Hospital Beds and Memories

Oh my god, I was going to be late. It was a fucking disaster. Jack had been gone for a while now, and I was completely lost. The entire house was empty except for Taco, who I occasionally found sleeping somewhere in the house. I had woken up way too late, having also gone to bed way too late. No, it wasn’t because I was doing something important, because I really wasn’t. I was literally on the couch, playing video games, having a movie marathon, junk food surrounding me. You see, normally either Jack or I would get up to get something to drink or to go to the bathroom during our dark-room-TV-on sessions, and then we’d see how late it was and tell the other that it might be better to go to bed, but I was all by myself and didn’t exactly like getting up.

What made this whole thing bad, however, was that today was the first day I was going to work again. My mom was expecting me to show up and help her while she showed me the ropes. With the rate I was going at, I was probably going to be half an hour too late. It might not sound like a big deal, only half an hour late and my boss is my mom, but no. I still wanted to treat this like a new job with all the new things surrounding it, even though it wasn’t like that. I just wasn’t the person to fuck up on the first day. Maybe I could lie a little about how I managed to get lost since I hadn’t driven in such a long time--

Oh, yeah. Another stressful thing. It was the first day I was going to drive in a car again. Jack was always the one who drove both of us around, but now that he was gone, I had to do it all by myself. The doctors said that I should be fine to do so, but I was still nervous. It felt like I was going to drive on the road after just having gotten my driver’s licence: exciting yet so nerve wracking. Actually, it wouldn’t have surprised me if I already managed to get into a car crash that day.

When I thought I was finally ready to go -- I decided to skip eating food, hoping I’d be able to sneak in some cake -- I rushed to the front door to find Jack’s car keys. Showing up in the city with the fancy sports car probably wasn’t such a good idea. However, the doorbell managed to go just as I was about to open the door and leave. Abagail stood there in front of me, no signs of a baby tagging along with her.

“Hey, Abagail,” I tried to sound as calm and as friendly as possible, “I was actually just about to head out--”

She pushed past me and went inside, not even bothering to greet me. I frowned, trying to comprehend what she had just done, and turned around, expecting this to be some sort of joke. But no, she was serious. She was standing in the living room, tapping her foot while she stood there impatiently, waiting for me to come back. I sighed and closed the front door, there went my opportunity to even show up remotely on time.

I joined her, asking if I could help her, but she didn’t seem to have anything of what I was doing. She had her nose up in the air, looking around the living room as if she was planning on doing something here.

“Are you ever going to break up with Jack?” She asked me, turning around to inspect the scrapboard that Jack had hung up for me and continued to put on small cute messages in between all the random paper and letters I put up. As she read some of it, she took one of Jack’s love notes off and crumpled it in her hand before letting it drop on the floor.

“No, not last time I checked,” I told her, but it sounded more like a question. I really didn’t know where she was going with this.

She took another note and shred it to tiny pieces. “Have you checked with Jack?”

“Well, I mean, we did already talk about our future toget--”

“You should check with him again,” she nodded, and turned to the dresser-like piece of furniture that had a couple of picture frames on it.

I started to approach her a little, worried about what she was going to do there. “Why should I?”

Slowly but surely, she started to put all the pictures face down that had me in it. “I mean, when you guys break up, Jack’s going to get together with me and be Ruby’s father. I have it all planned out. Why wait if I can have it sooner than later?”

I hurried over and placed all the frames back in place. “And you really believe that will happen?”

“Yeah, of course, I mean, I talk to him everyday,” she turned to me, biting her lip and rolling her eyes, “it’s pretty obvious he is interested with me. I got him to sleep with me before, why not get him to stay permanently. It won’t be difficult, especially since he doesn’t love you. I mean, like, come on, whenever we text each other, I can just feel the way he feels. He’s obviously just with you because he pities you and doesn’t want to be the guy who broke up with the girl who got cancer. It’s that simple.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not--”

She knocked over a large photograph that the tour photographer had taken of Jack and I went i visited them before Jack knew I had leukemia. Jack was behind me, his arms wrapped tightly around my body, kissing my cheek affectionately, while I just couldn’t stop grinning, pushing myself further into his body.

Abagail smirked evilly. “Oops.”

“Ok, that’s it,” I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her out of my house, throwing her out.

I didn’t care that she nearly stumbled over, meaning she’s slam right into the asphalt; I didn’t care that I couldn’t have left bruises around her wrist; I didn’t care that I nearly dislocated her arm; and I really didn’t care that I was finally being so selfish and malicious. This had been building up for some time now, starting as soon as I had woken up from that medically induced coma. She had no right to do anything like this. Did she really think that getting rid of me would be so easy?

