Status: Completed! Sequel up soon

Hospital Beds and Memories

Batshit Crazy

“I’ve got an emergency,” Jack whispered through the phone. “I’m locked in my bathroom and afraid to go out. The girl won’t leave. Help me!”

I laughed, “Jack, you really have to be more careful. I’m not going to tell you to stop acting all Jack-y and shit, but I am going to tell you to choose your girls wisely.”

“She’s hot. And don’t use my name as an adjective, asshole.”

“Do you still want me to help, or not?”

“Yes, please, I’m sorry. Oh god, she’s banging on the door, help!” Jack started panicking.

“Come on out Jack!” An ‘innocent’ female voice said. “We can go for another round.”

“Have you tried doing something disgusting?” I suggested, trying to suppress the laughter inside of me.

“Yes, I even tried farting. It only made her want me more! What the fuck is wrong with her?!” Jack rushed is a whisper-shouting manner.

“What about--”

“Yes! I’ve tried everything, please come here and save me!”

I chuckled. “Ok, fine. I’ll be there in 15.”

“Can you come faster?” Jack begged.

“No, it takes a while to get to your place. And stop complaining, you’re only making me stay at home longer.”

“Please leave now.”

I hung up the phone and laughed to myself. This was exactly what I was thinking about last night at the club. He always went for the girls that were easy to sleep with, but that didn’t mean they were easy to get rid of, quite the opposite actually. Some girls would leave before he even noticed, other would leave at a more reasonable time, and then there were girls that just wouldn’t leave. That’s what I was here for. I made a deal with Jack that I would come to his house and improvise a dramatic scene so the girl would have to leave. I was becoming an expert actor. There were many things I had pretended to be: I once acted like I was his sister who was distressed because their dad was in the hospital, sometimes I was the classic girlfriend that caught him cheating, I had been the owner of the house, and other times I was just another girl he slept with. It was a real mix, there was nothing I couldn’t do. This time I decided to step it up a notch, this girl really sounded like a barnacle, plus it was fun to see how far I could go. I quickly printed out a picture and got other stuff I might have needed to make it more believable.

When I got to Jack’s house I got the key from its secret hiding spot behind the wall lamp and open the door. I loudly closed it, to make my presence known. This better be good.

“Babe! I’m home!” I shouted through the house. I acted as if I waited for a reply when I hung my jacket up. When I didn’t get any I called out again, “babe? Are you home?”

I looked at the beautiful ring I had on the left ring finger. Something about it being there made the feel weird and uncomfortable… scared. It made me shiver and I wanted to throw it across the room and scream. But why would I? It was just a ring that came from a box full of my old possessions from the times I can’t remember. I took a deep breath and rushed up the stairs, opening the bedroom door with a loud bang, prepared for anything that could be going on. Jack was on top of a brunette and was making out with her. I lifted my hand with the ring on it to my mouth and they quite jumped apart. Jack didn’t know what part I was playing, so he just stared at me. Somehow I had managed to let tears form in my eyes and roll down my cheeks.

“I-I’m so stupid,” I started with a whimper, but the next part I started yelling like a crazy woman. “I thought you wanted this! You fucking promised me you would change your ways! I said yes to marrying you! I’m so stupid! Of course, you wouldn’t love me!”

The girl made no attempt in leaving, she only looked at me like I was doing something wrong; like I was the girl who Jack cheated on with. It made me feel uncomfortable and self-conscious, I never felt like that. What kind of sorcery was this? I think Jack noticed that the girl wasn’t thinking of leaving, because he decided to reply.

“No, no, no, no. I do love you. I do want to marry you. You’re not stupid,” Jack stammered.

“Yet you still cheat on me! I thought you said you wanted to start a family! You fucking asshole!” I look my ring off of my finger and threw it at his head, hitting him directly against his forehead.

“I really do. I promise. I want to start a family with you.” He got up and ran towards me, taking hold of both of my hands.

“Well, you broke your last two promises. You cheat on me, and now we will have to cancel our wedding next month. Are you sure you love me?” I lowered my voice as more tears streamed down.

“Yes, it’s just, we haven’t done much in quite awhile, and I have needs too, you know?’ Jack said as if there was nothing wrong with his reason.

I ripped my hands out of his/ “Are you fucking serious! Do you want to know why we ‘haven’t done anything’ in awhile?” I actually used air quotes and was hoping the girl would already get the message and leave. “I am pregnant! Ok!”

