Maybe Memories

Bliss. That was the best word to describe what I was feeling. I woke the next morning in a peaceful, happy haze, unbothered by anything. I knew it couldn't last long, but it was great while it did.

Daryl had already left for work, I'd woken up late and decided to have lunch for breakfast. As I sat down, I noticed something on the floor in front of the door out of the corner of my eye. I took a second glance and noticed a piece of paper on the floor. I walked over and picked it up, instantly regretting it. It read;

"Ellie,

Can't believe you didn't tell me you were back in town! I think we need to catch up some time, without your new boyfriend. Meet me down by the river tonight at 3am. And don't forget to come alone, you won't like what happens otherwise.

Ps. Does your husband know you've been fucking another man the whole time you've been in Georgia? It would be a shame if he found out. It would be an even bigger shame if your boyfriend ended up dead.

-Shane"

I felt sick to my stomach. My whole bright and happy attitude had been crushed and I suddenly felt like I was that young girl again, dying to run away from her problems. My first reaction was fight or flight, and I definitely wanted a flight back to New York where he would leave me alone. But I had work to do still, I had a house to sell. Or so I kept telling myself that.

Honestly, I had been putting off the house sale for a while. I hadn't done anything else to update it or move the process along. I often used it as an excuse to say in Georgia, to stay away from my problems in my marriage, especially as of late. But now those problems seemed miniscule compared to what was going on now.

I didn't know what to do, telling Daryl about this would only put him in danger. I knew there was no way he was going to let me go alone, but keeping it from him would also mean I had no other choice but to meet with Shane on my own. I left the decision for later, hoping an answer would come to me in time.

To make my bad day worse, I got a call from Jesse. I thought about letting it go to voicemail, but I knew he'd just keep calling until I answered. "What?"

"Hey, I thought we should talk." He sounded sober, surprisingly.

"There's nothing to talk about. You're with someone else now." I was mad at him for betraying our vows, but I was no longer completely innocent in that either.

"I know. I just wanted to try to fix things with us, I feel bad about how it all went." I wasn't sure what he wanted from me, how could we reconcile?

"Fix things? How? This marriage is over, you and I both know that. It's been over for a long time, hasn't it?" I felt bad too, but not enough to try to salvage something that made me unhappy.

"I guess. I just wanted to try again, I take vows very seriously." I had to laugh at him for his ridiculous statement.

"I can see that." I said sarcastically.

"Come home for a while, we need to talk in person." He was probably right, but I wasn't ready to go back yet, even with all the drama going on in Georgia.

"I can't. I have business to take care of here, and quite frankly I'm not ready to see you yet." I wanted him to understand that there was no forgiveness coming his way. Maybe it was hypocritical, but at least I'd told him I wanted a divorce before even thinking about being with someone else, and I hadn't even had sex with anyone else. He was practically living with another girl.

He paused a moment, and I could imagine that look on his face, the one he had when he was thinking about saying something that would piss me off. "So now that all of this is out in the open, can we be honest with each other? Completely?"

"I couldn't imagine why not, it's not like anything could make this worse." I admitted, and I knew he'd expected a response like that.

"That guy that answered our phone, it seems like ages ago.. Are you having sex with him?" It was a weird question, but not entirely unexpected.

I sighed, not even sure how to answer. "No. I haven't had sex with anyone." I wasn't sure if I should tell him more, but honesty seemed like the best thing, what else could I lose? "But I'm going to tell you right now, I care about him."

"Who is he really?" He sounded kind of angry, but he was obviously holding himself back.

"He is who I told you he was. His name is Daryl, he's my friend." Friend was still the right word, technically. One kiss didn't mean we were dating. "I was friends with him when I was in school."

"You're wanting to date this guy? Is that what the divorce is about? Because I want to work on us, I want to put the work in." I hated how this was getting turned around on me, and maybe I deserved it, but it was sure uncomfortable.

"I'm not asking for a divorce because of Daryl, I'm asking for one because I haven't been happy. Because you cheated on me, you threw away any trust I ever had in you. This marriage is broken, all feelings aside." I explained this, feeling stressed out. It was the truth, Daryl or no Daryl, I would have done the same thing given the situation.

"So you don't want to work on this? Is that what you're telling me?" His calm demeanor made me nervous for some reason, but I still wanted to be honest with him as much as I could be.

"I think so. A lot has been destroyed between us Jesse, I'm sorry. I just don't think we can fix this." I felt some kind of relief come with this, but I still knew that being with Daryl in any sense was wrong until I was divorced.

"Fine, I'll draw up paperwork." His submission seemed suspicious, and I felt like he was plotting something, but maybe it was my own paranoid mind.

"Actually, I'll be hiring a lawyer to do it myself. So no need." I Knew the kinds of things he could screw me over with, leaving me with nothing and possibly managing to get alimony if he tried hard enough. Divorcing a lawyer was probably the trickiest thing I'd come to face.

"What, you don't trust me?" He asked, sounding offended as if he'd given me reason to trust him.

"Well you married me and then fucked someone else so no. I don't." I hadn't meant to be so blunt and bitter but it was the truth, even if slightly hypocritical.

"Fine Angela. I'll be waiting for the papers." He hung up on me, obviously upset. I felt angry, but also relief. Things were not going well for me that day and I wanted to crawl back into bed and hide from the world.

I was anxious as the day went on, I didn't want to see Daryl because I knew I was hiding this whole Shane letter from him. I didn't want him to ask, I thought I might break and tell him. Going alone was the smartest choice, I mean, he was a cop. He had a gun on him, what if he tried to kill someone? And even calling the police wouldn't work, he was the police. I wanted to keep Daryl safe at all costs, his life had been filled with enough abuse and torment, he didn't need to get shot by some lunatic.

