Maybe Memories

It had been two days since I'd heard from Jesse. We hadn't talked since my fight with him on the phone during the last time I saw Daryl. I couldn't tell if I was angry or relieved that he'd waited so long to contact me. I answered the phone with a solid "What?"

"Hey sweetie, how are you?" He asked, cautiously testing the waters.

"Well let's see, I'm neck deep in paint trying to renovate this place, Maggie said she'd be here an hour ago, I have no idea who to contact to get other things around here taken care of, I'm trying to get myself together for my mom's funeral in 3 days, and I'm just now hearing from my husband after a fight we had two days ago. I'd say I'm not great. How are you?" The anger and bitterness poisoned my words, I could practically see him cringing.

"Sorry about all that sugar. I just had a little too much to drink, I didn't mean to upset you." The more he talked the more I wanted to slap him. I blamed my stress on him, but really he was almost the least of my problems at the moment.

"You didn't upset me Jesse. You infuriated me. You accused me of cheating on you, you yelled at me, you were drunk off your ass! You know you don't handle alcohol that well. Is that not why you stopped drinking liquor? Because you like to fight? Didn't you promise me you wouldn't do this anymore? I leave for a family emergency and you fall off the wagon. It's only been a week and a half! What were you thinking?" I hadn't really meant to go off on him, but I had no other way to let out the anger, and just being passive about it wasn't going to solve anything.

"I just missed you." I wanted to believed that, but it sounded like an excuse, his voice didn't have an ounce of genuine truth to it.

"I miss you too, but you can't just drink liquor until you forget who you are. You have a career to worry about, you have an important job that you need to be at, not suffering through while you half ass your way through the day with a hangover." I cared about him and his job, I knew what his job meant to him, but it frustrated me when he didn't take it seriously enough. "I have a dead mom, a funeral to plan, and a house to sell and I will tell you that I haven't been drunk once."

"I'm sorry, it won't happen again." He almost sounded bored, like everything I was saying was going in one ear and out the other.

"What made you do that anyway? Were you alone? If you're drinking alone like that because you're sad then you need to see someone, a therapist or something. You don't want to end up-"

"I wasn't alone! It's fine!" I stopped and let silence hang in the air for a moment.

"Who were you with then?" I had never been very jealous at all, I'd never even had the thought that Jesse would see someone else, but the thought lightly crossed my mind. I shook it off quickly, not wanting to do to him what he did to me.

"Just a few guys, its not a big deal." He was talking fast, something he did when he was lying or trying to get out of something.

"You were just at home with a few guys? And you all got trashed?" I thought it was weird, for him anyway. He rarely had his friends over for beers, let alone getting hammered on god knows what. And I knew the men he hung out with, I knew their wives, I didn't think they'd be the types to do something like that, they hadn't ever even brought something like that up before. Not in front of me anyway.

"Yeah it was nothing." I knew he'd shrugged, I could pretty much tell just by his voice exactly what he was doing.

"I know that voice. What aren't you telling me?" My heart felt like it was in my stomach and I got nervous. I already didn't like where this was going and what my gut was telling me.

"It's nothing." He repeated, sounding annoyed.

"I'm giving you once chance to tell me the truth Jesse." I warned, not believing him.

"It's fine. Everything's fine, you worry too much." I had never had a good experience with him saying those words.

"Fine. I better not find out anything different." I knew he was lying, I could just feel it deep within me, I could feel my trust breaking and I didn't know what to do with that.

"You won't, it's fine. Anyway, I have to go. I love you, okay?" He sounded chipper, and as weird as this whole conversation was, I dropped it against my better judgement.

"Yeah." I sighed, feeling like I was getting nowhere.

"Okay, bye now." He hung up before I could respond. I hated this taste in my mouth, the taste of bitterness and distrust. Nothing about that conversation made me feel any better, it might have actually made me feel worse.

I painted for a while longer in silence, thinking about everything going on, and just as I became overwhelmed again, Maggie came through the door and met me in the kitchen where I was painting. "Hey! Sorry I'm late. I got coffee!" He handed me a cup and I smiled in response.

"Thank you." I took a sip of the warm liquid, calming somewhat with the heat running down my throat.

We talked for a while about the plans. I'd already laid plastic on the floor and got about half of the kitchen painted. I wanted to start with it and have it done before Daryl got the countertop he as talking about, although I hadn't heard from him in a few days and I wasn't sure if he was going to follow through. As we painted, we laughed and talked, and I eventually clued her in on the fight with Jesse. "Wait, this all started 'cause Daryl Dixon answered the phone? You serious?" She laughed. "What was he doin' here anyway? Didn't even know you two still talked." She'd known him in school through me, but those two never really mixed words or hung out with me at the same time. Daryl and I were more outside of school friends, and Maggie was somewhat the opposite.

"We didn't. I hadn't even spoken to him once since I moved. I ran into a few days back." I shrugged, not really wanting to go into detail about him.

"Well why was he here then?" She chuckled, she must have thought it was odd.

I didn't know how to answer that without sounding strange, without making myself seem like a freak for wandering around his property. She hadn't even known about a lot of his past, let alone the details of the friendship Daryl and I once shared. "I was taking a walk and it started to storm. I guess he was hunting or something and saw me. He walked me home and I offered to let him hang out until the storm passed."

