Status: Completed! Sequel up soon

Hospital Beds and Memories

A Brand New Escape

July came and went quickly. I stayed in that hospital for months, chemotherapy slowly wearing me out while I was tested regularly. But I always got to hear the same thing: it doesn’t seem like you’re improving yet, we’ll have to continue your cycle for a while longer and hopefully we’ll have some good news next time. The good news never came. Cam had to go back to LA to finish off their album since the label wouldn’t allow him to push back the release date any further. Tay stayed a couple more days before joining Cam for a while and then going back to New York. My mom was busy starting up her new business: a bakery for her to sell all her delicious cakes, and my dad was gone for work for long periods of time again.

It seemed like everybody was slowly getting back to their usual lives, while mine was slowly crumbling further and further. The only person who stayed by my side the entire time was Jack. He refused to leave for more than a day, only leaving to get food or to do the laundry. The fans knew all about the situation. Not too long after my hair had been shaved off, he had put up a note on all his social media describing why he hadn’t been touring with the others and why he wasn’t active on his twitter and snapchat anymore. I wasn’t the only one stuck in this endless cycle of bad news, Jack was being dragged along right with me.

I didn’t want to be here anymore, but I also didn’t want to go home. Taco had been staying at my parents’ house with my mom, so there wasn’t even a reason to go back. The only difference would be being able to stay days on end in my own bed, the positive thing being able to cuddle up against Jack every night. I was too afraid that things weren’t going to be the same as before, and I had every right to be. The way things were going now didn’t allow any room for everything to suddenly become a lot better. It never was going to go back to normal.

But I still had to go home.

It had been three days since the doctors came in and told me they couldn’t do anything for me anymore. If the chemo wasn’t going to start working, then it never would. I still had to wait for my previous results and then go for another test in a week. The first part was going to be coming through that door at any moment, already predicting what the conclusive results were for my case. But it didn’t matter. No matter what I was told now, I still got to go home. There was no reason, other than surveillance, for me to stay for any longer. This was my last day in the cursed hospital bed.

Jack had packed all my belongings into a bag, having kept his in another one for the entire stay. The get-well-soon cards scattered around the place were no longer there, having made their way into a small box for safe keeping. I didn’t get the point of that though. It wasn’t like I was going to look at them ever again, and, while they were there to cheer me up and support me, they made me feel depressed instead. Every time I looked at peppy designs, I felt like they were mocking me, rubbing it in my face. I wasn’t going to get better.

I was sitting on my bed having just tied my shoes, waiting for somebody to come through that door. There was still a small sliver of hope. Jack kept telling me that I was strong and that I was going to fight it, but I knew it was just to keep my spirits up. However, with how often he said it, I sometimes actually believed it. Now it was just up to the doctors to say if his words were true or not.

When there was a knock on the door and a nurse came walking in, Jack quickly sat next to me, anticipating the results just as much as I was. He held my hand tightly, while his other hand was on my thigh, giving me a big encouraging smile. I couldn’t reciprocate it at all, though; I had already seen the look the nurse gave me. It wasn’t good, it wasn’t good at all. Before even saying one word, her eyes were already empty and sympathetic. I knew exactly what she was going to say: the same thing I was always told, just with a different ending.

After looking over her clipboard one more time to check if she was reading it right, she looked up at us, “I’m not going to beat around the bush, and will just tell you what I can. Your blood count still isn’t looking any good and the last round of chemo we have done hasn’t helped anything. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like things are going to change soon at all and there’s no point trying to continue this.”

Jack’s hand went limp, no longer giving me the supportive grip he had before. I expected this answer, but it still hit me hard. Nobody ever wants to hear those words, as much as they know exactly what’s going to be said.

The nurse left us, meaning I didn’t have to make myself seem composed anymore. I buried my face in Jack’s neck and let the tears fall. This was it, and we both knew. He wrapped his arms around me securely and pulled me into his lap, trying not to cry, but still a few tears managed to escape his watery eyes. This was not how it was supposed to go. We were supposed to be the happy couple everybody envied, but now we were the one nobody wanted to be.

