Something Reckless

I felt my entire body shake as I walked up the stone pathway to the Commerce’s house. My leg was aching more than usual where the prosthetic met what would have been my knee and I tried to massage it on the walk up. My right hand was fumbling with the pocket-watch in my jeans pocket.

The house looked the same as it did when Chris and I first met. The red bricks that made up the house were a little more faded than normal, but the shrubs that outlined the stone pathway were still bright and lively. The spring flowers that surrounded it hadn’t started to bloom yet, but I already knew what they would look like. A vibrant mix of reds, yellows, and oranges; like the sunset his mom always says. Chris used to pick the yellow ones out because he hated them and because he was clearly an asshole. It used to drive his mom nuts, but she always replanted them. I stared at the shrubs and took a deep breath in before walking the rest of the way and knocking on the big white door. It took a couple minutes and I almost left, but his mom answered eventually, her face forming a smile, her eyes changing from happy to sad to happy again.

“Luke!” She said, opening the door wider for me. “Come in.” I swallowed the lump forming in my throat and mustered up the courage to walk inside. I felt like the walls were going to collapse in on me.

“Hi Mrs. Commerce.” It came out scratchy and I cleared my throat.

“Please. When have you ever called me anything other than Lily-Boo.” I let out a laugh I wasn’t expecting. I remember spinning her around the kitchen saying, “dance for me, Lily-Boo” in that over-confident manner I always had. She would throw her head back laughing and tell me to smarten up before she got Christopher to whip me with a towel.

“I’m sorry, Lily, I’m just-“ I took another deep breath in. This was proving to be very hard for me. I blinked back tears and smiled at her.

“I know.” She said, placing a hand on my cheek in her concerned motherly way. She almost had to tip toe to reach it since I was so much taller than her. She gave my shoulder a squeeze and dropped her hand to her side. “Come into the living room; sit.” I followed her to one of her brown leather couches and sat down. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“I’m okay.” I said, shifting uncomfortably. She looked like she didn’t know what to do with herself, but eventually she sat down beside me. I pulled out the pocket-watch, my hands fumbling and almost dropping it, and reached out to give it to her. She took it slowly, her expression confused. “I felt like you and Christian should have this.” Christian being her husband.

“Oh.” She said, quietly. “Did Christopher give you this?” I shook my head, not sure what to say. She looked like she was pondering something.

“A friend of mine. The girl that was at the- well she gave it to me the other day. I guess she had found it and thought I should have it.” She nodded, studying the engravings on the watch, her thumb grazing over them. She put the pocket-watch in her dress pocket and looked up, her expression resuming its happy state again. I felt uneasy.

“Thank you, Luke.” I nodded.

“Of course. I wish I had been able to give it to you sooner.” She wiped away a tear that has slipped, but kept her smile.

“How are you doing? How’s everything going with your prosthetic? Is it getting easier.” I wasn’t the biggest fan of the conversation switch but I knew she needed to focus on something else so I let her.

“I’m actually a lot better than I was.” I said, flashing her a smile. “I’m driving now anyway and navigating around school got easier.” She looked pleased with me.

“I knew you would get the hang of it. You’re a tough man.” She said, leaning further into the sofa and crossing one leg over the other.

“You overestimate me.” I stated. She smiled a small smile and sat up again. Her fidgeting had not gone past me and I noticed I had been picking at a hang nail on my skin. “I’m sorry, Lily, but I have somewhere I have to be.” I stood up slowly, anchoring myself with my right leg.

“Of course! A date I assume? You always had a way with the ladies. You and Chris both.” I laughed, half-heartedly.

“Something like that, but I’m hoping this time it’s not so casual.” She smiled brightly at me and for a second I thought she had misplaced me to be her own son. I realize though, that I had always been close with her and Christian before Chris died. I felt a pang in my chest thinking about how I hadn’t visited her sooner. She really was like a second mom to me.

She walked me to the door and gave me a hug. “Thank you for coming. I know I lost Christopher and it breaks my heart every day, but I’m happy I didn’t lose you too.”

“You and Christian should come for dinner soon, my Mom would love it!” I shouted back at her as I made my way to my truck. She smiled and shouted an “of course” as I got in and started the engine up.

I reached Logan’s later than I planned and apologized profusely to her when she opened the door. She shrugged me off, exclaiming that she had been busy at the clinic herself and only got home ten minutes ago.

“Oh, you had to work today?” She shook her head.