"Oh." She looked a little confused but left it alone for the moment.

"You two still don't really talk?" I asked, knowing they didn't hate each other, they just hadn't been friends when I knew them both. They were more just acquaintances, but honestly aside from me, she was one of the only other people I knew in school that would even bother to tell him "hello."

"Nah. Take my car to him sometimes if it needs somethin' daddy can't fix. That's 'bout it." She shrugged, and I really hadn't expected to hear otherwise. "So you two best buddies again then?" She nudged me, making me laugh. She'd had a pretty good idea about how I felt about him in school. She knew I really cared about him, and that I wouldn't have rejected him if he'd asked me out, but she never really understood it. She couldn't see why I'd be into a "moody redneck like him" as she would say.

"We caught up a little. I guess you could say we're friends." I said confidently.

"No high school crushes comin' can to bite ya in the ass?" She smirked as if she were joking, but I knew she was semi serious.

"I'm married. Keep that in mind." Was all I could really say. She wasn't wrong to think that, it was true. My crush had resurfaced, I felt myself caring about him the way I did years ago, but I couldn't act on that.

"That ain't what I asked." She stopped and stared me down, trying to read me, until the stare was broken by a knock on the door.

I gave her a weird look and got up to answer the door. I hadn't been expecting company and was surprised to hear anyone knock. I opened the door to a sweaty, dirty, Daryl. He looked like he'd just gotten off work. "Hey."

"Got the counter for ya. Figured I'd stop by and put it in." He said, wiping his forehead and moving some of the damp pieces of hair from his forehead.

"That was fast." I laughed, not really sure what to do, considering the conversation I'd had with Maggie just then. "I'm in the middle of painting the kitchen, the counter side is done and should be pretty dry."

He nodded and walked back to his truck to lift the pieces from the back. He carried them in and sat them on the floor. Maggie looked up at him in almost a shock or horror, then looked back at me and cracked a smile. "Well hey Dixon."

"Hey." He grunted, barely noticing her as he began to pry the old counter off. I hadn't really seen him in front of anyone else, and wondered if he would be like he was when he was with me, or if he'd have that held back composure like he had in the past.

"Haven't seen ya 'round in a while. You and Merle doin' okay?" She asked, trying to be polite.

"Mhm." He answered, still not paying her much attention.

I nudged her arm to make her stop and she just chuckled and kept painting. We painted in silence or a while Daryl worked on the counter. I felt compelled to start some kind of conversation including the two of them but his quiet, stubborn demeanor didn't make it easy. "Well I really appreciate you two coming to help me, I don't think I could get all of this done on my own."

"It ain't a big deal. Just happy to see ya again." Maggie smiled, though Daryl didn't answer or acknowledge that I said anything.

A while later we'd run out of paint. "I thought I had another bucket. I guess not." I sighed, really wanting to finish.

"I can run to the store quick, only take me a few." Maggie offered, and as much as I wanted to take her up on it, I didn't want her to have to help me more than she already was. I was so appreciative of her. Before I could say no, she was already standing. "I'll be back." She hurriedly left the house and I had the feeling she was up to something.

I waited a few minutes before trying to spark conversation again. "You're awful quiet."

"Am I?" He said, though he was obviously aware of it.

"Are you always that quiet around other people or is it just Maggie." I smiled. He gave me a look and I couldn't help but let out a giggle. "I'm just saying, if you're nervous around her because you like her.." I teased, knowing that wasn't the case.

"Stop." He said, shaking his head. He made it far too easy to mess with him.

"What, she's not your type?" I laughed, shoving his shoulder.

He stood up and turned around, leaning against the fridge and crossing his arms. "You 'bout done?"

"I haven't even started yet." I crossed my arms, mimicking him. I noticed, though, that before he'd come in I was still pretty upset about Jesse. I had been thinking about it a lot and hadn't really felt like kidding around my any means, but now I was cracking jokes and feeling playful. It wasn't a conscious effort, but I noticed it after a while.

"What else ya got? Some of us got a job to do here." He kept a stern and serious face, but I knew he was entertained at least.

"I can definitely tell you've already gone to one job today." He looked a bit confused until I playfully whispered "You smell."

"Fuck off." he laughed, finally cracking a smile. "You work in this damn heat all day, then come install a counter. See how ya smell then."

I rolled my eyes and looked him over. He didn't really smell, and I he did I didn't notice. He actually looked great dirty like this, which was really odd because I had never been attracted to the rugged, dirty, scruffy men with muscled bodies, but here I was, pushing back thoughts of attraction. "Like a rose. Ladies don't smell." I winked, making him roll his eyes back at me and continue his work.

The moment Maggie came back, his demeanor changed and he silence overtook him. I wished I could break him of that, I wanted him to be happy and social instead of freezing up every time someone new came around.

By the end of that day, the whole kitchen had been almost finished. All that was left was cupboards, which Daryl said he'd take care of when he had the time. I was so grateful for the two of them, but all I could really do in return was feed them and thank them. It was nice having their company as well, it started to feel like I'd never left. I didn't want to admit it for the longest time, but I was starting to not want to go back to New York. I felt like this place was becoming my home again, and it was going to be hard to say goodbye to my friends. I just hoped that after the funeral, I could go back home and continue living the same comfortable life I'd lived, make amends with Jesse, and go back to not thinking about anything or anyone here again.