Status: Completed! Sequel up soon

Hospital Beds and Memories

The Guy and the Sunset

The last four days I had just been depressed and was constantly beating myself up. Cameron allowed me to stay in his bed and sleep with him the day it happened, but I still hadn’t gone to my room and slept in my own bed since. Sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night, having no clue where I was, before remembering everything again and shaking and crying while he tried to calm me down and cheer me up.

Everything reminded me of Jack. I let him in and he had ruined everything for me; every little daily activity. I never knew I could have been attached to someone like that. We had gotten too close too fast and it was now hitting me back. I should have stuck to my original plan of never having a boyfriend and living by myself for the rest of my life. Even though I would have been forever alone, at least I wouldn’t have suffered heartbreak.

I got out of Cameron’s bed--he wasn’t there anymore when I woke up--and went to the place where voices were coming from: the kitchen. I slouched and walked past my brother who was sitting at the table across from my mom. They said good morning to me, but I just groaned back and grabbed a tub of ice cream from the freezer. Not wanting to be uncivilized and rude, I took a seat next to Cameron and dug into the cookie dough flavored ice cream with a gigantic spoon. Was I planning on eating it all by myself? Definitely. But was I going to eat it all in one go? Probably that as well.

“How are you doing?” Cameron took my attention away from my breakfast.

I looked at him, opening my mouth to reply, but I burst out in tears again before anything came out. He pulled me into his side and let me cry into his chest. I felt bad about crying every time something was said, but, like I said before, everything reminded me of Jack. For some stupid reason, I could forget about 5 years of my life, but couldn’t forget about him. It was like I was cursed or something.

“What happened?” My mom asked, obviously concerned about me and my well being.

Cam answered for me, “she had a big fight with Jack. I don’t know where they stand.”

“Oh, honey.” She rushed over to me and took over from Cam.

Being held by her only made me cry more. No, she didn’t remind me of Jack, but whenever my mom was around I couldn’t hold back any of my emotions anymore, especially when I was sad. I was lucky to have such a great relationship with her. There were many people that couldn’t talk to their parents about anything, yet I could ask them or tell them anything.

“What was it about?” She carefully asked when my crying started to slow down.

I shook my head; I didn’t want to tell her. The situation was fucked up, I didn’t need more opinions about it.

Apparently, she had looked at Cam for answers, but he rose his shoulders. “I don’t know either. She hasn’t told me.”

My phone started buzzing and ringing and Cameron sighed, “your phone’s been ringing the entire morning, and yesterday, and the day before, and before that.”

“I don’t care. He can fuck off.” I had finally stopped crying and let go of my mother.

“Language!” she scolded.

“He’s a fucking dickhead who can go fuck himself, that fucking asshole.”

Cameron rolled his eyes and got up to answer the phone, “Hello… yes, this is Cameron, yes, I know I’m answering Ireland’s phone. How can I help you?... No, she’s not here… I don’t know where she is. Why should you care, anyway?... You’re calling yourself her boyfriend? Listen up here, buddy, I don’t fucking care how much you care about her, you fucking hurt her, now I will fucking hurt you, you understand?”

I ran up before he could continue. “Cam, stop!” I slapped the phone out of his hands, making it skid across the floor.

“What! He fucking deserved it!”

“I know, just stop!”

“I will get mad at him all I like!” He stomped over to the phone.

“I’m out.” I rushed past my mom and grabbed a pair of shoes before running out of the building.

Not knowing where I was going, I took random left and right turns with my bare feet. When I figured I was far enough for Cameron and my mum not to find me, I took a short stop to catch my breath and put on my shoes. People walking gave me weird stares, but I couldn’t care less. I continued down the many roads and started making my way out of town. I could have been walking for 5 minutes, 30 minutes, or over an hour. All I wanted was some alone time.

Somehow I ended up on top of a hill that looked out over the entire city. There was nobody else around and the loud noise from the traffic down below was silenced by the distance. It was definitely past midday already, the sun was already getting get ready to set in the west. In just a couple of hours, I would be able to witness it all by myself and in peace--

Footsteps walked up to me. “I didn’t know somebody else shared this place with me.”

I looked to my left to see a teenage boy who looked about 17 or 18 years old. “I’ve just been here for a couple of hours. I just needed to get away and somehow ended up here. I could go if you want.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ve never had company before.” He took a seat next to me. “So, what brought you here?”

I sighed, what harm would it do to tell this boy? He couldn't give me an opinion I cared about too much. “It’s nothing much, really, but it’s got me broken. A couple of days ago I found out my boyfriend was lying to me about something pretty important. It makes me wonder if he lied about anything else. The worst about it that he was my best friend before we got together. We had sex together and the next day he ditched me. I should have known, he wasn’t the guy that did relationships. What about you?”

“That guy is really stupid, even though I don’t know him. He fucked up losing a girl as beautiful as you. And I come here whenever my parents start fighting again. I don’t need to hear all their bullshit.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. My problem is nothing compared to yours. I feel stupid complaining.”

“No, I would like to talk about someone else’s problems. I’m always busy with my own. It’s nice to change it up.”

“Ok then.”

“Do you mind me asking you how old you are?”

