Something Reckless

I was sitting at my tree when Luke walked up to me and sat down across from me, fiddling with the grass beneath him. He looked strained, like he hadn’t gotten enough sleep but somehow still managed to zombie his way to school.

“Are you okay?” I asked, closing my textbook and giving him my undivided attention. He smiled weakly at me and tossed the pile of grass he had accumulated to the side of him.

“Just had a crazy dinner last night with my family.” He paused briefly and then continued. “I actually thought maybe we could, um.” He scratched behind his head then rubbed his eyes. I knew where this was going.

“Be friends?” I tried to successfully mask my disappointment from him. He scrunched up his face at me.

“I’m just not sure if I’m the kind of influence you need in your life right now.” Now I scrunched up my face. Did he have some epiphany last night that told him we shouldn’t date?

“Well first, you don’t get to make that call. I choose the influences I want to have in my life and well, I guess I chose you as one of them.” I bit my lower lip, trying to remind myself to not let my confidence waver. He just stared at me with his baby blue eyes, waiting. “And second, I don’t think you’re of sound mind to be making this decision.” He cracked a smile, but I could tell he was trying not to. I opened my textbook back up as if I was done with this conversation. He reached out and closed it softly.

“Can you explain to me why you don’t think I’m of sound mind ?” He laughed while he said this. I was frustrated with him but I wasn’t sure why since we had only gone on one date.

“Well,” I said, forcing myself to look at him and not feel like the dork I knew I was being. “You clearly haven’t slept.” He shrugged.

“I can be of sound mind and not have slept.” I shook my head, no.

“But my observations tell me that you haven’t slept because you had dinner with your family last night.” He cocked his eyebrow at me like I was going insane.

“People have family dinners all the time.” He sounded confused. I took his hands into mine and felt butterflies form in my stomach as he let me.

“Yes, but nobody leaves normal family dinners not being able to sleep and looking like garbage the next day unless it wasn’t a very nice family dinner.” He gasped and placed one of his hands on his chest.

“Did you just tell me that I look like garbage? I’ll have you know I am very offended right now… I’m sorry, no more dates for you.” I laughed into our hands and looked back up at him.

“As funny as you think you are, Luke, my point is after everything you have told me in the extremely short time we have spent together, I’m finding it hard to believe that you came to this conclusion on your own.” He smiled so wide at me I suddenly felt uneasy. “What?”

“I have a confession,” he said, holding on to both of my hands again. “I did not come here to tell you that I just wanted to be friends.” I felt my breathing stop as my face heated up. I glared at him.

“I hate you.” I said, removing my hands from his and placing my head in them. I felt so embarrassed. He laughed at me.

“Hey,” He cooed, taking one of my hands into his again and lifting my chin up to look at him. “I know I’m an asshole. What I actually came here to say was that I enjoyed our date the other night and wanted to know if you would want to come over tomorrow night.” I wacked him on the shoulder.

“I hate you so much.” I laughed. “I don’t think you understand how much.” He burst into laughter.

“How was I supposed to know that you would restrict me from breaking up with you? Who says that when someone asks to be friends anyway?” I glared at him playfully, still completely red in the face. His face was red, but from laughter.

“Okay, mister. I did not restrict you from breaking up with me because first off-“

“You really like to talk in points.” I shoved him, rolling my eyes.

“First off,” I repeated, glaring at him. “We are not at a stage where it’s possible to have a break up. I was merely just pointing out that not giving us a chance wasn’t an option.”

“You know, I’m not really sure that the best kinds of relationships are forced. You could end up abusing me with that attitude.” I packed my textbooks away in my bag and stood up, suddenly not in a happy mood anymore.

“Please don’t say that to me again.” I felt the air chill and rubbed my arms. Luke stood up immediately, using the tree to balance himself.

“I’m sorry if I said anything that –“

“It’s okay,” I said, short. “I will see you tomorrow night.” He reached out for me but I walked away before he could make contact. I knew he was playing around, but his words hit too close to home and I clenched up without meaning to.

I pushed my anger aside and drove the hour to my parent’s house. I promised them I would stay the night since class was cancelled tomorrow. There was only a month left until the last day of my undergraduate education and part of me hated that my professor cancelled class. Only a month left at my school. Six months until Elle and I moved out of the house. The clinic offered me a job for when I was graduated but the idea of moving somewhere new was appealing to me as well.

