I Don't Love You

"Either the Darkness alters—
Or something in the sight
Adjusts itself to Midnight—
And Life steps almost straight."

- We grow accustomed to the Dark (Emily Dickinson)

“ Look, all I’m saying is that a poem about the impending doom and the dissolution of humanity might not be the best pick for a family friendly event. “

The man in the ugly sweater vest sitting behind the dark oak desk spoke into the phone as he moved on hand through his short hair, slightly gripping it in frustration.

“ I know Francis but this just isn’t the content we’re looking for. Not for this specific event at least. It’s more about, you know, getting kids into reading. Show them that literature can be fun. We don’t want them going home pondering about death and the reason why god has abandoned us, to say it with your words. “

Olivia couldn’t suppress the little smirk forming on her lips as she listened to him slowly but surely losing his mind over this conversation. Oh how she wished she could’ve heard the other side of it all. The person on the other end must’ve been quite the character. This call had been going on ever since she had stepped into the store and there was no hint of it stopping anytime soon.

The guy behind the desk was definitely not the one she was looking for but maybe he could help her find him. Or at least help her find this Jess girl. Maybe she knew more about bus boy.

Curiously she let her eyes travel around the shop. There were bookshelves everywhere, stocked to the brim and containing all kinds of topics. Non-fiction, science fiction, and most of all local authors. A few couches were set up, and the walls were lined with paintings depicting some kind of abstract scene made out of various shapes in various colors. Olivia didn’t really understand abstract art, never had, but to each their own. There was one of those obnoxious green library lamps placed on the front desk, and a sign set up saying “Assistant for hire “. It looked cozy and quirky and homey and geeky all in one.

“ Hey, sorry it took so long. Can I help you ? “ a voice pulled her out of her daydream. Sweater vest guy.

“ Oh uh — maybe. I’m looking for Jess. “ Olivia replied, walking up the the desk.

Sweater vest guy narrowed his eyes at her for a second before his face changed into an expression she couldn’t quite put her finger on. It looked an awful lot like pitty.

“ Are you the girl from last weekend ? I’m sorry but I think you shouldn’t be here. Look, I’m sure you’re a sweet girl and one day you’re gonna fight a great guy. I just don’t think that’s gonna be Jess. He’s ... just not there yet. You should go. I don’t want you to get your heart broken. “

“ Wait … Jess is a guy ?”

Silence. For a hint of a moment the two kept staring at each other mirroring a look of utter confusion, only the mumford & sons song playing softly over the speakers in the corner of the shop providing any sound.

“ Yeaaah ?! So I take it, you’re not the girl from last weekend ? “ Sweater vest guy spoke up after a while.

“ No. I’m not. I’m Olivia and I need to give something back. I think Jess could help me return it. “

Sweater vest guy nodded and held out his hand to her. “ Okay, great. Hi I’m Matthew. Sorry you had to hear the ‘It’s not you it’s him’ speech it’s a — it’s a guy thing. Anyway, Jess has gotta be somewhere around here, probably in his office. Let me go get him. “

“ Thank you “. Olivia returned, still a bit confused by the entire situation.

As he hurried towards the back of the store, Sweater guy Matthew turned back around. “ You sure you’re not the girl from last weekend ? Sure you haven’t slept with Jess before ? “

“ Positive. “

“ Okay,cool. Just making sure. “

Just a few moments after Matthew disappeared behind a dark wooden door with a frosted window in the middle, the sound of footsteps coming back towards her, caught Olivia’s attention.

“There he is “ Matthew exclaimed nodding towards the person to his right and slumping back into his office chair behind the desk .

Her eyes moved towards the other person in the room who was curiously looking back at her. His hair fell messily around his face and there was a hint of utter confusion found in his eyes. The suit and tie were gone and exchanged for a pair of dark jeans and a simple gray t-shirt. Though he looked way less dapper and out of place than he did the night before, there was no doubt in her mind, that this was the guy from the bus.

“ Hey. You’re not the girl from last weekend “ Jess spoke up, raising an eyebrow in question.

“ I told him I wasn’t !“ Olivia replied, turning back towards Matthew for a moment “ I told you I wasn’t !”

