The One With the Sex Tips

“Alright,” Niall said, slamming his empty pint glass down on the wooden table. “Who’s getting the next round?” He looked between the four of us, head swishing back and forth. He was already well past tipsy and was obviously looking to get drunk.

Liam shook his head resolutely. “I got the one before this one.”

“I’m an artist and I’m broke,” Zayn replied.

“I don’t want to get up,” Louis said next.

The four of them finally turned to me, eyebrows raised, and patiently waiting for me to volunteer. “Harry,” Niall pushed, leaning forward on his elbows. “You going to be a lad and fetch us the next round with all that money in your card? I know being a lawyer has been very nice to your bank account.”

I pouted, giving him a frown, but eventually stood up off my chair. “I’m sick of you guys using me for my money. Where’s the real friendship?”

“Hey, you don’t get to complain,” Niall said. “I held your hair back when you used to puke back in Uni in the mornings after our parties. I was there for you therefore you owe me.”

I scoffed out a sarcastic laugh, shaking my head at him, before walking towards the bar. After placing an order for five pints, I sat down on one of the empty stools, waiting for the drinks to get back. The boys and I had made an agreement to meet for weekly pints, but it had dwindled down to only meeting every other week. I missed my best friends and I missed seeing them every day like I used to. But now that we had jobs and other responsibilities, it was really hard to make the time to do something unless you planned it out from weeks ahead. This was the first time I was seeing them in almost three weeks.

Growing up really sucked.

The bartender soon placed five pints in front of me and I gave him a smile in return before taking the tray back to the table. The boys looked to be deep in discussion as I approached them.

“What are we talking about now?” I asked after having passed out the drinks and settled down beside Liam again.

“Layla’s been acting weird,” Niall told me.

“Weird how?” I sipped my drink.

“Just weird,” he shrugged while drinking a generous sip himself. “Doesn’t want to hang out a lot and gives me excuses. Then, when we do hang out, she’s all tired and doesn’t want to do much.”

“Is she sick?” Liam asked. “Maybe she’s feeling poorly.”

“I’ve asked, but she doesn’t give me a solid answer. I’m hoping to get something out of her after this because I’m going over to hers and Liv’s.”

“You should try to pry out information from Liv,” Louis suggested. “For a lawyer, she’s got an awfully honest, big mouth.”

We all chuckled at that because we’d all at one point gotten some secret out of Liv, which in turn got her in a lot of trouble. “Speaking of lady problems, how’re you and Summer doing?” Liam asked Louis. “Last we spoke, you two had a spat over visiting her parents.”

“Oh, right,” Louis said, laughing to himself. “Yeah, that’s all fixed.”

“What happened again?” Zayn asked him.

“It was honestly nothing,” Louis responded. “I’d met her parents a few times and after a while, I started to realize it was becoming a weekly dinner thing, so I told her I’m not about to spend a night once every week hanging out with her parents. She flipped a shit, we fought a bit. We made up, though. It was fun.”

His smirk spoke a million words and the four of us laughed at him. “Going to spill some dirty beans?” Niall asked. “Makeup sex is always the best.”

“It is,” Louis agreed. “Learned some new things about her, to be honest.”

“Like what?” Zayn asked, a dirty grin on his face.

Louis hesitated for a moment, as though he was weighing the pros and cons of revealing his girlfriend’s bedroom secrets to his friends, but then replied. “She likes sex toys. We used, like, two of them that night. Won’t disclose which ones, but it definitely spiced things up a bit.”

“Layla and I’ve done that before,” Niall said. “We’ve dabbled a bit in everything, but we really like it when she calls me daddy.”

I liked how he referred to them as we while telling us about liking the usage of the term daddy, as though they both discussed the whole matter and decided in a mature manner that they were going to use it. It was both romantic and annoying at the same time. “Wow,” Zayn drawled out, giving Niall and Louis a surprised look.

Louis nodded smugly. “I was a bit surprised. I’d never done it with sex toys, but it was fun. Really wild.”

“Sophia’s into that stuff,” Liam said, his voice quiet enough to be not heard, yet they all caught it.

“Sex toys?” Louis asked.

Liam shook his head quickly. “No, like -- she likes to be tied up and dommed.”

“Whoa,” Niall said, eyes wide, as he digested that information. “I’m going to be looking at both Summer and Soph differently from now on.”

“Please don’t,” they all told him before turning back to each other.

“So domming, huh?” Zayn asked. “How’s that? I used to dom the girl I dated a few months ago. It was pretty hot.”

“It is,” Liam agreed. “Never thought I’d be into it until she suggested it.”

“Same here,” Louis said. “I didn’t ever think about expanding my sex life like this, but I’m glad I did it.”

“Look at us,” Niall grinned widely. “Growing up -- expanding our sex lives.” He turned to look at me after. “What about you, H? What are you and Blair into? Give me more details about all the sex noises I heard back in Uni when we used to live together.”

I laughed, throwing a pipe wrapper at him, and shook my head. “Piss off.”

“Oh, don’t be shy,” Louis pushed. “You can tell us.”

“Tell you what?” I asked. “There’s nothing to tell.”

“Right,” Liam rolled his eyes. “You two were going at it more than any of us back in the day and you wanna sit here and lie to our faces about how there’s nothing to tell. No dirty tid bits. Right.”

I guffawed, amused at their insinuations, but genuinely unsure of  what to say. Blair and I didn’t really get that crazy with bondage or domming and subbing or sex toys. We just did what we did and there were no gimmicks attached. It was sort of making me feel good that the only thing either of us needed to get off was each other. We were seriously on another level.

“I don’t have any dirty secrets or tid bits,” I told them matter of factly. “We have normal sex and it works.”

The four of them looked at me for a second and then burst out laughing as though I’d said the funniest thing in the world. I frowned at them, waiting for them to settle down, hoping they’d get that I wasn’t the least bit amused. The only thing I could be amused at was their sudden interest in kinky sex, because  they’d never dabbled in anything of the sort until recently. So, honestly, I didn’t understand how shaming me for not being kinky was even funny.

“We’re sorry,” Louis told me, wiping at his eyes. “It’s just upsetting that you’re having boring sex.”

“Hey,” I cried with an affronted tone. ”Blair and I do not have boring sex. Our sex is really good. It’s fucking hot, alright?”

“Right. Keep telling yourself that if it helps you sleep better at night,” Niall added, not so helpfully.

“This has nothing to do with that,” I insisted with a firm tone. “I have no reason to lie or make myself feel better. Blair and I don’t need fucking gimmicks to make our sex fun. We can have simple, traditional sex and it’s still just as amazing. I know her body like I know the back of my hand and I bet I’m doing a better job pleasing my woman than any of you do pleasing yours.”

“Oooooohhhhh,” they all whined mockingly, trying to look severely hurt as they clutched their chest in faux pain.

“That was really rude,” Louis said. “And rather presumptuous that you think you’re that good.”

“I am that good,” I told him haughtily. “You guys are the ones pointing fingers at my -- my bloody abilities to please my girlfriend.”

“We’re not doing that at all,” Liam said. “We’re just saying there’s nothing wrong with adding something to the sex to make it more fun. I mean, take me for example. I didn’t think I’d like that dom/sub stuff, but here I am -- loving it. You could, too.”

“Yeah, well, who asked you, Liam?” I snapped, making the other boys snicker, finding the whole exchange funny. I didn’t, though. It was annoying of them to even insinuate that me and Blair didn’t have their sex life figured out. If anything, that was one of the first things we did have figured out way before we got into a relationship. And even when we were broken up that one time, we couldn’t stop having sex because it was so good.  

The boys had no bloody idea what they were talking about.

Blair and I rocked each other’s worlds and beds.



I unlocked the front door to mine and Blair’s flat, slowly slinking inside, and slipping out of my boots. I could hear the shower running from the bathroom and Blair’s black heels were propped up by the door, which meant she was already home as well. She’d gone out with Liv tonight along with some of Liv’s friends from work. One of them was getting married and it was a hen party of sorts and they’d gone to this karaoke and bar. Blair sent me a few snapchats of her singing “Work” by Rihanna and I was kind of turned on, I won’t lie.

