A Helping Hand

A sharp knock at the door woke Zacky from his nap. He glanced at the TV, a rerun of ’Frasier’ playing softly in the background. He had slept right through the second half of 'For Your Eyes Only', part of the James Bond marathon playing all month, through the news and was now deep into sitcom hour, which meant it was nearing 6pm.

It had been a week since Zacky had been back to the studio, and that was not from lack of wanting. He was champing at the bit to get back into the action, his brief visit the previous week giving him a taste of what he was missing. Unfortunately, the pain killers the doctor had put him on had him falling into a deep sleep 20 minutes after taking them. Knowing what his bandmates were like, he was not about to subject himself to the ruthless pranks they would pull on him while he was passed out.

The only thing that had kept him sane this week were the daily visits from Indy. Anywhere from 5pm on, a knock would sound at his door and Indy would be on the other side. She would bring along a few groceries to cook them dinner or would have just hung up a call to order them take out. They would either sit on the couch awaiting the delivery, or stand in the kitchen and chat about their day. Usually the conversation was very one-sided as Indy filled him in with the progress of the album. All Zacky ever had to talk about was the movie he had watched or what cute things Icky had done. The seemingly lack-lustre topics never stopped her asking about his day, and she was very eager to ask questions to keep him chatting.

After dinner she would grab her guitar and show him the progress that had been made that day. It astounded him the lengths she went to, just to try and keep him in the loop. It was not making his crush any easier to squash, but there was a part of him that didn’t care. He would happily take all the time she would give him.

Shaking his mind away from the memories, Zacky slowly rose from the couch, an irritated Icky looking at him harshly for making him move. He rolled his eyes at the spoiled dog and made his way to the front door. He already knew who was at the door, so looking through the peephole was redundant.

“Hey In-.”

“Move, bitch! Get out the way!”

As Zacky opened the door wider to accommodate his band mates, he let out a long sigh. Jimmy tore past him while the others followed behind at a more leisurely pace. Brian shot him a confused look as he walked past, though Zacky’s attention was following the giant blue-eyed drummer that crashed landed on the couch.

He was really not in the mood for this right now.

“Please, come on in,” he said sarcastically to himself. Rolling his eyes once more, he closed the door and watched the rest of his band mates make themselves at home on his couch. Maybe he should have looked through the peephole after all.

“Dude, your house is so clean!” Jimmy exclaimed, flopping himself down onto one of the armchairs.

“Yeah, last time we were here it was a freaking explosion of garbage,” Matt commented, taking in the seemingly clean living area and craning his neck to see what he could of the kitchen.

“Haven’t you been to sleepy to be cleaning?” Brian asked, lilting his words and quirking his eyebrow. This was not like Zacky.

“Well excuse me for not wanting to live in a pile of garbage while I’m sick,” Zacky said, defending himself. “90% of my day is out here, so sorry for cleaning it once in a while.”

“Are we really talking about rubbish?” Johnny asked, making his way in from the kitchen with a beer in hand. He walked over, squeezing himself between Matt and Brian who were on the L-shaped lounge Zacky was previously napping on. It was not even a second after Johnny uncapped the beer that Matt took the beer from Johnny’s hand. “Hey!”

“Hey to you, too,” Matt replied, taking a long swig of the beer and marking it as his own.

“So, how’s the album coming along?” Zacky asked the guys, opening the floodgates of conversation. He retrieved his phone from his pocket and started typing out a message.

“This album is going to be the shit! You would not believe what Matt tracked today – ” Jimmy started, flailing his arms about as he gestured while he spoke.

The guys told Zacky what had happened over the last week, not knowing that Indy had caught him up each day. It was still amazing to hear their sides, though, getting a deeper insight into the other parts of the album Indy wasn’t involved in. He was excited to hear that most of Jimmy’s drums were now officially all tracked, though he still wanted to put some percussion in the mix, and that Johnny had finally started tracking his bass lines.

“So, what have you been doing, then?” Zacky asked his fellow guitarist after sending off another SMS.

“Indy and I have been working through Blinded in Chains and The Wicked End. It took her a bit to get Wicked down because of how precise the timing is for our harmonies. I wrote the solo for Wicked, you are going to love it. Hopefully we can all work on Seize the Day,” Brian answered him, checking off his week.

