Seems Like We Lost It All

“Go away!” Madison screamed but the incessant pounding on the front door continued. She rolled over on the couch so her back was facing the door and pulled a pillow down tightly over her head as if that would stop the noise.

“Madison I swear to god if you don’t open this fucking door right now I will kick it down!” She snuggled deeper into the blanket, hoping the visitor would give up and leave if she ignored him. After all, that is what everyone else did.

“God dammit!” He screamed and then the pounding stopped. Just when she thought he was gone, the door burst inward with a splintering crash.

“What the fuck are you doing, Matt?” She yelled, springing up from her place on the couch.

“Checking on my sister,” he said simply. Madison watched as he surveyed the living room that was littered with empty food containers, beer cans, and liquor bottles. “You can’t live like this any longer, Mads. It’s been four months.”

With a deep sigh, she flopped her body down on the couch again. “If you just came here to judge me you can turn right back around and leave.” Matt walked over and sank down next to her on the couch, grabbing her hands.

“I’m here to help you. I want you to leave this house and be happy again,” he said gently. Madison had to fight the urge to roll her eyes. She knew he meant well but she was so over people thinking she could just get up and get on with her life like nothing happened.

“I can’t just be happy again, my husband died! The person I was going to spend the rest of my life with is gone forever. I can’t just put myself back together and be happy again, that’s not how it works.”

“Alex wouldn’t want you to live like this.”

“You don’t know the first thing about what he would want! You didn’t even like him, you never did. You just learned to tolerate him because I married him. So don’t try to tell me what he would want because you have no fucking clue!” Madison snapped and yanked her hands out of her brother’s grasp.

Matt took a deep breath, a sure sign that his temper was trying to flare up. “He loved you, of course he’d want you to be happy. I know I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve gone through these last four months, but it hurts me to see you like this. You don’t take the time to take care of yourself and you never leave the house, this isn’t you.”

Madison scoffed then buried her head in her hands. “I’m sorry if I’m not living up to your standards.”

“Come home with me, it will do you good to get away from this house for a week or two.”

“No.”

“Fine, but if you don’t I’ll just come here and bother you every day until you finally give in and come with me. You might as well make this easier on yourself.”

“It’s an hour and a half drive one way, there’s no way in hell you’re going to drive that everyday.” She was challenging him which was never a good idea. Anytime someone told Matt he wouldn’t do something, that was a surefire way to make sure he did it.

“Wanna bet?” he asked, glaring at his sister mischievously and she knew he was being serious.
 
Madison didn’t want to admit that Matt was right, but she couldn’t help but think that maybe getting out of this house for a while was just what she needed.

“Okay Matthew, you win but only because I don't want to deal with your annoying ass coming here anymore. I'll stay at your place for a couple of days if it means you'll leave me alone. I’ll need a shower before I can go and what about the door?” She headed toward the bathroom, leaving him to find a solution for the door he’d hulk smashed his way through.
 
Madison relished in the hot water that rained down on her body in the shower until the thoughts she couldn’t prevent started creeping into her head. She had barely showered lately because she couldn’t distract herself while she was inside. There was nothing to take her mind off the memories and the harsh realizations that the person she was meant to grow old with was never going to walk into their home again.
 
She washed her body as fast as possible and hopped out of the shower, wrapping herself in a towel. Then she made her way into the guest room to dress herself and pack a bag. She had moved all of her clothes into the guest room shortly after Alex died because she couldn’t stand being in the room they’d shared. Too many memories were attached to it so she’d closed the door one day and tried to avoid even looking at it. After throwing clothes, accessories, makeup, a couple of books, and her cell phone charger into a duffel bag she slung it over her shoulder and headed down the stairs.
 
When she joined Matt back down in the living room he had the door temporarily fixed using a board and a drill he’d found in the garage.

“Val will be so excited to see you,” Matt said with a smile, taking the heavy bag from his sister. His eyes scanned her body no doubt taking in the weight loss and bags under her eyes and it made her feel even more uncomfortable. She longed to be back on the couch, hiding under the warm fuzzy blanket and wallowing in self pity alone.
 
“Yeah it’s been awhile since I’ve seen her,” Madison said quietly as she followed Matt out to his truck. It had been so long since she’d had to make conversation with anyone that even with her brother and best friend since birth it felt forced.
 
Matt started up the truck and pulled away from the curb. “So how are the other twins?” Madison asked, meaning Val and Michelle. She had always thought it was so weird that Matt was a twin that married another twin.

“Michelle and Brian got divorced, it was finalized last month.”

Madison quickly looked over at him in shock. “Holy shit. How? They were like-”

“Perfect for each other,” he finished his twin’s sentence. “Yeah, I know. It was a huge shock to everyone when she left, especially him. They weren’t fighting, nothing was different then out of nowhere she tells him that she doesn’t love him anymore and that she’s leaving. The whole thing was insane.”

“How’s he taking it?” Knowing first hand what it was like to lose a spouse she understood his pain. Sure death was a different situation but still, the person he’d chose to marry and spend the rest of his life with was gone.

“He stayed drunk a lot at first. Now that he’s past the constant state of drunkenness he tries to act like he’s perfectly fine but we can all see right through his act.”

“I know how he is. He always puts up the tough guy front while on the inside he’s just a big softie.”

“Don’t let him hear you call him a big softie. He’s got a reputation to protect you know,” Matt joked. He had a smile on his lips that he couldn’t wipe off now that his sister was with him again. It was killing him inside to not be able to help her but now that she was going home with him he felt hopeful that he could help her move on.
 
Madison turned her attention out the window, watching the buildings and other scenery flash by. It wasn’t long until she fell asleep with her forehead resting against the window.
 
           

 
“We’re here, wake up!” Matt was gently shaking Madison’s shoulder. She looked around groggily while she tried to remember where ‘here’ was. For some reason she’d agreed to go to Matt’s house, a decision she deeply regretted at that moment. She had that all too familiar sharp ache in her chest from sorrow and all she wanted to do was lock herself in her house and curl up on the couch under her favorite blanket until she fell asleep again.
 
Rubbing her eyes, she slid out of the truck seat and followed Matt into his house. Val hopped up from her place at the kitchen table when they walked in. She immediately wrapped Madison into a hug. “It’s so good to see you, I’ve missed you,” Val murmured.
 
Tears burned the back of Madison’s eyes and she furiously blinked them back. She couldn’t start crying because if she did she’d never be able to stop.
 
“Let’s take your bag up to the guest room,” Val stated and snatched the bag from her husband’s hand. “Lunch is in the oven and I stocked the fridge with more beer. Don’t make too big of a mess, us girls have some catching up to do.”
 
Val placed the duffel bag down on the floor next to the bed and then pulled Madison down on the bed with her. They stretched out across the bed with their legs hanging off the side just like they’d done when they were teenagers laying there all night talking about anything and everything.
 
“How are you holding up?” Val asked softly, hoping she wasn’t asking the wrong question.
 
“I feel like a zombie.”
 
“What do you think about having a spa day, just the two of us, my treat?”
 
“I think I could really use that. You always have known exactly what I need to feel better before I do.”
 
“That’s what friends are for. I just want you to know that you can come to me with anything. Even if you just need someone to listen while you talk, I’m here. You’ve been locked up in that house alone for so long and I don’t want you to think you have to lock yourself up anymore.”
 
“Thanks Val, that really means a lot.” The two hugged and Madison wiped away the single tear that had rolled down her cheek. She was lucky to have such amazing people there to help her.