I made my way into the kitchen, grabbing my cup off the counter, and filling it up with water. It was as I was drinking the water that I saw something flashy and colorful on the opposite counter. I frowned curiously and walked over to see what it was. A copy of a Cosmopolitan magazine -- the latest one, it seemed, with Emmy Rossum on the cover -- lay on top of some bills. I hummed appreciatively because Emmy looked really fit, but then I noticed one of the headlines.

5 Reasons You Know You Need Better Sex

I almost dropped my cup, but it was my favorite Harry Potter one, so I took to placing it gently beside the rest of the mail, instead, and grabbed the magazine. Was this Blair’s? I never even knew she read Cosmo, but it didn’t seem to be mailed to our flat because there was no address on it. She must have bought it. But, why did she buy it? Did that particular headline interest her?

Oh, fuck.

Were the boys right? Was Blair really not satisfied with our sex life? She never said anything before and I always made sure she finished. I felt blind sided and a little bit offended that the boys were somewhat, maybe right. Those fuckers. And honestly speaking, if Blair really was not satisfied with our sex life, I’d like to know because I loved her and would want her to be satisfied -- in every way. She was so special to me and it really upset me that she was resorting to a silly, colorful magazine with a great choice in cover models. If Blair really did want to do something different, I wouldn’t be opposed to it. I’d do anything Blair wanted.

I continued to examine the magazine, reading the other headlines that they had to offer. There were stuff about workout regimes, beauty tricks, love advice, and then right beside Emmy Rossum’s left knee was 60 Sexy Sex Tips to Spice Up Your Sex Life. I hummed appreciatively again. I found it interesting how this magazine not only gave you reasons as to why your sex life sucked, but it also reimbursed you by giving you tips to spice it up.

Quite helpful.

I opened up the page to the sex tips section and it was actually professional. The tips were written by a Dr. Katherine Gellar and she was a sex therapist. I laughed to myself. They got a bloody doctor to help their readers out. This shit was really legit then. I found myself skimming through some of the tips and didn’t realize I was so immersed in the magazine that I didn’t hear the shower turn off. It was only when I heard the bathroom door open that I dropped the magazine like it was on fire and went over to greet Blair. She was standing outside the bathroom with just her towel wrapped around her and scrolling through her phone.

Nice.

“Hi,” I said, giving her a shameless once over. I felt as her boyfriend, she deserved those appreciative looks at least twice a day from me.

She looked up from her phone and smiled. “Hey,” she said. “Was just about to text you. When’d you get home?”

“Not too long ago. You?”

“Same. Hopped into the shower as soon as I got back. Did you have fun?”

I nodded my head. “Yeah, I did. Felt nice catching up. You know...the usual.”

“How are the boys doing?” She asked, walking into our bedroom. I followed her, watching as she pulled out some pajamas from her closet drawer.

“The boys are good.”

“What did you all talk about?”

I blinked, staring at her with a blank expression while she pulled on her clothes, trying to figure out what to say. “Uh, like, boy stuff.”

Blair laughed at the response, running her towel through her hair a few times before setting it aside. “Well, as long as you had fun. We should call everyone over soon and have a dinner or something.”

“That’d be fun,” I agreed.

Blair opened the covers on the bed, getting in on her side, and peered over at me. “You’re really far and you’re also still in your outside clothes. Want to freshen up and join me? I miss you.”

There wasn’t anything more that I wanted to do. So, I smiled and said, “Yeah, I’ll be right back.” I walked to the bathroom, quickly freshening up, and pulled off my clothes before walking back to our bedroom. Blair had her phone out again, but put it down once I got under the covers with her. Her body shifted over to mine immediately and I wrapped an arm around her waist as she wound her fingers through my hair and pulled my head down for a kiss. It was rather deep for a goodnight kiss, but it’d been a few hours since we’d last seen each other, and she was just perfect.

I was so in love with her that most days I couldn’t find the words to tell her just how much. It felt like even I love you wasn’t enough and I tried to show it to her through actions. I’d get her flowers or her favorite pizza pie from the shop down at the corner of our flat. I’d hold her just how she liked to be held because of all the things I’d ever held, she was by far the best of them all. And I’d wax poetry to her about how I loved her as much as I loved coffee, which was something I loved having all day, at any hour. Whether it be first thing in the morning or late at night or sweet or bitter or both. I loved Blair just as constantly.

Which was why it was important for me to make sure she was also happy and in love with me. Sex was -- it was fucking important, alright? And if the sex wasn’t good enough, then I had to kick it up a notch.



The following morning before work, I grabbed a copy of the same Cosmopolitan magazine that Blair got from the news stand beside my office. I had seen Blair’s copy still lying on our countertop, but didn’t ask or do anything about it. I didn’t want her to know I took it or even looked at it, so I figured I’d get my own, and look through it between case studies. There was no way she could know that I was using these tips, or at least not right away. If she figured out along the way, it would be fine, I supposed.

Most of the tips sounded rather out there. There were things listed that I had never dreamed about doing and some that I had never even heard of. But several of them were doable and kind of hot. I grabbed my favorite orange highlighter from my pencil holder and marked the tips that I liked the most. If Blair wanted our sex life spiced up, by God, I was going to do it. I had no problem stepping out of my comfort zone if it meant making her happy.



Everyone who really knew me knew that Titanic was my favorite film. Or at least one of them. So, it was a no brainer as to why I chose this tip. It seemed like a good idea, especially considering, I had always wanted to fuck on the balcony, but Blair had always said no. I almost gave up on this fantasy, too, but if things played out in my favor tonight, it might finally become reality.

I decided to go for a different approach this time as opposed to all the other times when I merely suggested it to her teasingly. After dinner, Blair took her glass of wine and walked out to the balcony, looking down at the traffic below. It seemed peaceful because it was late and there weren’t many cars around and the whole sight was just beautiful. The sky was a deep blue and the stars, though small, complimented Blair just right along with the bright light of the moon. It was picture perfect, really, and I had half a mind to pick up my camera and take a shot of her, but then I realized I should just go with what the tip said, instead, before I ran out of time.

I quickly pulled off my boxer briefs and pulled my t-shirt over my head, dropping both of them by the couch. It was a good thing I was already sort of half naked to begin with. Now, I just needed to get a little hard. That way when I coaxed Blair into giving in, she wouldn’t be able to say no.

Well.

Hopefully.

I wrapped my fingers around my shaft, stroking it a few times, and bounced on my feet, thinking of hot things.

Okay. Okay.

Blair. Blair in those red knickers -- the one with the bow in the front. Blair in that other pair of knickers that are black and barely did anything to cover her bum. Blair literally wearing nothing. That was a good one. I chuckled to myself and beamed when I saw I was more than half hard already. I stroked myself a few times more and casually strutted my way over to the balcony.

Blair turned for a moment to see who it was and smiled. “What’s up?” she asked. Her eyes didn’t waver on me too long before she was looking back down again, so she didn’t see that I was rocking a hard on. In fact, she barely glanced over at me and I was butt naked. God...was this it? Was Blair so bored of our sex that even me being naked was starting to become normal to her?

Then again, I did walk around in the nude quite a bit, but an appreciative glance here and there would be nice. It would do much for my ego and self confidence, both of which were really struggling at the moment and for the past few days with all this sex stuff. Maybe I needed to start wearing clothes more often in the house because then when I did take them off, she’d at least check me out rather than glance at me for a moment and go on with whatever she was doing.

I quickly shook off my crippling insecurity and breathed out in confidence. I had this in the bag. Blair was in love with me and I was going to fuck her on this balcony right now and she wouldn’t know what hit her by the end of it. She was going to be screaming my name until it was all she could say and all the neighbours were going to hear and it was going to be so hot.

I walked closer to her, wrapping my arms around her waist, and rested my chin over her shoulder. “Baby,” I whispered, kissing her jaw.