“Hey, hun!” My mom shouted from the garage as I pulled up to the driveway. She was refinishing some furniture which had become her favourite hobby the last few years. She walked out to the driveway and gave me a hug.

“You gonna be working on that for very long?” I asked, stepping away from the embrace. She wiped her forehead and looked back at her handiwork.

“I can take a break from it for tonight.” She said, smiling. “Anything for my favourite daughter.” I shook my head.

“I’ll be sure to tell Maisy that.” She chuckled, giving me a light push with her elbow.

“Your dad is just inside making dinner. I’m going to change, but you should go see him.” I nodded and made my way to the kitchen where the smell of roast beef engulfed my nostrils. I breathed in deeply, missing the scent of proper home-cooked meals. Elle was the cook between the two of us and even her recipes were limited.

“Hey, Dad.” I said, walking over to him and giving him a hug. It felt awkward; like he was afraid to squeeze me too tightly. “I’m not going to break.” I stated, frustrated.

“You’re right.” He said, giving me a tighter hug. “Sometimes I forget your ribs are intact again.” I nodded.

“Smells good!” I said, switching the subject. Reliving my past was not something I felt like doing at the moment. I lifted one of the pots he was cooking in and gave it a stir. Roast beef, corn, and garlic mash tonight.

“I figured I would make one of your favourites since we haven’t seen you for over a month.” I nodded, shoving a spoonful of potatoes in my mouth as my dad tried to swat my hand away from the food. “Why can’t you just wait for dinner to be served?” He huffed, only slightly annoyed since it had been over a month since I’d seen him. I chuckled.

“It was a long drive.” I said, exiting the kitchen to the living-room. I expected to see Maisy on the couch like she always was, but she wasn’t there. “I’m gonna go find Maisy.”

“Ugh,” my Dad said, obnoxiously shuffling some pots around in the kitchen with the amount of noise he was emitting. “Your sister’s not here tonight.” I furrowed my brows.

“Oh.” I said, walking back into the kitchen. My Dad was just finishing washing the last pot in the sink. We were a wash-as-you-go family. “How come?”

“Well,” he paused, thinking but I think it was mostly to himself. “Your sister’s got a boyfriend now.” I felt my jaw drop. My baby sister had a boyfriend and she didn’t even tell me. I whipped my phone out and texted her immediately.

Maisy was a 17-year-old bombshell and I was honestly surprised she hadn’t dated anyone before now, but the thought of her actually being with a boy and my parents letting her be with a boy weirded my sister instincts out. She texted me back that she would call me later and I sighed and put my phone in my pocket.

“Wow.” I said, because I wasn’t sure what else to say to my Dad. I knew lots of things I wanted to ask and say to Maisy. “Is he, you know, nice?” My Dad shrugged.

“He’s nice enough, I guess. I only met the kid once.” I nodded.

“How long have they been together?” I asked, sad that Maisy hadn’t told me this herself. I wondered which boy friend of hers it was. She had many guy friends she hung out with.

“A little over a month. At least that’s what she says. Anyway, Honey, I really need to finish this up so scoot.” I raised my hands in defense and exited the kitchen.

“Alright alright.” I said, leaving the kitchen and heading up to my old room. I couldn’t help but remember how quickly my Dad was to invite Brent over for dinner when we first got together. I wondered if that was why he wasn’t so quick to have Maisy’s boyfriend over. I felt bad for her. My choices were affecting my parents’ views of her boyfriend now too; it hardly seemed fair.

I put the one bag down that I brought home with me, which was mostly just some laundry I needed done and sat on the bed. It felt vacant, empty, almost like no one was occupying this room at all anymore, which I guess was true. My parents hadn’t done anything with my room yet, probably waiting to see if I land on my feet first before permanently taking over my space. My mom had laid out some fresh sheets for me at least and a few of my notebooks still laid on my old desk. I ignored the photo album I hadn’t been able to throw out yet and reached over and grabbed my journal from first year. It was weird looking back at that person now that I had grown out of her. It almost made me feel content.