Hospital Beds and Memories

I woke up to Jack kissing my cheek, slightly shaking me as he whispered, “Baby, wake up.”

It took me a while to open my eyes slightly and realize I actually managed to stay on my side of the bed the entire night. After Jack’s ‘shower’ he found me still curled up on the bed in pain. He offered me painkillers, but I wasn’t going to take them. With the amount of medication I already had to take, I only wanted to take painkillers if it was actually necessary and I felt like I was about to die. So, instead, we allocated who was going to sleep on which side, and then cuddled up together. Jack had his hands on my stomach, trying to help ease the pain, while I tried to close my eyes and sleep. I probably should have accepted the painkillers, since the pain didn’t get any better.

“Isle,” Jack kissed my cheek once again, continuing the soft shaking as he'd yet to realize that I had (sort of) woken up.

I let out a small groan, just wanting to fall back asleep before I mumbled out, “What?”

“I think you might have started your period.” He told me calmly, stroking some hair out of my face.

“What!” I shot up straight and saw that there was indeed a big red stain on the sheets, meaning it was probably also on my pants. “Shit! I’m so so sorry!” I started to take off the sheets while I continued to freak out. I know was just talking about how I wasn’t embarrassed about anything around Jack, but scratch that. This was even worse than just simply embarrassing; I had basically ruined his sheets the first day I lived with him! Wasn’t that just great?

“Hey, hey, calm down,” Jack stopped me and was about to continue, but I was worrying too much.

I was rushing around the bed to get the sheet of fully, hoping the blood hadn’t seeped through to the mattress, “This is going to be impossible to get out! I’m so sorry! I should have known!”

“Isle, baby, stop.” He was suddenly next to me and I watched in shock as he ripped the sheets from my hands and took them himself. “Why don’t you just take a nice long hot shower, and I’ll wash this? You can’t do anything about it, it happens. I’m not disgusted, so stop freaking out.”

“But--”

“No. Now, go take that shower while I clean this up.” He gave me a quick short kiss before walking out of the room and towards where the washing machine was placed.

I took my time to look around in each of the boxes to find tampons and some clothes to change into. Jack was acting like it was no big deal, but I couldn't help but feel ashamed of it all. I should have know it was coming because of my stomach aches and the fact that I was due any time anyway. Yes, I know, I said I rarely got cramps, but I did say rarely. If I did, however, it would be bad. And now was apparently that time, which sucked. And when I retreated to the bathroom and went to the toilet, it was all confirmed even more. It was already really bad when I had cramps, but the chemotherapy and the leukemia just made it all so much worse. I probably hadn’t bled that much ever in my life. Everything about it was just a nightmare.

This was just so fucking embarrassing.

I quickly stripped off all my clothes and managed to get out the blood stain in my pants with cold water and a tiny bit of soap, before rushing to the shower and cleaning the gross mess that I was. The warm water just begged me to never leave, so that was my plan. Standing there, I let the water fall onto me and roll down my body. It was comforting and--

There was a knock on the door before it slightly opened. Jack was standing there, but with his back towards me like PE teachers would do in elementary school if the kids would take too long to get changed. He probably knew I wasn’t comfortable with him just watching me. “Hey, baby? I’m going out to buy us some breakfast...do you need me to get you anything else?”

I was about to tell him that I was fine and didn’t need anything, when I realized I totally did. There was no way any of this would go well without it, “Umm… actually, can you, uh, maybe get me some, uh, tampons and pads?”

“Don’t you already have those?” He sounded genuinely confused, still not turning around to look at me.

“Well, yeah, but I need a different kind,” I explained hoping he would understand and that I wouldn’t have to go into any more detail. This was weird enough.

He stayed silent for a while before speaking up. “There’s different kinds?”

“Yes,” I sighed, having forgotten he was a boy and probably didn’t know how all of this worked, because sex-ed was shitty. To be honest I really didn’t feel like lecturing him, but I knew it had to happen if I actually wanted him to get what I wanted. “All girls bleed differently, so there’re products that absorb more blood than others. Normally, I’m not too bad in that department, but all this medical shit had just made it really bad. So, basically I need something that can absorb more blood. Then there’s also pads and tampons. I like to use tampons during the day, but pads during the night because I’m a lazy fuck and don’t want to get up too often.”