----

Jack and I didn’t say a word to each other as we collected our last possessions. He tried taking as much stuff as he could, leaving me with only one duffel bag. Signing myself out of the hospital wasn’t easy either. I knew I wasn’t doing it because I was better and finally free. No, I was doing it because I couldn’t be saved. I still tried to smile at the person behind the desk as I handed her the papers, but I sure as hell didn’t feel confident at all anymore. Being seriously ill could really change a person.

Only when we got in the car, ready to drive home, did Jack and I say a word to each other again. We just needed a bit of silence to think things through, but we also needed to be there for each other. This whole thing did not just affect me, but also him. It might have been even worse for him. He was going to have to life with it, while I… well, I didn’t.

“So, off we are,” he sighed, pulling the car out of the parking spot and started driving to the exit. He was fully prepared to drive the short way home, trying to live our lives as normal as possible, but I had other ideas.

Just before he pulled onto the main road, I made a suggestion, “let’s go to Disney World.”

“What?! No way, Isle. We are not going to do that. No way. Never.” Jack shook his head furiously and started driving down the nearly empty road.

“Why not! There’s no reason why we shouldn’t go. We both have clean clothes right here with us, since you washed them two days ago. We can stop on the way for food and gas. And it will be fun! We need some fun in our lives.” I argued, really wanting to go to the land full of dreams.

“You’re forgetting one very important detail, Isle,” he growled.

“What?”

“You might not be able to handle it!” He shouted and suddenly braked at a red light, causing us to shoot forward, being saved by our seatbelts. And then it was quiet, our breathing and the low hum of the engine being the only sounds.

I stared at him, trying to get him to look at me, but he kept emotionless and faced forwards, paying only minimal attention on the road. Giving up, I looked down at my hands, feeling like I had seriously messed up, “it’s just… it’s just I’ve never been and I’ve always wanted to go. I’m sorry…”

Jack sighed audibly and pulled over, taking his phone out of his pocket and typing something, “I hope it’s worth it, because this is going to be a long 14 hour journey.” An automated voice started giving directions. When I went to check where we were going, a grin spread across my face.

We were going to Disney World!

And then our short road trip started. We put on some music to fill the silence and I put my feet up on the dashboard. This was going to take more than a day, and I had no clue what we were going to do when we had to stop for the night, let alone what we were going to do when we got there, but I wasn’t going to mention it to Jack just yet. I didn’t want him changing his mind and turning the car around to go home instead. As soon as we were too far out to go back, then I’d say something.

Or at least I thought. I managed to fall asleep pretty quickly after we had gotten on the first highway. One of Jack’s many hoodies served as blanket that was covering the top half of my body, while my head was resting against the cool window. A car was one of the most uncomfortable places to fall asleep, but I was able to do it… and do it for very long. When I woke up, the sun was already starting to set and we were somewhere I couldn’t recognize at all. Tall dark trees were on either side of the road, and there were no streetlights to be seen anywhere. I rolled my head to look over at Jack and saw he was wearing his glasses. There also were two bottles of water now occupying the cup holders just behind to the console. Right next to my feet, I saw a sandwich wrapper, meaning that Jack at least ate. He briefly looked at me and smiled when he saw I was awake.

“Hey, you’re up,” he commented in a quiet voice to match the surroundings, “I got some food when I stopped at a gas station a couple of hours back. It’s in the white plastic bag in the back. Go ahead and take something if you want.”

“I’m fine, thanks,” I replied, stretching my limbs out and putting my feet back down on the ground.

“You’ve been out for six hours and you haven’t eaten since that tiny bit you ate during breakfast. I’m not going to take a ‘I’m fine’. I don’t care what it is, but you’re going to eat something. It’s seven more hours to go, and it’s seven hours to go back, I will not hesitate to turn this car around.”

“Fine, but only because I love you,” I reached back for the bag, cracking some of my bones in the process, and put it down in my lap. There wasn’t anything that didn’t make we want to throw up as I started looking through. The thought of having to eat a sandwich or something of the like made my stomach churn. At the very bottom of the bag, however, I found a small bag of vegetable chips, and decided that that was something I could try.