I quickly slammed the door shut behind her, making sure she wouldn’t have a chance to run back inside. Letting out a sigh, I walked away, hoping she wasn’t planning on staying outside until I came back. Going back into the living room, I looked at the glass scattered around the picture frame on the floor. I had to clean that up before I left, not just for Taco’s safety, but also so that I wouldn’t step in it myself when I came back home later. So, I got out the dustpan and brush and started cleaning up the shards. Jack and I would have to find a frame that this photo would fit in, which was quite some trouble last time.

I decided to throw away the ripped up notes as well, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to stick them together anymore. I bent down, collecting the shredded pieces and seeing it was one with a doodle, and picked up the one that was crumpled into a ball. When I tried to flatten it out again I could just barely make out what Jack had written in his messy handwriting ‘there’s nothing better than waking up to your beautiful face, no matter how bad you feel’. A single tear escaped, remembering when Jack had put this one up. It was on a specific day when I felt fed up with the whole not-having-hair-anymore thing, wondering if I’d ever look like a normal human being. Of course she had to throw this one away, she probably knew how self conscious I occasionally felt and still did feel.

After throwing it all away, keeping the one note in my pocket, I got out my phone and decided to text my mom. It was already past the time I was supposed to be there, and I knew it would still take me half an hour to get there, if I was lucky enough to not have any traffic, which was highly unlikely.

Me: Bad day, bad mood. I’m going to be late, but you probably already realised. I’m leaving soon.
Mum: Everything ok, honey?
Me: Not really, but I’ve got to deal with it.
Mum: Want to talk about it?
Me: Maybe later…

I put on my warm jacket and unlocked Jack’s car, Abagail nowhere in sight. Sighing in relief, I turned on the ignition and started reversing down the driveway. The entire ride to the cafe, I kept thinking about what Abagail had said. Was she right? Was Jack really only with me because of everything that had been going on? Would he really leave me for her? I kept telling myself that I didn’t believe it, that Jack had told me countless times that it wasn’t like that, but I kept having my doubts. Abagail had managed to get to my mind.

Driving into the city was the worst thing ever. Being in a bad mood, my road rage just went up ten times. Normally, I could compose myself, only getting annoyed by people who did really stupid shit, but now the smallest things made me flip out. Somebody better not say the wrong thing to me, or I would be the bitchiest person they’d ever meet. Really, I did not have any form of filter anymore.

When I finally got to the right address, I probably looked like the solemnest person in the entire cafe. The door made a small bell go off, letting everybody know somebody came in. There was a young-looking boy behind the counter, frantically trying to make all the coffee orders, while my mom was the one taking the orders and handing out the cake.

She looked up from the till and looked at me, giving me a smile that I could in no way reciprocate. “Ireland! You still made it Harry, let her in to join us.”

The guy, who I now knew was named Harry, nearly fucked up an order when he heard he had to do another thing, but nodded at my mom, rushing to the back before the door that was next to the counter and said ‘STAFF ONLY’ opened. I entered and he quickly locked the door behind me before rushing to the coffee machine again, handing some lady the cup of coffee he had just made.

“Traffic was a fucking bitch and can suck Jack’s dick for me, because I don’t have one,” I groaned and looked around what seemed to be a storage of paper cups, coffee beans, some pre-made cakes, and other necessities. There were a couple of ovens baking more things, and some large fridges. This place really did look professional.

“Ireland,” my mum warned and gave me a stern look as some of the customers looked at me with a shocked expression.

“Sorry,” I mumbled and took off my jacket, not sure where to put it, “the place looks nice, by the way.”

My mom and Harry finished off all the orders of the remaining people until there was nobody waiting in line anymore. I just happened to come in during one of the small rush hours when many people decided it was time for another cup of coffee. With my language, I might have scared away a couple of people from ever coming again, but I knew that there was going to be a chance of that happening.

Eventually, mom mom came and joined me, telling me to hang up my jacket on the coat hanger at the back of the storage room before telling me to join her at the wooden table that was in the middle by the ovens. I sat down with a sigh, really not feeling like being here. Something inside me said that by throwing Abagail out, that I had let her win by letting her get to me.

“I made sure to keep the last piece of nutella cheesecake for you,” mom smiled as she got the slice out of the fridge and placed it in front of me, giving me a small fork to go along with it. She quickly went back to the counter and got a mug of hot chocolate from the machine and put it down in front of me as well.

“I’d kill for that piece of cake,” Harry joked, looking at what could possibly be the best tasting thing in the world.

I looked at him with an unamused stare. “So would I.”

