Hospital Beds and Memories

I didn’t know what to do. Abagail was crying and I was just standing there. What was she doing here? I was just too starstruck to move, talk, and think. Too much stuff was going on. There was too much drama.

Luckily, Jack took over. “Why don’t you come inside?”

I nodded and followed them into the living room. Never had I ever felt this awkward. We all took a seat and stared as the only sound was Abagail’s crying. I was sitting alone while Jack was next to Abagail; I shouldn’t have felt jealous, but I did. The last time I saw her she was fucking Jack. There was no way I would feel neutral if they were that close together, especially since Jack and I were together.

Jack spoke up first again and pulled Abagail into a hug, “Abby, what’s wrong?”

She mumbled something in between her cries; something I couldn’t hear, but Jack definitely could. He stiffened up and looked at me with guilty eyes. Something was wrong, terribly wrong. Jack’s face lost its color. It was as if he had seen a ghost. What was going on? He looked like he wanted to cry. What was I missing here!

“A-are you sure?” Jack whimpered.

“I don’t know,” Abagail sobbed and shook her head frantically. “I haven’t had my period in three months.”

My heart dropped. She was pregnant; pregnant with Jack’s child. I felt like I could join in with the crying. This couldn’t have been true. I closed my eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling, and rested my head in my hands. My breathing would have given away my desperate attempt, luckily they weren’t close enough. I just wished I wasn’t here; I wanted to be gone and disappear.

“Isle…” Jack muttered.

I shook my head, I didn’t want to hear it. “It’s fine. We weren’t even together back then, I have no right to be mad or upset… I-- I need to take my medication…”

I got up unemotionally and ignored the pleading looks Jack was giving me. Abagail had started crying even louder. I didn’t know what I was going to do. Did I have to break up with Jack? Were they going to keep the baby? Were they going to get married? I didn’t know anymore. I never wanted to be in this situation. Not only were they being affected, but so was I. People often seem to forget about the other person.

Somewhere in Jack’s bedroom was my bag. I got out the new bottle of pills and read the instructions. What if I were to take the entire bottle in one go? What would happen then? I would no longer be a burden to my brother and Jack; my health problems wouldn’t get in the way of their plans. Would anybody care or even notice? Jack would be able to go off with Abagail without having me around. Everything would be a lot easier…

No. I wasn’t going to do it. These pills were here to keep me alive and healthy, not dead. I took the required dosage and put the bottle back. But something caught my attention. There was a box that really came in handy right now. I grabbed it and ran back down stairs. Abagail and Jack were talking, and even though I knew I shouldn’t have done it, I eavesdropped.

“I’m so so sorry, Jack,” Abagail hiccuped, “I didn’t know. If I knew about you and Ireland, I wouldn’t have come here.”

“It’s ok, I just don’t want to have to break up with her.” Jack’s voice cracked.

“I don’t know what to do.”

Jack was actually thinking of breaking up with me. He only said that he didn’t want to do it, not that he wasn’t going to. I thought about what I was about to do and wasn’t sure if I wanted to do it anymore. It might seem so selfish… But then again, it could really help. It could change the entire outcome of this situation.

I walked in and saw Abagail leaning in towards Jack and Jack looking at her uncomfortably. He considered it and started to reciprocate the action, but hesitated and pulled back. I caught his eye and he looked like he had just done the worst thing he could have ever done to me. Had he really thought about kissing Abagail and cheating on me? Would he have told me if he had kissed her?

I cleared my throat. "Umm, I found something that might be useful. I’m not sure if you took one yet…”

I gave the box to Abagail and she inspected it. "Umm, no, I haven’t… I’ve been too afraid to buy one.”

“Ok, I’m not sure what is freaking me out the most,” Jack tried lightening up the mood, “that you haven’t even taken a pregnancy test, or that my girlfriend has one.”

“Cam decided it would be funny to play a prank on me and hide pregnancy tests everywhere… so yeah…” I mumbled awkwardly.

“I guess, I'll just go and take this.” Abagail stood up and walked towards the bathroom.

Jack and I were alone. Usually I liked it that way, but this time I didn’t. It was awkward; too awkward. I didn’t want it to be like this. We had literally just confessed our love for each other, and then this hit us. This wasn’t how I expected it to go down. I just wanted to be spending time with Jack, doing what we normally did.

“Jack,” I croaked out and could feel the tears threatening to fall.

He looked at me for a while and I was dreading to hear that he was going to break up with me. But that didn’t happen. Before I could even flinch, Jack stood up and pulled me into a tight hug. He couldn’t seem to find a way to pull me any closer. I could feel his breathing getting uneven, telling me that he was holding back his tears as well.

“I’m so, so sorry,” he repeated over and over again. “I shouldn’t have done it.”

I shook my head. “You can’t change the past. We will figure out what to do. Let’s first see what the test says.”

“I love you so much,” he kept kissing the top of my head, “I won’t let anything happen to us.”

But you almost kissed Abagail, I thought. If he was so set on not ruining our relationship and loving me, why would he almost kiss who once used to be my friend? But then again, it was almost. It didn’t happen; it almost did, but Jack decided not to allow it. I didn’t know what everything meant anymore.

