Hospital Beds and Memories

Tuesday. It was Tuesday and already at fucking 4:30 am the doorbell was being rung over and over again. Who the fuck would ring a doorbell this early! I needed to get more sleep so I wouldn’t be too exhausted at the stupid hospital I didn’t even want to go to. In case you were wondering, no, I did not see Jack at all anymore, but we did say our goodbyes during our last phone call. It was at least something, right? Of course, I wanted to see him again, but that didn’t work out, so I just had to get over it. But it would have really been nice to be able to have seen him in person before all these tests were done to me.

After 2 minutes, the doorbell still hadn’t stopped, so I decided to get up and sleepily walk to the door; there was no way Cam was going to go. To make it more clear how sleepy I was, I was wearing very short pajama shorts without having shaved my legs in a while and a very loose fitting shirt without a bra on, and I didn’t even care how I looked. Normally I would have at least covered up slightly with a sweater and putting on some longer pants. But nope, I was still dreaming and too dazed to give a fuck.

I grumbled and opened the door to see who the fucking idiot was (I really swear a lot when I’m sleepy, don’t I?). Of course, the crazy person had to be the one and only magnificent Jack. Why the fuck was he here? He had to be going to the airport by now. I just hoped he didn’t change his mind again and wanted to stay here with me anyway. The last couple of days, the entire time, he would say he changed his mind and didn’t want to go on tour anyway. I would then have to convince him to go because I really wanted him to go (not because I didn’t want him around) and then he would finally agree, before starting again. It was a repeating routine.

“Jack, what--” I started to ask him, but he cut me off.

Before I could even register what was going on, Jack had leaned forward, grabbed my face, and pressed his lips against mine desperately. I stood still in shock, but Jack was very determined and kept kissing me. Eventually, I gave in; it just took me a while to realize Jack was actually trying to get me to kiss him back. My arms naturally wrapped around his neck as my fingers played with the hair on his neck. His hands moved down to my waist and he pulled me closer against his body. I got lost in the feeling of the way his dry, yet soft, lips molded with mine, the feeling on his stubble scraping gingerly against my face, and the smell of his familiar shampoo that I had used often in the past.

As much as I was enjoying what was happening, I was running out of breath and really wanted to know why he was here. Luckily for me, Jack pulled away first and rested his forehead against mine so our noses were still pressed together.

He started whispering to me, “I can totally feel you aren’t wearing a bra right now.”

“Well, you just ruined the moment,” I replied and moved away.

“Oh, we were having a moment?” Jack joked.

I pulled the weirdest confused face I could do. “No, it’s totally a normal thing to randomly show up here and start making out with me before even saying anything. It wasn’t like there was actually something going on. Now, what the fuck are you doing here?! You’re going to be late! Don’t tell me you've changed your mind again!”

“No, I didn’t change my mind.... Unless you want me to, I’ll totally stay if you want me to, just ask and I’ll stay, really, I don't mind, I’ll call everybody and tell them I’m not coming.”

“Jack, seriously, you’re turning into an overly obsessed boyfriend,” I admitted honestly.

Jack took a slight step back. His face first showed hurt, then realization, and then understanding, “I’m sorry. I’m just really worried. I want you to be ok, and at the same time, I don’t want to fuck up this relationship. You’re my best friend and I really like you. You’re my first girlfriend in ages.”

“Just act like we did when we weren’t in a relationship, but you get to kiss me and stuff.”

“Ok, noted. I can do that.”

“Now, why are you here. I’m making you late again!” I whisper-shouted so I wouldn’t wake Cameron up.

“I had to come and say goodbye and good luck. I was taking an Uber to drive me to the airport when I decided I needed to make a detour. So here I am.”

“I’m really going to miss you, and as much as it doesn’t seem like it, I really appreciate you coming here, but I really don’t want to make you miss your flight.”

“You’re right… I better get going, even though I don’t want to say goodbye.”

“I’ll be here when you get back. You know what? I’ll come pick you up at the airport, with Cam of course. How about that? I would like to see you as soon as I can when you get back.”

“I would like that as well.” He caressed my cheek with one of his hands and carefully kissed me again. His other hand held onto mine and our fingers intertwined. “Goodbye, I’ll call you when I get there. You look beautiful by the way.”

“Bye,” I mumbled back as his hand left mine and he closed the door. I looked at the palm of my hand and saw he had left something behind: A beautiful necklace with a delicate golden feather hanging off of it. As much as I hated being given gifts for no reason, I couldn’t help but think of how beautiful and sweet it was. I was definitely going to wear it as often as I could.

----

I was in the car with Cameron since he had to drive me home. My entire day was spent at the hospital. Weird needles were stuck in me to give me stuff while others were used to take stuff out of me. There were many different physical examinations, a few x-ray scans, and one MRI scan. None of it was pleasant. What made it worse was that some tests couldn’t be done because I was on my period, meaning that I had to come back again. Hospitals weren’t fun, and I really hoped I wasn’t going to spend a lot of time in them. All I wanted was to cuddle up in bed and sleep; I was exhausted and just didn’t feel well overall. Many things that weren’t planned had happened, making me feel like shit.

