Status: Updates Every Friday

Something Reckless

Logan

“You gotta give me something here.” Luke said as I pulled up to his building. He turned to look at me and I could feel the surprise forming on my face.

“You just had a panic attack. Not even twenty minutes ago.” I said, half amazed and half in disbelief. He rolled his eyes, but he still looked pale.

I wasn’t sure why exactly I had followed him outside the bar. At the moment all I could think about was that he probably hated me and my immediate reaction was that I didn’t want him to. I was right though, he was pissed at me and I couldn’t blame him after all of the personal things he revealed to me the night I walked out on him.

“I’m just feeling a little uneasy right now and I need you to meet me in the middle.” He was being stern but soft and it confused the hell out of me.

“We all have things we can’t talk about.” I said, quietly.

“I don’t understand why your secrets have anything to do with us.” He ran his hand through his hair, frustrated.

“Because!” I shouted. He jumped a little. “I just, I freaked out that night at your apartment and I’m sorry. Okay. I’m sorry, but there are things that have happened to me and that I have done that I can’t run away from.”

“I don’t understand why you’re freaking out though. What about me made you freak out?” I looked over at him, his blue eyes staring intensely into mine.

“It’s not anything about you, but it’s everything about you.” He raised his eyebrow at me. “I had a terrible ex-boyfriend. Okay? And I don’t want to talk about it or relive it or have your pity either. I just want to forget about it.”

“Okay.” He said. He paused for a moment, sweeping a piece of my hair behind my ear.

“Okay.” I said, huffing and sitting back into my seat. Luke shifted uncomfortably beside me and I noticed him staring at me with my peripheral as I stared out the window.

“Why does this feel so weird?” He questioned, but I think it was mostly a question to himself. I looked at him puzzled. “I don’t understand how we can be arguing already.” I laughed out loud without meaning too.

“I don’t know. We may not know each other well enough yet, but I feel like I’ve known you for a long time.” He nodded, thinking to himself.

“Yeah. It’s weirding me out a little.” He laughed and placed his hand out in defense when he noticed my expression. “Not in a bad way. It’s just not… normal?”

“I think it is normal.” I said, challenging him. “People get into relationships after only knowing somebody a couple days. It’s just dependent on how compatible the two people are, I guess. I don’t know.” His face lit up.

“Look at us, having a healthy debate.” My cheeks flushed and I rolled my eyes.

“Shut up.” I said, stubbornly. He looked at me, biting his lower lip, clearly thinking about something.

“If I asked if you wanted to come inside, would you freak out again and ditch me for three weeks?” At first I was immediately offended, but once I realized he was back to being Luke and making jokes, I felt instantly less annoyed with him.

“I have to get back to my friends.” I said, hesitantly. He nodded, his hand reaching for the door. “But, maybe you could come to my place tomorrow?”

“Okay,” he said, nodding. “yeah, sounds good.” He opened the door and got out, leaning down to the window to say goodbye before walking towards his apartment.

It was a shorter drive back to the bars since I took the faster way and not the backroads. I had to admit I was fearful to ever bring Luke back down the country roads again in case any more animals made an appearance while I was driving. I was starting to see through his charismatic persona now; he was more scared than he was willing to admit.

I walked into The Wolf Lounge and looked around for Elle and Jessie. I smiled when I saw them dancing in front of the live band. I was happy to see them, yes, but I was very much looking forward to some alone-time tomorrow before Luke came over.

“I thought you were ditching us for good.” Elle shouted, wrapping an arm around me once I reached her. She twirled me around and I threw my head back laughing.

“Nah. I just brought him home so he wasn’t stranded.” I shouted back to her. Jessie started dancing around the both of us, her wide smile never faltering. I missed hanging out with her. I met her in my first-year economics class and she used to hangout with Elle and I a lot more before she started dating Nate, from Lacrosse. They broke up recently, so I guess we were okay to hangout with again. I didn’t hold it against her though I knew most people would. It gave me more time to be by myself.

“I don’t get why you like him,” She shouted, curious and slightly judgmental. “He totally bailed on Nate and acts like he’s better than everyone else. I think he forgets that he was the one in the accident, not Nate.” Something in me ticked.

“He hasn’t forgotten.” I said, short. She shrugged and kept dancing while the music played. I couldn’t recognize the song, but it was very blues. I loved it. “Aren’t you and Nate broken up? Why are you defending him?”

“Because I still love him and I think we will work it out.” She shouted back. She stopped dancing then, apparently too annoyed, and we all went back to the booth we had saved. I sat down on the shiny red cushions and shifted over so that Elle could sit beside me. “What about Luke makes you like him so much?”

