Hospital Beds and Memories

Who knew that Jack and I would go from being best friends to not talking to being in a relationship? I mean, I was actually lying on top of him with my face buried in his neck, while he had his arms wrapped around me loosely and occasionally kissed my cheek. If you would have asked me a couple of months ago if I would have been cuddling with a guy in a romantic way or that I was actually in a relationship, I would have laughed right in your face. I didn’t know I was capable of having these feelings; I even considered me being asexual, but that was ruled out now. Jack was definitely attractive, I had just never look at him like that before.

“Jack?” I mumbled and nuzzled further into his warm skin and smell.

“Hmm?” He slowly moved his hands up and down, tracing my spine in the process.

“I need to tell you something.”

“I need to tell you something as well.”

“You go first.” I sat up so I was straddling him and Jack soon followed me. He kept a hold of my waist and grinned at me, making me wonder what was going on in his mind.

“I don’t know how you’ll react…” He suddenly seemed really interested in playing with the ends of my hair.

“Neither do I,” I joked, urging him to continue.

“Promise me you won’t overreact and get upset?”

“I can’t promise that if I don’t know what it is. If you tell me you just murdered my brother I would go crazy and definitely be upset, but if it’s just you telling me you ate the last cookie, I’ll be fine.”

Jack pressed his lips against mine for a couple of seconds before looking me in the eyes. “Well, I-- I’m… I’m going on tour again next week….”

“Oh, really? That’s great! When are you leaving?”

“Umm… Tuesday…?”

I grinned at him, “Why did you think I would get upset? You’re doing what you love and you’re living your dream. Why would I get in the way of that?”

“Well, we just got together, I didn’t want you to think I was leaving you already.”

“I’m used to it, though; I’ve grown up with it. My dad was rarely home, still is, but I still love him. I know he wouldn’t leave us, so why would you? The only problem you have now is that you can no longer fuck random girls while on tour.”

“Oh. I thought we had an open relationship going on here.” Jack pulled a jesting confused face and leaned back a bit while pointing between us.

“Yeah, ‘cause you’ll be fucking a new girl every day and I’ll just be here like ‘who want’s to date a potato?’”

“Well, I do. And I think you’re a very cute potato.” He bopped my nose. I never expected Jack to be so cheesy and cute in a relationship. For some reason, I thought he wouldn’t be so loving, but I still liked it. I chuckled and shook my head.

“What are you thinking about?” Jack nudged.

“Nothing… Just that you should never feed me potatoes because I really hate them. My mom would always try to get me to eat them, but it would never work.”

"So you don’t like fries?!”

“Of course I do, but that’s deep fried. Anything deep fried is good.”

“True… Now, what were you going to tell me.”

I didn’t want to ruin his mood, especially before he went on tour. He would be constantly worried. I couldn’t tell him. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does.”

I sighed, “no it doesn’t. You’ll just be worried. It’s nothing.”

“Now I certainly want to know, if it’s going to make me worry.”

I groaned and leaned into his body, I didn’t want to tell him anymore. It was embarrassing, but I wasn’t going to get out of it. Whenever I would shrug something off, Jack would force me to tell him. He would literally do anything. At one point he even sat on me and didn’t get off till I told him. No, it didn’t matter that I couldn’t breathe, he just wanted to know.

“Ok, but don’t get worried or mad. I told Val about it, and I know I should have told you before, but there was already so much going on. I didn’t want to make shit worse.” I didn’t dare look him in the eyes. I was terrified to see what he thought.

“Ireland, you’re scaring me right now,” Jack gulped and forced me to look at him.

“Remember the panic attack I had--”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that…”

“No, that’s exactly it. It wasn’t because of you, something else had happened. I was feeling sick, and I threw up, which you probably noticed.”

“I figured that happened, but I wasn’t sure.”

“Well, I threw up blood, and before you say anything, I told Val the day after. At the hospital, she told me it was probably linked to my seizures coming back. So she wants to run some tests, my first one being, also, next week Tuesday.”

Jack looked at me with shocked eyes. “You threw up blood!”

“Yeah, but it’s fine. Please, Jack, don’t worry.”

“How can I not worry!”

I tried assuring him, “I’ll have a couple of appointments. Don’t worry before they know what’s wrong with me. Either Cam or my parents will drive me, stay at the hospital with me, and drive me home.”

Jack frowned. “I should be there with you; I should be able to drive you. I-- I can’t go on tour!”