“ Sorry. “ He answered absentmindedly, nose already stuck in a mountain of paperwork

“ So if you’re not the girl from last weekend, who are you. “

“ My name’s Olivia Clarke. We were on the same bus last night and I found something that I thought you might wanna get back. “

Fumbling around in her old rucksack for a moment, Olivia finally pulled out the notebook and handed it back to it’s rightful owner.

Jess eyes fell onto the book and, as his hands took a hold of it, looked it over as if to make sure it was still in one piece.

“ Don’t be so suspicious. I didn’t do anything with it. It’s still in the same condition as it was when you’ve been scribbling up a storm last night on the bus. “

His eyes snapped up from the book and straight towards her. “ Did you read it ? “

“ No. I just opened it to find a name or address to return it. Clearly it worked. You’re welcome by the way. “

“ Sorry.” he replied, eyes softening a little “ Thank you. For — you know — taking it with you. Bringing it back. “

“ Sure thing. Seemed important to you. “

“ It is. “

“ Cool.”

“ Yeah. “

Silence.

The awkward tension grew thick and unbearable as the two stood facing each other, neither really knowing what to say.

Olivia was never really any good at social situations likes this. She could be the life of the party if surrounded by people she felt comfortable with, people she knew, but whenever she was faced with new people she turned back into the insecure awkward girl she always tried so hard to leave behind.

“ Jesus Christ, could you guys be anymore awkward. I’m feeling uncomfortable just being in a room with you two. “ Matthew spoke up from behind the paper mountain. “ Offer the girl some coffee or something. “

“ Our coffee machine is broken. There’s no coffee here. “ Jess responded. “ All that we have is half a pizza, the last can of beer from the poetry reading with that weird frat guy you hired last week, a donut from this morning missing two bites aaaand a lemon cough drop. “

“ Offer her the cough drop “ Matthew called out, the paper stack of paper and folders now growing so high, his face was hidden from Jess and Olivia.

“ You want the cough drop ? “ Jess inquired, raising his eyebrow in question.

“ Uh — no thanks. Are you okay over there ? “ Olivia called out towards the man, in imminent danger of being buried alive beneath a tidal wave of tax reports, receipts and invoices.

“ I’m fine. This is a creative work environment. “ a voice called back.

“ You sure ? “

“ I’m positive. Jess, tell her I got this. I’m good. “

Looking back at him, Olivia was met by Jess shaking his head. “ He’s not good. He hasn’t got this. “

“ I can hear you, you know ?! “

“ And I’ve been telling you that we need to hire a secretary. An assistant. Anyone. “

Olivia perked up at Jess’ words. “ You’re looking for someone to help with the paperwork ? “

“ Yeah. You looking for a job ? “

“ Not directly but I’ve got some business here and I don’t wanna live in a motel forever so a job and a stable income wouldn’t be that bad. Also I’ve got quite a bit experience with paperwork. Did my dad’s paperwork for years.”

“ Are you any good ? “ Matthew called out to Olivia, completely blocked off by a wall of paper.

“ I’m pretty good. I did our tax return for the first time when I was like 13. All by myself too. If there’s something I’m good at it’s sorting out paperwork. Which, to be fair, is not the coolest talent but it comes in handy every once in awhile. “

“ Alright then, work your magic “ Olivia heard Matthew speak up just seconds before he abandoned his place behind the desk and walked towards the door.

“ Wait. You mean now ? “

“ Uh-huh. You said you were good, here’s your chance. I’m gonna get coffee. See you guys later.” Matthew replied before stepping out of the store and onto the streets leaving Olivia and Jess by themselves.

“ I — alright. I guess I’ll start ? “ Olivia asked, raising an eyebrow at Jess.

“ Sure. “

“ Okay. Cool. “

“ Mh. I’ll be in my office, if you need anything just uh — just yell. “

“ Alright “ Olivia nodded and sat down on the big chair behind the desk that was littered with paperwork.

Just before he closed the door to his office, Jess turned back towards her. “ Olivia ? “

“ Hmm ? “

“ Thanks, again. For returning the notebook. “

-xxx-

“ I love you. I genuinely love you. From the bottom of my lonely little heart. “

“ Okay, I think she got the point. “

“ I really love you, Olivia. “

Matthew stood before the desk, a cupholder holding 3 steaming cups of coffee in his hand and eyes wide with childlike wonder. One would think he’d just seen Olivia work a magic spell or something when really she had just done what she had said she would, sort through the Truncheon paperwork.

