Hospital Beds and Memories

I looked around myself. Everything was pitch black and quiet. My head was spinning, my body sweating, and my stomach churning. Every time I would move slightly the nausea would completely take over. I couldn’t sense what was up and what was down. The room was spinning and my stomach went along with it. Jack was snoring lightly beside me, lying down on his stomach with his arms wrapped around his pillow. I wished I could be him, so peaceful like that. I winced as I shot up right, my head in my hands as I tried to get rid of the horrid feeling.

The days after my checkup, I suddenly started getting so many side effects. I was getting full blown nausea, basically throwing up anything I was eating to the point where I didn't want to eat at all. To put it simply, I felt like shit. It was the worst knowing that what was keeping me alive was what caused me to feel this way. All I wanted was to go back to the days where I had chemo without the side effects.

Jack seemed to stir once I sat up, because only a couple minutes after I raised myself up, I felt his hand rub my back, asking me if I was ok. However, I felt too nauseous for anybody to be touching me at the moment. I shrugged his hand away and concentrated on my breathing, hoping it would help. Things only seemed to make it worse, the dizziness making me feel even more groggy and woozy. Nothing about this was good.

“Do you need me to get your nausea medication?” Jack asked, already getting out of bed. He threw the covers off himself and rubbed his eyes while he swung his legs out of the bed and onto the floor. But I shook my head before he got up. There was no use getting my medication now. However, Jack didn’t seem to understand. “Don’t you feel sick?”

I nodded, confirming that I was indeed feeling terrible, “I’m going to be sick.” I quickly put my hand over my mouth as I felt the bile rising up my throat, begging for me to open my mouth once again.

This time, Jack did seem to get it, though. He rushed up and grabbed the plastic bin I basically brought with me wherever I went in the house just in case. It was better to be safe that sorry. Just before it all came up, Jack handed it to me and held back my hair. My throat was burning and my eyes started tearing up. I was completely done with this shit.

When I was finished, Jack took the bucket away from me and let my hair fall down back onto my back, running his fingers through it to comfort me. He let me lie back down before kissing my temple. “Try to get some more rest...I’ll clean this up.”

Normally I would protest and tell him I would do it, but I was too tired and fed up. If he didn’t mind doing it, then I wasn’t going to complain. All he wanted was to make me feel better. Although he couldn’t cure me, he could still do small things to remind me that he cared. Or so he told me. It was nice of him to do so, though.

I fell asleep before Jack came back.

----

The next day, I had gotten a text from Cam asking me if I wanted to do something together with him before he left to LA. My parents had already organised a small family dinner at their place at the end of the week -- a small family dinner was luckily actually a small family dinner this time; it was just going to be me, Cam, my parents, Jack, and my aunt and cousin who were coming over for dinner anyway.

But, back to the text Cam had sent me. I told him I was ok with that, that it would be good for me to get out of the house. However, he was stupid enough to not think of anything for us to do before asking me. So, I joked about going to the grocery store and buying random stuff for him to eat the last couple of days he was here. Bare in mind, that was supposed to be a joke, but Cam actually decided it was a good idea.

So, that was where I was going now. I told Jack about the plans, and he seemed hesitant at first, but when I reassured him by telling him I was going to be around Cam the entire time, he agreed. Plus, he said, I quote, ‘I can make that video about all the hate you’re getting now’. So, while I was out doing weird grocery shopping with my brother, Jack was going to try to get people to stop hating on me. What was going to end up worse? Were Cam and I going to be thrown out, or was Jack’s message going to make people dislike me even more? Well, we would see at the end of the day.

When at the supermarket, Cam and I both took a cart so we could rush around the place like we used to do as kids. Of course, we walked in the place looking all calm and composed and like we were there to do some actual food shopping, but that’s not how it worked for me and Cameron. We went all out and crazy if possible. On the ride to the store, we decided to make a small list of junk food that was necessary, and since the whole place had been renovated, neither of us knew where everything was… leaving us to play a fun game.

“Ok, first to find the Oreos,” I stated the first item on our list, putting my phone back in my back pocket. “Go!”

And so, off we went, trying to find the blue cardboard box. Cameron decided to use the tactic of running through every aisle, scanning all the items as he flew past. I, however, decided that that was a terrible. It would take ages, and definitely use up all my energy. Instead, I sped walked past all the aisles, reading the signs overhead. When I finally came to the one with ‘cookies’ written in big bold letters, I slid into the aisle, picking up on of the boxes, just before Cam came running in himself. Of course I rubbed it in his face that I won, and of course we got weird looks, but I couldn’t care less. Cam and I were having fun and that was all that mattered.