“No, Jack, you can. Cam has already gone through everything with me, so have my parents. If I get to know anything, I’ll tell you. Don’t let me stop your dreams.”

“But we won’t be able to see each other for three weeks! I don’t have enough days off to come here, and you can’t visit me because you’re not allowed on planes yet.”

“You’re gone for three weeks? That’s not that much. There will be times when you’re gone for even longer. We were able to go through a month without talking to each other. This will be fine. I trust you.”

“But… If I had been sooner none of this might have happened.” Jack stammered and was looking at me frantically.

“Jack, that’s not how it works. It’s my health. I’m not doing so well. My body made this decision, not me, not you, not anybody else out there.”

“But we would have been together for longer. We might have even been spending Valentine’s Day together.”

Realization suddenly hit me, I had totally forgotten. “Shit! I missed Valentine’s Day!”

Jack looked confused, yet relieved that the topic had changed. “What’s so bad about that?”

“Since I was nine, my mom and I have always been each other’s Valentines. We always exchange gifts! I totally forgot! Shit!”

“Do you have a gift for her?”

“No…” I pouted. I had never forgotten, as far as I knew. My mom was probably confused and upset that I didn’t show up. The last couple of days I had only made people feel bad and sad. This was fucked up, I was fucked up.

“How about we go buy something right now and go visit your mom straight after. It’s only one pm. We have time,” Jack suggested with a smile.

“But I don’t have any money.”

“I do. I’ll pay for it.”

“I’ll pay you back, I promise.”

“Don’t worry about that. But we should probably go now. So, go get changed.”

Yes, that was right. I hadn’t bothered to change yet. Surprisingly, Jack had actually taken his time to put on some normal clothes, but then again his pajamas were basically only boxers. I was just too comfortable in his clothes. There was something about wearing a guy’s clothes that is so pleasant and comforting.

“But I don’t wanna! I like wearing this too much,” I whined like a small child.

“Keep on the shirt, take one of my hoodies, and put on your jeans.”

I bit my lip as if I was taking a while to think. “Ok!”

I jumped up and scurried to Jack’s bedroom where everything I needed was. After quickly pulling up my jeans, I rummaged through Jack’s closet and grabbed the first hoodie I could find: a zip-up hoodie that was gray with black on the bottom. It looked comfortable enough, so I put it on and zipped it up just high enough. I wanted to cover up my chest, but I also didn’t want to suffocate myself. You know, the typical stuff.

I ran back down the stairs, “Is this hoodie ok?”

Jack came around the corner from the kitchen while eating a cookie and holding another in his hands. “Yeah, everything’s fine. You could even take my favorite leather jacket, and I wouldn’t mind.”

“Oh no, I’m not special enough to even dream about touching the leather jacket. And don’t expect to get this hoodie back.”

“That’s fine with me,” Jack shrugged and gave me the second cookie. I did not know where the cookies appeared from or why he was eating it. But it was a freaking cookie. Who declines a cookie! Well, maybe people who are allergic to gluten or something. But I wasn’t allergic, so why would I decline it?

“I was just kidding, I’ll make sure to give it back.” I slowly made my way to the front door and started putting on my high top white converse. Don’t ever make the mistake of buying white converse, they get dirty in no time.

“Do whatever you want with it.” Jack already had his shoes and coat on. “Wait, do you have your medication?”

My eyes went wide and I shook my head. Jack told me to continue with my shoes while he went to get it. I had to be a lot more careful; I couldn’t afford forgetting to take my medicine. Bad things could happen if I didn’t take it. Maybe I didn’t exactly know what would happen, but I also didn’t want to find out.

-----

We decided to go to Target to buy my mom a gift. The gifts were never fancy or special, they were supposed to be funny and maybe useful. I ended up getting her a weird cookbook with many funny recipes. She really liked cooking and in her free time she would be trying out new meals and recipes. My parents’ house was only 10 minutes away, so we got there in no time. The car pulled up on the familiar driveway and way able to park just to the right of the front door. Jack turned off the engine and turned to me.

“Is it just your mom at home?” He asked and took his keys out of the ignition.

I nodded. “Yeah, my dad’s been in Japan the last couple of weeks, which I why I feel extra bad about forgetting.”

“We’re here now, so don’t feel bad anymore.” He gave me a quick kiss and exited the car.

I did the same and thought about what I was going to tell my mom. Were Jack and I going to tell her about our relationship already? Or were we going to wait it out for a bit? Maybe it wouldn’t even come up, so I didn’t have to worry about it. But Cameron had probably told her about what happened at the hospital. I was just going to let my mom bring it up, and if she didn’t, I had nothing to worry about.