“Looks like you guys have it all sorted without me,” Zacky mumbled, getting off the couch and heading to the kitchen. Even though the doctor said to not mix alcohol and his pain medication, Zacky needed a beer.

The ever-growing feeling of not being needed was once more solidified in his mind. His own band were recording an album without him, and they didn’t seem to be missing his input at all. How can he bring himself to say that he had any part in this album? Sure, he had helped write some of the stuff before they got into the studio, but it was always bound to change with recording. Nothing ever remained in the form it was from the demo. From his self-thrown pity party in the kitchen, he could hear the others laughing and talking away. It was beginning to feel like he wasn’t even part of the band anymore.

His phone vibrated in his pocked, waking him from his depressive train of thought. He quickly checked the message before shoving his phone back in his pocket, grabbing a beer for himself and re-joining his friends.

In the living room, the guys had made themselves even more at home than when he left. Matt was typing furiously on his phone having finally settled the TV on a rerun of a football game, Johnny was chatting with Jimmy, the drummer animated in his arm movements making Zacky believe they were talking about the latest tracking the drummer had nailed, and Brian was lightly strumming away at the acoustic guitar that had been left out.

“Val said that you all should come over since we got out of the studio at a decent time,” Matt told the group.

“Free food,” Jimmy cheered, agreeing to the get together straight away.

“Free booze,” Johnny cheered, emulating Jimmy.

“BYO, assholes,” Matt replied, flipping the two men off. “You guys drank us dry last time.”

There was a slight pause in conversation at the statement.

“Free food,” Jimmy cheered again.

Matt rolled his eyes at the drummer and rose from his seat. Everyone followed his lead, realising they would have to stop and get alcohol on the way.

“Don’t forget to go home and shower first. You all smell like ass,” Matt told them. The downfall of a recording studio was that they never had air conditioning as the sound would be picked up by the microphones. With the 5 band members, Mudrock, the techs Jason, Matt and Andy, and Indy, the rooms had a tendency to get very warm very quickly, and as such, they all sweated like it was the middle of summer.

“Thanks so much,” Brian said sarcastically. “What a bedside manner you have.”

Matt flipped him off before turning to the injured guitarist still sitting on the couch.

“Want a lift?” Matt asked Zacky. “I mean, I’m already here.”

“Yeah, that would be great, thanks,” Zacky accepted, never knocking down a lift. That just meant he didn’t have to worry about driving home later that night, he would just need to figure out how to get home. If no one else would drop him off, he knew Matt and Val would let him crash.

They all filed out of his house, Zacky making sure to feed Icky before he locked up. The pup had a doggy door that let him come in and out of the backyard as needed, so that was one thing Zacky didn’t have to worry about.

“We just have to make a quick pit stop for alcohol,” Matt told Zacky as they walked over to his car. Zacky made his way to the passenger side and opened the door with Matt simultaneously.

“Sounds good,” Zacky replied. He was planning on getting a few beers. With the meds he was on, he was sure it wouldn’t take too much to get him feeling loose.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you, but we haven’t seen you for a while. How are you doing? Like, no bullshit, how’s your arm?” Matt asked him, starting the conversation as the car started moving.

“It fucking sucks, but I’m ok, I guess,” Zacky replied, not really sure how to answer the surprising question. He had good days, and he had days where all he wanted to do was sleep for the next few weeks until he could use his arm again.

“I said no bullshitting,” Matt reminded him, not believing the slightly younger man. He had known him for too long to trust the words he had spoken.

“It’s just… difficult,” Zacky admitted, not really sure how to put in to words the frustration he felt. “I just get so mad at myself that I broke my arm. I get pissed off because I can’t even play on our album. This is going to be our big break, Matt, I can just feel it. And I am barely involved. I can’t even fucking stay awake because of these god damn painkillers, so I’m not even in the studio with you guys. I want to be part of the process, I want to be part of the fun. I want to be part of my own fucking band.”