“Um,” I said, trying not to get too defensive. “What about Nate makes you like him so much?” I countered. She flipped her curly brown hair and leaned in.

“For one, have you seen him? He has the perfect combo of dark brown hair and icy blue eyes.” Elle and I side glanced at each other and then looked back at Jessie. “For two, he’s super down to earth once you get to know him and he makes me laugh.” I nodded at this more acceptable reason for her to prefer her relationship over what she visually saw in my own. Not that Luke and I were really in a relationship.

“Luke makes me laugh.” I explained. “He’s smart, funny, charming. People judge him too quickly.” Jessie rolled her eyes at me and I felt the urge to smack it off her.

“He killed his best friend. He killed Nate’s best friend.” I went to stand up but Elle gently grabbed my arm and made me sit back down again.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about, so I suggest you stop feeding me bullshit.” I was so angry; my mouth was quivering.

“Woah,” Elle said, spreading her arms out between the two of us. “It’s graduation night, let’s keep it positive.” Jessie shoved her hand away.

“I don’t understand how that’s bullshit, Logan. Luke hurt a lot of people. So did Blaine.” I shook my head, appalled.

“And you think if Nate was in that truck things would have turned out better?” She went to answer but I cut her off. “No, they wouldn’t have because Nate is one of them. The only reason he gets away scotch free is because he chose to ride home that night in a different car. Otherwise you and I would be sitting here having this conversation about Nate in that truck as well.” She shook her head.

“Nate would never drive drunk.” She retaliated.

“Well, Luke wasn’t the one behind the wheel either but he made the mistake of not stopping anyone when he should have. Nate and Luke could have easily switched positions and things would have turned out the same.” My face was so heated. I could see Elle’s expression of horror in my peripheral.

“You don’t know anything about Nate.” She shouted. This time her lips started to quiver and I knew it was time for me to go. I got up and this time Elle let me out of the booth.

“Maybe not, but don’t pretend like you know anything about Luke.” I shouted back while pointing my finger at her. I walked away and could hear Elle shouting something at Jessie before following behind me. I didn’t mean to ruin her night, but after watching Luke’s heart break as he told me his story, it made it impossible to listen to anymore harsh judgments about his character.

I threw open the door and left the club, Elle scurrying beside me trying to keep up. I was even more cold than I had been when I arrived for the second time and I immediately turned on the heat in my car. Elle’s teeth were chattering, and I looked at her apologetically.

“I’m sorry I ruined your night.” I said, leaning back in my seat. My car was beginning to feel like my apology booth. Elle glanced sideways at me, her upper lip twisting upward.

“Jessie was the one in the wrong there. She’s just wasted and upset about Nate.” I sighed, knowing that she was probably right.

“I’m just… ugh!” I was frustrated. “Elle, you weren’t there when Luke told me everything he went through. The look on his face, the tears, I just can’t take anyone thinking he’s something he’s not.” She nodded, thinking.

“I get that, I do.” She rubbed her hands together to create more warmth for herself. “I think you do need to realize though that he is going to be criticized. Don’t you remember him before the accident? He wasn’t exactly a saint, and he was definitely not as nice as you say he is now.” I shrugged, feeling a little defeated.

“And Nate is any better?”

“Honestly? No, probably not, but he also wasn’t in the car and promoting drinking and driving that night.” I put the car into drive, contemplating leaving and ignoring the rest of this conversation, but then put it back into park.

“He’s not that person anymore, Elle.” I was quieter now, trying to think up the Luke that was capable of doing something so reckless. It was hard to picture it through his charm and jokes. All I could picture was Luke having a panic attack on the side of the road and how scared I had been for him in that moment.

“I believe you believe that. I’m not here to tell you not to be with him; clearly you have made up your mind tonight. I just want you to be careful, is all. He has a track record and I’m your best friend, I’m going to worry about you. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you.” She leaned over and gave my shoulders a squeeze. I leaned my head on her shoulder, not loving her honesty, but appreciating it.

“What did you yell at Jessie?” I asked, switching the subject. Elle smiled.

“I told her she needs to grow up and start treating her friends like friends.” I smiled, giving her a hug.

“I hate fighting with her.” I mumbled, mad at myself for already partially forgiving her.

“Yeah, but she’ll be running over tomorrow hungover with cake and apologies. You know her.” I laughed, because it was true.

“Yeah, I guess I do know her.” I sighed. I put the car in drive this time, but kept my foot on the brake.

“Want to go home and get wine drunk?” She asked, raising her eyebrow suggestively.

“But you know me better.” I laughed, immediately making my way out of the parking lot and in the direction of home.
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