“What?’ Jack said in a weak voice. It was as if he thought it was real, as if I really had gotten pregnant last night. He sounded so heartbroken.

“Yes,” I got the scan picture that I had found on the internet out of my bag and pinned it against his chest, “this is the first and last time you will see your child, Arnold!”

“What!” The girl finally spoke up. “Your name is Arnold?! What the fuck! I can’t believe I actually slept with you! Ew.” She quickly picked up her clothes and rushed out of the room.

Ok, that was weird. This girl wasn’t fazed by the fact that she had apparently slept with a man who was engaged, going to get married in a matter of weeks, have a baby in a couple of months, yet she freaked out when she found out his name wasn’t Jack, but Arnold. This girl really was batshit crazy.

I waited till I heard the door slam shut before I broke character. “That one was very difficult.”

“I told you.” Jack smirked. “You really went to a whole new level, I’ve never seen you cry in these ‘situations’ before.”

“Yeah, I actually wasn’t planning it, I don’t know how it happened. But then again, none of our acting really mattered. I could have just called you Arnold at the beginning and she would have left.”

“How did you even think of the name Arnold?” He wiped away the tears from my cheeks.

“I don’t know,” I chuckled, “it was the first thing that came up.”

“Well, she definitely didn’t like that name.” Jack went back to his bed and picked up the ring. “This is a nice ring, by the way.”

“Hmm… I found it in the stuff from before the accident. It’s pretty but I don’t really like it, it feels cold.”

Jack waltzed back up to me. “So, Ireland, would you do me the honor of being my best friend forever?”

I took the ring out of his hands and acted as if I was inspecting it. “I’m not sure if this ring is good enough. This can’t represent our friendship, I think only Ring Pop’s can justify it.”

“Well then, my beautiful new BFF, I will get you one of divine quality,” Jack said in a fake posh voice that sounded terrible. Seriously, he could not do accents and impressions, they were absolutely horrific.

“Thank you, my handsome BJF, best Jack forever.” I laughed. “And that was a terrible joke I just made, I’m sorry.”

“That was indeed terrible, but I shall forgive you for it. And I just realized I’m still in only my underwear, so I am just casually going to put on some pants.”

“I’ve seen a lot worse,” I shrugged as Jack rummaged through his closet, “a lot worse, stuff I would rather not ever seen again.”

“Very true, but be honest, you liked it.”

“Did not!” I defended.

“Totally did.” Jack stuck his tongue out at me, a gesture I happily returned. “Oh, by the way, did you hear about that one guy at the club yesterday?”

“Which one?” I fell back onto Jack’s bed before realizing he had sex in that a couple of hours ago, and decided to sit up instead.

“Apparently he tried to rape some girl, but he got totally beat up by her.”

“Oh yeah, I heard about that. The girl couldn’t even make out his face and hope her friend would notice, but they didn’t. The guy pulled her by the wrist and dragged her through the crowd. The girl didn’t know what to do and was terrified and just kicked him in the nuts before kneeing him in between the eyes, making him pass out. Apparently, there was a remix of some Justin Bieber song playing.”

“Yes, exactly that. Wait… how do you know that?”

I stared in front of me and at my shoes. I didn’t exactly want Jack knowing, and I didn’t know why.

“Ireland,” Jack warned.

I shrugged in response and hummed, not really giving an answer.

Jack walked up to me and kneeled in front of me. He suddenly pulled up my sleeves, making the perfectly hand shaped bruise on my right wrist visible. “Isle… I am so so sorry.”

I couldn’t let Jack think that this was because of him. “No, Jack, it’s not your fault, don’t make me feel bad.

“No, I feel bad. I should have made sure you were ok. I can’t just trust drunk horny guys around such a beautiful girl like you.”

I took my hands back and pulled the sleeves down again. “It’s fine, Jack. Nothing happened, I managed to defend myself.”

“But what if you can’t next time?”

Next time.

“Please don’t tell me there will be a next time.” I couldn’t stop the tears that I didn’t even know I was holding back. I didn’t know I had been this scared, this morning was so normal, well normal for me, and yet here I was, not even an hour later, crying in Jack’s embrace.

Jack. The guy who was whispering sweet nothings in my ear as he was stroking my hair. This guy better stay in my life forever. I never had had such a good friend like Jack.