Jack grabbed my hand once again before we walked up to the large wooden double door. I waited to see if he had some kind of reaction to the clamminess of my hands, but there was nothing. Jack just moved forward with me and let me ring the doorbell. I just hoped my mom would open the door soon because it was cold outside and I did not have a coat.

I heard the door unlock and soon my mom opened the door. She grinned from ear to ear when she saw me, causing me to smile back.

“Ireland! I wasn’t expecting you! How are you?” She sounded delighted.

“Hi, I’m cold, please let me inside." I let go of Jack’s hand and hugged myself. My mom’s sight lingered where mine and Jack’s hands had been intertwined. She then looked back up to me and smiled again before stepping aside and letting us inside.

“If you had told me you were cold, I would have given you my coat.” Jack said after my mom had closed the door behind him.

“It was a short distance, literally no more than 10 feet. I was fine.”

“But--”

I slapped my hand over his mouth before he could start. We would only argue about who was right if another word were to come out of his mouth. I was not going to do that right now, it would probably be brought up later, though. So that was something to look forward to.

I sighed, “Jack, licking my hand won’t help. I have a brother, I’m trained. Things like this don’t faze me,” he stopped and started doing something else, “biting also won’t help.” After a couple more seconds and Jack not doing anything anymore, I removed my hand and stared at it. I was going to have to wash it before I did anything else.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to come to the hospital,” My mom apologized. “I’ve been so busy, and when I came over to your apartment, Cam told me you weren’t there.”

“Yeah, I was staying over at Jack’s… and I now have his spit all over my hand. Excuse me while I go wash it off.” As I made my way to the bathroom, I heard my mom and Jack talking. My parents really liked Jack for some weird reason. At first, it was a pretty cool that they liked my best friend, but now it was extra nice because Jack didn’t have to worry about meeting my parents anymore. I, on the other hand, had never met Jack’s parents and didn’t know what would happen if I did.

After I had thoroughly washed my hands, I entered the living room, which was attached to the kitchen. The entire room was filled with the sweet aroma of baked goods. My mom had probably been experimenting with cakes again, as weird as that sounds…

I found Jack sitting on one end of the large couch, and my mom sitting on the living room chair adjacent to it. There were talking about some random subject that I could not make out and went to sit down next to Jack. Bare in mind that that was the idea, however, Jack pulled me into his lap instead and hugged me tightly.

“Jack. Can’t. Breathe.” I panted while he was squeezing the air out of my lungs.

He kept crushing me until he finally thought I had been deprived of enough air. “Have you taken your medication yet?”

I shook my head. “You have it, remember?”

Jack shifted so he could get the bottle of pills out of his back pocket and gave them to me.

“You sat on these, ew.” I scrunched up my face.

“You’re sitting on me, ew,” Jack retorted.

I stuck my tongue out at him and looked at the tall glass of water standing on the coffee table. “Is this yours?”

“Yup.”

I shrugged and opened the bottle, taking out the correct dosage. With Jack’s glass of water, I quickly washed them down and almost finished the whole glass. The pills were really disgusting and had started dissolving in my mouth, leaving a bitter powdery taste in my mouth.

“I thought that was vodka! What am I even here for!” I sighed melodramatically.

“You just finished my glass of water.” Jack pouted.

I chuckled and kissed the pout away. “I’ll get you a new one.” I took the glass with me to the kitchen.

It took me a couple of steps before I realized what I had done. I had kissed Jack in front of my mom without even thinking. At least I no longer had to find a way to tell her that Jack and I were now a thing. She was probably so confused and I didn’t blame her. I had always insisted that Jack and I were just friends and didn’t have feelings for each other, but now I was showing the complete opposite.

I took a new glass out of the cupboard for Jack and filled it up with water. The oven was on and I saw two different cakes were being baked. I had no idea how my mom was planning on eating those. She always made a ton of food, yet it would always be finished in a couple of days, or she would bring it to the homeless shelter. As a small child, I would always help my mom with baking or cooking and then join along when she would bring it away. I didn’t grow up like your typical rich kid. Yes, I would sometimes get amazing gifts for my birthday or Christmas, but I wouldn’t just randomly get the newest technology or toy. Cam and I were taught to save up our pocket money and spend it wisely. The only time we were both given a ‘rich kid’ gift was when we both passed our driving test and both got a car. We went to different schools on opposite sides of the neighborhood, so we couldn’t drive each other. Cam would already take a right at the end of the road while I took a left. Whenever I drove to school in my new car, I felt really bad. There were kids that weren’t even lucky enough to drive their parents’ car and there I was in a brand new car for everyone to see. I only remembered the first time I drove to school with my car. Everybody was looking and I felt embarrassed. After that, my memory was a blur and gone. The only other thing I remembered about my car was giving it to a friend’s family who had just lost their car after I had left school.

