Maybe Memories

I drove home from the church and fought back that overpowering feeling of emptiness from the house. I took comfort in the fact that it wouldn't be empty long. I went straight for the fridge and got out the hamburger I'd bought a few days back, happy I'd saved it. I seasoned the burger and put it into the patty, throwing it in the pan. I wasn't hungry, so I only made enough for him, and his timing couldn't have been more perfect. It took him longer than I expected to be honest, seeing as he lived so close, but I was just setting his plate down on the table as he walked in. "Hey." I greeted.

"Ya didn't actually have to do that." He snorted, almost entertained. He dropped some clothes on the couch and walked into the kitchen. I didn't think he was going to spend the night but I wasn't going to ask him not to.

"I told you I would. Sit." I pulled out his chair and sat in the one across from his. He went to the sink to wash his hands first, and I noticed a dark red color coming from them. I didn't say anything until he sat down and I noticed a blood stain slightly soaking through his shirt. "Daryl, what happened?"

He sighed and took a bite, then sat back and shook his head. "Nothin'. Don't worry 'bout it."

"Daryl.." I said, catching his eye, making him hold the stare.

"Told ya I had to check on Merle. Had some junkie over, made him leave is all." He took another bite and tried to make this whole thing go away.

Of course I wanted to know details, I wanted to ask him why he had to babysit his older brother, why he wouldn't just leave, but he was too loyal to Merle. I knew it would start a fight and I couldn't handle that, I'd had a hard enough day. I calmly nodded and decided not to question him. "Come on. Let's get you cleaned up then, don't want you dripping blood on the floor." I gave him a weak smile, hoping to let him know I wasn't angry or going to give him the third degree.

He got up and licked his fingers, following me to the other end of the kitchen where the first aid kit was sitting on a shelf. I grabbed it as he unbuttoned his shirt enough for me to see the cut. Upon taking a quick look at it I could tell he needed stitches, and just as I opened my mouth to say something, he cut me off. "I ain't seein' no damn doctor."

"You're stubborn, you know that?" I shook my head as I wiped the area clean. I noticed all the old and healed scars that his father had left on him. I felt bad just looking at them, knowing that they'd come from a parent.

"Whatever." He rolled his eyes, but I ignored his childish demeanor. I cleaned out the wound, making him flinch. I whispered a small apology but kept working on him. I held the wound together with butterfly stitches, hoping to keep the bleeding minimal. I covered it up with some ointment and a bandage to keep it from getting infected.

I ran a finger over an old scar when I was done, not really thinking before doing so. I remembered him telling me about it back when it happened. He'd been bleeding pretty bad, unable to stop it or hide it. He told me his dad had been drunk, of course, and was pissed about Merle not coming home again and he'd taken it out on Daryl. He'd tried to defend himself, told him that Merle leaving wasn't his fault, that he was taking our his anger on the wrong person. It was a mistake. His dad had thrown glass wear at him, hit him, and eventually got a belt out and whipped it across his chest as hard as he could and this was the scar that it gave. I felt sorry for him then and those feelings came through upon seeing the healed version of it. "I couldn't imagine someone wanting to hurt you." I mumbled, though apparently it was more audible than I'd thought.

"Why not?" He snorted, his buried self loathing bubbling to the surface for a moment.

"You don't realize it, but you're a sweet heart Daryl, even though this world has been so awful to you." I wasn't thinking while I was talking, I was just talking, and I knew I shouldn't have been saying stuff like that, but I felt like I was in some daze where I had no filter and just said what was on my mind.

He took my hand in his, pulling it from his chest and holding it to the side by his shoulder and taking a step closer to me. I looked up at his blue eyes and did my best not to feel something for him, even though those feelings were creeping up on me in a real and fast way. "It ain't like that. I never did nothin' good for anyone." It was like he was trying to convince me to not think this, like he was trying to scare me off. This was why he could never get close to people, no one had given him a real chance, no one spent enough time to get to know him and push through his insecurities.

"You have no idea the good you've done for me, even just today." He raised an eyebrow, questioning me, though I was glad he was even willing to listen to this. "Well you're here, aren't you? Because I asked you to be, because I needed you, right?" Silence overtook him and he looked like he was struggling in his head. He wanted and needed to accept and understand that there was good in him, and that I saw it in him. "My own husband wasn't even there for me. He hasn't even called."

"Just goes to show what a dumbass he is." He said, scoffing and rolling his eyes.

"He's a lawyer." I defended lightly, thinking it was my job to defend him, even if he was wrong.

"So? Don't mean he ain't a dumbass. Who marries a girl and ignores her when she needs 'em the most?" He dropped my hand and sat back down at the table, seemingly irritated.

I quietly walked back over and sat down in front of him. "Can I ask you something?" He grunted something of an agreement and I went on, somewhat nervous to ask. "Do you think I made a mistake?"

"What, leavin'?" He asked, looking at me seriously.

"That, and getting married. I've been asking the same questions in my head over and over for years, did I make the right choice?" I was more just wanting to vent a little and get some insight, even though Daryl probably wasn't the best person to go to for relationship advice. I trusted him though, in any case.

"If ya keep askin', then I'm gon' say ya didn't make the right choice." He sat back in his chair and had a look on his face like he was trying to asses me. "Think ya never shoulda left."

"I had to." I stated quickly, not giving that a second thought.

"Why? Ya never told me." I remembered promising him an explanation. Maybe it was time.

"Long story short.." I started before he held up his hand to stop me.

