Status: Updates Every Thursday (ON HOLD UNTIL DEC 8 DUE TO EXAMS)

Something Reckless


I walked into The Wolf lounge, a dimly lit bar located on the main strip downtown. I came here often on my own, usually when I was feeling a little more down about Chris than usual. Today though, today I came here because I was feeling good and I wanted to share that with a place Chris and I had gone to often. I spotted an empty stool at the bar and sat down, ordering a whiskey and coke.

I contemplated going to see Chris today, but decided that after Summer giving me his pocket watch, I couldn’t handle it. It was still in my pocket and my fingers grazed it when I reached for my wallet to pay for my drink.

“So what’s on your mind tonight, Luke?” Sherry, the regular bartender asked me as she slid my drink over. I took a sip, savouring the taste and then raising my glass to cheers her.

“Not much, Sherry, not much. Well, I guess not not much. I did graduate today.” I took another sip.

“I’m going to pretend I understood the rest of that sentence,” she said, laughing. “but congratulations!” I raised my glass up to her again and she smiled at me before making her way to the next person that needed a drink. The bar was lively tonight; almost everyone from school had come to celebrate. I wasn’t sure if I liked that.

I saw Logan walk in with a few of her friends and froze. At first I wasn’t sure if I was seeing things and had to take another glance in her direction. Yup. It was her. I looked away quickly and took a sip, but not before she had noticed me. I felt self-conscious, but annoyed. I was not used to being the dumpee.

I felt especially annoyed now that she was here and I was made to feel like this creepy lone wolf, even though I hadn’t expected to run into her here. I finished off my drink and flagged Sherry down for another. I finished off that one too. I glanced behind me in Logan’s general vicinity, pretending to examine the live band playing. She was laughing with her friends but fidgeting with her hands. One of them, a girl with reddish brown hair, looked back at me quickly and then said something to Logan. Logan looked back slowly, and this time I didn’t look away immediately. I stared back for a couple of seconds and then turned away. Sherry handed me a shot.

“On the house.” She said, winking. I took the shot, wincing. It was vodka.

“What was that for?” I asked, confused.

“For knowing what you’re finally thinking about.” She nodded in Logan’s direction before winking at me and walking away. I stood up, waving bye to her and made my way outside. I was no longer in the mood to celebrate. It was only 10pm and already I was willing to call it a night.

I texted the taxi app and waited. And waited. It was 10:15 when it finally arrived and just as I was about to hop in somebody else snagged it. “Fuck.” I shouted. I just wanted to get the fuck out of here. I walked down the street a bit, my hands in my pocket as the air grew chillier every second. I could officially see my breath. I pulled out my cell to call Embry, but she didn’t answer. I hung up, frustrated.

“Luke!” I turned around to see Logan running toward me. Her hands in the pocket of her black coat and her breath leaving a trail as she ran. I waited for her, confused. “Look, I’m sorry I haven’t called you back.” I shook my head, letting out a sarcastic laugh.

“Don’t worry about it. Seriously, I have done the same thing to girls many a time.” She flinched at my words. I turned to walk away.

“No. It’s not-“

“Honestly, Logan. I’m not even in the right head space to try to piece together what the hell is or was going on with you or us or whatever.” I couldn’t read her expression, but she seemed almost hurt. “I just really need to find a ride home.”

“Let me drive you then. We can talk.” I sighed in disbelief.

“Really, Logan. You brought a car with you to drink.” I took a step away from her, about ready to turn and walk away.

“Well unfortunately for me, I lost the bet and am designated driver.” She said, defensive.

“Yeah, I’ve heard that before.” I knew I was being a jerk now, but I started walking away anyway.

“Hey!” She shouted, angry. “I am not one of your buddies and you know that. Why are you being so…”

“So what? You ran out on me, remember? Excuse me for feeling like we had something we obviously didn’t.” I felt myself internally cringe at my sudden sensitivity. “I mean, do you know how hard it was for me to even walk up to you and ask for your number?”

“I don’t owe you feelings because things are difficult for you!” She retaliated. I could see the anger spark in her eyes as she spoke. I swallowed hard, frustrated.