“Oh,” was all Jack could reply. He probably didn’t know what to do with all this new information.

“Yeah,” I mumbled back, now feeling very stupid for telling him all that. “You probably didn’t need to know all that…”

“No...” He shook his head while still seeming a bit dazed and trying to process everything. “I’m just trying to remember everything you told me so I don’t screw up. How do I know which are which?”

“Oh my God, Jack.” I groaned, not really blaming him, but also already fed up with explaining. Told you it was going to be worse, mood swings that I never had were already present. “Can’t you just figure it out or something?”

“I’ve never done this before!” He defended himself and opened the door a bit wider, causing his voice to sound louder. “I don’t know how it all works!”

“Seriously? I do it almost every other month, it really isn’t that difficult! Can’t you just do it for once? Or can’t you do a simple task like this?” This really was unlike me, but I couldn’t help but get mad at him for something he didn’t even know about. It really wasn’t his fault, but I couldn’t stop the words flying out of my mouth.

For some reason, Jack also seemed to get frustrated faster than usual, though it might have been my tone of voice that caused him to do this. “I’m sorry, Isle, but I don’t know how all that shit works and what it all looks like. If you actually want me to fucking get the right stuff for you, you’re going to have to fucking tell me what you fucking need!”

“Just forget about it then!” I shouted back at him, really being stubborn now.

“Fine!” He slammed the door shut and the sound echoed throughout the whole bathroom. Soon after that tears started streaming down my face.

Well, that escalated quickly.

----

In the shower I had totally realized that I was acting stupid, but I couldn’t help it and continued to cry. This wasn’t normal for me. Normally I would be the girl you wouldn’t even notice was on her period except for the more frequent bathroom trips, but sometimes, about 3 times a year, I would be the worst. I couldn’t control my emotions anymore, I would have terrible cramps, and all I wanted to eat was chocolate and ice cream. It really was bad.

After crying for about another ten minutes I decided to get out, change into some comfortable clothes, which consisted of a simple gray t-shirt and gym shorts because I didn’t feel like wearing normal pants. I let Taco out of the bathroom before curling up on the couch. I was just sitting there with my knees pulled up to my chest, a pillow being hugged tightly to my body, while Taco slept soundly next to me. Somehow she managed to get comfortable pretty easily. I, meanwhile, was just worried about my major screw up. Did that mean that I would start to cry again? Yes. Yes, it definitely did.

The front door opened a while after that. My tears had dried up by then, but my face still felt crusty and my eyes were probably still burning red. I slowly turned my head to see who was there even though I knew it could only be one person. I saw Jack kick off his shoes, four plastic bags in his hands. He smiled at me, but I could only pout back.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled and could already feel tears building up again, causing my voice to shake a tiny bit, but not significantly.

“It’s okay.” Jack whispered, giving me a smile that was supposed to cheer me up, before leaning down to give me a quick peck on the lips, “I’m sorry too...I know you can’t really do anything about it. But, I got some help by texting my sister so I hope I got you the right stuff.” He proceeded to hand me one of the bags and I took a quick peek inside, seeing everything I needed.

After thanking him, I went to go stand up so I could go upstairs and use the bathroom but Jack stopped me to give me something else. “Oh, wait!” he reached into one of the other bags and grabbed a box of ibuprofen. “She also told me to give you this.”

“You have a great sister.” I grinned, mentally thanking her as well because I totally forgot about taking painkillers to reduce the cramps.

“She was pretty proud of me.” He nodded like he had made a big accomplishment. “Trust me, I have never ever done anything like this before. So, not only was I able to care for you, but I also got my sister to praise me for it.”

“Keep going on like that, and I might actually consider marrying you.” I smiled before giving him a kiss that lasted a bit longer than the one he gave me. He stiffened up a bit, but chuckled nonetheless. I giggled to myself and ran upstairs.