“Ok, something terrible must have happened if you are willing to scare somebody you don’t even know.” My mom shook her head and sat opposite of me, still keeping an eye if any customers came by. “Is it because you’re missing Jack?”

“No,” I scoffed and look a bite of the most amazing food ever, “well, I miss him, but it’s not that. I knew what I was getting myself into when I started dating him. But I wasn’t expecting my own friends to turn against me and harass me!”

My mom frowned, and I knew that if Cam were here he’d take the chance to make a stupid comment, asking me if I actually had friends. Thank god he wasn’t, though, or I would have blown up. Sometimes his jokes would get me out of the bad mood, but I could feel that nothing would make me feel better this time.

“What? Who did this?” She looked genuinely concerned.

“Remember Abagail?” I asked, eating more of the cake, feeling like it was the only happy thing in the world right now.

“Purple hair and pregnant?” She immediately guessed, remembering the story I told her when it was still a possibility that Jack was the father (she wasn’t very impressed when I told her that).

“Yeah, but her baby was born a bit before I woke up,” I nodded and started explaining, “well, she’s in love with Jack. I know, what a shocker.” I rolled my eyes and my mom shrugged, also having seen it coming. “Anyway, it’s not just a in-love-from-a-distance thing. Like, I’ve realised her making sly comments, but decided not to do anything about it. Turns out that was a big mistake, cause now she thinks she can push me away. I was running a bit late, but knew I could still make it just in time if I hurried up, but she showed up just as I was about to leave. So, you know, I do the normal thing and tell her I was about to leave, but she enters anyway. She threatens me, saying that she will be with Jack, asking me when we will break up. When I tell her that I’m not planning on it soon, she starts ripping up the notes Jack sometimes writes me and then knocks down all the pictures of us together. I threw her out, but I know this probably wasn’t the last thing she’s going to try.”

“Have you talked to Jack about it yet?” Harry joined in, having just helped another customer.

I gave him a weird look, wondering why he was joining in, but decided to let it rest. So, I scoffed, “no, I barely have time to talk to him how it is already. It actually worries me, because Abagail said she talks with him daily… and… and I don’t.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because he’s busy and I don’t want to bug him the entire time, seeming like that one girl who can’t let him have any time for himself. I spend every second with him for months now, he should be stuck like that when he’s on the other side of the country!”

“Well, Ireland,” Harry turned a chair around so he could sit with the backrest against his chest, looking at me, “I don’t know anything about you other than that you are my boss’ daughter, and I don’t know who this Jack guy is. But you’re his girlfriend, and I’m assuming he would want to hear from you everyday, even if it’s just a quick text.” He kept telling me what to do while my mom went back to the counter, not just to take orders, but also to leave us two alone. “I mean, you could probably just decide to go over to his house right now and he wouldn’t mind, even if he’s not here.”

“We already live together,” I mumbled, resting my head in my hands.

“Well shit! What the fuck are you doing then! Of course he wants to hear from you every day!”

“Guys,” My mom warned, “language.”

I continued to look at harry, ignoring my mom’s interruption. “But--”

“No buts,” he interjected, “I might be hella gay, and I might not know how straight relationships work, and I might only be 19, but I for sure know that if that guy is crazy enough to live together with his girlfriend, he must be really in love. Also, that Abagail girl will not be getting in the way. She might try, like, really hard, but it’s not going to work. Jack’s too in love with you, like, you’ll probably be the one he marries.”

“No, we’re not getting married. We talked about that. Never breaking up is fine, but marrying is out of the question.” I stated, hating how everybody always assumed a relationship had to end in marriage or breaking up.

“Dude, you even talked about marriage!” Harry exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. “He is not leaving you for purple hair girl!”

My mom’s head snapped towards us once again, but I could tell it wasn’t because of how loud he was being. She definitely did hear what we were saying but it was about what was being said. I knew she wanted me to get married, even though I always told her it wasn’t going to happen. But then again, I also told her I was probably never going to get a boyfriend, but it happened, so she might have been thinking I would change my mind again.

“Mom,” I sternly told her, “Jack and I are not getting married.”

“I didn’t say anything,” she raised her hands up in defence.

“But I knew you were going to!”

“I still think you might change your mind, but ok.”

I groaned as she returned back to her work. Why was everybody so set on me wearing a white dress and having a ceremony? I didn’t need all that to show that I loved Jack!

“Agreed.” Harry nodded, making me realise I was thinking out loud. “So, just text him everyday and tell him how much you love him, and you’ll be fine.”

He got back up and turned the chair back, before going back to work. He turned around to me one last time. “And if he’s a stupid fuck who messes up, Imma whoop his ass.”