“23, why?”

“No reason. I would have guessed you were a lot younger, maybe my age, so 17.”

“Senior year, huh?”

“Yep.”

We looked out at the view for a while. Slowly but surely more lights were turning on and the traffic jams started building up. The guy took out his earphones and handed one side to me. “Want to listen along?”

I nodded and put the bud in my ear. He looked around on his phone for a while before music softly started playing. I recognized the music immediately and took out the earphone as soon as I could. “Please turn on something else. I just can’t seem to escape him.”

“Oh, you used to listen to All Time Low together?”

I rested my head between my knees. “You could say that.”

“Would you like to choose something else?” He unlocked his phone and handed it to me.

I nodded and looked at the screen. It was a picture of Jack playing on stage. He was wearing one of his longsleeved shirts that covered his hands up to his knuckles and he was screaming at the crowd. Why was I so foolish to fall in love with someone like him?

I tried holding back the tears, but quiet sobs escaped past my lips and through my hand, which I was holding to my mouth. The guy, whose name I still didn’t know, realized and wrapped an arm around me. “What's wrong?”

I kept staring at the image, tears starting to cloud my vision. “Why couldn’t he just tell me the truth! I would be happy right now. I already bought a ticket to go see him while he was on tour, I was going to meet his friends, the rest of the band, and stay for a while. He wanted me to come! He is such an asshole!... I just want him back…’ I muttered. “I just want Jack back.”

“Wait… You mean the guy who lied to you was Jack Barakat? The Jack Barakat? The Jack Barakat from All Time Low?”

I stayed silent, except for my crying, and dropped the phone. The guy kept staring at me while his phone was lying in the dry grass.

“I don’t believe you,” he stated.

“Then don’t,” I mumbled, “at the end of the day, I’m the only one who knew exactly what I saw.”

I looked up to see the sun had already set. I must have been here the entire day. My mom and Cameron were probably very worried, but I didn’t care. Today was the day I couldn’t care anymore. Slowly but surely I was becoming emotionless. I didn’t care if I hurt anybody, there was nobody to hurt.

“Ireland!” I heard a voice shout from behind me. “What the fuck are you doing here! We’ve been looking for you for hours now!”

I looked to see it was my brother. My mother was seated in the car that was pulled over on the side of the road. I groaned, “Cam, go away. I don’t care.”

“Well, I do. You haven’t taken your medication. We can't afford to have you have another seizure. You won’t be able to visit Jack if you do. I even called him. He threatened to fly back as soon as he could.”

“I don’t care.”

“I swear to fucking god, Ireland! He has been calling the entire time, you better answer the phone,” he threw me my phone. Just as it landed in my lap, it started ringing again. The only photo I had ever taken with Jack --he was kissing my cheek while I originally wanted to take a picture with a goofy face--was on the display with his name above it.

I contemplated about answering as my thumb hovered over the answer button. Maybe I should have heard him out. He could have had a reasonable explanation. But I knew what I saw and heard. Not only was he being handed an ultrasound picture by my best friend, who he had told me wasn’t pregnant, but he also tried to make up excuses when he came to me. At least he could have tried to tell me the truth. But he didn’t.

I hit the decline button and the ringing stopped.

“God. Sometimes you are so childish!” Cameron pulled me up so I was standing and started dragged me by my wrist.

“Cam! You’re hurting me! Stop!” I screamed. The guy quickly stood up and was ready to come to my rescue, but Cameron already let go of me.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” he murmured, “I just want my sister and best friend back. The last couple of days you’ve just been hiding and crying. I don’t know what to do. You’re supposed to be the cheerful one who doesn’t care about any shit that’s going on. You’ve always been like that. And now you are the complete opposite. I don’t know how to deal with this. All I can do it be with you, but that won’t help anything. I just want you to be you again.”

I didn’t know what to say; I was speechless. Cameron was right, I wasn’t myself anymore. I shouldn’t let some stupid guy get in the way of that. As long as I was alive and not dying, I wasn't going to let anything affect me. There was no time to have things try and drag me down. I wasn’t getting anywhere like this.

“Can we bring him home?” I pointed at the guy.

“It’s fine,” he told me, “I can walk.”

“How far is it?”

“If I walk? An hour.”

“Ok, we’re taking you home, you seem ok enough,” Cameron interrupted. “I don’t know what you did, but you made sure my sister didn’t do anything stupid.”

We all walked up to the car and got in. It was nice and warm in here, I hadn’t realized how cold I actually was outside. I sat in the backseat with the young boy and my mum turned around. She looked so relieved.

“I was so scared we lost you.” A tear escaped her eye.

“I’m sorry. I just had to get out and be alone for a bit. I would have come home at some point.” I assured her and exchanged smiles.

I looked down at my wrists and saw really bad bruises where Cam had taken hold of me. Not only were they purple and black, but they went all the way around and down my wrist. He didn’t hold me that tight, did he? It didn’t hurt enough to leave me with bruises like this. I really looked liked I had been seriously abused.

When I looked away, I saw my mom looking down at my wrists as well. She slowly took her eyes off them and made eye contact with me instead. I felt just as worried as she looked. We were both thinking the same thing...

It came back.