Blair hummed happily, leaning into my touch, and I smiled to myself before peppering her neck with more kisses. When I felt her getting more and more pliant in my arms, I moved forward a little more until my dick was pressed against the curve of her bum. Blair froze then as she turned to face at me. “You’re hard,” she said, like she was letting me know and I wasn’t aware.  

“Mhmm,” I mumbled, letting one of my hands slip under her t-shirt and stroke her warm skin. I couldn’t tell if my advances were working or not, so I decided to keep going, letting my fingers skim over her body. After a while, I moved my hand down south, moving past the hem of her joggers and letting my fingers slip through.

“Hey,” she whispered, squirming underneath my hold. “What are you -- not here, Harry.”

“Come on,” I cooed, pressing a wet kiss on her neck. “It could be fun, yeah? Risky and bold and adventurous.”

“No,” Blair shook her head with a amused smile. “Not here, babe.”

“But, I’m so hard and I want you right now, right here,” I said, accentuating my proposal with  a grind up against her bum, making sure she knew I was not joking.

Blair laughed, turning in my grasp, and facing me. “Your attempts at trying to fuck me on the balcony has been a thing since we were in school, but I’m sorry to say it’s still not going to work.”

She leaned forward to give me a kiss on the lips, like it was compensation for not giving into me, before moving past me and walking back inside. I pouted to myself, looking down at my dick, which was slowly softening up again thanks to the gusts of cold wind coming in and I quietly turned around and walked back inside before anyone saw me in this pathetic state.



I shook the can of whipped cream before spraying a little heart over Blair’s stomach. She shivered at the cold sensation and licked her lips worryingly, like she was still unsure about what I was doing. As I drizzled chocolate sauce and filled up the heart I painted, she looked up at me.

“Do we really have to do this?” She asked me at last. “We’ve got work in the morning and this looks like it’s going to be a lot of work to clean off and I’m really cold.”

“You’re such an old lady,” I teased her, shaking the can of whipped cream again and covering her nipples, making her almost jump off the bed. I quickly held her down by the waist with a soft chuckle. “Where’s the adventure? Where’s the reckless behavior? We shouldn’t worry about cleaning or anything. A little mess hurt nobody. And fuck sleep, to be honest. How can I sleep when I’ve got you occupying my thoughts all the time?”

Blair’s eyes softened, watching me as I bit into a cherry, and then dipped down to cover my mouth over one of her whipped cream covered nipples. She let out a soft moan at that as I sucked her breast into my mouth, her hands holding onto wisps of my hair. I let my tongue curve around her nipple, trying to take in as much of the sweet flavor as possible. It tasted really good and was delicious in all the senses. Once I moved over to the other nipple and sucked that into my mouth as well, Blair grabbed the can of whipped cream, shaking it and spraying some into her mouth.

“Hey, no,” I reprimanded, trying to grab it from her. “I bought that specifically for sex.”

“Yeah, I know,” she said, swiping her tongue out over her bottom lip to lick up the remaining whipped cream. “But it’s not fair that you get to eat all of it. I want some, too.”

“You don’t want to waste it, you ninny.” I grabbed the can from her, ready to lick the whipped cream off her stomach. When she flipped us over using my distraction as a weakness, she flattened her body over mine, rubbing herself on top of me with a smug smirk. “What have you done?” I asked, a laugh escaping my lips despite my tone. Now the perfect little whipped cream heart I’d so carefully painted on her skin was a mess on my stomach instead. “It’s all over me now.”

“Oh, shush, Harry,” Blair said. “You’re the one that said that a little mess hurt nobody.”

She sat up and shook the whipped cream can, spraying some into her mouth, and then positioning it towards my face. My eyes widened when I realized what she was about to do and before I could say or do anything to stop her, she sprayed it all over me, laughing hysterically. I spluttered, whipped cream flying out of my mouth, and pulled her off of me by her arms.

“Now you’re in for it,” I grunted out playfully. Blair let out a loud squeal of laughter, trying to fight me off, but wasn’t quick enough. I had grabbed the chocolate sauce and sprayed it all over her face, managing to get some on her hair, too. She retaliated by grabbing me by the face and kissing the laugh right out of me, further making a mess of our faces and bodies.  



I could hear the Pretty Little Liars theme song playing from the living room, where Blair was sat with her bowl of ice cream sundae in her pajamas. It was her Tuesday night tradition because it was the only show she watched weekly as it premiered rather than binge it on her computer, so I usually left her alone and did some office work to get ahead on cases. But tonight. Tonight I was going to give her a surprise and she was just going to have to catch this episode when it aired again later this week.

I had dabbled in strip teases before, but they were mostly as a joke and during frat parties when I was inordinately drunk. I barely remembered what I really did, so I had very little to go off on. However, the one I was about to perform for Blair had to be different. For one, I was expecting it to go somewhere. Two, it was supposed to seduce her so I had to make it sexy. Three, there was a high possibility this was going to fail, but I was brave enough to give it a go, anyway. I decided that some music would help, so I made my way over to the living room, noticing that Blair barely glanced up from the telly to notice me.

Wow.

Quite frankly, this show seriously needed to end already.

I plugged my iPod onto the dock and hit play on one of my old favorite songs. The beginning notes to “Candy Shop” by 50 Cent filled the room, booming off the iPod dock speakers and blocking out the conversation that was happening between the characters on the show. Blair looked confused, looking over at me, probably waiting for me to turn down the music.

Ha. Not likely.

I gave her a small smirk, making way to the center of the room and blocking the telly screen from her view, just as the beat dropped.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

So seductive.

I mouthed along to the lyrics and started unbuttoning my blue Hawaiian printed shirt during the last line. Blair’s eyes widened and she stared at me like I’d grown two heads. That was not good. Fuck. I just had to bring out the big guns and make her really feel it and get into it, otherwise this was gonna go to shit and probably look stupid.

I take you to the candy shop.

I’ll let you lick the lollipop.

I continued to unbutton my shirt and then when the last line came up, I gripped my dick and thrusted up into the air. Blair gaped at me, snorting out a laugh as she watched with utmost concentration as though she wanted to remember this moment for the rest of her life. That or she could hardly believe it was happening at all.  

Go ahead girl, don’t you stop. Keep going till you hit the spot, whoa.

I continued to strip, taking my shirt off, and letting it hit the floor. I’d thankfully been going to the gym this  past week, and looked a lot more toned than I normally would have, and lucky for me, Blair let her eyes linger on my abs for a little while before watching me thumb along the waistband of my jeans. It seemed I’d gotten her mind off of Pretty Little Liars and she was more into the strip tease. Before long we were going to be fucking on the couch.

This was the best tip.

I unbuttoned my jeans, letting my body sway to the music, and slowly moved them down my hips. Except as I was trying to let them move past my thighs and down my calves, they weren’t moving as smoothly as I would have liked because I chose today to wear bloody jeans as tight as skin for some bloody reason. It was stuck and I really wanted to keep up the smooth moves I’d been pulling out, but then my foot hit the leg of the coffee table as I tried to move out of the jeans, and I went toppling over to the floor.

“Oh shit,” Blair rushed out, getting off the couch and bending down on the ground beside me. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” I managed to mumble out, my cheeks flushing in embarrassment.

“You sure?” She asked me, her hands feeling around my body for a bump. “That looked like a really bad fall.”

“I’m good,” I assured her. She hummed sympathetically, trying to help me stand up. Once I was back on my feet, one of the legs of jeans still on and the other off, I realized the song was still playing and this was the biggest fail yet. I’d been having a lot of those lately.



Blair had been quiet the entire trip home. Her shoulders sagged, the bags under her eyes were visible, and her hair looked like it was raked through a couple of times due to frustration. Her company was recently working on this big project and it was requiring more work and hours, all of it most likely weighing down on Blair. She’d explained as much the past few days after work during dinner, but today it seemed she was done talking about it. You could tell just by looking at her that she was worn down and didn’t even have the energy to voice it.