“No one but yourself blames you for what happened, Zack. It fucking sucks for all of us, too. It isn’t the same. None of us want to record without you, you are our brother. Warner have us on such a short leash with this first record that we can’t afford to piss them off too much, you know? Dude, I wish we could tell them to fuck off and wait for you to be ready to play with us, because it truly isn’t the same without you. We just have to make do,” Matt said. He could empathise with Zacky, but knew there was no way to halt recording until he could play again. They would most likely have to rearrange tour dates as it was, not knowing how long the guitarist would need to practice before he was familiar with the material.

“Yeah, I know, I know. I guess we should just be thankful that Indy is helping us out so we can get the album to Warner close to our due date,” Zacky sighed.

“She’s still not you, Zack. Don’t forget that. Brian might fuck around being an asshole saying shit about replacing you, but he is just being a dick. All the stuff they are recording are nearly identical to the demos we made, the stuff you wrote.”

“I know he is being a prick for the sake of it, but it just really hits home, you know? Her playing can be so intricate and technical, so similar to Brian’s that and I can’t help but wonder how it would go if they were writing the music together. It would have to be better than anything I could come up with.”

“That’s a load of shit and you know it. She may play like Brian at times but it is him goading her on, wanting to push her and push her until she breaks and he can say he is the better musician. You know how competitive he gets, and now it’s someone new he can try to best,” Matt said to Zacky, trying to ease his chaotic thoughts. “The reason this band works is because you and Syn are different players. We wouldn’t have made it this far if we had two lunatic egomaniac lead guitarists.”

“Thanks, I guess?” Zacky questioned Matt, not sure if the latter part was a compliment or not. He knew he had an ego on stage that could rival Brian’s, they all found the air of arrogance helped them perform, but he knew what the singer was getting at. “Just seeing them together last week really got into my head. They were on the exact same wavelength while recording, and tracked Strength and Wicked End way faster than I could. They were off in their own world, not noticing a thing that was going on around them.”

Matt was quiet for a second while he thought on Zacky’s words. They had known each other for a long time, long enough for Matt to realise that there was more in Zacky’s words than reached the surface. He didn’t reply as he was pulling into the parking lot of the liquor store, choosing to put a pin on the conversation for the time being.

The pair got out of the car, Matt locking it before they entered the store. He grabbed a cart, knowing that he needed to stock up. It was Friday, so the band were not needed in the studio until Monday rolled back around, so Matt knew they would all go harder than usual.

Zacky quickly typed out a text message as he caught up with the singer in front of the cool room. Matt went in, getting a case of beer and putting in into the cart. He returned to the room, getting another case and adding it to the first. The guys were no stranger to drinking, so he was sure both cases would be gone before the night was through. They added a few spirits to the mix, a few bottles of Jack Daniels as per Zacky’s request, a bottle of vodka for Val, and some tequila for Jimmy. While walking to the checkout, Matt threw in a few bottles of soda as he gave into the impulse buy display.

They reached the checkout, Matt beating Zacky to paying the cashier, Zacky’s credit card hanging limply in the air.

“You paid last time,” Zacky told Matt as they walked back to the car. “At least let me give you some cash.”

“You can get next time,” Matt said, waving Zacky’s offer away. He knew that eventually it would all even out, the group of friends often taking it in turns to pay for nights out, nights in, and everything in between. It was all swings and round-abouts.

They packed the car in silence, Matt doing the heavy lifting while Zacky put the bottles in the back seat one bag at a time. He slid back in the passenger seat while Matt took the cart back to the front of the shop, taking the small reprieve to sigh. He had to get his head out of this funk, and he was hoping that the impromptu gathering would help. He glanced at his phone, the timing perfect as a reply to the message came in. He read it, smiling lightly and put the phone back in his pocket, not replying just yet.

“So,” Matt said, hopping back into the car, quickly buckling up before hitting it into reverse, “I was thinking about what you said.”

“What did I say?” Zacky asked him, confused as to what he was referencing.

“Just before, that you were pissed off that Brian and Indy got along so well and were recording so fast,” Matt replied, summing up the previous conversation.

“I am not pissed off,” Zacky said forcefully. If he could, he would cross his arms and huff at the singer. “That’s not what I meant.”

“You see, I think it was,” Matt insisted, a small grin gracing his features at the reaction of his friend. He needed to know if his hunch was correct.

“It’s not.”

“It is.”

“It’s not!”