Abagail walked back to us and Jack slowly let go of me. We both looked at her with hopeful eyes. She looked so fragile, unsure, and scared. The expression on her face didn’t give away anything. Why couldn’t she just tell us already? She was slowly killing me and Jack inside. We wanted to know, we needed to know. This was going to affect all of us. In my head, I could only think that this was the moment that Jack either stayed with me or ran off with Abagail. I just hoped it wasn’t going to be the latter.

“I-- I’m too afraid to look,” she shivered.

“Abagail, we need to know,” Jack urged. He was becoming as desperate as I felt.

“I can’t.”

I sighed and let go of Jack, who I didn’t realize I was still holding. “I’ll check.”

I started walking forward and blinked. Suddenly Jack was in front of me, holding my face and searching it frantically. I stared back at him, confused as fuck. How did he suddenly get in front of me and why was he looking at me like that? Was he some supernatural guy that could teleport or something?

“Umm…?” I tried getting an answer out of him.

He breathed out in relief. “Oh my god, you really scared me there.”

“What?”

“You just zoned out and didn’t react to anything.”

“Oh, sorry. I couldn’t feel it coming up.”

“Couldn’t feel what coming up?”

“Absence seizure. Not all my seizures make me go unconscious and spaz out,” I sighed and explained, “do we know whether she is pregnant or not? I’m really tired and want to go to bed.”

I know. That was really rude to say. I just couldn’t think properly anymore. Absence seizures always left me confused and feeling weird for at least half an hour, but it could affect me for nearly the rest of my day. I would always say things I didn’t mean and do things without thinking. I was messed up, and couldn’t deny it.

“The, umm, test is still in the bathroom,” Abagail told me.

I nodded and started walking, but in the complete opposite direction. After a couple of steps, I realized my mistake and turned around. “Wrong direction.” I stumbled as I started making my way in the right direction.

Jack grabbed me before I could fall over. “Isle, are you ok?”

I held onto his arms and stared at my hands for a while, as if I was realizing something. “Yeah, yeah, all good,” my voice sounded so far away to me. “This isn’t about me, this is about Abagail, we should help her.”

“You need to tell me if something’s wrong.”

I shrugged him off and went to the bathroom, but I didn’t make it. I somehow tripped and fell to the floor, making a loud thump echo through the house. Jack and Abagail came running towards me, but I had pushed myself up, using the wall, before they could come help. I could feel myself swaying a bit and knew that if I stopped leaning against the wall, I would fall again.

Jack rushed to my side and tried to aid me in regaining my balance. “I don’t think you’re ok, I don’t know what to do, should I call your brother?”

I looked down and shook my head. “No… no, he’s… he’s… he’s gone with my mom to… to the funeral thingy… yeah, my uncle’s… no wait, my… my mom’s best friend’s grave… to…. to support her… he… he can’t… can’t come back.” I looked up at Jack. “Holy shit, I’m so confused right now!”

“Ok, I think it’s time for you to go to bed,” Jack said, but it sounded more like a question. He picked me up bridal style and went to bring me to the bedroom.

“No,” I whined, “we don’t even know whether she’s pregnant or not! You’re like those annoying commercials on TV! They always stop before you get to know who wins!”

Jack sighed apathetically and made a detour to the bathroom. He grabbed the pregnancy test, without putting me down, and studied it. After a while he placed it back on the counter and turned to the door.

“Abagail, you’re not pregnant!” he shouted, threw the test on the counter and started beelining to the bedroom.

I heard Abagail run up to us, “Oh my god! Really! Thank god!”

“Yeah, umm, you can take the guest bedroom. Goodnight.” He shoved past Abagail. Jack seemed annoyed, frustrated, and fed up.

“Oh, uh, yeah, thanks… Goodnight.”

Jack took me to the bedroom, not allowing me anytime to say goodnight to Abagail. He carefully placed me on the bed and sat down on the edge beside me. I finally noticed how bad my head was spinning and how tired I was.

“I’m so sorry, baby.” Jack grabbed my hand and brought it to his mouth so he could place delicate kisses on my knuckles. He placed it back and started moving the hair out of my face instead. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” I trailed my fingers over his hand.

He gave me a small smile. “Do you want me to help you put on your pajamas?”

I lazily shook my head again. “No, can you give them to me, though?”

“Anything for you.” he kissed my forehead before going to my bag and handing me the clothing articles. “I’ll turn around.”

It took me a while to clumsily take my clothes off and put on the comfortable shirt and pants. I looked down and my shirt and told Jack that he could turn back around. “Is my shirt inside out?”

Jack chuckled, “yeah, do you want to fix it?”

Instead of answering, I fell down onto the bed and got underneath the covers. Jack walked up to the other side and stripped off all his clothes except for his boxers. I was probably staring, but he was right in my line of sight and I couldn’t be bothered to look away. He wrapped me in his arms after he joined me in bed and I sighed in content.

“Goodnight, baby.” He kissed the back of my head.

“Were you really going to kiss Abagail?” I blurted out.

“Umm… No. Well, I was thinking of maybe giving her closure, but then realized how stupid I was being. It would only ruin my relationship with the perfect girl.”

“I’m not perfect. Look at me. I’m messed up. What’s even happening?”

“You’re perfect to me.”