Which was why this tip was fucking fool proof. It had to work. After the past few fails, I had to reevaluate which tips I was trying out, and this one just seemed like it knew what it was talking about.

When we got home, I followed Blair as she took off her heels and walked to the kitchen where she reached for a glass of water. I stood by, letting her put the glass down before approaching her. I started by placing a kiss to the top of her head before pressing one against her temple, her nose and then her lips. She kissed me back, but it was close mouthed and quick, like she just wanted to get it over with.

Not good enough.

I let my hands slide down the front of her skirt and gripped the edge of it, lifting it up, and pushing it up her thigh so she was more exposed. I continued to kiss her on the lips in the meanwhile, soft pecks that would show her that I was just trying to soothe and relax her. When I had her skirt hiked up to her waist, I let my palm spread across her bum, finding it partially exposed. Blair and her knickers were going to be the death of me. I groaned against her mouth and she finally opened it and let me slide my tongue in. As I kissed her deeper, I managed to slide her knickers down past her hips and let my finger slide against her center.

“Harry,” she moaned out quietly, wrapping her arms around me and kissing me harder. I tried not to smirk to myself and continued to let my finger get her sufficiently wet. It surprisingly didn’t take long and I wanted to pump my fist in the air that I was able to evoke this sort of reaction out of her so quickly. She must have been really wired up and needed this relief.

I continued to rub my finger against where it felt the most good and gently lifted her up onto the kitchen counter, moving her skirt up until she was practically bared in front of me. It was so hot. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were so dark, I could hardly see the green around them.

“Feel good?” I asked her, kissing her softly on the cheek.

She nodded her head, capturing my lips with hers again in a heated kiss. I switched my forefinger with my thumb to press against her clit while pushing in two fingers inside of her, pressuring both nerve ends. It elicited a loud moan out of her and she looked breathless, like she was chasing her orgasm already. I quickened my pace, making sure to keep kissing her, and not long after she was coming out in choked, whiney moans against my mouth.

Once done, she blinked up at me, her eyes wide and almost imploring. As though she wasn’t sure what just happened. I smiled, giving her another kiss. “Better?” I asked.

Blair stifled out a laugh, nodding her head. “Much.”



I was lying down on our bed stark naked, while holding my phone, ready to dial Blair’s number as soon it was 5:30 on the dot because I was sure by then Blair would already be in her car and driving back home. It was a bit exciting, this one, because Blair and I have had phone sex before and it was pretty steamy. Hearing her desperate moans on the phone and not in front of me was exhilarating and made me want her twice as more by the time I did see her. However, the only time we had phone sex was before we moved in together and had to spend a few nights apart. It’d been awhile since then and that thought alone was making me jittery and a little hard already.

I started to stroke myself, closing my eyes and picturing Blair, instead. I pictured her hand wrapped around my cock, stroking me until I was hard, and then enveloping her lips around my shaft. I pictured her head bobbing up and down, tongue sliding teasingly on the underside of my cock, and licking up the precome that spilled out at the top. I let out an involuntary moan and opened my eyes to see two things: one, I was fully hard, and two, it was 5:30.

Show time.

I pressed on Blair’s name and wrapped my fingers around my shaft again. She picked up on the fourth ring and I pressed on speaker, biting my lip, and stroked myself a bit faster.

“Hello?” she answered.

I didn’t reply and instead swiped my thumb over my slit, letting out a gasp as some precome dribbled out.

“Hello, Harry? You there?”

I could hear some scuffle on her end and then a loud tap sound before settling down again. I assumed she was probably trying to put the phone down in the car, so I continued, and started thrusting up into my fist.

“Harry,” Blair said, sounding a little irritated.

I should probably make some noise at this point. I released my lip from between my teeth at the same time that I swiped my thumb over my slit.

“Oohh,” I let out, breathily. “Fuck.”

“Harry.”

“Oh, Blair,” I moaned out. “Ah, fuck. So good.”

“Harry, what are you --.”

“Ohhhhh, B. Wanna fuck you so bad.”

“Harry, are you --.”

“Ahhh.”

“Oh my God.”

I was acting it up a bit, but a lot of it was really just hearing her voice and wishing she was there, instead. I figured it wouldn’t hurt and would make the whole exchange a lot hotter, so I let out a series of grunts with a moan or two inserted in there while jerking myself off. Blair wasn’t speaking for a bit and at some point, it sounded like something was falling. I wanted to stop and say something, but this technically was an accidental dial, so I continued, feeling myself get closer and closer to the point where I couldn’t stop the noises I was making.

“Oh -- oh, fuck. Fuck, Blair. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

I started coming on my fist,  some of it spurting out across my chest a bit, when I heard the line go dead on Blair’s end. I frowned, wondering what happened. Maybe I really got to her and she was trying to rush home. I smiled, feeling good about the whole ordeal and quite excited for when she would come so I could make her come. I cleaned myself  up with a wet flannel and pulled on a pair of boxers before making a cup of tea to pass the time. I waited for a while, though, staring out at the front door every few minutes, but it wasn’t until half six that Blair walked through the door with red cheeks. She looked at me with an arched eyebrow and calculating look.

“Hi,” I said warily. This could either go two ways and I wasn’t sure which way it was about to go. “You’re late.”

“What was that earlier?” she asked, cutting right to the point.

“Uh -- what --.”

“Don’t act like you don’t know.”

“I really don’t,” I smirked.

She paused for a beat, her expression changing from anger to confusion. “You mean you didn’t mean to call me and jerk off?”

I scratched my hair lazily and shrugged. “I was jerking off, but may have butt dialed you.”

“Oh my God, Harry,” she cried, running her hands through her hair. “I was still at work. We were a bit swamped today and I had a handful of files on me and put you on speaker and --.”

“Wait what?” I cried, rushing forward, my eyes wide in alarm.

Blair nodded her head. “Everyone heard you and then I tried to cut the line, but the phone fell under my desk and you could still hear it. I thought I was going to die because I couldn’t find it under all my shit that I keep under there.”

I stared at Blair for a long time, unable to move or process how fucked up this whole plan went. Not only did it not work, but I was probably never going to be able to go by her work place ever because everyone there knew what I sounded like when I came. Fuck. Fucking fuck.

“I’m so sorry, B. I -- I shouldn’t have kept my phone under my arse,” I said, feeling like shit for lying at this point. There was no way I was going to tell her why I really called. She’d laugh and get mad at the same time.

Blair nodded understandably, though I could tell she was still a bit shook up and embarrassed. I let her walk past me and towards the bathroom to freshen up.

So, that was a fail. An epic, embarrassing one.



“Um,” Blair mumbled, shoving some stray hair out of her face, and peering up at me. “Are you sure that -- uh, that this is a good idea?”

She was lying with her chest on the ground, holding herself up with her elbows while I gripped on to her waist from where I was standing, positioning my dick appropriately. It had taken a bit to get to this position and a lot of convincing on Blair’s part. She had to first lie on her stomach on the ground and then I had taken her legs, which were really long, by the way, and hauled them up until she was positioned just right.

“Yeah,” I nodded confidently. “I saw it on this porn once back in Uni and I had always wanted to try.”

“Why?” Blair asked, grunting as she struggled to hold herself up. “This is so...it’s so complicated.”

“Sometimes complicated results in something incredible,” I reasoned, though I was pretty sure it made zero sense.

“Just fuck me already,” she groaned out, jiggling her bum in my face. I laughed, giving it an appreciative pat before pushing in. I went in slow at first, not wanting to hurt her before letting out a sigh of relief at how good it felt. I pushed in a few more times before picking up my pace and all the while, Blair remained quiet, still holding herself up by her elbows. I figured it must not have been working for her, so I quickened my pace, pounding into her a bit.

As a result, her body shoved forward on the rug and her neck angled in a weird way, making a cracking sound, and she let out a scream. “Owwww, fuck!”