“There are two reasons it would piss you off,” Matt said, ignoring Zacky. “One, you have an inferiority complex that is stemming from Indy recording the parts faster than you expected…”

“That’s such bullshit. It’s good that the recording is finally getting done. It took a while for her to learn the stuff, but the quicker it’s recorded, the more time we have to work on the production.”

“Reason two, you are jealous of the bond between Indy and Brian.”

“What? That is fucking stupid, Matt. Why would I be jealous of Brian? Just because he is spending time with Indy? Because he is getting to know her while I’m at home sleeping all the time?” Zacky asked rhetorically. He was starting to get worked up at the singer’s accusations. “I think it is great that they are working so well together, that they seem to instantly click. It’s totally fine.”

Matt didn’t reply straight away. He couldn’t or else he would burst into a fit of laughter. Not only was Zacky now contradicting what he was confessing earlier, but he was being a little too insistent about his lack of interest.

“I never said you were jealous of Brian,” Matt pointed out, biting his lip to supress the giant smile attempting to break though. “I thought you would be jealous of Indy, how she created such a close musical relationship with not only your best friend, but your co-guitarist.”

It was Zacky’s turn to be silent. He started processing what Matt had said. For all intents and purposes, he was right. He should be feeling something towards the partnership between Indy and Brian. He and Brian had been working at joining their styles for the past 6 years, finding the balance between lead and rhythm that satisfied both of their creativity. It wasn’t always the easiest ride, they had butted heads more times than anyone could count. It had taken them this long to be able to play fluidly with one another, to read the others personal quirks as cues on stage to play a flawless show. Some of their first shows were embarrassingly clunky and awkward as they had not known how to feed off each other. They had put a lot of hard work into creating the partnership they had, and knew it still required a lot of work to keep it going.

“Oh.”

“You do realise it, don’t you?” Matt asked.

“Realise what?”

“That you are falling for Indy.”

The words sounded so simple coming out of Matt’s mouth, like they had no ramifications behind them.

“You can’t deny it, Zacky,” Matt said softly, realising how close they were to his house. He slowed down a little, knowing they couldn’t arrive just yet. They still had a lot to discuss.

“It’s just a crush,” Zacky admitted quietly. His heart was beating so loud he was sure Matt would be able to hear it.

“Zack,” Matt warned, not believing him.

“It is. It’s nothing I can’t handle,” he said firmly, looking at the singer to try and prove his point. “I just need some time to get over it, that’s all.”

“Is that why you haven’t been at the studio?” The singer guessed. He was approaching his house, noticing none of the others had shown up yet. He was thankful that they had actually taken his advice and each had gone home before meeting back at the house.

“No,” Zacky replied, staring down at his cast. “I really haven’t been up to it.”

“Ok, I believe you,” Matt said, nodding. He pulled into his driveway, opening the electric garage door and seeing Val’s car parked safely inside.

“Besides, Indy has come over the last few days after the studio. She’s been letting me know what has been happening,” Zacky admitted, finally being honest with someone. It was hard to try and rationalise his feelings without having someone to talk to about it all. It was a relief that he could finally get it off his chest.

“What?”

“After she took me to the hospital last week, she has been… looking after me,” Zacky told him, not really knowing how to phrase it. “The day after the accident, she showed up at my door with groceries. Not just take out, but actual food. She made us dinner, Matt, from scratch. She was actually caring for me.”

Zacky paused, realising Matt had parked the car. The garage door was shutting behind them, yet neither had made a move to get out of the car.

“That was when the realisation stuck me. I couldn’t actually admit it to myself for a bit, but man, she was just… there, you know? Then she came over again the following week. She bought me more food, making sure that I was actually looking after myself. She let me know what she and Brian were working on, making sure I was ok with what they were recording on my behalf. Then she came over the next day, and had ordered us take out. We sat talking for hours about next to nothing. Then she came over again and again, making sure I was looking after myself, making sure I was ok. She keeps asking me questions about my past, about me, not just about music. She actually was interested in who I am, not just what it takes to mimic my guitar tone.”

“Zacky,” Matt started, not sure how to phrase what he wanted to say.

