Seems Like We Lost It All

“Do you feel like you’re up for a little get together tonight? It was already planned before Matt brought you here, but we can cancel if you’re not ready for it,” Val spoke from her spot on the massage table next to Madison’s.

Madison blinked a few times, trying to focus on Val’s question. “Honestly? I think I’d agree to just about anything right now. This man’s hands are like magic.”

She let out a hiss as the masseuse pressed down hard on a tight muscle. Seconds later it relaxed and she thought she’d melt right off the table from how good it felt.

“I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“I’ll be fine, Val. It’ll be good to see everyone,” Madison assured her friend.

After the massages their spa day was over and Val drove them to the mall next. She insisted on buying Madison a new outfit and then going for a makeover.

“Don’t argue with me on this, you deserve to be pampered,” Val said and no matter how much Madison protested she wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“Fine, you win,” Madison grumbled and Val shrieked in excitement. They spent the next two hours flipping through racks of clothes until Madison chose an outfit for the evening and Val loaded her arms down with new clothes for herself. After what felt like hours Val had tried on all the clothes and paid for those and Madison’s as well.

Their next destination was the salon. Madison considered getting her hair dyed back to the burgundy color she’d had for years, but at the last minute she decided to go with something different. An hour later she was staring at her reflection. Her hair was shorter, not quite touching her shoulders, and black. She loved the way the black looked against her skin.

When her hair was all finished she swapped chairs with Val. Val got a trim while Madison had makeup applied.

After everything was said and done, Madison felt like a whole new person. It had been a long time since she’d bothered with makeup and along with the hair, she was almost unrecognizable even to herself.

“You look hot!” Val cried, looking at her best friend with a smile on her face. She was pleased that she’d succeeded in giving Madison the good day that she deserved.

“Thanks so much for this day Val. It’s seriously just what I needed. I feel more like myself right now than I have in months.”

“Stop it right now! You’re going to make me cry then you’ll cry and then all of this pretty makeup will be wasted. We can’t let that happen, we have a party to attend!”

Well not actually a party, just a small gathering of friends. Madison couldn’t keep the smile off her face as she watched all of her friends pile into Matt and Val’s house. She felt a little guilty about how long it had been since she’d seen them all last. Everyone swarmed her with hugs and even though she hated all the attention, it was heartwarming to see how much they all cared about her. She had been a little worried about it being awkward to be around everyone again but she fit right in like she always had.

The evening began with everyone pigging out on the burgers Matt had prepared on the grill. He made the best burgers and Madison had scarfed down two of them, barely sparing a moment to breathe. She’d been living on takeout for months and the taste of the homemade food was absolutely delicious. After she was finished eating she scanned the room, taking in every detail of her friends. Zack and Taylor looked pretty cozy sharing an oversized recliner, she had no idea they were together. Johnny and his long time girlfriend Kassie were taking turns tossing chips into each other’s mouths and cheering loudly every time they landed a perfect shot. Val was seated in Matt’s lap, looking up at him with a smile on her lips. Everyone looked so happy.

Slowly, the smile that had been in place all night faded from Madison’s lips. She suddenly needed a breath of fresh air. On her way outside, she snatched the half empty bottle of wine out of Jimmy’s hands. Ignoring his protests she let herself out onto the deck at the back of the house.

With a relieved sigh she pulled a cigarette from the pack and held it between her lips while she looked for her lighter. She was moving towards the stairs to sit down and not paying attention so when someone cleared their throat and disrupted the silence she jolted in fright.

“Brian, hey. Didn’t see you there,” She said around the cigarette still sitting between her lips.

“It’s good to see you.” Brian got to his feet and pulled Madison into an embrace. The smell of his cologne made her heart skip a beat, it was the same kind Alex used. Despite every effort, she couldn’t stop the tears that welled in her eyes then spilled over. Brian pulled away quickly and looked at her with concern in his eyes.

“I’m such a mess, sorry.” Madison angrily wiped at her face, hating that she couldn’t pull herself together. She didn’t want Brian, or anyone else, to see her like that.

“Come sit with me,” Brian said and gently pulled her over to the stairs he’d been sitting on.
“What’s got you all upset?”

“It’s really stupid, but you wear the same cologne that Alex did. When I smelled it, it was like he was standing next to me. It’s crazy that the small things like that still catch me off guard.”

“That’s not stupid at all, Maddie. You’ve been through a lot and you’re still hurting, I get it.”

“And it seems like everyone thinks I should be able to just move on with my life now, but it’s not that easy. It still hurts just as much as it did the day of his death, I’ve just learned how to somewhat contain it.”

“I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. You’ve been a wonderful person and a great friend since the day I met you and you don’t deserve this pain.” Brian wrapped an arm around Madison’s shoulders and she leaned into him. "You'll find someone and be happy again, I just know it."

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to be happy with someone else. Right now, I can't imagine trying to give all of myself to someone and risk feeling this pain a second time. I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than feel like this again."

Silence fell between them as they both stared down to the beach that was directly behind Matt and Val's house.

“I’m glad I snatched this from Jimmy on the way out,” Madison finally broke the silence with a weak smile as she lifted the bottle that she’d sat next to her to her lips and took a long drink. “By the way, you didn’t deserve what Michelle did to you. You were always so good to her, too good obviously.”

“I’m just trying to stay positive, you know? Maybe it happened for a reason. Maybe there is someone else out there that is the true love of my life.”

“You’re drunk already,” Madison commented, giggling slightly.

“A little bit, yeah.”

The back door was flung open suddenly, banging against the wall. Val appeared on the deck. “There you both are! Come inside, we’re going to play a game!”

Brian offered a hand to help Madison to her feet. “Hope you’re in the mood to drink yourself into a stupor,” he whispered.

“Val’s games do have a tendency to get out of hand, don’t they?”

“That’s an understatement,” Brian said as they both followed Val inside.