I immediately pulled out and her legs landed down on the ground with a loud thud, which resulted in another scream. I almost had the urge to laugh, but held myself back. “Oh my God,” I cried, bending down and flipping her around. Her entire chest was red and she had a grimace on her face while rubbing at her neck. “Blair, I --.”

“We are never doing that again,” she said, shooting me a glare. “I have rug burns on my tits and my neck feels like it’s gonna snap off.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, giving her a sad, puppy face. “I could -- I could kiss it better.”

She glared at me for a long moment before whimpering. “Alright. But I’m in pain. Carry me to the bed and then kiss it better.”

“Anything for you, B,” I said, standing up and picking her up off the floor.

We didn’t end up having sex that night because Blair could hardly move her neck and her nipples were sore, but I did eat her out, and that made her a little less angry with me.



Blair giggled under me, squirming as I kissed her sporadically all over the face, slinging an arm behind my neck to hold me in place. I blinked down at her, my hair falling in front of my eyes, which she moved aside for me. I bit my bottom lip into a grin, staring into her green eyes, filled with love and adoration.  

“I love you,” I said, making it the fourth time today.

“I love you,” she repeated quietly, smile soft. “You make me feel like I’m on top of the world.”

I grinned. “Well, you’re my world, so get on top of me.” I flipped us over so she was sat on my waist and Blair laughed loudly, leaning down to attach our lips together. She tasted sweet. Always so sweet and I let myself get lost in her kiss for a while, my hands stroking over her back and bum. The kiss soon turned into more and before long, she was riding me like she was born to do just that. And it was a vision, really. The sun was setting outside our window, casting a bright light in the room that made Blair look flawless to me. I couldn't take my eyes off of her, entranced by who and what she was. Her long, blonde hair fanning over her shoulders as her eyes closed every now and then from bliss.

Blair must have noticed I was staring because there was a mischievous smile on her lips as she rocked down on me, her hips moving like a pro. And it was quiet because we weren’t rushing anything. It was Sunday and we hadn’t left the bed except to get some breakfast and have quick bathroom trips. Neither of us really had much else to do, but it could be more fun. Maybe if I were to just liven it up a bit, it would spur this whole thing on. I could get loud if I wanted to, though I always preferred Blair being loud, instead, and as far as dirty talk went -- I wasn’t a professional, but I had an inkling as to how it went.

I let out a low groan, Blair’s eyes widening a bit in reaction to the sudden sound. When I moaned again, I did it louder, and pushed up into her. It must have been too much because she jostled forward, slipping off of me, and I chuckled before pushing back inside of her from the angle she was in. “C’mon, baby,” I said. “Give it to me.”

“What?” She asked, confused.

“I said,” I replied loudly. “Give it to me. Or should I flip you around and fuck that tight little pussy of yours, instead?”

“Oh my God,” Blair exclaimed holding herself up again and gulping as she stared down at me with wide eyes.

“Yeah?” I asked, looking right back at her with a knowing, smug, confident expression. “You want that? Want me to be on top of you, baby? Want me to fuck you till you scream.” I flipped us around once more and pushed back into her.

“Harry --.” Her voice sounded a bit wrecked. She let out a gaspy moan, her eyes closing in pleasure.

“Lie down and take it. Let me fuck you until you scream -- until you can’t breathe.” I had no idea where this was all coming from, but I was going to keep going with it. It seemed to getting some sort of reaction out of Blair. I started letting out a series of loud moans as I pushed in and out of her. It was louder than I’d ever been, really, and I couldn’t tell if I should laugh or not at Blair’s expression as she watched me.

“Fuck,” Blair mumbled in awe.

“Yeah, baby,” I grunted. “Fucking you so good. Gonna go faster. You want that, you little slut?”

“Harry!”

I thrust into her hard, setting a fast pace as she blinked up at me owlishly. I would have stopped, but for some reason she seemed more receptive to it when I continued to say this stuff, as though I was fueling her up. I felt like it was actually turning her on in some weird way and I figured it would just get better if I brought it up another notch.

“You like it when I call you a slut, B?” I asked her, practically shouting. “You like it, you little whore?”

“Shut the fuck up,” she screeched angrily, smacking me on the shoulder while moving her hips roughly against mine.

“You’re such a nasty girl,” I told her. “So fucking hot and nasty. I will wash out that filthy mouth of yours with my cum if you talk like that again.”

“I can’t believe you,” she moaned out, almost in despair, grabbing my head to kiss me hard on the lips. I couldn’t tell if she was kissing me because she was turned on or to get me to shut up, but I kissed her back.

When she started coming, I pulled out of her, and stroked my cock a few times before coming all over her stomach making sure my moans echoed off the walls. Blair panted  and watched me quietly. Once she came down from her high, she pulled herself up into a sitting position and pushed me back down on the bed before slapping me on the cheek.

I guffawed, holding my face, and stared at her with imploring eyes. What the fuck? Where did that even come from?

“That was for calling me a slut and a whore,” she said, stepping off the bed and walking away, her soft hips swaying just right, before turning around and smiling at me syly.

She was going to fucking kill me.



I went out grocery shopping for this one. I bought some lamb to make some lamb chops, since we had chicken the night before, and some vegetables to steam on the side. I even stopped by the liquor store to pick up a bottle of wine to set the mood after. When I got back, Blair was sat on the sofa with Liv, the two of them watching some movie on the telly.

“Hey,” I said to both, giving them a wave before walking to the kitchen to put everything away and start setting up for dinner.

“Hi,” Liv called out from the living room just as Blair walked in to hug me tightly and give me a kiss before disappearing back in the living room.

She was so good to me. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face after that as I started prepping the meat as well as the veggies. In between the cooking, I popped back into the living room and settled down beside Blair, slinging my arm around her and watched whatever movie they had on. I had no idea what was going on or what movie it even was, but I was barely paying attention.

“You staying for dinner?” I asked Liv, turning to look at her. She seemed engrossed in the movie as well as comfortable where she was sitting. As much as I loved Liv, I genuinely hoped she wasn’t actually going to stay for dinner, otherwise my plan for tonight was going to be foiled. Then again, I wasn’t past executing the tip in front of Liv even if it would embarrass her. She came around often to hang out with Blair on her days off and I usually left them on their own to catch up and talk about things.

Tonight, though, she had to go.

Liv shook her head no -- praise -- and barely looked up from the telly. “Got dinner plans already with the my parents. Thanks, though.”

“Aw, that’s a shame,” I said, hoping it came across as genuine.

“Next time, though,” she grinned, turning to me before looking back to the film. After a few more minutes, I realized it was that crazy one -- Gone Girl -- and that explained why they were both watching with such undivided attention.

I excused myself and went back to prepare the rest of the dinner. It was around the time that I was setting up the table that Liv left. She gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek goodbye and after Blair saw her off and shut the door, I was done lighting the candle.

“Wow,” she said, walking over to me. “Candle lit dinner. What’s the occasion?”

I shrugged with a smile. “Just wanted to treat you. Why don’t you take a seat and I’ll go get dinner.”

Blair smiled back and sat down, straightening out her pajama bottoms, like she was trying to present herself properly. I laughed, running a quick, nervous hand through my hair, and headed into the kitchen where I grabbed our plates, already full of food, and brought them back out to her.

“Ooo, lamb chops,” Blair said, licking her lips. “This looks and smells amazing, H. Thank you.”

I popped a kiss on top of her head and sat down across from her. We caught up over dinner. I told her about my day at work, the cases I was working on, while she told me about her day with Liv during which they both lounged about at ours and ordered in sushi for lunch. All the while, I kept a steady game of footsie under the table so that the mood was somewhat right when I dropped the line. I didn’t want it to come out of left field.

Just as there was a slight lull in our conversation, I picked up one of my lamb chops, and licked my lips before speaking.

“See how I’m devouring this piece of meat?” I asked, dropping my voice a bit to make it sound low and seducing. “That’s how I’m going to devour you later.”