That process continued for a while more, until we felt we had enough stuff for him to get fat with. Of course, when slaloming through the entire store, we also found other food that seemed pretty good. In total, I think we ended up both with half a cart full… which was way more than he needed. But the solution was to bring some of the food to band practise, and it would be done in no time.

After paying the three digit number, we both walked out of the store, our carts now full of plastic bags. To continue our small race, I tried to put my bags in faster than Cam, and it seemed to work, because I had a lot less to put in the trunk of the car. I just happened to have to cart with the items that weren’t large, so there was no need for so many bags. Cam continued to put his bags in the trunk at normal speed, laughing at my enthusiasm while I ran off to put my cart away.

Just before I got to the stall where all the carts were always placed, I decided to slow down and walk the rest of the way. I didn’t want to get out of breath now, and when I looked back, it didn’t seem like Cam was going to be joining me. He was rearranging things and doing stuff on his phone while still putting more bags in the back. And I swear that boy couldn’t multitask, so it was going to be interesting to see how this went.

To put my cart back, I walked past a group of girls before walking into the alleyway. But something was off. I wasn’t alone like I was before. Footsteps were following me, and from the voices and whispers I heard, I knew it was the girls. They didn’t look threatening of anything when I walked past them, so I really didn’t know why they would want to follow me. So, I just put the shopping cart back into the long connecting line, before turning around. The girls were surrounding me, standing very close, glaring as I moved. I frowned, trying to put past, but they didn’t seem to like the idea of that.

“Where’s Jack?” The middle one of the five asked, looking around as if expecting to see him around here somewhere. I would have been wondering how they knew Jack, but it was only when I saw one of the girls wear a Pierce The Veil t-shirt, did I realise that they were probably fans.

“Umm, at home?” I answered with a questioning tone, still wondering why they actually wanted to know. They couldn’t just be expecting him to be around me.

The girl snickered, shaking her head at me, as they all started cornering me, leaving me to slowly back up against the wall. “So he finally decided to leave you?”

How were these girls so good at this? Did they randomly threaten innocent people in their free time or something? It was like they had planned this out for ages, it was being executed so perfectly.

“Umm, no…” I was trying my best to stay calm so they wouldn't flip out. However, it didn’t seem to be the right thing to say. The ‘leader’ of group, pushed by backwards, making my head hit the brick wall behind me with a hollow thump. I did not do anything back, not wanting this to escalate, but also of course because I just didn’t have the energy to defend myself. If I knew this was going to happen, I would not have ran around the vegetable aisle as often as I did.

“Fucking fight me!” she screamed in my face. It wouldn’t have surprised me if this girl had anger issues. I didn’t understand what I had done wrong… other than be in a relationship with Jack… shit. Of course this was what it was about!

“I can’t,” I mumbled, just wanting to go home and fall asleep on the couch while watching movies. Luckily I didn’t feel sick, or else that really wouldn’t have been pretty. The girl was literally standing pressed up against me, so if I was going to be sick, it was going to go right into her face.

“What do you mean, you fucking can’t!” she grabbed me off the wall before hitting me against it as hard as she could. This time it actually made me black out for a second, and before I knew it, I was on the cold asphalt floor. “You don’t fucking deserve Jack, you understand! He doesn’t deserve to have somebody hurt him all the time! He’s a good human being!”

She kicked me and kicked me, over and over, as her friends wasted no time in joining in. I wanted to scream, I wanted to fight back, but I couldn’t. My whole head felt fuzzy, the shoes hitting me in the face, stomach, ribs, and legs countless of times. I could feel the bruising already starting and everything swelling up. The laughter filled my consciousness, making me detached from anything else happening around me. With the amount of pain, I couldn’t even feel their last couple of kicks anymore.

“What the fuck are you doing to my sister!” I heard somebody that sounded a lot like Cameron yell. The girls suddenly stopped when they realised they had been caught. But I could still hear their whispering. They were talking about it being the guy that I was cheating on Jack with. Of course these girls believed all the rumours they read about me.

“You guys better leave her alone! Fuck off!” Cam added, running up to the scene as fast as he could. The gang soon left me alone, rushing out of the alleyway, afraid Cam would take action. The last thing they wanted was to be caught.