I was finally drifting off when my phone suddenly started buzzing and ringing in my sweatpants’ pocket. Jack’s name and an amazing photo of him purposely doing a double chin popped up. I grinned and tapped the green button before bringing the phone to my ear.

“Hey.” I giggled.

“Hi, my beautiful, wonderful, amazing girlfriend!” Jack shouted loudly away from the phone.

“You don’t have a girlfriend, Jack!” A voice shouted back at him.

“Do too!”

“Do not,” I joked and pulled my legs ups to my chest, making me sit in the car seat with the seatbelt weirdly around me.

“Awe man,” I could just see Jack stomping on the floor, “I thought we were doing good. I guess I picked up the wrong signals.”

“I’m very sorry, Jack, but it’s the harsh truth,” I tried staying serious, but I could help the laugh that came out in the middle of my sentence.

“Yes, very funny. I’m glad to know that I guess right; you either finished at the hospital or are waiting for the next test.”

“I’m in the car right now with Cam. There were supposed to be more tests, but they couldn’t do those because of-- Nope, not saying that while Cam is sitting next to me.”

Cam gave me a quick glance, “Because of what?”

“Nothing.”

“Because of what?” Jack copied.

“Because of that thing. You know, the one where I called you at 4 am to bring me to a store,” I kept looking at Cam to see if he would notice what I was talking about. Nobody wants their brother to know they are on their period.

“Oh, yeah, that. Anyway, how are you feeling? Period wise, or in general, I don’t really care.”

“Umm, I’m lucky and rarely get cramps, so that’s ok,” I awkwardly explained; Cameron definitely knew what I was talking about now. “The day at the hospital, however, wasn’t really good. There were a lot of needles involved and they took 12 of those blood thingies, so I passed out and now I have a large bump on my forehead from the impact of my head hitting the floor. Right now we are on a highway, I don’t know why, and I also feel really sick…” I trailed off and shifted my attention to my brother, “Cam, I’m going to throw up.”

“Oh, shit, ok.” He pulled over as quick as he could and unlocked the doors.

“Here, talk to Jack for a second.” I pushed my phone into his hands and quickly exited the car. It only took me a couple of seconds before I was hunched over and spewing out the contents of my stomach. I hadn’t eaten much so it wasn’t too bad, but the burning in my throat was still excruciating.

Not feeling much better, I got back in the car and curled up again. Cameron was just finishing up talking to Jack and then gave me my phone back. Feeling like this really was the worst; slowly dying from the inside while your body tries to fight it. I closed the door and notified Jack that I had the phone again with a mumble.

“Are you ok? I’m so sorry I’m not there. I really wish I could help you, baby,” Jack said in a calming voice.

“It’s weird when you call me that.” Was the only thing I could think of and say.

“Do you want me to stop calling you that?”

“No, I’m just not used to it. I like it, though, just don’t overuse it. It should have a special meaning.”

“Hmm, I agree. You say you’re not good at relationships, but you’re doing so much better than me so far.”

“Am not. I just do what feels right.” I shrugged as my eyelids started getting heavy.

“Exactly, I’m too afraid to mess it up that I don’t know what to do.”

“Just don’t overthink everything. You won’t mess it up. The only way you can mess it up is by overthinking everything you do. You go all stuttery and creepy when you do.”

“Wise words by my astonishing girlfriend.” Jack chuckled.

“Hmm… I’m so tired, Jack.”

“Go to sleep, beautiful. You can call me when you wake up.”

“I probably won’t wake up until tomorrow afternoon.”

“I don’t care what time it is, or what the time difference is between where we are, you can always call me.”

“What if you’re on stage?”

“I’ll call you back afterward or I’ll leave my phone with somebody so they can see if anything is wrong.”

“Okay,” I yawned, “make sure to make me proud, make a ton of dick jokes. If you don’t make them, you will be a disgrace.”

“I promise I will. I’ll even make sure to text you one every day,” Jack laughed while also being very serious.

“I’d like that. It will be something to look forward to every day.”

“Okay, now go to sleep. You sound like you will pass out any second. I promise to pick up when you call, we don’t have a show yet, so nothing’s stopping me.”

“Goodbye, Jacky.”

“Sleep tight, princess, I’ll talk to you soon.”

I dropped the phone onto my lap after hanging up and soon my eyes fell shut. All of Jack’s words were swirling around in my mind. Never had I ever thought that he would have acted like this in a relationship. He really was afraid to fuck things up. Hopefully, he wouldn’t go crazy and panic anymore after what I had told him. If there was one thing he didn’t have to worry about, it would be messing us up. We would always still stay friends, no matter what happened. The only way he could actually fuck it all up would be by cheating on me. There was a high chance of that happening, but I still trusted him. He wouldn’t do that. Right?