“ It wasn’t that bad really, It was just … a lot at once. You guys really need to keep up to date with your paperwork. “

“ Yeaaaaah, I guess we do. OR , you could apply for a job as an assistant here and I could put in a good word for you with the boss. Win win situation, really. “

Jess was watching the exchange with a smirk on his face. It had taken him a long time to find a place that really felt like home, most of his life really. For a while he’d thought that maybe that tiny quirky town in Connecticut with the Gazebo, with her, could be a home to him. Then that turned to shit and so did his attempt of finding a place with his father and he was left with nothing, again. Looking around now, at the business he helped build and at Matthew who, with his crazy antics and preference for booking eccentric poets,had become one of his best friend. And suddenly home didn’t seem so unattainable after all. This was home now and it was a good one.

“ Who’s your boss ? “ Olivia asked, a smirk on her face.

“ That uh — that would be me. Me and Jess. Also Chris but he’s not here right now. So it’s me and Jess you have to convince. I adore you already and Jess owes you for returning his notepad.”

“ Notebook! “ Jess chimed in.

“ Same thing. “ Matthew replied throwing a shushing motion in Jess’ direction. “ So what do you say ? “

Nibbling on the corner of her lip, Olivia averted her gaze from the two man before her and looked at the ground in unease. Having an actual job would be a massive help to her. She would be able to pay for food and transportation around town and maybe if she was really lucky she’d be able to pay for a small 1 bedroom apartment to settle down for now. It was a good job too, a job she was used to at a nice place surrounded by people who seemed nice enough if a bit weird. But maybe that was the problem after all, Matthew and Jess were nice. They were nice people who didn’t deserve her just up and leaving if her life decided to throw her a curveball once again. They deserved someone they could rely on.

“ I don’t know. I mean the offer is great and I could really need the money but — look Matthew I don’t know if and for how long I am gonna stay in Philadelphia. There’s some stuff I gotta sort out and uh — once that is done I don’t know if I’m gonna stay. I don’t think you wanna hire someone who might just have to leave one day, out of the blue. “

Glancing up through the corner of her eye, Olivia could see the guys looking at her with looks full of confusion and uncertainty.

“ Okay I’m just gonna go ahead and ask you this. “ Matthew exclaimed and narrowed his eyes at Olivia “ Are you a spy and or a bounty hunter and or in any way involved in any criminal activity ? “

“ Nope “

“ Would she admit it if she was ? “ Jess piped up from beside her, a slight hint of amusement in his voice though his face stayed serious.

“ Just because people are criminals doesn’t mean they have no morals, Jess. Have some faith. “ Matthew replied with a scoff.

“ Your reasoning is flawed. “ Jess remarked.

“ Look, I know this. “ Matthew said and placed on hand on his friend’s shoulder “ but we need help. Face it Jess, we’re whack when it comes to keeping our paperwork in check. Of course if someone hadn’t broken the last assistant’s heart we wouldn’t have to have this conversation but that’s how life works. We need help and she can help. “

“ For now !” Oliva chimed in.

“ For now. That’s good enough. “ Matthew replied and nodded at her “ Soooo, what do you say, Jess ? “

The man’s eye wandered from his co worker over towards Olivia and studied her for a moment. She couldn’t blame him, really. This was a weird situation to be in. All she had wanted was to return the notebook and in the matter of half an hour she found herself being offered a job. Things like that just didn’t happen, not to her at least.

And yet here she was, and maybe for once life had decided to grant her a little bit of luck.

“ Okay first of all, I did not break anyone’s heart. Alice was weirdly obsessed with me. I mean come on, she had a picture of me as her phone lockscreen. Not my fault I didn’t reciprocate those inappropriate feelings. As for Olivia, I guess she did do a pretty good job, huh ? “

Both Matthew and Olivia nodded.

“ Well, we do need some help around here so … I guess if you want the job it’s yours. “

“ Perfect. Soooo,Olivia. You in ? “ Matthew asked, looking at Olivia with a sparkle in his eyes like a puppy waiting for a treat.

Maybe this was just what she needed. A little stability in this adventure she had decided to embark on. Maybe this was a good sign. A step in the direction.

And so Olivia nodded.

Because maybe this was the start of something great.