“Look, I know I am being stupid and that I need to draw the line, but I just can’t. She is intoxicating. I can’t seem to find the strength to tell her that she needs to stop coming around. I know there is no way we could even consider being together. She doesn’t even feel the same way,” Zacky said, not being able to stop his word vomit.

“Why?” Matt asked him, looking at the struggling man.

“Why what?”

“Why can’t you be together?”

“I am essentially her boss, Matt. Imagine how awkward it would be if I actually said something to her and she had to let me down. The whole dynamic would be off for the rest of the recording process. I am not putting our band’s future in jeopardy because of a stupid crush.”

With that, Zacky opened the car door, finally leaving the vehicle. He couldn’t deny the huge weight lifted from his chest, thought the relief was still shadowed in anxiety. He knew Matt would keep their conversation to himself, but the thought of someone else knowing made his heart stutter.

Zacky opened the back door of the car as Matt got out from the driver’s seat. They each set out to grab the alcohol from the car, Matt carrying the two cases of beer in while Zacky struggled with the handles of the plastic bags. He took all 4, praying to anyone listening that their structure would remain and he would not be breaking the glass bottles on the short trip from the garage to the kitchen.

“Val?” Matt yelled out, looking for his girlfriend.

“Kitchen!” She called out in response. The pair made their way through the small hallway that wound through the house, making their way to the kitchen.

“Hey babe,” Matt greeted, leaning down for a quick kiss on his way past Val. He quickly put the beer on the bench top with a groan, shaking his now free arms to get the blood flowing through again.

“You stocked up, I see. Hey Zacky, I’m so glad you’re all coming around!” Val said happily upon noticing the guitarist behind Matt. Zacky followed Matt’s lead and put the bags next to the beers. He went over to Val, giving her a quick hug hello.

“Hey Val,” he greeted her, taking a step back towards the other side of the kitchen. Matt opened their fridge, starting to put away the beverages.

“What are the chances that anyone brings any sort of alcohol?” Matt asked them, trying to make space for the sodas.

“Zero to none,” Zacky commented, knowing the group far too well.

“Indy will,” Val replied, certain in her words. After getting to know the redhead at their last gathering, Val sensed that Indy was too kind to take advantage of their hospitality.

“Oh, uh,” Matt started, turning to his girlfriend. “I didn’t invite her.”

“What?!” Val all but yelled.

“Well, she wasn’t at Zacky’s, so she didn’t hear it,” he said, lamely.

“Matthew Charles Sanders!” Val exclaimed, glaring daggers into her boyfriend. “You are an idiot. What is her number?”

“Val,” Matt warned her, looking at Zacky to gauge his reaction.

“Matt,” Val mimicked.

“I think it should just be the guys,” he told her, still waiting for a cue from Zacky to see if he was saying the right things.

“That’s stupid, it can’t be just the guys if I am here,” she retorted. “Please let me have another female around! It’s been so long since there has been a nice girl around.”

“Val,” Matt started to warn again.

“Here’s the number,” Zacky interrupted, thrusting his phone, open to Indy’s contact information, out to Val.

“See, at least someone agrees with me,” Val said to Matt, childishly poking her tongue out at him. She accepted the phone from Zacky’s hand and reached for her own to copy the information down. She handed his phone back. “Thanks, Zee.”

Matt looked to Zacky once more, trying to get a read on the man, but his attention was on his phone as his fingers typed away at the key pad.

On one hand, he didn’t think it would be a great idea for Indy to spend more time around the confused Zacky. As the guitarist had admitted, he needed time away from her to sort his emotions out. He had been down a similar road in the past when he and Val first got together. She was managing so much of their band at that time, he had to think that if they started dating and broke
up, what would happen to Avenged?

On the other hand, Matt actually liked Indy’s company, and obviously Val liked having another female around. It was good to have the group bond together out of the studio, and Indy was now part of that group. He rationalised that as there would be other people around them, it wasn’t like it would be too intimate.

“She isn’t picking up. I’m trying again.”

Zacky was having his own internal debate, wondering if he had made the right decision giving Val Indy’s number. He had just finished telling Matt that he needed space, and here he was trying to get her to come over through Val’s incessant phone calls.

“Pick up, Indy!”

Zacky zoned back into reality, sending a quick nod to an inquisitive looking Matt, and then quickly back at his phone’s keypad. He typed out another quick message before his attention returned to the couple.