When he came home, I was laying on the couch, reading a book. I was trying to get my mind off of things, but just as he came in, I remembered the night before, that kiss.. I wondered if it was something we were going to talk about or do again or even just ignore. I wasn't all the sure of anything, like I often seemed to be. "Hey." He said as he took off his shoes before stepping on the carpet.

"Hey." I greeted him, barely looking up from my book. My insides twisted and I felt like I wanted to sleep, the nerves were welling up and it made me ill.

"Ya alright?" He asked, kneeling down to my level.

"Yeah, why?" I looked at him, and I felt this odd sense of calm. I felt centered again, like I could think for a second without going into a whirlwind of anxiety.

"No reason." He stood up and went to the bathroom, likely to shower like he often did after shifts at the shop. I appreciated it too, the smell of oil and gasoline wasn't all that appealing. When he came back out, I was starting to fall asleep on the couch. I wanted to let myself drift off but Daryl didn't allow it quite yet. "Ya sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, I'm just tired." It wasn't a lie, but it also wasn't my problem either.

He felt my forehead, and I thought it was sweet that he was concerned. "Com'ere" He said, pulling my arm for me to sit up. He sat down and let me lay on him, I could hardly believe this was the same guy I'd met years ago. He was once so quiet and afraid of everyone, afraid to get close to them. Now, although he was still infamous for shutting people out and being distant, he was getting close with me. He was comfortable enough with me to show me he cared, and that was a massive milestone for him.

I cuddled up to him at relaxed, finally feeling at ease. "I told Jesse that 'll be sending him papers." I muttered, for some reason I wanted him to know I was working on that, maybe so he wouldn't give up on me.

"How'd he take that?" He asked, resting his hand on my side.

"He seemed mad, mostly because he wanted to work on things and I didn't." I shrugged, too sleepy to care much about it at the moment.

"Why not? Ain't ya supposed to be with the guy forever?" He asked, lightly teasing me.

"Not in this life." I sighed, feeling myself getting drowsier by the minute. "Maybe someone else will get stuck with me forever." I hinted, teasing him back.

He chuckled a "I feel sorry for that son of a bitch."

"Shut up." I laughed, slightly hoping he'd be that "son of a bitch." I smiled glanced up at him, "You're going to feel real stupid saying that if that 'son of a bitch' ends up being you." It wasn't something I'd normally be confident enough to say, but my tiredness flooded my better judgement.

"What makes ya think I'm interested?" He asked, although the lightness in his voice made it sound like a joke.

"You are. I can tell." I yawned, and stretched, trying to wake up a little. I knew if I went to sleep I'd sleep through my deadline.

"Confident." His smirk gave him away, even though I was sure he intended otherwise.

I sat up and touched his face, I let my other hand wind through his messy hair. His eyes were filled with some kind of longing, and I loved it on him. "If you aren't interested, then don't kiss me back." It was bold, sure, but I had some kind of bravery in me that I was dying to explore. I softly kissed his lips a few times, not giving the opportunity to kiss back. I liked teasing him a little, he wasn't used to it and it often put him in playful mood, which was rare for him. I could tell he was trying to resist me, his hesitation was showing but it was slowly getting taken over by what I was figuring out he really wanted. I wasn't one to push, but he was the type that needed the gentle push to go for what he wanted. He needed to know he was wanted too, and maybe that was a reason why he put his hand on the back of my neck and pulled me into him, kissing me hard. I let a laugh escape on accident, happy he'd given in so quickly. I let him kiss and touch me for a moment before I pulled back and giving him a cocky smirk. "You look pretty interested to me."

"Shut up." He chuckled, maybe a little embarrassed. I leaned down and kissed him again, more soft and gentle than before. It felt good, being held and kissed by someone who shared a real connection with me, someone who made me feel passionate again. It was a nice break from the horrors around me as well, it was only a matter of time though, before I had to snap back to reality.

We spent the night laughing and watching TV and eating snacks. I stayed up as long as he did, and when he finally fell asleep, it was almost 2:30 in the morning. I had to sigh in relief, knowing I wouldn't have to come up with an excuse to leave.

My heart felt heavy and my stomach was churning, I didn't want to do this. I wanted to lay on the couch with Daryl and sleep, I wanted to cover up and hide from all of my problems, but it wasn't possible. I sat down in the kitchen and wrote Daryl note, hoping he'd never have to read it.

"Daryl,
If you're reading this, then I must still be gone, and possibly need your help. I got a letter from Shane today, he demanded I meet him at the river at 3AM. I know you're probably mad, but he said that if I didn't go alone, I 'wouldn't like what happens otherwise' and I couldn't risk you getting hurt. I'm so sorry. I hope I'm back in time for you to not even have to read this, but just in case...

-Ellie"

I left the note on the coffee table in front of the couch. I dreaded leaving it there, but I had to. I knew how angry he'd be, but I knew it was worth his safety. I snuck out the back door, hoping to stay as silent as possible. I knew he was a light sleeper, he'd said so before, and waking him now would mean absolute trouble for me.

I got in the car and drove off to the parking lot by one end of the trail that lead to the river. My legs felt like jelly getting out of that car, but I was somewhat hopeful, seeing no other cars there but mine. Maybe I'd gotten lucky and he fell asleep or something.

I wondered deeper into the woods on the trail, quickly losing sight of any light from the street. I felt very alone and scared, I wasn't all that sure where to even meet exactly. I waited around for a few minutes before hearing a crunching from leaves and branches behind me. I spun around and was face to face with the man I'd feared. "Good, you're early."

From that point on, I knew this was a terrible idea, I knew I should have asked Daryl or someone, anyone to come with me. Even Rick, just anyone that could help. Instead I decided to be an idiot and play by Shane's rules. I could see this wasn't going to end well.