Status: just getting started.

Home.

Can't FIGHT This Feeling Anymore.

The almighty white envelope had been staring Mollie in the face for four days now.

Four long days and four even longer nights.

Since it had arrived Friday morning she had thought about opening it many times but each time she went to slide her finger under the flap she stopped herself. Sid would want to be there for this big moment. So she waited, watched his games as the Penguins played game after game on the West coast, and waited some more.

But today, today was finally the day she could open it. Sidney would be home soon and then she would finally know the contents of the envelope.

Yes or no.

Baltimore or Pittsburgh.

Her dream come true or second best.

Sidney had sent her a text 30 minutes ago that the team's plane had landed, which meant within the next 10 minutes he would walk through the front door, drop his bag, kiss her forehead, and then take a nice long look at the envelope himself.

Then, depending on the contents of the envelope Mollie would make the decision of a lifetime.

Reaching out Mollie picked up the envelope tapping the corner of it on the granite countertop just as she had done nearly a hundred times since its arrival, so many times now all four corners were now smashed. At the sound of the front door opening Mollie dropped the envelope, her heart rate intensifying as she heard the door click shut and the sound of a bag hitting the hardwood floor.

"Mollie? Babe, I'm home."

"In the kitchen," Mollie yelled back suddenly fidgety and all sorts of anxious. She was leaning against the kitchen island when Sidney entered the room dressed in one of his more casual suits.

Wrapping his arms around his girlfriend's waist Sidney did as he always did upon returning home from the road. He held her against his chest, closed his eyes, breathed in the smell of her minty shampoo, and placed a kiss to the crown of her head.

He was home, she was his home.

"So, how was your week?" He finally asked looking down at the girl who was nearly six inches shorter than him.

Mollie shrugged her shoulders as much as she could under the weight of Sidney's arms, "It was okay, justĀ a lot of prep for finals and graduation stuff."

"Last set of finals, eh?"

"Thank God, I've never been so ready to graduate."

Sidney chuckled at his girlfriend, "Third times the charm?"

"This time it's medical school, and my last graduation. FINALLY."

"My girl's a doctor," leaning down Sidney gave Mollie a light kiss, he felt her smile pressing against his lips. "and I am so proud of her."

"Thanks, babe." Looking around the large body in front of her Mollie's eye locked on the envelope that was lying on the countertop, it was time. "Um Sid, its here."

"What's here?"

Pushing forward Mollie moved both of their bodies towards the counter until she grasped the package that held her future in her hands. "The letter, the Hopkins letter."

Sidney's jaw tensed as he saw the big, bold, navy blue logo of The John's Hopkins Hospital staring him in the face. "Did you open it?"

"No," Mollie shook her head pieces of her dark hair falling from behind her ear, "I was waiting for you, I wanted you to be here."

"Well go on, open it."

Taking a step away from him Mollie slid her finger through the back of the envelope and pulled out the piece of paper that had been waiting for her. Closing her eyes she flipped it over, just reading the first line had her heart plummeting into her stomach.

"Out loud, Mols, you've gotta read it out loud." Sidney pressed and Mollie nodded taking a deep breath before beginning.

"Dear Dr. Mollie Eloise Holden, we at The John's Hopkins Hospital and the Harriet Lane Pediatric Residency program," Mollie stopped her voice locking up, suddenly afraid to continue on. "Sid, I can't do it what it says regret to inform you?"

"Then you'll be a resident at one of the four other hospitals that have already offered you a spot. Now go on." And there it was, the Captain voice.

With a huff Mollie looked back down at the letter, "blah blah blah, Harriet Lane Pediatric Residency Program, are pleased to offer you one of only 11 spots in our highly coveted program."

By the time she uttered the word program her voice was just above a whisper and her eyes were so bugged out that Mollie was sure she looked like a fly. But she was in. She was in at one of the top hospitals in the country, the place where her own father had began his career decades ago.

She was in.

"Oh my God, OH MY GOD!!!" Mollie's sudden outburst had Sidney backing away from her as she began jumping up and down clutching the papers tight to her chest. He wanted to be just as happy as she was but it was hard knowing that in two short months she was off to Baltimore whether he liked it or not. "SID, I GOT IN!!!"

She had hopped her way back over to him still bouncing in place in front of him waving the letter in front of his face, "I know!! Congrats, Molls, you deserve it babe."

"A little more excitement this time!" Mollie laughed throwing her arms around Sidney's neck nearly suspending herself off the ground.

Picking her up by the back of her thighs Sidney wrapped the small girl around his much larger body and began spinning them both around pressing kisses all over her face and neck. "Congrats, Dr. Holden."

"Thank you, baby."

Once she had settled down enough to call her parents and the Lemieux's with the good news, Mollie joined Sidney upstairs in his bedroom where he was unpacking his bag after taking a shower. Sitting with her legs crossed beneath her she watched her boyfriend of almost 2 years go back and forth from the bag laying on the trunk at the foot of his bed to his closet.

All in silence.

"Sid? Do you need help?" Mollie asked after hearing the sound of shoes being thrown onto the hardwood floor of his walk-in closet.

"No, I'm fine."

Mollie nodded to herself, he most definitely was not fine.

"Sidney?" She was now leaning against the doorframe of the closet the sight in front of her nearly breaking her heart in two. On the floor sat Sidney knees bent and pulled into his chest, arms behind his head staring at the floor between his legs. At the sound of his name his caramel colored eyes panned up from the floor to look at Mollie standing there in what he now noticed to be his t-shirt and shorts too short to be seen under the extra large shirt. Her arms were crossed over her chest and her face was soft, "What are you doing down there?"