“Val, take a hint,” Matt told his girlfriend, his attention back on his previous task of stocking the fridge.

“I just want to invite her over,” Val replied, rolling her eyes at Matt as she hit re-dial for the 4th time.

“She’s obviously busy,” Matt said, leaving two beers out. He closed the fridge door and cracked the two beers, handing one to Zacky.

“I just want to hear that from her.”

“Just give her a few minutes. She might be in the shower or something.”

“You know that is not my style, Matthew.”

“You’re insane, woman,” Matt told Val, pulling her into a half hug and kissing the top of her head.

“Indy? Hi, it’s Val,” she spoke into the phone. Clearly her persistence paid off. “All the guys are coming over to our house to hang out, do you want to come? You’re busy? What other plans? If you bail, you have to give me a reason.”

“She is truly insane,” Matt commented to Zacky, watching Val with interest. He knew his girlfriend like the back of his hand, and yet she still amazed him.

“We’ve all been on the receiving end of this call,” Zacky said, nodding to Matt’s comment.

“Hey, are you ok if Indy comes?” Matt asked quietly, breaking his gaze from his girlfriend and putting it on Zacky.

“Yeah, it will be fine. Like I said, I am not letting it get in the way,” Zacky replied vaguely, not wanting Val to overhear. She was too busy trying to get information out of Indy to hear anything the boys were saying.

“Ok, but if you need to talk, just let me know,” Matt said earnestly, looking at his friend.

“You have one more chance to tell me before I track you down,” Val warned Indy. “Oh, you should have said something! Have fun! Oh, ok then. Yeah, right, I doubt it.”

Val hung up the call with a huge smile on her face, happy that she broke Indy down to telling her the truth.

“You happy now?” Matt asked her sarcastically.

“Very. You know how much I like to win,” Val replied, sticking her tongue out. “Indy isn’t coming. She has a date. She said she might come around afterwards, but I doubt she will.”

As Val turned around, grabbing a glass from the cabinet to start making herself a drink, Matt’s attention went straight back to the guitarist to his left. Zacky noticed the attention, and rolled his eyes at Matt before making his way out of the kitchen and to the back door. He needed a cigarette. Heavy footsteps behind him indicated his movements were copied by the singer.

“Zack,” Matt started, following Zacky through the glass sliding door before shutting it behind him. “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine, Matt,” Zacky replied, getting a cigarette from the packet in his pockets before trying to fish out the lighter.

“No you’re not,” Matt challenged.

“Yes, I am,” Zacky insisted. He put the cigarette between his lips and lit it easily. Thank god for the lack of wind. “Why would I not be fine?”

“Because Indy is on a date?” Matt replied, his statement more of a question.

“Look, there is nothing between us. I can’t be upset that she is on a date when she isn’t doing anything wrong.”

“But?”

“No buts, Matt. It is fine,” Zacky told his friends, hoping that saying the words out loud would help make it true. “It will help me get over her.”

He knew it was 100% irrational, but when Val confirmed what Indy’s plans were, he couldn’t help that his stomach dropped. The logical side of his brain was battling the illogical, trying to convince himself that it wasn’t a big deal. He had no right to feel the way he was feeling, but he just couldn’t help it.

“Hey, hey, hey fuckers!” Brian exclaimed as he opened the back door to join his friends.

“Hey, man,” Matt greeted.

“Hey,” replied Zacky. He quickly looked up from the phone in his hands to greet Brian, noting that it was barely a second before Brian had copied Zacky’s idea, taking out his own cigarette and lighting it.

“So, who do I need to blow to get a beer?” Brian asked sarcastically, noting the beer in each of the other guy’s hands.

Text exchange:
Zacky: Hey, are you coming over tonight?
Zacky: The guys are here, just a heads up :)
Indy: Not tonight, sorry, I have plans!
Zacky: We are going to Matt’s. Val misses us. Come over if your plans fall through :)
Indy: Will keep it in mind. Have fun for me! Tell Val I said hi :)
Zacky: Val demanded your number, sorry in advance
Zacky: She is ringing you now. Oops!
Zacky: You better answer her. She won’t stop until you do…
Zacky: Don’t keep your date waiting