Blair’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, her mouth dropping open, just as I bit into the meat. Except -- except it could have been bloody cooked more, so it was hard and I had to bite on it really hard, trying to tear the meat off. When it finally did come off, the bone fell on the plate with a loud clatter and I quickly started chewing, maintaining sultry eye contact with Blair, so that this wouldn’t fall through. It was difficult with how long I kept chewing, though, and I -- I botched it, really.

Fucking hell.

Blair gulped, giving me a nervous laugh. “What?” she asked, tipping her head to the side and giving me a thoughtful look.

“I’m going to eat you like this,” I deadpanned with a mouthful of meat, not even sure she understood me with all the half chewed food I was still struggling with. This was doomed. No point in looking back or stopping. Just had to keep going.

Blair burst out laughing for real this time before digging back in. “Cute,” she commented. “Really funny.”

Shit buggering hell.



Blair pushed our trolley down the cereal aisle, scanning the boxes stacked up on the shelves and looking for the ones we liked most. I was personally a cornflakes guy whereas Blair loved her Honey Nut Cheerios. When we liked to get crazy, we mixed them up, but that was so not important right now.

What was important was making my intentions clear to Blair. I had no idea what those intentions entailed if I was being told to lick her palm, but I was just going to go with it. Maybe it was a sensual thing that I wasn’t aware of. And if it was in Cosmo, that meant girls knew it and liked it, no matter how much I was questioning the meaning behind it.

It was Saturday -- our grocery shopping day -- and the two of us ventured out to our local Sainsbury's after having lunch at a nearby restaurant. I had started dwindling behind Blair, looking through the oatmeal options, and keeping an eye on her. There was another couple a bit further ahead of us and I didn’t want them to witness me licking Blair’s hand like a hound dog, so I snatched a bananas and cream flavored oatmeal box and slowly made my way over to Blair, taking my time with this. She was struggling trying to get the Honey Nut Cheerios from the top shelf because some twat shoved them all the way in the back.

“Here, I’ve got it,” I told Blair, reaching out to get a box of the cereal and dropping it into our trolley.

“Thanks,” she smiled, her dimple sinking in.

I couldn’t find it in me to not lean over and kiss her there, so I did, five times in a row, making her smile at me with a blush on her cheeks. When I peeked over to where the other couple was before, I noticed they were gone, and the whole aisle was empty. I turned back to Blair, finding her occupied with arranging our groceries in the trolley to fit another cereal box, and slowly lifted her hand up to my mouth before dragging my tongue flat across it, making sure it was slightly wet before doing so.

Blair’s lips parted and her brows furrowed in deep confusion as I slowly let her wrist go. She stared at me and I stared back. And fuck -- why was it so quiet? I couldn’t even hear a single cash register going off. Blair looked about ready to say something, but then she shook her head and pushed the trolley down towards the bread aisle.

So, that could have gone better, but at least she didn’t wipe her palm off.



“Oh, fuck,” I breathed, pushing up into Blair, as she sank down on my cock. She was seated on my lap with her back to me while I was sat up on my haunches, gripping her around the waist and meeting her thrusts. It wasn’t one of my favorite positions, but it was something I figured we could try once more. We had done it only once a long time ago and never tried it again. It was going alright, I supposed, but it required a lot of work, and the two of us were sweating like crazy.

Our hair was matted to our skin and Blair’s body was slippery underneath my fingers. It was sort of hot if I really looked into it, but I was too busy panting in Blair’s ear to notice. She had her eyes closed and looked blissed out, which was a good sign to me that things were going well. After a few more thrusts, she slowed down and just sat on my lap, grinding her hips.

“I’m close,” she breathed out. “So close. Harry, please.”

“You wanna come, babe?” I asked teasingly, letting my hand move up to grip one of her nipples between my fingers, massaging it and letting it harden under my touch. Blair moaned out loud, her movements growing erratic.

When her moans started to become more high pitched, I knew she was super close, so I quickly grabbed the pepper shaker that I sneakily brought from the kitchen and shook it quickly out in front of her nose. It all happened in quick succession after that.

A handful of pepper flew out of the shaker.

Blair moaned out loud as she started shaking from her orgasm.

She sneezed.

Then she farted.

And it all grew quiet after that with her still sitting on my cock. Our panting and heavy breathing slowed down and I wasn’t even sure what to say or do. Blair turned to look at me, her face completely red. I wondered if it was from how much she sweat from our sex or if it was because she was embarrassed for farting whilst we were fucking. I could understand why that would be embarrassing, I mean, even if I have heard her fart before since we lived together.

Blair slowly lifted herself off of me and face planted on the bed, her face hidden, and her butt up in the air. I snickered to myself, starting to realize how funny what just happened was. Before I knew it, I was full blown laughing with my dick bobbing in front of me, still hard and almost painful. Blair huffed as she turned her head to face me.

“I’m glad you think this is funny,” she said.

“It’s fucking hilarious,” I choked out. “Blair, oh my God.”

“Shut up,” she groaned as she turned over so she was lying on her back and glared up at me. “Why the fuck did you throw pepper in the air, you arse?” She kicked me on the knee with a pout.

“I, uh, heard that it made the orgasm feel better,” I told her, moving her legs apart so I could situate myself between her.

“Where the fuck did you hear that?” She asked, letting me kiss her on the cheek and down her neck.

“I just did,” I told her.

“Well, it didn’t. I hated it. Don’t ever do that again.”

“Noted, babe,” I said, kissing her on the lips. She pulled away and then frowned at me again.

“I’m still mad.”

“Because you farted?”

“Fuck you,” she mumbled angrily.

“I do want to fuck you,” I said, laughing. “I’m still hard. Haven’t come yet.”

Blair’s legs wrapped around my waist as she tugged me forward. “I shouldn’t let you finish off. I should just leave and go shower on my own.”

“B,” I whined, kissing her on the lips again. “Please. I won’t bring out the pepper again. I’m sorry.”

Blair mumbled something under her breath about me being a pain in the arse and loving me anyway before wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me while I pushed back inside of her.



“What are you looking for?” Blair asked from the bedroom.

I popped my head out of the cleaning closet, looking down the hall where she was. “Just something. It’ll be great. Trust me.”

“Well, alright, but can you hurry up?” She asked.

“Hold your horses,” I mumbled back to her, finally finding our vacuum cleaner all the way in the back of the closet. We mostly had wooden flooring and a few carpets here and there, so we didn’t really have that much of a use for it. Until now.

I rolled the vacuum into the bedroom and Blair looked at me with a confused expression. She had been looking at me like that a lot for the past few days. “Um,” she let out a short laugh. “I thought we were going to have sex now. Did you see a mess somewhere or?” She looked around the room, as though she was genuinely trying to find a mess.

“No, no mess,” I responded, rolling the vacuum to the side of the bed before getting on top of the bed between her legs. She was already down to her knickers and bra when I’d stopped what we were doing and told her I was going to go get something.

“Then what are you doing with this?”

“I’m just -- I’m going to try something.”

Blair didn’t respond, instead watched as I picked up the attached hose on the side, and turned the vacuum on. Just as I positioned it over her pelvis, she kicked it out my hand with an alarmed and incredulous expression. I turned off the vacuum and gaped at her.

“What’d you do that for?”

“The question here is, what the fuck are you doing?” She asked, sitting up. “Why are you using the vacuum cleaner to do...whatever it was that you were going to do?”

I started to blush, so embarrassed that this fell through so horribly, and gave her a shrug. “I just -- I read about it somewhere.”

“You read about it,” she repeated, like she was trying to understand. “Did you read about all those other weird things you’ve been doing, too?”

“What weird things?” I asked her, aloofly, like I had no idea what she was talking about. “I haven’t been doing weird things.”

“Harry,” she deadpanned. “You are always doing weird things. But lately, more so. You threw pepper under my nose when I was about to come, you did a strip tease for me on a Tuesday night with 50 Cent playing in the background, you’re trying out positions you saw on porn, you’re telling me you’re going to devour me like meat, you licked me in the middle of Sanisbury. And do not get me started on when you were doing all that dirty talk.”