"Thinking."

"On the floor?"

Sidney leaned back on the palms of his hands, "This is my thinking spot."

The man had lived in this house for nearly 3 years and never once had he called the floor of his closet his thinking spot. Actually, up until 5 minutes ago he'd never once sat on the floor of his closet.

"Y'know," Mollie moved further into the closet joining Sidney on the floor, "most people use their shower as their "thinking spot"."

"Well, I'm not most people."

"Alright Captain, that's enough. What's really going on in that head of yours?" Her happiness and post celebration high had worn off, now she just wanted Sidney to own up to his funk.

"You're really leaving."

Sidney had known Mollie's dream was to do her residency at John's Hopkins since their first date, which had been years ago in 2005. That date itself hadn't lead anywhere, back then it was more just a plea to get the Lemieux's off their backs but it was then that he found out the small girl had huge dreams.

Dreams she had been chasing from the moment they met as 18 year old kids, while Sid was fresh off his NHL draft and living in Mario Lemieux's guest room dreaming of winning Stanley Cups Mollie was heading into her freshman year at Penn State.

Flash forward four years to 2009 and they were one step closer to both of their dreams, Mollie had graduated from Penn State with a degree in biology and had a spot at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine waiting for her, while Sidney could now call himself a Stanley Cup Champion after he and the Pittsburgh Penguins won the 2009 Stanley Cup Championship.

Forward four more years and here they were; 25 years old and finally after years of nagging by both of their parents and their adoptive parents, the Lemieux's, they were giving a relationship a chance.

And it had gone smoothly up until now.

Now, Mollie was onto the last step before reaching her dream, it was in reach and she could see the light at the end of the tunnel that was John's Hopkins. She just never thought that standing in front of that light, dimming its glow would be some hockey player that she had fallen head over heels for.

"You knew. You knew that if I got in I was going, Sidney." Her words were poignant, sharper than she had intended and she could tell they stung by the look on the man across from hers face.

"I'd never really thought about it before, the part where you actually leave."

Shaking her head Mollie laughed to herself, "Did you just think I'd teleport back and forth from Baltimore?"

"Now isn't the time for jokes, Mollie."

"Then what is it time for Sidney, please enlighten me."

The look on his face told her everything she needed to know. His eyes had darkened, they were angry now, the crinkles around his eyes from squinting at her were in full effect and purse on his mouth was so tight that his lips were growing paler by the second.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity he spoke, soft and without any emotion, "Don't go."

"Excuse me?"

"Stay here. Stay at UPMC, stay with me."

The girl's eyebrows furrowed in the middle of her forehead, her lips parted but nothing came out. Had all of his concussions finally made Sidney lose his mind? Was he actually begging her to give up her dream? "Have you lost your damn mind?"

Appalled by her language Sidney physically flinched, "Baby, I can't lose you."

"It's four hours Sidney, you're further away than that almost three days a week 80% of the time."

"That's different, it's part of my job."

Now it was her turn to be angry, Mollie quickly rose from the floor turning her back on Sidney for an instant before looking back and pointing her finger down at him, "And this is part of mine, this is the beginning of my career Sidney."

Pushing himself up off the floor the man reached for the outstretched hand in front of him only for it to be snatched away. As Mollie turned to leave the closet Sidney followed after her out of the bedroom and towards the stairs, "Begin it here."

He watched her stop mid-step, her shoulders sinking, and he could only imagine the look on her face as her back was towards him.

Mollie couldn't believe what her boyfriend was saying or the way he was acting. He had been so supportive during her application process to all five residency programs, and so excited when she had been accepted at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, the Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh, Allegheny General, and even the smaller hospital in Sewickley she had applied to on a whim.

But she knew he knew deep down her heart was set on John's Hopkins.

"Eight years Sid, we have known each other for eight years! But this dream of mine? I've had it since I was five years old. And," Mollie paused her eyes suddenly cloudy in the midst of all her anger, turning around to face the man at the top of the staircase, "And, I won't give it up for you, I'm sorry but I won't."

Before Sidney could even find his voice to reason with her or continue their discussion the girl was already down the stairs and heading for the front door. He followed after her, watched as she stopped in the foyer stuffed her feet into her running shoes, kicked his bag out of the way of the closet door and grabbed her jacket, and purse. As she turned to fish the keys to her Volkswagen out of the bowl by the door she saw him standing there.

The tears streaming down her face made his heart lurch, the look of disgust that crawled across her face as she looked at him had his stomach in a knot. "Where are you going?"

"Don't worry about it, Sidney."

"It's late, Mollie. Just," Sidney watched her head shaking, her hand reaching for the door, he knew he was losing her right then.

"Goodbye, Sidney."

Instead of running after her he watched her go, he stood still as a statue and watched her taillights go down his long driveway and fade out into the night. When he could no longer see them he sat down on the floor in front of the front door, leaned his back against the thick wood and felt the tears rolling down his cheeks.

He had just ruined one of the happiest moments of Mollie's life and he knew that.

And better yet, he may have just lost one of the most important people in his own life by doing so.
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hello again! this is our first flashback and it won't be the last so I'll tell you the date so you know if it's a flashback or not in the description! if you're liking this story let me know, I'm so happy to be back writing :) thanks for the love so far!! - A