'We got all night. Don't water it down." I was glad he cared about this, but I'd hoped I wouldn't have to tell it.

"Okay fine." I sighed tapped my finger on my leg, nervous to talk about it. "I was at a party I shouldn't have been at, there were a bunch of older people there, older than me anyway. The Police Academy students threw the party right before their graduation, one last hoorah I guess. Anyway, I went there with Maggie, but I got drunk and ended up losing her somehow. Shane Walsh found me wondering around and offered to drive me home. I got into his car with him and told him where I lived, but it was kind of too late when I realized he wasn't taking me home." My nerves were kicking in terribly and I didn't want to think about it anymore. "He took me to some swamp outside of town because he wanted to 'show me something.' I was starting to freak out but tried to keep calm. I hopes that if I just did what he said he'd eventually take me back home, but I was wrong. He lead me pretty deep into the swamp, I was soaked but I was definitely starting to sober up. Anyway, after trudging through the water a while, I noticed a girl tied to a tree sitting up on a patch of land. I didn't say anything, and it wouldn't have mattered if I did anyway, because when I approached her, I stepped in front of her and saw that she was dead. I flipped out and started screaming, I tried to run but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back, telling me that if I said another word he'd kill me. So I shut my mouth and prayed I'd get to live. He talked to me about how he and this girl were messing around while she was in town on vacation, but she was going to go back home and he didn't want her to. So he brought her to the swamp, told her they were just going to mess around out there or something and he ended up killing her. He told me he had sex with her body and that it was the best thing he'd ever done, but his problem was that she was rotting, she couldn't last much longer and he needed a new.. Girlfriend. As he said it." I almost gagged at the thought of the putrid stench of that swamp, of that poor girl. "He kept holding me and telling me how great we could be together, but he wasn't talking about me, he was talking about my body. I tried to run again, although I had no idea how to get back to town. I don't know how, but eventually I lost him. I called the cops while I was running and they promised to come help. I met them at the edge of the bog, they took me home and investigated the scene. I still don't know how Shane got away with it, or how he covered it up. I told them a thousand times what he'd told me, what he tried to do, but they were somehow convinced this was a suicide and that Shane had nothing to do with this. They told me he might have been trying to scare me or something and that I could file a minor harassment charge. I started getting letters from him though, he left letters in my window, on my car, the mailbox, he even delivered one to my mom for me. They were all threats. He kept warning me that he was going to kidnap me and take me back there and kill me, he told me he could kill and rape me any time he wanted. I told my mom, who went to the police, but they just threatened her with harassment. They told her that I'd forged those letters, that I was trying to get Shane in trouble for scaring me. It was insane. So I left."

Daryl sat in shock for a moment, and honestly he looked angry. "What in the fuck?" He said, which wasn't the reaction I was expecting. "What the fuck in wrong with 'em?"

"It's weird, and no one believed me. I felt like if I stayed he would have gone through with it." Normally just thinking about this made me cry, but I was so emotionally drained that I could barely muster a tear anymore.

"Mother fucker's gon' pay for what he did." He threatened, and I started to panic.

"What are you talking about? Is he still in town? You're not going to do anything are you?" I asked, talking way too fast and sharp.

"Nothin' he don't deserve." He glared, and his support made me feel safe, but his anger made me feel uneasy.

"Oh my god, he's still here isn't he? Please don't do anything, he'll probably make your life hell too. Please Daryl." I begged, anxiety overwhelming me.

"What do ya care? The bastard fucked up your life." He outwardly calmed down, but I could see he was still seething.

"Please Daryl, I'm sure he doesn't know I'm here anyway, don't bring this back up. I can't go through all of that again." My pleads must have gotten through to him, because he took a deep breath and shook his head.

"Fine. But ain't no way I'm lettin' ya stay here alone anymore. Ain't safe, especially if he finds out ya came back somehow." He crossed his arms like he was putting his foot down on this.

"I can't ask Maggie to stay with me, she'll wonder why. I don't want to keep telling people." I sighed and rubbed my temples, almost regretting telling him.

"Never said ya had to. Let me." He looked more worried now, more genuinely concerned for me, even though I wasn't all that worried about Shane finding out I was back. Who would tell him? It wasn't like we had any mutual friends.

"You're willing stay here? Daryl, I don't even know how long I'll be here. It could be a few more weeks yet, I still have to deal with this house and get it on the market. I haven't even cleaned my mom's room out yet, I haven't even been in there. Are you sure you want to stay that long?" I felt bad putting a burden on him, but I had to admit, having him around wasn't the worst thing in the world.

"I don't mind." He said, looking nonchalant but it was clear that his hero heart was showing.

"Are you sure? I don't want to put you out." I was already relieved that I wouldn't be so alone anymore, but I started wondering if it was a good idea having Daryl stay. I still caught myself thinking fondly of him, of finding him unreasonably attractive every single time he smiled or looked me in the eyes, of feeling safe and comforted when he was around, of occasionally wondering what it would have been like if I'd married him instead of Jesse. It was awful and so wrong of me, but it was all in my head and I couldn't help it.

"Ain't no trouble." He shrugged. I got up and wrapped my arms around him in a tight hug.

"Thank you." I said, although he didn't hug me back.

"Yeah, yeah. Don't get all mushy on me." He chuckled as I stood back and rolled my eyes at him. "Come on now, let's watch somethin'." I ended my night sitting on the couch watching TV with him. It was nice, and it was a calm ending to one of the absolute worst days of my life. I hoped it could only get better from here.

I was wrong.