“Heeey,” I drawled out with an affronted expression. “You got off on that dirty talk. Plus, you don’t have to make fun of me so much, you know? I was just trying to make it better.”

“Harry,” Blair laughed softly, reaching out to take my hand. “Make what better?”

“Our sex life.”

“What? Why?”

“Because the boys said our sex life is boring and then you were reading five reasons why you know you need better sex in that Cosmo magazine.”

Blair blinked at me. “What in the bloody hell are you talking about? What Cosmo magazine?”

“The one on our kitchen counter that’s been there since the night I met the boys and you went to the hen party.”

“Okay,” Blair said with a slight scoff. “First of all, that’s not my magazine. That was one of Liv’s friend’s magazine. She’d brought it with her and forgot it in the cab because she was throwing up so much, so I just brought it in with me. I don’t even read that magazine. And second of all -- the boys said what?”

I stared at Blair, hearing what she had just said, and let everything I did and obsessed over for the past few weeks sink in. I fell back on our bed dramatically. “I can’t believe this,” I mumbled, covering my face. “Jesus Christ, I cannot believe this.”

Blair didn’t even bloody read that magazine and I -- I had a fucking copy in my office because I was so paranoid she might not have been satisfied with our sex life. I honestly could not fucking believe this. This couldn’t have happened in a worse possible way. Honestly, I blamed the bloody boys and their fucking sex toys and dom/sub shit. I blamed them for everything because now, I looked like a fucking moron. Blair was probably so confused. I should have known she wasn’t reading the magazine because she didn’t pick up on a single sex tip mentioned there when I’d tried them. If she was reading the magazine, she’d have definitely realized what I was doing. Then again, I only got through with about two of those that were successful, but let’s face it. 99% of it was fucking ridiculous, but my clouded and paranoid brain just went with it, anyway.

“Harry.”

I could hear a laugh and knew Blair was going to have a field day with this. I didn’t uncover my face and continued to hide while her laughs grew.

“Harry, come on,” she urged. “Open your eyes. Let’s talk about this. Tell me what those stupid boys said.”

I peered at her through two fingers and pouted. “We were talking about sex and they were talking about all this shit that they tried out in bed. And then they asked me what crazy thing you and I did and I told them we didn’t really do any of that. So, they told me we have a boring sex life and how I’m probably not keeping you satisfied. So, when I came home that night and you were in the shower, I found the copy of Cosmo magazine and it had these crazy headlines about determining if you’re having good sex or not and it also had sex tips.”

“Cosmo sex tips,” Blair said.

I nodded my head slowly. “Yeah. Like sixty of them. They were written by a doctor, but to be honest, most of them were kind of crazy.”

Blair burst into another fit of giggles and I uncovered my face completely, sitting up, only to watch her falling back down on the bed, her body shaking with her laughter.

“This is really offensive, you know,” I told her. “It’s really affecting my self esteem and everything I tried to do for you for the past few weeks.”

Blair slowed down her laughs and sat up again, pulling herself up to sit on my lap. “You’re so crazy, you know that?” She said to me, her eyes soft and loving. “I can’t believe you went through all this length to make sure I was satisfied with our sex life when you could have just asked me.”

“Most of them were about the element of surprise,” I informed her.

“Well, it’s silly,” she said. “Because I love you and I am more than satisfied with our sex life without all these crazy antics. I don’t need anything other than you to be satisfied, no matter how you fuck me, because it is always perfect.”

“B,” I cooed, leaning forward to peck her lips. “I wish I’d just spoken to you about this sooner rather than going through all that.”

“Yeah,” she laughed. “Would have saved us a lot of trouble.”

I shrugged lamely. “I guess I just got a bit insecure. The boys all sounded like they were so much more superior and like they had this secret sex thing figured out. And I defended us and said it was fine how we were doing it because I know you and your body and you know me and my body, so it works out. But, I don’t know. I just lost sight of that myself, I guess.”

“Okay,” Blair laughed again. “Let’s get one thing straight. Our sex is hot, no matter what the boys say. And I will prove it to you.”

I quirked an eyebrow at her as she pushed me down on the bed and laid me down over one of the pillows.

“How will you be proving it to me?” I asked.

“I’m going to show you,” she said, reaching over to the side table and grabbing my phone. I watched as she pressed some buttons and then got off the bed, placing the phone in a standing position on the dresser, which was right in front of the bed. Blair quickly got back on the bed and straddled me.

“Uh...what did you do?” I asked.

Blair traced a finger down my chest and shrugged. “Just set up the camera on record.”

“Fuck,” I squeaked out, my dick stirring in interest. Blair laughed, sticking her tongue out at me before dipping her head down and kissing me. I grabbed her around the waist, holding her tight while kissing her deeply. The kiss was intense from the start and I felt ready to fucking go right then before any foreplay. It just felt different because it was actually being filmed and I couldn’t tell if we were really just into it or just wanted to play it up for the camera. Either way, it was so hot.

Blair moved away her lips away from mine and to my jaw, peppering kisses while grinding down on my cock, hardening it up some more. She then sat up and pushed some of her hair to the side and slid off my body, spreading my legs apart. I could only watch helplessly with a dazed expression as she tugged my boxer briefs down and put them on the side of the bed.

“So, what exactly did you read in the magazine?” Blair asked, pumping me in her hand, spreading the precome to lube it up a bit.

“Uh -- I -- uh, um. I --,” I mumbled incoherently, trying to form words that weren’t just nonsensical because Blair’s hand felt so good. “Just different positions and tricks, I guess.”

“Hmm,” she hummed thoughtfully and then she bent down, wrapping her pink lips around my cock.

“Oh, fuck,” I groaned out lowly.

Blair smiled at me with her mouth full and it was lot hotter than it should have been allowed to be. She pursed her lips around the head, sucking on it a bit and lapping her tongue over the slit before sinking down further while her hand pumped whatever she couldn’t reach. “I think you’re the best head giver in the world,” I said.

Blair started laughing and it only vibrated against me, which intensified the feeling, and I was moaning again, tangling my fingers with her hair and keeping her there. She bobbed her head up and down, making sure to trace her tongue over the vein on the underside before paying some more attention to the head, just like I liked it.

“Can I fuck your mouth?” I asked her.

She pulled off for a moment, wiping her mouth, and nodded her head before sinking down again. Christ. I put my hand on her head again, gripping onto her hair as I pushed my hips up into her mouth.

“Tell me if it’s too much,” I told her.

In response, Blair took me down further, until her nose touched the hair at the base of my dick, and I could feel the back of her throat. “Fucck,” I gritted out, rocking up into her mouth some more, biting my lip and holding myself down so as to not go too hard. She took it like a champ, though, and continued to make me become more and more incoherent. I lifted her head off when I felt I was close and sat up so I was face to face with her.

“You’re unbelievable,” I said, pulling her into another kiss.

“Want you to fuck me now,” she said in response, biting my bottom lip. I quickly undid her bra, and tugged off her knickers, kissing her soundly as she pulled me close. When we broke the kiss, there was a sparkling glint in her eye, like she was up to something. “I want to try something.”

I found myself laughing. “Oh, do you, now?”

She nodded her, smiling shyly. I waited quietly as she got on her hands and knees and presented her bum to me. I tipped my head to the side just as Blair turned her head to look back at me. I raised my eyebrows at her, a smirk on my face as I patted her bum a few times.

“Is this -- is this what I think it is?”

Blair burst out laughing. “I heard this position was amazing, but we’ve never really done it.”

That much was true. As boring as it sounded (it really wasn’t), we’d only done a handful of positions, and missionary was our favorite because Blair felt it was most romantic. So, for her to suggest this was kind of crazy. I was so into it.

I placed my palms on her pert bum, squeezing the flesh and spreading it apart. I could hear Blair take a sharp intake of breath and I leaned down, pressing a kiss against her rim. “Oh my God,” she blurted out breathlessly, falling forward a bit before pulling herself together again. I pressed another wet kiss against the same spot, trailing them down, even leaving a love bite on her flesh, until her wet hole was in sight and I licked a fat stripe to get a taste.

