect of how you looked. Driving in your car jamming out to music. We didn't know where we were going or when we would reach our destination, we just drove. That’s basically how our relationship was. We never looked into the future. We took everything day by day, second by second, always living without a plan. Looking back now it was reclus, but I guess that's what being young is about, making mistakes.
Like all those times we stayed up until 3 a.m and missed class in the morning because at the time sleep seemed more important. Or the night you fell and hit your head on your bathroom counter. I'll never forget the look on your face as you told me what had happened after walking back into your bedroom holding your forehead. And then there was the night I found your phone laying in a puddle of water next to the toilet. The confusion on your face when I told you that was priceless. You spent $300 on a phone just to ruin the charging port with water.
To this day it still makes me smile to think of all of fun and stupid memories we had. Like the time we stayed up playing darts putting multiple holes in your wall when we missed, okay so maybe it was me putting the holes in the wall but still. We always tried to find new stuff to do but then in the end it always ended up the same, watching movies. Even though I hated scary movies I watched them just for you, even when i was terrified the nights I didn't spend with you after watching them.
I tried to do so much for you and that's the part that hurts. Knowing that I gave you everything just to see you walk away. Our first and only fight I was screaming walking up stairs to my house. I was mad because I could feel things changing between us. I remember thinking I could feel you behind me. I guess maybe because I just expected you to follow. I expected you to chase after me, to fight for me but when I turned around you were not there. I stood on the top of those steps and watched you get in your car and drive away. That was the moment, the moment you broke me. I dropped to the ground screaming, i’ve never felt a pain like that in my life. How could you walk away? How could you not care? How could you forget everything I tried to do for you? How was I not enough?
These are questions i'll never get answers to because you left and you're not coming back. So here I am with nothing but these memories left, when all I wanted to be left with was you. So i’ll cry and i’ll scream for you but in the end it is you who suffered the true lose, and maybe someday you'll look back at these memories like I am now and you’ll smile, until you realise that their over, and it’s too late because by that time, you’ll have already lost me.
I flash forward to the times when I couldn't even imagine not knowing every aspect of how you looked. Driving in your car jamming out to music. We didn't know where we were going or when we would reach our destination, we just drove. That’s basically how our relationship was. We never looked into the future. We took everything day by day, second by second, always living without a plan. Looking back now it was reclus, but I guess that's what being young is about, making mistakes.
Like all those times we stayed up until 3 a.m and missed class in the morning because at the time sleep seemed more important. Or the night you fell and hit your head on your bathroom counter. I'll never forget the look on your face as you told me what had happened after walking back into your bedroom holding your forehead. And then there was the night I found your phone laying in a puddle of water next to the toilet. The confusion on your face when I told you that was priceless. You spent $300 on a phone just to ruin the charging port with water.
To this day it still makes me smile to think of all of fun and stupid memories we had. Like the time we stayed up playing darts putting multiple holes in your wall when we missed, okay so maybe it was me putting the holes in the wall but still. We always tried to find new stuff to do but then in the end it always ended up the same, watching movies. Even though I hated scary movies I watched them just for you, even when i was terrified the nights I didn't spend with you after watching them.
I tried to do so much for you and that's the part that hurts. Knowing that I gave you everything just to see you walk away. Our first and only fight I was screaming walking up stairs to my house. I was mad because I could feel things changing between us. I remember thinking I could feel you behind me. I guess maybe because I just expected you to follow. I expected you to chase after me, to fight for me but when I turned around you were not there. I stood on the top of those steps and watched you get in your car and drive away. That was the moment, the moment you broke me. I dropped to the ground screaming, i’ve never felt a pain like that in my life. How could you walk away? How could you not care? How could you forget everything I tried to do for you? How was I not enough?
These are questions i'll never get answers to because you left and you're not coming back. So here I am with nothing but these memories left, when all I wanted to be left with was you. So i’ll cry and i’ll scream for you but in the end it is you who suffered the true lose, and maybe someday you'll look back at these memories like I am now and you’ll smile, until you realise that their over, and it’s too late because by that time, you’ll have already lost me.