I'm Not Okay

I quickly got up off Gerard and held out my hand to help him up; he thanked me and I turned to look at the rest of the occupants in the bus, very aware of the fact that Gerard still held my hand.

“So are ya’ll ready to see where most of my sanity goes?”

Once again everyone followed me single file out of the bus and on to the campus. I made twists and turns all through the grounds trying to take the guys through the nicest and prettiest way to my dorm. The trees on either side of the walk ways seemed to sway in time to my step and each flower bloomed bright and beautiful. It was a great day, but I couldn’t help but feel on edge. I felt like any second Miles was going to appear around a corner and rip my freaking head off.

“Hey are you ok?”

I had let go of Gerard’s hand and he drifted to the back with the other guys. Natalie came up and took his place.

“hmm me? I’m awesome”

“You sure?”

“Yup peachy king!”

She gave me a wary look but backed off, “ok if you say so hun.”

I smiled at her and looked at the tall red brick buildings, searching for my dinky little dorm. “Oh. Here we are guys!” I stopped in front of a small three story red house with a porch and swing.

“Shit what are you a sorority girl?” Frank asked from behind.

“Ha! No, this dorm is for people with a specialized field in the college of humanities. You know literature, any profession in science, and musical performance.”

Bob whistles, “Damn, so where do you fit in?”

“Musical performance.”

“wait,” frank is shakes his head and smiles, “you’re going to school so that you can do what we already excel in on a regular basis? Girl you are getting scammed!”

Ray slaps him across the head, “Frank why are you an idiot?”

“What! She totally is though !”

“Again…YOU ARE AN IDIOT. She’s probably specializing in a specific area of performance.” Ray explains.

“Really?” Frank looked skeptical, and everyone looked at me expectantly. “Uh, yeah he’s right I’m studying operatic performance and I hope one day to debut in the metropolitan opera.”

“Wow…that’s in-depth, and now I’m bored.” Frank walks past me and walks up the steps to the front door of the dorm. “So are you gonna show us around or what?”

Man he’s an ass. “Uh sure, lets go.” The rest of the group followed him up the steps and I kinda’ shuffled along.

“Don’t worry too much about Frank.” Gerard comes up next to me, “He just… I don’t know he’s an enigma.” Gerard smiled down at me; the sun making an angelic halo around his black hair and his hazel eyes, oh his eyes. God I am such a fan girl. It’s kind of pathetic. “Uh, ok. Thanks Gerard.” I smiled up him. “Anytime.”

We followed everyone into the house.

“So is this, like, an all girls dorm or is it coed?” Ray asked looking around the motley foyer. We had antique furniture mixed in with modern pieces and it looked strange but it fit. In some weird way it fit.

“It’s coed; all the music major students are made to live here.”

“Why?”

“Because everyone here is focusing on practically the same thing and taking the same classes; we can depend on each other when we need help.” I told them walking towards the antiqued stairs.

“Do you have anyone you depend on like that?” Mikey asks.

"uh, no unfortunately I don't

“Ok that’s great and all but can we go see your room now?” Frank comments from the desk by the door.

I just shake my head and walk up the stairs calling behind me. “yea alright, the girls dorms are on the top floor so we’ll have to go through the guys floor and all that.”

Gerard makes his way up next to me. “Are you gonna be ok? We might run into him.”

I smiled relishing in the fact that he was worried about me but also freaked out realizing that he was right. I tried to psyche myself out, “He shouldn’t be back yet it’s not even 1 so I don’t think we’ll see him yet.”

He smiled and took my hand.

Then Nat came up out of no where and ruined the moment, “Ok then Allie take us to your chamber!”

I couldn’t help myself I almost fell over laughing, “Oh my God! You are a freak!”