“I just wanna go home,” I whispered, the hazy feeling in my brain not subsiding yet, as Cameron knelt down beside me, asking me if I was ok. So, that’s exactly what we did. I was quiet the entire ride home, not wanting to tell Cam anything about it, too afraid I would burst into tears. All I did was try to get my thought to focus and stop being distorted and faint.

I carefully got out of the car as soon as Cam pulled up on the side of the road of Jack’s house. He gave me a concerned look as I muttered a small goodbye, but still let me walk all the way to the front door without following me out. I would tell him later what happened, but now I just wanted to sleep.

When I entered the house, I saw Jack walking out of the kitchen with a camera filming himself in one hand. I tried to ignore him being there, and did my best to rush past him so I could go upstairs. However, he grabbed onto my arm, trying to get me to look at the camera as well, but I kept turning and hiding my face so he wouldn’t see anything. Tears were now silently falling down my cheeks. I tried to pull my arm away, but he wasn’t allowing me. All I wanted was to lock myself away upstairs. But then Jack realized something was wrong, when he briefly looked at me.

He put the camera down on the table just behind us, before holding my with both hands, forcing me to look at him. I wish I didn’t have to see his reaction as he saw all the damage done to me. He looked to heartbroken, angry, and sad. “What happened to you?”

I shook my head and pursed my lips, trying to hold back my trembling lip and the tears that so badly wanted to come along with it. I had to be strong; I wasn’t going to let this get to me; I had to be strong!

“Did Cameron do this to you?” he said with so much disbelief and doubt in his voice. He knew Cam wouldn’t do that, but he also didn’t know who else could have done it to me. I had only been around my brother, so it only made sense.

Once again, I shook my head, but this time I couldn’t keep all the feelings in. Everything came out at once; the sobs, the tears, and the cries of pain. Jack caught me before I collapsed to the floor, and wrapped me in a tight hug, being careful for any bruises that were probably littering the rest of my body. He shuffled us towards the couch, and sat us down on it, pulling me onto his lap.

“Who did this to you, baby?” he murmured into my hair, pressing kisses to my head, hoping to calm me down so I could talk. But I couldn’t tell him. He would flip out completely. So, for what felt like the millionth time that day, I shook my head. Jack, though, had somehow figured it out himself, “Did fans do this to you?”

If possible, my crying got worse. Barely being able to breath through the panicked state I was in, I probably sounded like I was choking, which I basically was. Jack wrapped his arms tighter around me, taking my actions as a yes. I ignored all the pain that the pressure of his hug caused, taking in the warm feeling of him wrapped around me instead.

When I finally calmed down a bit, Jack dared to speak up again, “I love you so much. Trust me when I say that no matter what they say or do, I will always love you, and only one. I promise. But right now, this has gone way too far, and I will do something about it, whether or not you’d like me to. They physically hurt you, and they mentally hurt me, and that’s not acceptable. I just- I just-” he stood up, picking me up with him before putting me back down on the couch. Disappearing upstairs, he left me confused as to what he was doing. It was like he was in the middle of a speech, but just decided to leave in the middle of it.

But before I had time to freak out and overthink it, he came back downstairs, giving me a sympathetic smile. He sat down next to me and didn’t try to buy time before saying what he wanted to, “so… I want to give you this,” he took out a small black box, opening to reveal a golden and silver ring, decorated with small diamonds.

“Jack,” I warned in a hushed and uncomfortable tone.

“No, don’t worry,” he told me, looking me right in the eye as he continued, “I’m not going to propose to you just yet. You don’t want it, and I don’t think I’m ready for it either. But I want you to know I really do mean it when I love you. I want to promise you that I will always love you, and that I won’t let anything come in the way of that. Maybe we will never get married, but I still want to know that we will always be there for each other.”

“Okay,” I nodded, not really being able to say much more, but Jack still smiled and started to take the precious ring out of the box, “but I can’t accept the ring. It must have cost you so much! I can’t accept that!”

“I want you to have it,” he chuckled and grinned at how abstemious I was being, “trust me. I got it specifically for this. A day or two after you left when I was still on tour, Alex and I walked past a jewelry store. He wanted to get something for Lisa, so we walked in. And I found this ring, and I knew I just had to get it for you. It’s actually one half of a couple’s ring set. I got myself the other other, because I want people to know I’m taken and not looking for anybody. Alex thought I was going to propose to you, but I would never do that unless you would want me to.”

“Okay, promise?”

He slipped the ring onto my left ring finger before softly kissing my lips, careful not to make my busted lip worse.