Our Life Is Just a TV Show
Please Don't Drift Away from Me
"Tom wake up. Damnit wake the fuck up!" I yelled and started beating his shirtless body with my fists and then with pillows.
"Agh what, what!" he sat up fast, an angered look on his face while he was still half-asleep. But once he rubbed his eyes and saw me there...
"Oh fuck no!" he yelled. "Fuck fuck fuck!"
I started crying. Damnit this was gonna ruin my life forever. Why did I ever drink anything? Why did I do something so stupid like that?!
"Stop crying he's not gonna find out," Tom was trying to sound angry, but I could tell he was scared. "How did this happen?" he said under his breath.
I couldn't stop crying. All those promises, all those dreams were just gone. Bill was never gonna talk to me again. And his relationship with Tom after this? God there wasn't gonna be a band anymore.
Tom put his arms around me cause I was crying like an idiot.
"We just need to get you over to your apartment," Tom was thinking out a plan out loud. "What time is it?"
I turned around. My cell phone was on the nightstand. God I was starting to remember the night before. I didn't want these images of me and Tom in my head, and I didn't wanna admit that he was a better fuck but he was. God damn he was.
"Eight."
"Good then Bill won't be up when you get there. Pretend you came home late when he was sleeping and none of us are gonna breath a word about this okay?"
I nodded my head. Tom looked like he was about to cry. Damn this was bad.
Tom got off the bed and threw me my clothes. He was muttered curses in German to himself.
I was much too weak to move and just put on my stuff.
'Please don't drift away from me....' the line just came into my head. Bill was never ever going to look at me again. No marriage, no family.
"Just go we can talk about this later," Tom shuffled me out the door.
Thank the Lord, no one else was up. I was just afraid that Bill was up already, wondering where I was, or that Jeni had gone home instead of staying with Georg. She would've gone home to the apartment without me. But no if she was as drunk as I was she wouldn't have had the sense to go home. And if she hadn't been really drunk she would have been able to stop me from going off with Tom.
God this was confusing, my head was pounding and more and more of last night was popping into my head.
I headed down to a cab and went back home and thank the fucking Gott Bill was asleep in my bed and Jen wasn't there.
I carefully crawled into bed next to him and thank God didn't wake him up. He wouldn't suspect a thing if he woke up and I was there.
I started crying again and I put my arms around Bill's warm body. I tried to tell myself Tom and I had done nothing, that was how I had to think, but it was not true.
Ugh I was really fucking sore. A thought came into my head then as I tried to get some sleep next to Bill-what if he hadn't used protection? No I didn't wanna cry all hysterical right then, so I tried not to think about that possibility. I was supposed to have Bill's kids.
"I love you Bill," I whispered, knowing he wouldn't answer me.
He just sighed and slept on.
"Agh what, what!" he sat up fast, an angered look on his face while he was still half-asleep. But once he rubbed his eyes and saw me there...
"Oh fuck no!" he yelled. "Fuck fuck fuck!"
I started crying. Damnit this was gonna ruin my life forever. Why did I ever drink anything? Why did I do something so stupid like that?!
"Stop crying he's not gonna find out," Tom was trying to sound angry, but I could tell he was scared. "How did this happen?" he said under his breath.
I couldn't stop crying. All those promises, all those dreams were just gone. Bill was never gonna talk to me again. And his relationship with Tom after this? God there wasn't gonna be a band anymore.
Tom put his arms around me cause I was crying like an idiot.
"We just need to get you over to your apartment," Tom was thinking out a plan out loud. "What time is it?"
I turned around. My cell phone was on the nightstand. God I was starting to remember the night before. I didn't want these images of me and Tom in my head, and I didn't wanna admit that he was a better fuck but he was. God damn he was.
"Eight."
"Good then Bill won't be up when you get there. Pretend you came home late when he was sleeping and none of us are gonna breath a word about this okay?"
I nodded my head. Tom looked like he was about to cry. Damn this was bad.
Tom got off the bed and threw me my clothes. He was muttered curses in German to himself.
I was much too weak to move and just put on my stuff.
'Please don't drift away from me....' the line just came into my head. Bill was never ever going to look at me again. No marriage, no family.
"Just go we can talk about this later," Tom shuffled me out the door.
Thank the Lord, no one else was up. I was just afraid that Bill was up already, wondering where I was, or that Jeni had gone home instead of staying with Georg. She would've gone home to the apartment without me. But no if she was as drunk as I was she wouldn't have had the sense to go home. And if she hadn't been really drunk she would have been able to stop me from going off with Tom.
God this was confusing, my head was pounding and more and more of last night was popping into my head.
I headed down to a cab and went back home and thank the fucking Gott Bill was asleep in my bed and Jen wasn't there.
I carefully crawled into bed next to him and thank God didn't wake him up. He wouldn't suspect a thing if he woke up and I was there.
I started crying again and I put my arms around Bill's warm body. I tried to tell myself Tom and I had done nothing, that was how I had to think, but it was not true.
Ugh I was really fucking sore. A thought came into my head then as I tried to get some sleep next to Bill-what if he hadn't used protection? No I didn't wanna cry all hysterical right then, so I tried not to think about that possibility. I was supposed to have Bill's kids.
"I love you Bill," I whispered, knowing he wouldn't answer me.
He just sighed and slept on.