I placed the glasses on the coffee table and sat down next to Jack. “Hey, mom, we actually came here because I missed Valentine’s Day and I feel terrible because of it.”

My mom shook her head and laughed, “it’s ok. I actually have a gift for you, so you’re lucky.”

“We have one as well, but it’s still in the car…”

“I’ll go get it.” Jack smiled and stood up while getting his car keys out of his pocket.

My mom got the gift from a wooden cabinet in the same room. “So, you and Jack, huh? How long?”

I blushed and snuggled into the couch as if it would hide me. “Umm… let me think. 4 hours now? That’s impressive right?”

She chuckled and sat back down on the living room chair. “Very. That’s the longest relationship you’ve had in awhile.”

“I know, right? I’m pretty proud of myself.”

“Well, are you happy?”

“I’m still getting used to it, but yeah. He makes me happy so far. I didn’t know before, but I really do like him. And now I get to wear comfortable clothes.”

“I figured those were Jack’s. You guys’ kind of already gave away that you are in a relationship with you wearing his clothes, holding his hand, and the way you guys look at each other.”

“We look at each other differently?”

“For you, it’s something new, but he’s been looking at you like that for a while, honey.”

“I know, mom.”

Jack entered the room again, “I swear, this place is like a maze. If I hadn’t been here before so often, I would have definitely gotten lost.”

My mom agreed with a laugh. “We moved here when Cam and Ireland were 5 years old. I remember finding Ireland crying in the laundry room because she couldn’t find her way back to the living room. She had been in there for 2 hours and told me she was afraid that I would never find her and that she would be brought to a foster home.”

“Mom!” I gasped. “You didn’t have to tell him that!”

“Yes she did,” Jack smirked, “it’s adorable.”

“I’ll have you know that I vividly remember that. It was terrifying. I still get nightmares.”

“Really?”

“No, you asshat! But I do remember it.”

“You’re so mean to me!”

“Deal with it,” I took the gift from him and gave it to my mom. She thanked me and Jack and I urged her to open it. After she finally unwrapped it, she flipped through and laughed at some of the recipes. The gift was a success, which always made me happy.

My mom had given me a large reusable water bottle, which made Jack freak out. He had some bad memories of the cold water I would often take to bed with me. Whenever he wouldn’t wake up or was just simply being annoying and an asshole, I would pour some on him. It would then result in me running away quickly and Jack trying to catch me. Eventually, we would end up on the floor, laughing loudly together.

The conversation started again, and we somehow started talking about Jack and All Time Low, when I realized I had no clue who actually was in All Time Low. Well, I knew about Jack, but not about the other guys.

“Who else is actually in your band?” I asked while looking up at Jack. I had slowly migrated to lying down on the couch with my head in his lap. Don’t ask me how it happened, because I literally had no idea.

“Umm, you have Alex, Rian, and Zack. I’ll show you a photo. Haven’t you ever googled me?” Jack chuckled and took out his phone.

“No, why would I google you? That’s just weird.”

“It probably is a good thing. You find really weird things about me, it’s mostly about my past relationship with Holly or the rumor about me dating Abigail Breslin, not purple hair Abagail.”

“That’s not that bad,” I shrugged.

“Well, you can also find rumors on social media about us dating. But they don’t know it’s you because I never showed your face in any of the photos or videos of us. Anyway, here’s a ton of google image results.” He handed me his phone and pointed out the guys one by one. “That’s Rian, Zack, and Alex.”

I stared at the picture for a while. Something wasn’t right, “that Zack guy looks really familiar…”

“Really? Weird.”

“Let me take a look,” my mom reach for the phone and shook her head, “I don’t know any of these guys either, except for Jack, of course.”

“But he seems so familiar. I recognize him from something,” I muttered.

“Have you ever gone to the gym?” Jack asked.

“I used to a couple of months ago.”

“Zack’s a gym freak, you might have seen him there.”

“Possibly.”

But it didn’t seem that way. There was something else about him. Something from my past.