“No, I wasn’t supposed to, but they called me in for extra help. I didn’t mind.” I smiled at her enthusiasm and passion for her work. She walked me to her living room and we sat down on her yellow couch, the fabric fraying in some spots. I picked at a string.

“We got them at the thrift store.” She laughed.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“The couches. They’re from the thrift store.” I nodded, smiling at her, suddenly unsure of what to say and completely out-of-my-mind nervous.

“So…” I started.

“Hey, do you know where I put my black corset? The one that makes my boobs look good, and has the hooks so guys can remove it easy?” A voice came from somewhere in the house. Logan’s face turned bright red and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“I don’t know, Elle!” Logan shouted, standing up. “But there’s”

“You do know! Remember, I got it when we went lingerie shopping. You bought that cute purple baby doll with the stockings and…” she rounded the corner, a bobby pin now in her mouth and her hands tangled in her hair. She stopped dead in her tracks when she noticed me sitting on the couch. “Oh god.” She said, the bobby pin dropping on the floor.

“Luke’s here.” Logan said, her eyes wide. “I told you he was coming over. Remember?”

“I do now.” She said, her voice high pitched. She walked over and reached her hand out for me to shake. “Hi, I’m Elle. Please ignore everything that just came out of my mouth.”

“Luke.” I said, shaking her hand. “And consider it forgotten.” She smiled slightly at me and picked up the bobby pin she had dropped on the floor, pinning part of her bangs back. Her dark hair hung in curls around her shoulders.

“Logan.” She said, motioning her head to the entrance of the living room as she walked out of it. “It was nice to meet you, Luke!”

“You too!” I looked at Logan, who shrugged at me and followed Elle out of the living room. I guess I was to sit here alone for a while. I fumbled with the hem of my shirt until I heard her come back into the room, taking her seat beside me on the couch again.

“I am so sorry about that. Nothing like an awkward friend to liven up an already awkward moment.” She laughed awkwardly and I smiled at her feeble attempt to make this situation less awkward by making it more awkward.

“She seems… fun.” I said, just as Elle ran by us and out the door. I laughed.

“She’s a lot of fun.” Logan said, shifting in her seat. I turned to face her, my arm resting over the top of the couch. “She’s too much fun sometimes.”

“No such thing.” I argued playfully. She smiled, her eyes crinkling at the edges, the hazel in them gleaming. “So…” I said, cocking an eyebrow.

“What?” She asked, suspicious.

“About that purple baby doll.” She swung her head back laughing and threw one of the couch pillows at me. I raised my hands in defense. “Hey! How could I not mention it?” I asked, laughing.
“Why, did you want to see it?” She said, suddenly serious, turning her body to face me and inching closer until her lips were barely touching mine. I swallowed hard.

“Are you flirting with me?” I smirked against her lips.

“I might be.” She said, running her hand up my chest, over my shoulder, and down my arm. “Is it turning you on?”

“It might be.” I retorted. She grabbed my hand and stood up laughing, breaking the tension.

“Come on, nosy, I want to show you something.” She giggled. I stood up and followed her. She led me out to her backyard and through a small gate in the far-right corner that brought us out to a meadow. I followed her through it, taking her hand in mine. She smiled back at me and my skin tingled where our hands met. A tingle that spread up my arms and down my leg. I shivered.

We walked for ten minutes and I could feel myself getting tired. She slowed down to my pace when she noticed and stopped to face me. “I completely forgot about how hard this might be for you.” She said, looking panicked. “Should we rest and go back?” I felt sheepish all of a sudden as blood rushed to my cheeks.

“No. I want to see where you’re taking me.” I protested. “It’s not that hard.” I looked away embarrassed and she pressed a hand to my cheek. I leaned into it on instinct.

“You don’t have to be all macho for me, Luke. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” I sighed, wondering if this was how my life was always going to be and chastising myself for thinking it could be any different.

“Maybe a break.” I said, rubbing my temples. “But I still want to go wherever you’re bringing me.” She smiled, her hazel eyes crinkling and sending another shiver through my body. I hated myself for feeling embarrassed but part of me wondered if she could really handle somebody like me; if she was ready for it. She already freaked out on me once.

We sat down in the middle of the meadow, her sandy blonde hair cascading down her shoulders in effortless waves. I resisted the urge to run my hands through it. Instead I smiled at her, watching her as she turned her head to take in the scenery. We spoke few words, but it was a comfortable silence; the kind you could sit through forever.

“I’m ready now.” I announced.