Blair was shaking in front of me, her head hung low. “As good as this feels, need you inside me before I come.”

“You want to come on my cock first?”

“Fuck -- yeah. Yeah, please.”

Before I sat up on my knees, I darted my tongue out again, sucking her taste into my mouth once more. She let out a soft moan, sounding like she was on the verge of losing it. I stroked myself in my fist once before slowly pushing inside of her. She was wet enough that it didn’t take me long to adjust myself. I held on to her hips as I thrust in and out a few times, watching the spot where we connected with concentration.

“How does it feel?” I asked her.

“Fucking insane,” she whimpered out. “Unreal.”

“We’ll have to do this more often, then.”

She hummed in agreement, her hands straining as I quickened the pace. The bed started shaking from the movements and I felt myself getting lost in it, too. But then as I pushed in a few more times, Blair fell forward, laughing as I slipped out.

“I’m tired,” she moaned. “Hold me.”

“You’re tired?” I laughed, rolling her over so she was on her back. “Is this the crazy sex you wanted to show me? I thought we were reckless and sexy and fun. I thought we weren’t boring.”

“Oh, shut up, Styles,” she groaned out, pulling me in by my neck and kissing me as I pulled her up onto my lap. She moved her hand behind her and grabbed me in her hand, sliding it back inside of her. Her eyes fluttered shut as soon as I rocked into her. She was panting my name, breathless and raspy, and I kind of wanted to fuck her forever. Wanted to stay inside her forever and continue to watch her fall apart only to put her back together.

After a few more thrusts, I laid her down on her back, wrapping her legs around me. She opened her eyes, blinking at me with this dazed expression. “Gonna fuck you just right, babe,” I whispered to her, kissing her once before gripping onto her waist with one hand and holding onto the headboard with the other. I thrust back inside of her, this time the pace being quick and dirty from the get go. We were close and I knew we weren’t going to be able to hold off any longer.

The bed shook with us, our movements aligned, and when we came it was together. Whenever that happened, I felt unbelievably connected to Blair. The euphoria of it all got to me and I couldn’t believe I’d found someone who could be so in tune with me. I felt extremely lucky, really. Blair smiled at me, her hands running through my hair, and I didn’t want to stop there. I wanted to keep going. I pulled out of her slowly and leaned back until I was on my haunches in front of her.

“Open your legs, babe,” I said, moving them apart.

“What is it?” She asked, curiously, but spreading her legs apart.

I smiled before lifting her hips up off the bed and lapping my tongue against her. Blair visibly shook from oversensitivity and her thighs immediately started to close in, but I pushed them apart and pursed my lips around her, sucking her into my mouth and licking her clean. Her loud moans ricocheted off the walls and I knew it was beginning to be too much, but she also wasn’t pushing me away anymore. She had her fingers grasping onto my hair while her legs were closing around my head.

“You. Are. So. Hot. And. Fucking. Filthy,” she moaned out, panting in between each other.

I stuck my tongue inside of her, curving it, and watched her quiver. “You’re my girl, right?” I asked her. When she didn’t respond, I sucked a little harder. “Hmm?”

Blair’s eyes were closed, head thrown back on the pillow. “I’m your girl.”

It took only another five minutes to get her coming in my mouth again and when she was done, she pulled me back by my hair and kissed me, whispering, “I love you,” into my ear. I kissed the words back on her lips and pulled the covers over us.



“Harry, have you got any more beer?” Niall asked, propping his feet up on the coffee table.

“Yeah, I’ll get it,” I said while kicking his feet off the table. I got up off my seat and jogged over to the kitchen. The boys decided to meet up at the flat tonight while Blair went home to see her parents for a bit. The five of us decided to lay low from the usual crowded bars and have some drinks at home. As I was taking out five bottles from the fridge, Liam called out for me.

“We should watch something,” he said.

“Uh, sure,” I said, walking back into the living room, handing everyone their drinks. “What should we watch?”

“What have you got?”

“I recently torrented Deadpool, but the quality is kind of shit.”

“Oh, fuck, I loved that movie, but didn’t want to pay to go see it again,” Louis said. “Pop it on. Let’s live the poor, Uni life again.”

The boys chuckled. “Liam, go get my laptop, would you?” I asked. “It’s on my desk in my office.”

“Why do I have to go?” Liam asked, grumbling as he stood up. He walked into my office and came back out with the laptop in tow.

“The USB cord is right there,” I motioned towards the telly.

As he walked to the front of the telly and set the laptop down, hooking it up to the laptop, I had a moment of realization as to what would be on the screen when he lifted up the monitor. I’d transferred Blair and my sex tape onto my laptop sometime this morning because it took up a lot of space on my phone. Turned out, it was really great for jerking off and building up my self esteem, but I couldn’t keep it on my phone forever because of the stupid iOS updates Apple kept requiring.

And holy shit, Liam had it halfway open.

I threw the beer bottle to the ground, plunging to the floor in front of Liam, and covered the laptop before twisting the cord out off of it. It was dead silent in the room for a long time, everyone breathing quietly as they all stared at me. I scrambled up on my feet, holding the laptop to my chest. While Blair had proved her point to me that we had really hot fucking sex, it didn’t mean I wanted to show it to the boys, too.

“We need to watch something else,” I said with a serious expression.

“Alright,” Zayn said slowly, giving me a look. “You could have just bloody said.”

“He’s always been a little drama ho,” Niall added.

“What are you hiding on there?” Louis asked, mischievously. “Is it porn? You know we won’t judge you, right? I’ve seen you watch porn and jerk off before. We practically lived together.”

“It’s not porn,” I quickly shot back before shaking my head. “I mean -- it’s not that kind of porn.”

“What kind of porn is it?” Liam asked me.

“Why are you all so nosy?” I snapped back.

“What the fuck are you hiding?” Niall asked.

“Something private,” I hissed.

“What could be so private?” Zayn asked. “We are the best of friends. We’ve seen each others dicks, for Christ’s sake. We’ve seen it all.”

“Yeah, well, this is different.”

“Just spit it out, Harry,” Louis laughed.

“No.”

“What the hell?” Liam said, sounding offended.

“I didn’t think you were so shady,” Niall said, almost looking hurt.

“Are you joking?” I asked them.

“Harry, you are being shady, though,” Louis reasoned.

“I don’t understand why you can’t tell us,” Zayn insisted.

“Yeah, honestly,” Liam said, crossing his arms across his chest. “I told you all my secrets.”

“It’s really not fair,” Niall agreed.

“It’s a sex tape!” I yelled and Liam let out an audible gasp. They all stared at me, shutting up all at once. “It’s a bloody sex tape that I made.”

It was dead silent again, no one saying anything for a long time, and just staring at me. Liam was the one who spoke up again. “With Blair?”

I turned to shoot him an unamused look. “No, with your Mum.”

“What the fuck did you just say?” Liam asked, quickly standing up with an extremely angry glare, ready to pounce me, but I backed away from him, holding the laptop up to protect me.

“Of course, it’s with Blair, you idiot.”

“Damn,” Niall muttered, chuckling to himself. “That’s -- that’s kind of cool.”

“What?” I asked, looking over at him.

“It is actually,” Louis agreed. “All that shit we gave you for boring sex and you come out with a sex tape. That’s -- that’s something, right there.”

“Is it boring sex?” Niall asked. When I shot him a glare, he doubled over in laughter. “I’m joking. I’m joking. I know you’re good, H. Don’t fret it. You’re a bloody porn star now with your sex tape and all. Congrats.”

Zayn laughed along with Liam, making me crack a smile of my own. “You guys honestly suck,” I said.

I put the laptop back in my office and we ended up watching some boring documentary on Netflix, though, no one really paid any attention and teased me instead while I told them what Blair told me about how happy she was. It was enough to shut them up. And in the end, I decided to leave out the whole bit in between where I tried out ridiculous sex tips because no one really had to know about that. Some things were better left for the pages of Cosmo.