I'm Not Okay

Sunlight streamed through the window and right into my eyes.

ah fuck. Too bright.

I reached out my hand to block it out, but gave up after two seconds and just rolled over on my nice, firm, breathing cushion. hmmm…nice cushion. I snuggled deeper into…whatever I was laying on, and began to drift back into sleep. That was until my cushion started to lightly snore; then I went back over what went on in my head nice, breathing, cushion…holy shit! My eyes shoot open and my heart double-times. please don’t let me be right!

I unclench my fists and feel the fabric under my fingers; yup, definitely that of a T-shirt.

shit!

I slowly turned up to see the face of my cushion and what came into view was: one- a perfectly sculpted, point chin; two- closed lids with lush, long lashes that brushed high cheek bones and three- tousled, black, attractively greasy hair.

I lowered my gaze and focused on controlling my heart and breath.

Wait…this isn’t necessarily a bad thing is it? He obviously didn’t mind when I fell asleep in the first place, so why should it be a problem now?

I mulled things over and decided that I was going to take advantage of this Heaven sent opportunity. I slowly moved my arms up until my hands where hanging off his shoulders, slightly touching is neck, then I closed my eyes and snuggled. I was in fantasy heaven! I really couldn’t help myself; I started to lightly stroke his jaw line. God I sound like a creeper…which, in this circumstance was probably true, but in my defense! How often does this happen? And who knows how long it will last?

Well actually I knew, because they were giving me a ride to my dorm, which meant the end of my adventure. So I’M GOING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS OPPORTUNITY AS MUCH AS I CAN DAMN IT! As spirited as that sounds, he’s probably going to wake up and be like [i[ why the fuck is she stroking my chin? Creepy, stalker, hitch-hiker. Yea that’s exactly what he’s going to think.

I immediately drop my hand and start getting up. what’s the point, might as well cut the cord while there…isn’t…one…what? That doesn’t make sense. I eased myself up slowly into a sitting position trying my best not to wake Gerard up.

“Whoa, someone’s being naughty!”

I push my hair out of my face and turn to see Natalie and Frank along with the rest of the bus grinning at me. “What are you talking about?” I look down to see that I had successfully pulled myself up into a sitting position, but also managed to straddle Gerard. Who decided that now was a good time to wake up.

I felt my ears and cheeks go red as he rubbed his eyes and look up. His eyes got wide and his face surprised, though not in a shocked, creeped out way.

“Well, good morning Allie.”

I stared back, eyes just as wide but face a whole lot hotter. I raised my hand and said the best thing I could think of in that panicked moment; “Hi.”
God damn it.
What the hell is wrong with me?