“No. I know that.” I shook my head at myself. “I just felt like an explanation would have been nice since I don’t know, I opened up to you about my accident.” I flew my hands in the air.

“I’m taking you home.” She snapped.

“Go have fun with your friends. I’m fine.” She crossed her arms.

“Your walk is off so I’m taking you home.” I rolled my eyes. I stumbled a little as I inched further away from her.

“I don’t have a leg, my walk is always off.” Now she rolled her eyes.

“I’m going to go tell Elle where I’m going and then I’m coming right back here with my car and I am taking you home.” She said this like I knew who Elle was and then she walked off in the direction of the bar. I waited for her. I wasn’t sure why, but I did.

She pulled up a few minutes later and I awkwardly shuffled myself into her car. We drove in silence for a few minutes while I gathered my thoughts. I felt like I didn’t really know what to say to her since she was the one with all of the explaining to do. She gripped the steering wheel hard and I could tell she was nervous.

“I’m sorry.” She said, her voice breaking the silence. “I like you, Luke. More than I should. I’m just-“

“What, it’s not you it’s me? Really?” She sighed.

“Honestly, yeah.” Her voice cracked but she kept her composure. I felt my heart beat a little faster realizing that she was upset about our circumstances. I noticed something in my peripheral just as Logan turned to look in my direction.

“Logan, look out!” I shouted as a deer ran out onto the road. She was taking the country roads to my house, probably so that we had more time to talk. Logan swerved hard, the car coming to a halt on the side of the road. She took a deep breath and swung the car back into drive.

“Don’t drive yet.” I said, out of breath. I swung my hand to my chest, my breathing picking up rapidly. I opened the car door and got out, throwing up in the grass.

“Oh my god, Luke. Are you okay?” She got out and ran over to me but I put my hand out to stop her from coming any closer.

“Oh god.” I said between my breaths. I fell to the grass overwhelmed with tears and panic.
“Luke, tell me what to do. Tell me what I can do to help you. Should I call someone?” She was freaking out and it was only making me worse.

“No!” I shouted. “Just” breath. “let me.” Breath.

“I’m calling somebody.” My vision was blurring but I noticed her pull out her phone and type a number in. “Luke, stay with me.” I felt her hands on my face. My heart began to calm down to an alarmingly slow rate and I felt my breath start to give out. I shut my eyes, the tears hot against my skin. I was flooding with fear and replaying the image of Chris laying in his blood. My breathing halted and everything went black.

I woke up to an ambulance parked at the side of the road and a paramedic checking my vitals. I felt disoriented and looked around for Logan. I tried to sit up but the paramedic told me to relax and not to move too much while she checked me over. She asked me basic questions, like my name and the date and then told me to explain what happened.

“I’m fine.” I said, sitting up against her resistance. She huffed, checked my pulse again and wrote something in her chart.

“I strongly advise that you come to the hospital for observation.” She said, packing her stuff up. I looked to the side and saw Logan talking to another paramedic near her car. She looked panicked. I felt embarrassed.

“I’m good. I hate hospitals.” I said, waving the idea off.

“I can’t help you if something happens and I’m not here.” She said, almost condescendingly.

“Really, I’m good.” I protested. She raised her hands in defense and walked back to her partner.

“Luke!” Logan shouted as soon as she saw that I was awake. She stopped talking to the guy and ran over to me. “Are you okay? What was that?”

“I’m okay. Just… memories and feelings… I’m okay.” She pulled me into a hug and I immediately felt comforted.

“You scared the crap out of me. Let’s get you to the hospital.” I protested and she crossed her arms confused. “Luke, you could have anxiety left over from your accident, you should really go get checked out. You just had a panic attack and passed out on me!”

“No hospitals.” I said, sharply. “I refuse to go back there.”

“You need help.” She pleaded. The paramedics walked back over to me and suggested I come with them one more time. I continued to protest until they eventually left with a warning to me to take care of myself before I get worse.

“Can you just take me home, please?” She hesitated before nodding. I got into the car, but I felt suffocated and uneasy the entire ride.
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Updated a little earlier, but there will still be another on Thursday as promised.
For the few stragglers who kept on reading, thank you for giving my story a chance. :)

Feedback appreciated.