I opened up the packet and started munching on something that looked like it could have once been a carrot. While it wasn’t the healthiest to eat, it didn’t have a taste or denseness that I couldn’t take.

Jack heard the crunching and raised his eyebrows at me, “seriously? That’s what you’re going to eat? Ok, you know what, I shouldn’t complain, at least you’re putting something in your mouth.”

“I could also put your dick in my mouth,” I snorted while I nibbled on a purple chip.

“What?”

“I should really think before I speak…” I muttered and let out a laugh before putting the bag with food back on the backseat, keeping my vegetable chips with me, “now, I will not be giving you road head. I am not that type of girl, Jack Barakat!”

“I don’t expect you to,” he laughed, shaking his head at my behaviour, “plus, I would not be able to concentrate on the road at all if you ever did.”

“Why do our conversations always turn into us talking about sex?”

“Because I’m one sexy motherfucker.”

“That you are, Jack, that you are…”

The drive continued on for a bit longer until I finally saw a sign again. The town Lumberton -- wherever that may have been -- was only a couple of miles away. With it quickly getting dark and the roads becoming abandoned, it might have been a good idea to stop for the night. A motel with vacancies couldn’t be too far away if you were on a highway and close to a city.

“How about we stop and continue tomorrow?” I suggested, the amount of trees slowly starting to decline as we got closer to civilization.

“I can drive for a bit longer. Let’s cross over to South Carolina first,” Jack shook his head, but let out a long yawn right after.

I giggled, “looks like your own body just betrayed you, buddy. It’s not healthy to drive for such a long period of time anyway.”

“Alright, alright, let’s find a place to stay.”

Not much later, Jack emerged from a building holding a key to one of the many empty rooms. Sure, the place wasn’t that great, but it was better than having to illegally camp somewhere. I was just planning on not having to spend much longer than I had to in this place. But, hey, you had to do something like this at least once in your life.

We went to our ground floor room, leaving most of our stuff in the car. The room was fairly small, there only being place for a queen size bed, a small table, and a door to the bathroom. But it was going to have to do for the night. It wasn’t like we were going to do anything other than sleeping here.

I quickly got into my pajamas, the shirt hanging around my body loosely. Over time, I had become very skinny, my bones starting to show. It looked like my arms were ready to snap in half, and my ribs and hipbones looked like they were uncomfortably stretching my skin. I just couldn’t get myself to eat and gain all those pounds again, as much as I wished to. Luckily, Jack never made stupid comments, knowing how much I already hated to way I looked.

As soon as I was ready, his arms snaked around my waist as he started trailing kisses up and down my neck, “it’s the first time in ages that we get to share a bed again.”

I nodded, running my fingers along his arms before my hands rested on top of his, “I missed being able to cuddle up next to you.” Jack’s kisses became more frequent as I felt him starting to get aroused, but I really wasn’t in the mood. “Not today, Jack. I promise you there will be another day, but I’m not up for it now.”

“It’s just been so long since I’ve been able to have this contact with you,” he whispered, not breaking away from my neck.

“I know,” I sighed, but wasn’t going to give in.

“Let’s get married,” he suddenly blurted out of nowhere.

“What?”

“Let’s get married,” he repeated, “like, Las Vegas style. Tomorrow. I’m pretty sure we can find some place that will do it.”

“If I ever get married, I do not want it to be like that,” I shook my head and let out a ragged breath, “and our families will hate us for eloping. My mom would be absolutely mortified to find out she wasn’t there.”

“Please…”

“Jack, you’re just tired and have been driving for too long, it’s getting to your head,” I turned around, but was shocked to see him with tears streaming down his cheeks, his eyes red and puffy.

He shook his head, “I won’t be able to live myself knowing I didn’t marry you. Please don’t do this to me, please. Just… just say yes, just say you’ll be my wife.”

“I’m sorry, Jack,” I caressed both his cheeks before giving him a passionate kiss and breaking away, “No.”